Theatrical Clowning...

Just finished my annual theatre show.

Washing sweaty clown clothes.  Filthy towels from all the water tricks I did on stage.  I did water spitting, spit takes, an upside down water trick that "went wrong" and spilled all over the stage.

And thinking thinking thinking.

I didn't get as many folks in the audience as I'd like, not nearly really.  That's frustrating, I sit back and wonder what I could do to get more people.  I'm baffled, flummoxed.

On the creative side.  This was my best show, I feel. I thought it flowed, it was really funny and I had great theatrical elements.  Taping myself to a chair just makes me happy.  I know there is more to explore with a roll of painters tape and a chair but I went pretty far with it.  One thing I learned.  Make sure the tape is fresh, having to find the end of the tape was frustrating, funny but frustrating.

My hat hanging from a rope as I tried to figure out how to put it on again makes me smile.  My juggling clubs hanging from the ceiling by ropes and pulleys, silly funny.

I live in a funny universe.

The people that came had a great time.  The ones that weren't there...why?

I did break even plus I think I'm ahead about $100 for the whole thing.  I guess that's cool, in the scheme of theatre.  I paid the rent, bought new props and paid for staffing.  That's a tough thing to do.

If you ever want to try a theatrical clown piece, send me a note.  I'll help you out, I may try to talk you out of it but I'll help you out.

And I'm a bit sore tonight.  Lots of falling in this show.  Falling off chairs, slipping on water on the stage, falling trying to get my hat on my head.  I love prat falls but you do pay a price.

The one thing that always keeps me going.  The kids looking at the red velvet seats in a theatre and being amazed.  One little boy was there with his grandma really early.  We were still setting up the stage, I wasn't in make up yet.  They came into the theatre.  We talked for a minute, I told them a place to hang out.  The little boy looked at the theatre and said "I love the seats, I love this place"  And that's why I do it.  I can spend my life in the living room circus but there is nothing like the red velvet chairs, the black stage and the bright lights in your eyes.

Doing a Theatre Show...

Just for background, I rent a theatre and do a children's holiday show each year.

Why?

What makes me put down the deposit on the theatre are my sons.  Each year, they rehearse me, design the lights, music and have a great time being in the theatre.  It's a real strong memory for each of us.  We've been doing this for years.

A theatre is a very special place. A theatre without an audience is spiritual, you feel magic oozing from the walls.

Each year I say never again.  The stress of getting butts in seats, writing the show, publicizing, worrying I won't break even.

Each year I do it again.

I get to be the clown I want to be.

I get into lots of trouble in my life.  I say things I shouldn't, I offend people, I get kicked out of places.

In my theatre, I say whatever burbles out, I do the routines I feel like doing.

I'm thankful people come and laugh like crazy but it's a relief to just not hold back in any way.

I sold out yesterday and came close to selling out the first show.  Things look good for breaking even.  My sons are making money, I pay them before myself for all their work.  I'm helping a bunch of charities with my show.

I just get to be Boswick The Clown...

Ho ho ho, being Santa...

Being Santa, is peforming, performer lite.  

I have seen far too many bad Santas. Not as in the movie but just bad performers as Santa.  And it's just so easy.  

Santa is like playing Monopoly. Basically the game was written many years ago.  Everyone knows the rules.  

Stay in character.  This is such a duh.  People will try and try to make comments to draw you out.  Respond with a big ho ho ho.  If someone says, boy you must be hot in there, respond with a big ho ho ho, I'm used to much colder weather in the North Pole.  

So easy.  

Walk like Santa. If you must run, how would a really old fat man run, probably very slowly.  Don't walk like yourself.  Walk slowly, Santa is in no rush, except Christmas Eve, he always  has time for everyone, that means moving very slowly and being open to hugs everywhere you go.  

Asking children what they want?  Easy.  Just listen.  Kids want legos, dolls, trucks, stuffed animals.  Easy to make those promises.  Parents and Grandparents always know.  

If they ask for an ipad, a puppy, a kitten.  I say, elves use hammers to make things, the elves keep breaking the screens, how about something else?  A puppy?  Elves can't make living things, they can only make toys and clothes.  You can throw in God but I don't see a need, it just complicates things, just an explanation and a what else would you like?

Just follow the simple Santa logic.  It's all there for you.  

There's no wonder so many people play Santa, it's like doing stand up comedy for your company.  All the inside jokes are done, you can just do the punchlines and get a laugh.  Santa is a big shortcut as a performer.  But bad Santas forget the basics.  Say yes, stay in character, maintain your physicality.  

If you want to play Santa, just use all the shortcuts.  Where are the reindeer?  Why they're on the roof, but very shy, you might not see them but you can hear them.  What kind of cookie do you like?  I like a good oatmeal cookie with raisins.  Just have an answer ready.  

You have a finite number of questions and you can repeat the same answers over and over with a ho ho ho.  People say the same things.  

And smile, even though it's hard to see under the beard smile.  You can see it in the eyes.  Santa is a physical character.  Smiling changes your physical presence. 

Crying kids, yup.  Have the mom hold them and take a family picture.  

Drunk people.  Yup, take a picture and act like they are kids.  You love everyone, even the ones that smell like a brewery.  

Santa is a big happy character.  It will backfire if you get negative (you're never tired, you always love children, you love Mrs. Claus, you are never distracted by flirty women).  

Stay positive.  Say yes, say yes, say yes.  Would you take a picture? yes.  Will you bring me a doll? yes.  I would like a Porche.  What color?  

Have fun.  Ho ho ho.  

Putting Together Your Show...

When I first started way back, before the cell phone and the internet...

I went to the library and looked for magic books, clown books, children's performing books.  I was looking for books on how to structure a show.  I didn't find any, I went through trial and error.  I work on this blog, as a gift to someone starting out now.

If you're putting together a show, I'll address some basics in this post.  Hopefully this will bring up questions for you.  Feel free to ask me any and all questions.

First off, go see shows.  In the back of your mind, while your watching, observe, enjoy the show your watching, but observe.

Go see a play, go see a magic show at the library, go see the circus.

All shows, grab an audience to start.  Come in with a bang.  If you're a tramp clown and move slowly, a bang might be 6 minutes of finding a chair to sit down.  A bang is attention getter. All shows also end with a bang.

Again, a bang might be sad or shocking as in death of a salesman but there is a real ending.  A magician produces a tiger, then says thank you for coming and takes a bow.  Those are your bookends to the show.

Do some sort of audience warm up.  In stand up comedy, this is "how's everyone doing tonight?"  In the theatre the lights go dark, the curtain opens.  In children's shows, you might have the children clap as loud as they can.

The warm up is just establishing who your character is and establishing expectations.  When the comedian says, "how's everyone doing tonight?"  it says, hello to the audience.  it says, I'm a different comedian than the guy that was out here a second ago, it also says, this is who I am.

If you're a bumbling clown, bumble. If you're a slow moving clown, slowly sit in a chair.  If you are a slap and fall clown, try and sit on a chair and miss. Get your story written.  We humans can write a whole story about someone in the blink of an eye.  We see Santa and have a long narrative about elves and presents, fireplaces, Santa in Hawaii December 26th etc etc.  A clown can have that same story just by coming in and falling off a chair.

If you do birthday party clowning, you probably want to do magic.  Spend some time just staring at the magic trick you like.  Let it wash over you.  If it's the coloring book, just be a child with a new coloring book.  How would that make you feel?  Excited?  Let that emotion guide the magic approach.

What words come to you?  "I got a new coloring book today"  or "wanna see what I got for my birthday?"  My opinion, say what's there.  A coloring book is a very familiar item to a child, acknowledge what it is.

You should probably have about 5 tricks in your show.  Realize that even a pick a card card trick has some build to it and takes a couple of minutes.  When you do magic for children, there will be wrong directions, asking about colors, getting colors wrong, dropping things.  Magic with children is a funny journey.  5 magic tricks might be a 20 minute show.

When you approach children to be volunteers, make sure you do it from a distance and ask the group as a whole.  It's easy to freak a child out if you bee line to them and say come here!  Let the children guide you.

If you do facepainting or balloons.  It's best to do these things after the show.  If you make balloon animals before your party, kids will play with the balloons, make noise and ask for more balloons while you're trying to pull the rabbit out of your hat.

If you start with balloons, you become the give away person, it's tough to overcome.

As you begin the process of designing your show, try to discover the tricks along with the children.  Children don't look at the magic coloring book as a magic trick, they see it as a coloring book.  Acknowledge that you have a coloring book.  If you are doing hipity hop rabbits, have the children hop like rabbits, name the colors of the rabbits, ask what rabbits eat.  Pretend, discover with them.

Leave the "magic" with magicians.  It's likely, as a clown, you are silly, be silly, be outrageous approach the show in these ways.

As always ask questions below!  

My Yearly Clown Trek...

The trek through my neighborhood...

Every year I visit Family House.  (Family House is a place families live, while their children are in treatment at UC San Francisco Children’s Hospital.  Mostly children with cancer).

Every year, I trek from my house, two and a half blocks through my busy neighborhood, to Family House.  I live in an area, with plenty of restaurants, small jewelry stores, coffee shops, farmer’s markets and florists.  It’s a slightly upscale area of San Francisco, near Golden Gate Park.  

As I walk, very few people look at me smile or say hello.  Always interesting, I mean, I am a clown, you can react in any way, I’ll take it.  You want to become invisible, become a clown.  

It was evening because I visit the kids after their Thanksgiving banquet.  Plenty of people coming home from work, more looking for a place to eat or coming back from the store with bags of groceries.  

Of course some people say hi, or smile.  Of the 75 people that saw me (yup, it’s a busy neighborhood), 3 or so acknowledged the clown walking down the street. 

I’m not a creepy clown, I always smile when I’m in make up, it just looks better.  I am carrying juggling clubs, my little pink case, I’ve got big shoes and a red nose.  

I think I’m pretty cute.  But then again, I always think I’m pretty cute, except when I get out of the shower and scream at my reflection.  

The kids and Family House loved me, I would say I “killed”  but that might not be funny dealing with sick kids.  

Then I walk home.  Sweaty and pretty full of my own success.  

Today I’m a sociologist.  Yesterday, I was a strange character walking down an Urban street.  

That’s the life of a clown.  

Balloons, Funny Balloons, Funny Balloon Animals!

I get a lot of readers of my posts on funny routines with balloons.  Blogger shows me what people are reading.

Is there a topic you want me to cover?  Would you like more routines with balloons, balloon animals?  All you have to do is leave me a comment, I'll write about it.

There are so many things you can do with balloons, they snap, they are colorful, they transform.  You can love them, you can hate them, you can send them flying around the room.

Just let me know a topic.  If I'm not sure, I'll test it out in front of my own audience and report back.

Leave comment below!

Staying Vulnerable

Here is the brilliance of taking classes/workshops.  It takes you down a notch or a peg, you get knocked down the stairs.  Yet, you don't have to go through this in front of an audience. 

To be an artist means you must be moving forward, take on new challenges.  My contention, if you don't put yourself at risk of failure, you are not an artist.  

Picasso, would challenge himself to explore newer forms of art.  Art is plenty hard to create, he dumped what he knew, to push his own boundaries.  

I took a physical comedy workshop yesterday.  I had way more experience than just about everyone there.  Many had been taking similar courses for a long time, they were better at certain exercises.  

I didn't do well on one exercise, I consider it a fail for what I saw in myself.  

I try to stay very present as a performer, in this case I didn't and couldn't.  I was caught using my clown tricks.  Using tricks does not make me a better performer. 

It's very hard not to create a little shell around you doing what I do for a living.  I have so many tricks to get people laughing, I have so many tricks to create clowning.  But they are only tricks, I'm not vulnerable and present.  That's a boring or stagnant performer. 

When you watch a movie or a TV show, if the acting isn't very good or you watch a comedian that isn't working for you or a singer that is just not quite there, it's because they aren't present and vulnerable.  They are using tricks, we, the audience, sense it.  

You can have a million tricks but they are just tricks, they keep you separate from your character, separate from your audience.  

This is why you take classes, there will always be an exercise you can't do or need to work on.  It feels crappy but you know you can always get better.  

It comes down to be more and more present.  If you rely on critiquing your own work, you'll end up thinking you're pretty wonderful.  To become more present, you need to fail every once and a while.  

The path to greatness is to continually challenge yourself.  Keep taking classes, take a risk.  

Sick or Not. Here I Come!

Man was I sick last week.  Hacking, coughing, feverish.

The show must go on, cause, what are you going to do?  It's my job, I have to be there.  I've built a reputation, the kids really want to see me.  And the benefit of spreading my disease is very appealing.  Those little devils have been spreading all their sickness to me, my entire adult life.  This is just a little revenge.

You know, I'm kidding.  Just a little.

If you go back in my blog, I talk a lot about your go to move.  This move became more important during this time of sickness.  My go to is being frustrated with my hat, it won't stay on my head, leading to fun and mayhem.  Because I've got a couple of these go to moves, I can go near auto pilot and get laughs.

NEAR autopilot.  It's a trick for my body.  My body knows how to do hat tricks but I have to still have to time it properly and pay attention to the audience.

Since I know the routines, I know what moments will work I can find them even feeling cruddy.  Each show, I try and create on the spot.  Sometimes you just can't.

The good part, adrenaline can get you through, it can get you through a show.  Adrenaline is my best friend.

Plus I really needed the money.

Clowning and Teaching...

I've always wanted to teach, along with perform.

4 years ago I began subbing.  I needed to make more money, it's tough to make a living as a full time clown.  Subbing worked for me, I needed an on call job that didn't interfere with clowning.

Subbing is not very difficult for me, standing in front of a group is easy, keeping kids attention is easy.  The hard part is when I have to do discipline.  I don't ever like being the hard ass.  But sometimes you have to in a high school Chemistry class...

I think there is cross over between being a clown and working as a substitute teacher.

I started documenting my life as a sub.  I spent all of last year documenting being a sub by filming myself on my lunch breaks.  Take a look, tell me what you think.  Please subscribe on youtube.  I release my 2 minute episodes twice a week.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/user/heymrsub

Another Post About Fun with Balloons!

My posts about balloons get the most attention, so...I'll do more on balloons.

But as always, if you have ideas, please post them.  If you have questions, please post them, if you have  a germ of an idea and want me to help flesh it out, post it.

My goal with this blog has always been to become a teacher.

Balloons and magic...

Balloons on their own are very magical.  A balloon transforms from a small lump to a giant round object.  If you don't tie a balloon, it turns into a projectile and flies around the room you can blow up a balloon and it will take the shape of a heart, a geo, a smiley face, an alien.  If you let out a little air, it becomes a fart creator.

Remember being little and how neat it was to see a balloon that blew up and it said "happy birthday" on it?

If you are amazed by the balloon, it will become a magical item.

When you do the needle through balloon, ASK "what happens when a needle touches a balloon?"  You can be as surprised as your audience, popping balloons are shocking, putting a needle near a balloon and not having it pop is tense, it's magic.

Balloons are colorful.  What can you do, with the colors of a balloon?  You could do a simple magical force (forcing their choice), get a color, put the color into a bag, say abracacabra
and pull out a doggy of that color.

Color changing balloon.  This is a neat trick where you blow up a balloon, put a needle to it and it changes color when you pop it.  To do this trick, you put one balloon inside the other, then blow up the inside balloon.  The slight trick is to give a little room to the outside balloon by blowing a bit of air in there.

What could you do with a trick like this?  Hold up a blue balloon, call it green.  Get into an argument with the kids about the color, get mad at the balloon, then try and pop it and it turns green.

Draw an unhappy face on the balloon inside (before you blow it up).  Talk about how you hate popping balloons, pop it and there is an unhappy face inside.

Do you have ideas with balloons and magic?  Share them below!  You can help others or maybe I can give you new ideas!

Got Questions? I've Got Answers!

You may notice I had a gap last month and the month before.

Going through a mid-clown life crisis.  Wondering if clowning is the best use of my time anymore.

I'd like to become a guru.  I would like to become Yoda and live on a mountain top of cotton candy.  I need to get some respect in my life!

So HELLO out there.  I'm sitting here waiting to answer your questions.   I want nothing in return (right now.  Like Rumpelstiltskin, I may ask for your first born or a review).  

I look at what's being read on my blog.  People like the balloon articles.  Go ahead, tell me your routine, I will try and pump up your routine with jokes or clean up the routine.

Questions about comedy.  Please ask.  When I'm not writing this blog, performing or staring at Jon Stewart.  I write jokes.  I also listen to comedy constantly.

Kids hitting your big old clown shoes?  Go ahead ask me how I can help.

I'm available, funny and free.

Post your questions in the comment box below.  

Keeping Children Engaged

A child can sit with a Barbie Doll or watch Wall E over and over.  Children are more capable of sitting and watching entertainment than adults, way more.

Children are singularly focused.  (Think Old McDonald.  He had a chicken, THEN he had a sheep, THEN he had a cow).  Children will focus on you if you keep the message simple and silly.

Keep your character focused, it takes a lot of energy to stay focused what you're doing but it's why you do what you do.  

If you are losing children's attention, consistently, it's pretty likely you have too much going on. Children can't follow the routine, so they leave, physically or mentally.   Don't have children try to remember a color, then remember a number, then the day of the week and that your name ends with a z.

 Card tricks don't work with children for this reason.  It's just too much and out of their development.  If your routine is like a card trick, remember the red 10 of diamonds, now it's lost in the deck and I shuffle.  That's a ton of information to process.  I got bored and lost just writing that sentence.

If you took a card trick, for children, it would go like this.  What color is this elephant card?  Red? Fred? He's dead? (reinforced the color by repeating it and rhyming it).  Now I'll take this red dog (it's an elephant), again reinforcing what the card is.  I'll put him with all the other animals in the zoo.  Uh oh, the zoo keeper left the gate open now the animals run out, they are everywhere.  (shuffling).  The animals are all mixed up.  Where is that elephant, (he's not in the deck), I can't find him... (look in your sock).  Hey there's an elephant in my sock.

That's basically the same card trick as when a magician takes your card and it ends up in a lemon or in his jacket pocket but singularly focused for children with a silly ending, it ends up in your sock.

If you keep it simple you can find lots of comedy with the kids.  With the routine I just made up, you can get the animals wrong, the children will laugh, you can get the colors wrong, the children will laugh, you can count wrong, you can count in Spanish, you can drop all the cards, you can forget the animal you were looking for.  Underneath, the children are focused on the red elephant and that they will see it again.

The clown comedy comes from being forgetful, from being lost, from getting things out of order.  The routine will work because it's one simple idea, where is the red elephant?

Take any routine you do, it should be very simple.  "I'm going to juggle"  "I'm going to make this rabbit disappear", "I'm going to put the colors of the flag in this bag and make a flag of the US".  On top of that simple message, you can create lots of laughter for the children and keep their attention for longer than you thought possible.    

Practicing Being Clever

I'm perceived as very clever.  Fast wit, a lot of comeback lines.

I absolutely don't think of myself that way.  I've been doing this so long, I have to go lines.  My strengths, I'm a pun guy.  I imagine, many people that do clowning are pun people.

After 50 or 100 shows, the puns start to repeat, at least what I call the peg for the pun.  

These don't have to be puns, they can be jokes, it can be falling down at certain points in your show, it can be be having a balloon get stuck to your tongue, it can be making a comment when a child picks their nose (yup, I've had that a number of times in my shows).

Being clever is being present, being very very present, paying a lot of attention to what's going on around you.  Often just pointing out the obvious can be very clever, e.g. a kid picking their nose.

Yesterday, I asked a little girl her name her name was Sienna.  I said "Toyota Sienna?  Is this your boyfriend Honda Odyssey?"  That's a new joke to me but it will come up again and again and again.  Sienna is a popular name right now.  Not as popular as Emma but it comes up enough, I can get a joke in.

I'm clever because I pay a lot of attention.  I can use that exact same joke over and over. Paying attention means, I need to say that joke when it's quieter.  When there are parents around to laugh.   I have to ask a child's name.  I need a little boy or brother very close to her to make the joke.  The joke is different if I have to go looking for a little boy...although, it would be very funny if I looked around for "Honda Odyssey".  Focus at that point has to be on me.

I'm giving you a glimpse into my brain as I work on this joke, as I write this joke.  I can use it in a lot of ways.  When a little girl says her name is Sienna.  I can say "Oh, Toyota Sienna?  You're a good minivan"  Or "Oh, Toyota Sienna, your parents must love their car to name you after it"  or "Oh, Toyota Sienna, is your husband Honda Odyssey here?"

I've got 3 quick jokes there.  I stumbled on the joke Toyota Sienna.  I can use it now as a peg to hang other jokes.  In my head, I have that peg titled "Toyota Sienna"  in my mind closet.  It now looks to the world like I'm an incredible improvisor.

When I see a joke come up twice, I use it as a peg in my brain.  If something comes up twice, it's going to come up again at some point, all I need is a peg.  There are a lot of Indian families where I live, especially in the high tech area of San Jose.  The name Rohan is a very common boys name.  I created the peg Rohan.   "Row row row your boat"

A lot of school names have the word "day" in them.  "Children's Day School, Marin Country Day School"  come up a lot.  These are two private schools near me.   The word "day" is a peg.  I say, "what do you do at night?"  or "what happens to the school at night?"  (Developmentally, opposites are very important to stimulate a child's brain.  Up/Down, Day/Night, Hot/Cold.)

"Creek"  Lots of schools have the name "Creek" in them.  "Really, you have to go to school in a creek?  don't you get wet?"

I look for a word, then use it as a peg.  Look for the repetition in your shows, pay attention to things that happen again and again.  You'll have a huge bag of clever on your hands before you know it. 

More Fun with Balloons

I know why you're reading this post.  You want comedy bits.  I've been creating comedy with balloons forever, let's have some fun.

How do you FEEL about the balloon you're holding?  That's the question.  That's where to get the comedy.  Below are a lot of bits of balloon business but it's funny only when you have a relationship with the balloon.  Treat the balloon, like a baby, then have it snap in your face.  That will be a funny shock to the audience!

Blow up a balloon and let it go around a room.  
     So many ways to have fun with this.  You can be mean and hand it to someone and the balloon will spin all around the place.  You can pretend to tie the balloon.  Just go through all the tying motions, then hand it to someone, then let it go.  Make a small joke.  "have you ever wondered why they cut the umbilical cords on babies, if they didn't this is what would happen (let the balloon fly)" Try to tie the balloon so fast, it gets away from you and you chase it.  Make a balloon animal backward then let it come undone (this takes a bit of skill to keep the balloon tied around your finger, then let it undo).  Blow up a balloon, let it go and continue making the balloon like nothing happened, then wonder where it went.  Put it to your eye like you're a pirate looking through a spyglass, then let it go and say arrrrr  You can let a balloon fly around over and over.  You should be able to do this 3 or more times in different ways

The balloon arrow.
     If you push your finger or thumb into the knot end of balloon, it will fly away from you, like an arrow from a string.  Blow up your balloon, start to make a balloon but it shoots away from you.  Do this again and again.  Take out an invisible bow.  Pull out the balloon, pretend to put it on the string, pull it back and fire.  The balloon made a poo poo noise, you have to give it a talking to.  The balloon runs away, every time you try and talk to it.  Do the pirate gag again. It will be funnier because the kids will be waiting for it this time.

Step on a balloon.
     Did you know that if you step on an unshaped balloon animal it's not going to pop?  At least very very unlikely.  There is so much flexibility with balloons, the air will move if you step on the balloon.  Make a big deal about the noise of a popped balloon, you don't want anyone afraid, so you're going to prepare the crowd.  Step on the balloon, it doesn't pop.  Do it again, it won't pop.  Sit on the balloon, step both feet on the balloon.  Jump on the balloon.  This is so unexpected, you should get a lot of laughter with this.  Pretend to be a master magician, you've created the unpoppable balloon, then step on it.  Do this one very slowly, have the children put their fingers in their ears to avoid the noise.

I will continue this thread.  There are so many things you can do, I just don't want this to get too long.  If you are confused by my description, please let me know, I'll clear it up.  If you want to ask how to use this in your performing, please let me know, I'll help or brainstorm with you.  david@boswick.net

Why I'm a Total Geek

I just took a 3 day workshop.  It was on viewpoints, contact improvisation, Suzuki method and ensemble performing.  (If you are saying ????  Me too)

I went in not knowing a thing about what these teachers do.  I went because my friend Brady said, "do you want to take a workshop?  I know the teacher it's good"

I've been dying to do a class lately, the time worked, the price was ok.  I'm on board.  I guess I'm one of those easy sells.  That's how I've purchased cars, I need one, this looks good, I can do the payment. Where do I sign?

I'm now geeking out on what is the difference between waiting and stopping on stage?  If that question doesn't make sense, you are not as in your head as me.

If you stop on stage you can pull all attention to you.  Look at the human statue.  You see these folks in tourist areas.  You can't help but watch.  It's amazing.  I am very good at the human statue, I never use it.  I have a bit of mime training and holding a frozen position is something I can do well.

It's so powerful, I'm not sure how to use it while performing.  (read here GEEK too powerful!)

Waiting, is a new distinction for me.  Waiting on stage, is pausing or holding.  In acting parlance waiting a beat.  Yet it's pausing with anticipation.  If you're holding a needle in front of a balloon for an extra second.

If you start messing with waiting and stopping on stage, you also have to be aware the audience waits and stops with you.  If you wait before putting a needle through the balloon a extra second, the audience will stop breathing.

If you've got something so powerful on stage the audience pauses their breath.  You also have to let them breath on the other side.  You poke the needle into the balloon, then pause again.  The audience will gasp, laugh, sigh whatever your looking for there but it's another wait, in order to allow the release.  Allowing that release is where the big moments come.  For me, I want that big laugh.  Others want a tear.  Two sides of a coin.

As a children's performer, I'm using it as part of a story I tell.  It's a control point.

Because I took this workshop, I've put a lovely story of an old trapeze artist back into my show.  He flies for the last time but never comes back down to earth.  It's a pretty story, more whimsical than funny.  The last few years, I've been looking for funny.  So I gutted the story in my show till it's 15 seconds long.

It's fun to put it back in.  Gives a new level to me as a performer.

Stopping and Waiting.  Those have brought lightness, fantasy and flight to my show. 

Wow, a Balloon!

I've been thinking a lot about balloons.

My brother told me I should just make a video of me making balloons.  No clowning, just blowing up balloons.  My niece and nephew were much younger then but what he was saying, they love balloons, they never tire of seeing a balloon.

I think of Curious George floating away with a balloon, one of my very early favorite stories.  The 21 balloons, I loved that book so much in 4th grade I read to my children.  The movie UP.  Shrek has one of the funniest scenes of all time when Shrek blows up a frog and Fiona blows up a snake and makes it into a balloon dog.  The image of a balloon seller in Central Park.

We love balloons.

I'm around balloons so much, I could care less about them.  I'm around other clowns that forget what an incredibly special thing a balloon is.  We talk a lot about, cutting off a balloon line.  If we make a very cool balloon, will it get us in trouble when the line gets out the door?  What are the best brands? How do we deal with angry parents?  

We seem to have lost that bit of magic.  I've been thinking a lot about balloons, about Curious George Floating over New York.  About Fiona blowing up a snake and making it into a balloon animal.

If you want to get to the basics of clowning, think balloon.  Just one simple red balloon.  Maybe yellow, your choice.

What can you do?  It's happiness, love, peace, surprise, joy all in one round hunk of latex.

I'm thinking the very essence of clown is hidden right there.  Everyone knows you can blow up a balloon, give it to a child, make it float, use it to decorate, over inflate it and make it pop, forget to tie it and let it fly around a room, make it sound like a fart, let it inflate you, fill it with helium and lose it in the rafter, fill it with water and throw it.  Every 5 year old knows exactly what a balloon will do.

All these things from a child's toy.  A toy every person knows how to play with.  That little magical toy that costs a nickel, can fool you.  It can fool me, while I'm blowing it up and endlessly, endlessly fascinate us.

That's clowning.  So so simple.  So So magical

Wow, a Balloon!

Reviews Reviews Reviews

The Sacred Art of Clowning By Cleone Reed

Read This Book Slowly to Absorb It's Impact. 

Cleone asked me to review her book a few months ago. I don't know her, we've never met, never even talked on the phone. She found me by way of my blog and my resume. I found it confronting, overwhelming and frightening to be asked to review someone's personal work

This book took me a long time to read, it made me think and think... I keep the book by my night stand and read it as a source of inspiration.

I was afraid of this book when I was asked to review it. I'm an atheist but spiritual. I've seen far too many Christian Clowns that hide behind their message as an excuse for not being good or funny. I'm generally wary of clown books.

Cleone reveals so much about herself and her journey as a person and a clown. It's a beautiful book, she GETS clowning. She and I have so much invested emotion in clowning, I would often read a passage in this book turn the book over to think about what she just said. Clowning is never about your pretty costume, how many clubs you can juggle, what a wonderful balloon you make, it's about connection with your audience and making people laugh. As a clown and a writer she invites us in to be hugged.

It's wonderful how Cleone talks about visiting a hospital or a senior center and sometimes just making physical contact with another human. Tossing out what you had "planned" is clowning. Sometimes bringing overwhelming comic love into a place is clowning. Being present and learning from one moment to the next, that's what Cleone writes about.

I think this is a beautiful book, written from the heart. It's the kind of book you can flip open to any section, read and get something new every time.

Highly recommended

I Love This Clown Store

I found out I have a fan from Clown Antics.  Apparently they even read my blog.

But I don't know them, I have never talked to them, I just love their store.  I get nothing out of this recommendation other than the chance to look through their site again and again.  I put this on here, because I use this site.  I buy socks.  I buy whoopee cushions, I buy magic.  Mostly, I just buy inspiration from them.

I always buy too much when I shop here but so what?  I often buy things that sit for 10 years and I suddenly "discover" them.   Clown Antics gives me inspiration, I look through the site and get ideas.  Lots and lots of ideas for routines.  It's just fun to look through.

Some people "get it" some people don't.  Clown Antics "gets it". This is a real site for clowns.  I keep trying to find an excuse to buy the giant underwear.

http://www.clownantics.com 

knocking it out of the park

I am coming down from a high.  

Some of it's drugs, I've been enjoying Vicodan to offset my tooth implant surgery from two days ago.  but mostly it's just high from a great great funny show.  

Every year I do a show on the Disney Stage before the San Francisco Pops play for the 4th of July.  It's a show I've done for years, I mean like over 20 years, a long long time.  This year I just killed it.  

When I can just be a clown, I am so happy.  Tonight I had a real clown show.  I brought two kids up and it became just complete mayhem trying to keep them in control as I did my act.  It was hilarious.  It's a very complicated art to have kids out of control yet leading them to an end point, it can go very very badly.  But the risk is worth it.  

The routine is just to have the kids hand me a balloon and I'll make it into something.  I do this while balancing a ladder on my face, which is very cool of course but the lead up to that is something else.  The kids are pulling on the balloon, it's hitting me in the face, the butt, it's flying around, the kids are running after it.  

I knew I killed it when I heard the sound technicians dying laughing.  That's a rarity, those guys just stare.  

When performing goes right, there's nothing quite like it.  It's capturing smoke in a bottle.  This feeling will be gone in a short time.  The laughter I got is forgotten but just for a bit I had comedy perfection on a stage.  

The artists way

I have a mouth full of specialized cotton to stop the bleeding, I'm on vicadin, and an anti-inflammatory to keep my incisions from swelling.  I talk funny and half my tongue still can't feel, 10 hours later. 

But I'm just so happy.

I had a tooth ache some months ago.  It got bad enough to see the dentist, he couldn't find anything wrong, cleaned it up, it seemed to get better.  Then he sent me to a periodontist who said in 4 seconds it's cracked, can't be saved.

I went to the implant specialist but we couldn't align schedules.  Until this morning.  So I've been living with this for over 2 months.  When they pull the tooth out, you will be able to see it in my smile.

I had a fake tooth made for when it was pulled, so I wouldn't have a gap waiting for the implant but it's a retainer thing and will make me talk funny.

It's all over and I'm so happy.  Yes, I've got pain, I've got this retainer thing in my mouth.  I'm learning to talk very quickly with it.

I can still be a clown.  I was just so worried.  I have lovely straight teeth.  I've even had my filling replaced with white ones.  my smile is a big deal to me.

The thing about being an artist, I will do anything to keep moving forward.  I realized after the post operative stuff wore off, I can still do it.  I am so grateful.  I am so happy.

I wasn't sure I could do my upcoming shows in a few days.  I must be an artist. I went through an awful lot today.  I went through it all with clowning in mind.  

Getting Stopped By Your Own Brain...

I quit blogging but didn't quit.

You can't really quit if it's all you think about.  If you don't do anything, then you did quit.  Hmmm.

A lot of funny things have happened since I "quit"

I explained that magicians don't like clowns to a friend of my son, who was baffled, because he thinks I'm quite cool and very creative.

I reviewed a clown book, I liked very much.  I drove 800 miles last week doing shows, did a series of shows near Fresno, was a huge draw had 400 each show.  The next day I was being told to "stand over there and make balloons for the children"

My son graduated high school.  My younger son graduated middle school.  I question my choices in life as I beg Fordham University for just a little bit more money.

Did some commercial auditions, lots of clowning and the price of gas has come down.

I'm back.  And that's very very important.

Bummed Out...

I was goofing around with clowns and comedians the other day.  They were tearing apart my writing style on this blog.  

I was laughing but felt pretty beat up after.  I've never wanted to be a writer but always felt I HAVE to write.  Since I was 7 years old, I knew I had no choice, I had to be a writer.  I wrote a story about my tortoise (named Frisky!  Yes, I was funny at an early age).  I wrote a 25 page story about Frisky in first grade.  I had so many people praising me, I had no choice but to become a writer.  The decision was made. 

At the same time, I felt trapped and angry about the decision.  I have very mixed feelings about writing. 

This blog has fed an internal need.  I have to write or I feel like I'm a failure.  I also want to be a hero to the world, I like being talked about...a lot. A whole lot.  

So, today I'm feeling bummed.  I've written for two years about my passion, children's entertainment.  I have friends making fun of my writing and I average 5 hits a day on this site.  

If you read my posts, just let me know, I'm curious.  If you want my help, let me know, I'd really like to give it a shot.  But today I'm bummed. 

You Can Make Anything Funny...

I was asked a question on my last post about a pom pom routine.

I wanted to write about the pom pom trick because I get huge laughs and gasps of amazement.  I've seen the trick done where it's a complete bore.  This has nothing to do with the fact that I know how it's done, it's character.  The person doing it has no character or they've copied someone else's routine without their own character motivation.

The pom pom is simple.  4 colored pom poms.  You pull any one and another will follow, very very simple.  That's all the trick is, pull one color another follows.

Are you amazed?  Are you a smart alec that knows you're fooling everyone?  Do you want a child to look like a hero and have them do it and fool you?  Are you a show off?

These are character choices.  My choice as Boswick The Clown, I am fooled by the trick, I can't figure out why it's working.

I make a strong clear choice.

Just because I do the trick this way, does not mean it will work for you.  It might work for you if you make that character choice.

I've always used this particular trick when I work on character.  I love the many ways people find to use it.  One woman I worked with discovered with two pom poms hanging down, it looked like a little man walking.  I loved it, I had never seen it that way before.  I never saw it as a little puppet.

Another woman, kept trying to do it and saying whoops each time it did something she didn't expect.  This always stuck in my memory as one of the most endearing tricks I've ever seen.  She was so vulnerable and cute trying to figure it out, it was a joy to see her create this.  

Take the character question and apply it to any of your routines, they will be stronger and funnier.  I apply this basic character to how I enter a room and how I eat, if I'm offered food.  When I eat, I LOVE the food and make yummy sounds.  Kids laugh like crazy, and I get a free meal.   I enter a room, very proud of myself, set my trunk down to take a ta da that I'm there, then forget to get my trunk.  I have to go back and get it.  Then I have to take a ta da again, and forget my hat etc etc etc.  I try to find extreme choices, this is the comedy of a clown.

I just make choices as a character.  Boswick the Clown shows off but gets frustrated by the most simple task, sitting in a chair, eating, putting a hat on.

Want help with your routine or character?

My email is david@boswick.net

Funny Things You Can Do With Balloons...

Balloons are the best thing in the world to a kid.  Heck, to an adult.

I deal with balloons so much, I forget how special they are, I forget people don't see them much.

The first time someone showed me how to make a balloon animal, I thought it was the neatest thing in all creation.  I couldn't believe that I knew how to do something so cool.  I showed everyone my 3 balloons.

You can get huge laughs by playing into the amazement people have with balloons.  One of my biggest laugh getters is just blowing up a balloon and forgetting to tie it.  With slight variation, I blow up a balloon and forget to tie it 10 or 12 times in a row.  Each laugh bigger and bigger.

The key to a repetitive routine is slight variation.  I blow it up just a little and let it go.  I blow it up half way and try and tie it but it's too late.  I blow it up all the way and can't get it tied.  I blow it up all the way but this time very quickly.  It's all the same.  The comedy is not realizing I'm doing the same thing because I think I'm trying it in a different way.  It's the same as Charlie Chaplin trying to eat different things, then eating his shoe.

Then the knots.  Trying to tie the balloon before I blow it up.  Tying the balloon like a pretzel and being very pleased with myself for being so smart, then letting it go.  Tying it around my finger and then I can't get it off, like it's a booger.  Then tying it on the other finger...

If you want bigger laughs, the simpler the better.  The simplicity of blowing up and tying a balloon is a comedy gem.  Every kid has blown up a balloon, or tried.  A skinny balloon is unusual, that's the fun.

Like all routines,  it's about character.  A routine forgetting how to tie a balloon can be just frustrating and stupid if it feels false to an audience.  If it's in your character, you can be incredibly proud each time you figure out a new way of blowing or tying a balloon.  You can be frustrated and mad at the balloon or mad at yourself.  You can blame the way your standing and try moving to a new position figuring that will cure the problem.  You can blame the sun for getting in your eyes and that's the problem.  You can pick a person in the room and blame them for putting a voodoo curse on you.

I inflate balloons by mouth.  It's mostly because that's how I learned, so my routines are funny to my character because I can try and blow them up.

Equally as funny, maybe more funny, trying to get the balloon nozzle onto the pump.  You can miss, you can keep putting the balloon on there, till the entire balloon is stuffed onto the pump, you can put the balloon on the pump and not hold on so it gets pushed off.  Blow up the balloon, then it will deflate.

Repetition is fun and funny to a child.  Repeat the mistake in a slightly different way, so it doesn't get annoying and it's a killer routine.

At the end of all this, make a very simple balloon.  Be proud of it, like it's the greatest thing in the world and you will get a big round of applause.  Doing a fancy balloon is too much of a leap after not being able to tie a balloon.

Want to brainstorm with me?  Just leave a comment with your routine, I'd love to figure out how to help you build the comedy.  

Even Your Best Friends Don’t Get It...

Over the years I’ve been drawn to teaching, at least the thought of teaching.  I like teaching a lot, I’ve done workshops and it feels like my next creative adventure.

Teaching is my next step in the learning process.  In order to teach, I’m going to have to figure out so many things I do by instinct, have learned in classes, read about or put together from all those areas combined. 

I don’t share my interest in teaching, except on this blog.  It feels a little awkward that my performing life is beginning to close.  Teaching feels like I’m getting old, I’m becoming that old professor with suede elbow patches and wire frame glasses. 

Two days ago I was talking about teaching to a good friend.  He said, “How many teachers can you name that do kid’s parties?”.  

It was pretty insulting.  

I’ve been thinking a lot about that statement over the last few days.  I think as a performer, I’m an idiot for doing kids parties, kids shows in general, I don’t make much money, it’s a much harder way to get famous and people look down on it, e.g. my friend the big time magician.  

On the other hand, what is more important than a family celebration focused on a child?  The only place in this world  where enemies and friends are in agreement...children.  Children have to be protected, loved, nurtured and fed properly.   

There is no audience that enjoys entertainment more than a children’s audience.  

I know what the world thinks of what I do for a living and it makes me scratch my head, I think it’s pretty important.  But when a friend says it, it makes me want to scream into my pillow at night.  

"Because I've Got No Better Place to Write This..."

Sometimes you just don't know what to do with emotions.

My brother called a half hour ago to tell me my uncle died. I don't know what to do with how I feel, so I thought I would just share with my 4 loyal followers.

Both my parents were not very close to their families. I didn't get to know my uncles till I was an adult and it bums me out, there is so much to learn from families. I always figured there was something wrong with my dad's brothers. I come to find out, they were fun, loving, interesting, had lives, had families, had interesting experiences.

My Uncle Richard lived outside Philadelphia in Bucks' County. He was in advertising for umpteen years. He thought up the idea of the Union 76 ball on antennas. When I would ask him about it, he was never very impressed with the concept, it was just something he did and he found very amusing that there are Jack in the Box balls, baseballs, little heads with a team football helmet. I have a Ralph Wigum on my car antennae. It was a promotion that worked, he got a bonus and moved on.

I always thought it was pretty neat.

My Uncle Richard was very into Vietnamese Pot Belly Pigs. So much so, he carried pictures of pigs in his wallet of pigs in bonnets and costumes. My Uncle's wife Susan became very interested in them and started rescuing the pigs that were abandoned. While Uncle Richard wound down his career, he began putting his advertising energies toward the farm, pig rescue, specialty food, promotion for the farm. Last I heard they had something like 70 pigs living there. They had a specially heated barn, they wandered freely on the farm and had a very nice life.

The last I saw my uncle was almost exactly a year ago, I brought my son to the farm and goofed around there for a few days on a trip to the East Coast.

Uncle Richard loved Mexican food and when he would come to visit I would find a place with character. The grittier the better for him. He wanted truly authentic Mexican food. I don’t think he even cared if the place paced health inspection.

One time just he and I went out, it was a rainy Monday night. We were eating in a small place, there was one other table and the two of us . A Mariachi troupe came in, stood by our table and played.

6 or 7 musicians, trumpets, guitars, the whole works. I tipped them to go away, because it was a "bit" loud. You can’t have a conversation over 6 musicians dressed up like bull fighters playing La ‘cucaracha.

My uncle was convinced to his now dying day I set this thing up. I promise, I did not. I wish I were that clever.

I loved him, I loved his sense of play, I loved his mischief, I loved that he forgave me for being a liberal that lives in San Francisco. This is my life, odd things happen to me all the time, I am a magnet for this sort of thing. This sort of thing happens to me a lot.

I'm glad it happened, he got a big kick out of it.

For the last few months, I kept thinking I should call. I didn't of course because that's the way people are. You mean to do things but you get in your own way and talk yourself out of it. I don't have anything unsaid. I just liked talking to him.

Well. I loved him. He was very funny. He loved pigs. Since he met his current wife (he was married 3 or 4 times!), he has had a great life, they were married something like 25 years. He was always happy, full of mischief, always pleasant to be around.

We all lose family. There's nothing very special about me. I just happen to have this outlet, I write.

I was going to go to an Aikido class and sweat my sadness out. I just didn't feel like being around anyone. So I write...

"I like the sameness of being a clown..."

For all the improvisation, for all the unexpected I live with, I just realized, I love routine.

I'm as baffled as anyone.

My costume is always the same. I rotate shirts, because they stink fast but always the exact same look. I feel very strongly about always maintaining my look.

My show is routined, I have tons of side comments, that's the stand up comedian in me but even the side comment stuff has a place within the show.

It's very funny for me to be writing about this because I've always thought I had an unpredictable life, I didn't like routine, I didn't want to be like everyone else. My favorite things are done by routine. My clowning is decided for me. I have always liked Aikido for the routine of it. The classes have set times, attacks and defenses are repetative. My kids and their school, getting them there, picking them up...

I'm the man with the grey flannel suit...except mine has colored spots all over it.

One More Time...KIDS ARE NOT AFRAID OF CLOWNS!

I got an email the other day asking if I would share a story another blog posted about children and how they are scared of clowns.

I responded, no thanks, with some explanation.

It's just frustrating. Kids are not afraid of clowns. Kids are afraid of bad performers. No one likes bad performers, it's why it's called bombing and not pillow fighting.

I see this over and over all the theories from people that don't know anything about clowning. Here's an idea, maybe before you write something, you could do a slight bit of research and talk to a few professionals???

I think the writer that contacted me had good intentions, they seemed to like clowns, but ended up discussing all the usual about make up. BS. I don't swear, but BS. so that's the closest I'll come but this makes me want to swear.

In my community, there are cultures, yes entire cultures that absolutely love clowns. From little little ones to the grandpas. The Latino community loves clowns. There are a bunch of working clowns in The San Francisco Bay Area that are native Spanish speakers and make their living in this market. When I go into stores in the Mission District of San Francisco, item after item uses a clown on their box to promote their product. I see culture after culture and guess what, people are people, children love clowns, that's why clowns exist.

It's this insesant background conversation. In Mexico, everyone loves clowns. In America we talk and talk and talk about the fear until it becomes real for people. If 3 year olds in Peru, Mexico, Brazil, El Salvidor love clowns, 3 year olds in America love clowns as well. It's the parents telling kids here, don't worry about him...or that's just a man dressed up...or don't be afraid. Um...you think saying to a little child, don't be afraid, might think their's something to be afraid of? duh everyone!

Ok, so it is what it is. This is the life I've chosen, fighting the system. What I can do though, is insist on excellence. Put out a clear character and children will respond. Put out a false character, that's a copy of a copy of a copy and the clown character is muddy and odd. Focus on character. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about, ask me for help. If you don't want to do that, take a class, take an acting class, take improvisation.

"Kids are afraid of clowns" Tell that to the 10,000 plus children I saw last year, most of them hugging my legs begging me to never leave.

The quiet moments on stage...

My job is to rile kids. I get them to a fever pitch of laughter, then leave them in the hands of their parents, completely mad with laughter and cake.

I balance on a thin point as a children’s performer, I can get kids laughing so hard, they fall over the edge and get completely out of control. I’m playing with fire, it does happen.

As a performer, I think I have to keep everything at a fever pitch but that’s tiring for an audience, it’s tiring for me. Think of Raider’s of the Lost Ark. They have great action sequences then moments of quiet and calm. The giant ball rolling, the natives chasing, getting to the plane, then safe and calm. The next scene Indiana is teaching a college course.

Children have the most fun laughing screaming and generally going nuts. Making kids go nuts is not too hard, it’s the order of your show and the calm between bits that takes a lot of thought and what makes a show a show.

I love story tellers. A story teller, is closer to being a musician than an actor. When you watch a story teller work, when they go into story telling mode; Everyone sits, jaws slack, eyes diffused, very similar to an audience listening to an orchestra.

Within my show, I go into the story teller “voice” and calm the children down. It happens fast, I mean really fast. I have the kids bouncing off the ceiling and suddenly I say, “Long long ago, I used to work for a circus...a tiny itty bitty little circus...called Ringling Brothers Circus...” It’s a joke but establishes where the story is going. The children stop in their tracks and stare at me quietly. It’s by far the biggest magic trick I do within my show. The complete control at that moment is amazing.

I’m not an expert at story telling, in fact of all the arts, story telling frightens me the most, I feel completely emotionally exposed. I can’t really explain what happens but when I tell a story, it takes over and pulls me along. The few stories I use in my show pull me and pull the audience.

I’ve taken some small workshops in story telling, it’s an amazing craft, it’s certainly no wonder it’s been done since the caveman days.

Performers look for “honest” moments within a show. It’s the moment a musician completely lets go while playing or singing, the moment an actor can’t tell where the character ends and their own personality begins, the moment in a movie that sweeps you away and you forget you are in a movie theatre with 200 people.

My “honest” moments are within the quiet moments in my show. When I get swept up in my own story. It’s really no wonder this moment captivates the children, it’s the moment of me being on my own tight rope, I don’t know if my next step is failure or safety.

If you find these moments, the audience is in the palm of your hand. At the moment you realize you have them in your palm...the honest moment is gone.

Name Tags...

My best friend the name tag.

On an episode of Seinfeld someone ran for mayor on the platform that everyone should wear a name tag. In that episode, he lost the election but won me over. The idea of name tags for everyone has been in my head for 20 years.

For birthday parties, I suggest to parents use name tags for the children, asking “what’s your name?” over and over puts an impedance between the children and myself. As a children’s entertainer, I’m constantly thinking of ways to get my audience closer to me, i.e. participate more.

Children very seldom pick up on how I know their name, they just accept it. This eliminates lots of warm up, we are instantly old friends.

I also suggest name tags to parents because it’s likely parents know a number of names from school, play-dates etc. But does dad or grandma know all these kids? Doubtful.

Of course in my case, I did the day to day care, play-dates, work in the preschool, so it was my wife that didn’t know. I’m super dad!

Names with faces are tough, why bother? Give yourself a break, very very few people are good with names, in fact, it’s abnormal to be good with names and faces. The people that really good with names and faces go into careers like college admissions, high level sales, political advisors, casting agents. Very specialized positions, because it’s an unusual talent!

One of my goals as a clown is to be magical, the children put me in the same category as Santa and Mickey Mouse. That’s a big trust. Knowing their names gives me another magical edge.

For anyone that works with children, substitute teachers, teachers, PTA parents, clowns. You can create an instant rapport with children, simply by calling them by name. The name tag, a very powerful tool!

"Why Modern Family Gets It"

Making fun of clowns is such a lame easy joke. In fact, it's so easy, it's become part of our culture that clowns aren't funny and clowns are scary.

Odd when you think about it...clowns are funny that's um...the definition of a clown. If they're not funny, they are something else. Let's replace the word powerful with scary, the clown is a very powerful character.

Modern Family makes jokes about clowns. The character Cam is a retired clown, they did a hilarious spoof of Cam sleep clowning where he gets up at night and puts on his make up. Last night they did an episode of clowns sending one of their mentors off at a funeral.

It was really funny and made fun of clowns. hmmm kudos to the writers for not taking the easy boring way out.

Look, if you can't make fun of clowns, the world is lost. Clowns are one step ahead making us laugh as they reflect the craziness we do in day to day life. Pointing out how politicians are fools, going to extremes to show us how much we care about fashion and what others think of us. Clowns are making fun of us. So go for it, make fun of the clowns, they will always be a step ahead making fun of you right back, if they get personally hurt, it's their own damn fault for being clowns!

One of my most important lessons at Clown College, you can't make fun of something you don't have a deep understanding of (pardon my ending on a preposition but I'm worked up...did it again!) I tried to do a skit where I was a terrible ballet dancer. I am not a ballet dancer so it didn't work. There are ways I can do it now, with years of experience (for instance simply trying my hardest to do ballet would be really funny) but at the time, throwing myself around pretending to dance was pathetic and not really funny.

Modern Family took an understanding of clowning and knocked the joke out of the park. If you don't know anything about clowns, you can go to the, they're scary, no one likes them. If you take some time and pay some attention to the art, it's hilarious. Getting inside the world of clowns is even funnier because clowns take themselves rather seriously e.g. this blog.

Three whoopee cushions farting at once for Modern Family. (Plus I had a good friend in the episode. They even took the time to use real professionals! Imagine that?)

"My Calling...?"

"You get to do what you love, that's so amazing, so few people get to do that..."

I hear that a lot. Doing what you love. Honestly though, I have no understanding of the world, I'm a kid walking around in a balding, hairy middle aged body.

I look around, I don't understand how normal life works. I don't understand when I see lights on in buildings at ten at night, what in the world are they working on so late? I don't understand when I see people having business phone calls at lunch, I don't understand suits, briefcases and laptops.

So...I'm confused by the statement, I do what I love. I walk around thinking everyone has a job they are called to. All I ever encourage my children to do is go with their passion. Or at least do what they like doing. I assume everyone does what they do because they are drawn to it, like a nail to a magnet.

This is not always a job I love. It's very frustrated being a performer, it's incredible highs... and lows i would not wish on the most horrible of folks. I once did a performance in front of 5000 people, I bombed. I opened for a very famous musician and actually got letters to the producer saying how bad I was. That was nearly 20 years ago, even writing that sentence hurts my heart. If you could sit in on the conversation my brain had with me that night, you would abandon that brain.

Why I get confused by the statement of how lucky I am is because I don't have a choice. I have such a strong calling to perform, the concept of love doesn't enter into it. I am a clown, because it's all I can do. I am not a clown out of love, it's like walking or sleeping enough each night. I could survive if I couldn't walk. I could survive sleeping 5 hours a night. I'm human, I need to move around and sleep. My job is a need.

Some jobs you do some jobs you have to do. I have to be a clown.

"Clowns and Gas Prices"

More than that darned old economy, I'm in competition with Shell, Exxon and Chevron.

When gas prices go up, my prices come down. I understand, people end up with a hundred less in their checking accounts at the end of the month. That's less discretionary money for things like going out to dinner, movies and of course clowns.

I figure I'm the bell weather of the state of the economy. When people feel good, they hire me, when they are worried about money, I don't get hired. The one common all of us have, rich or poor, we complain about the price of gas.

I've given up on complaining, I've even given up on looking around for cheap gas it goes up and down so fast. I'm now one of those people that just says "whatever". But I notice. I can't help it. We all have to drive, sorry hippies but how do we get groceries? How do you get a clown to come to your house? The one line in the sand for me...Not going to take a bus to my shows!

Pray for electric cars and natural gas powered cars because I need the money!

"Getting Kids To Laugh Harder"

"Getting Kids To Laugh Harder"

As a clown, there is a certain expectation that you're funny.

I would say this is the biggest problem when I watch newer or not very good clowns. Fundamentally, clowns are not cute or acrobatic or great jugglers, clowns are just funny.

And of course clowns are cute, acrobatic, whatever. But realize a child sees you and automatically laughs. If you start off with that assumption, laughs get bigger and bigger because you can mess with that assumption.

I see clowns walk in, casually, like they're party goers and get permission to start. My question is why? You're a clown, the person hiring you will find you. Go, nuts. I think it's confusing to a child when they see a clown discussing with another adult.

Your character is very specific as a clown. You should know how you walk, talk. Are you forgetful? Or know everything?

You can make kids laugh like crazy if you get mad at an inanimate object. You can get children to laugh like crazy by repeating something that made them laugh earlier, simply do it again. Sometimes things happen by accident, if you get a laugh do it again.

I'm mostly free to answer questions. If you've got a spot in your show that is not killing, send me a note, I'll try and help. Even if you're not a clown but work with children, I can give you tricks to get kids attention.

"150 posts and still going...and going and going..."

I got a nice note this morning from a young lady that told me my blog was awesome.

Which is much appreciated; because I forgot why I'm doing a blog at all.

My original idea was, a blog would be a good place to get a bit of a following while I work on a book for children's entertainers. A book to get children's entertainers to think about children and their relationship to performing.

In the meantime, I've talked about people dying, being tired, what it's like to put on a show. What it's like to put on a show and no one shows up. How to write jokes, how to tell jokes, how to market yourself, mistakes of marketing, thoughts on being an artist, thoughts on Aikido, thoughts on my children, thoughts on being married.

I have plenty to say and a world of people to read my insane ramblings about my life as a professional clown.

If you're out there in the darkness of cyber space, thanks for reading. Thanks for following and of course thanks for calling me awesome. (I'm a very very needy person)

Doing Things Different From Everyone Else

I was listening to an interview with Phillip Glass the other day. He's a crazy amazing composer, I was fascinated with him years ago when I was in college.

He got me thinking about being an artist.

Phillip Glass essentially became a composer when he discovered, you have to know the rules intimately, to break them. He was talking about music, he had been studying for years, when he had an ah ha moment. Why do you know it's Beethoven compared to Mozart in a few bars. It got me really thinking. AC/DC has a sound, you know right away, the Beatles, Rolling Stones etc etc etc. Yet, they all follow the rules of music. This starts applying to all art forms. Dance has rules, the dancer that stands out, follows the rules but makes them their own. A painter, uses paints and brushes, a canvas but you can tell a Picasso from a Rembrandt in a fraction of a second.

Kid's know my personality from far away, they know me as distinct 20 seconds after I leave my car.

This was a really interesting topic for me when I heard the interview. How do you become an artist? How do you stand out?

Artists spend years learning the rules. You have to learn the rules so you can break them. Breaking the rules, you still work within the rules, you've simply bent them pushed them to the near breaking point.

So many people focus on the skills. Making a good balloon animal is really important. The fun comes when you can do the balloon animal in your sleep and you find routines with that balloon. When the balloon animal attacks you, when the balloon snaps you in the nose, when you accidentally step on it and you cry. The balloon is just a balloon, the rest is clowning.

Go back to the most basic, take a look. How do you walk in character? That walk tells everything. How do you stand when posing for a picture? There are very simple rules to walking and standing, now bend the rules. Walk with your feet pointed out, bounce when you walk, stand at an angle, stand with your arms behind your head like you're in bed.

This is what I mean by rules. This is how you create a very unique clown character.

"Staying Just Ahead of the Curve"

This is why I'm tired this week.

I've been putting together a small video on DVD for a group of 150 children's librarians.

Children's librarians from around Northern California come together once a year and hold a showcase to look at acts. Libraries hire a lot of entertainment over a year's time. Children's entertainment in libraries is big business. I mean when you mulitiply it all together. Show by show, they pay about the same as all my shows.

But, I'm a huge fan of libraries. I focus a lot of love and energy on them. I love that libraries have changed with the times. Libraries have become a community center of information, they are heavily used. I hardly walk into a library where 3 people aren't waiting to check things out and there are 3 or 4 people at each table. They obviously know what they're doing.

I only get to show off every 4 years on this showcase. There are enough acts coming in they have to rotate. There are plenty of acts that are just there because it's a market. I'm not real fond of that. I spend a lot of time analyzing my character and performance, I have chosen to focus on children's entertainment. It's not a market to me, it's just what's so. Some actors only do stage, others do movies.

I feel like the old man of comedy...get off my lawn!

Over the years, promotional material gets better and better. There was a time, a color business card was really impressive. I used to hand out brochures and people would say "oh this is too expensive, just give me a business card" And yes, they were expensive but I want to reflect this is my job, I want to present myself as a professional.

Then people started making videos. Then DVDs, youtube etc. etc.

I thought about it last year and decided, I'm going to make a DVD for these folks.

And of course, I put it off and put it off and put it off.

When I started on Monday, I couldn't find video clips I was sure I had. My computer is making all my pictures blurry for some reason. I edit in a professional program called Final Cut. Now it's unhappy. You get the point.

The video I made is of me, just being funny in front of the camera then cutting into clips. My first shot was terrible, the light was bad. The next shot was good but if I had started 3 weeks ago, I would shoot it again but it's funny.

The good part of this, it's really good to be forced to look at yourself. I generally pick on myself, I'm never happy with a show, I think of things I could have done better. I was forced to sift through, nearly 300 very nice quotes of appreciation. I used the quotes from librarians and I came up with about 10 pages of quotes. I was surprised and a bit overwhelmed.

I was forced to look at my performance and I said, I'm very loveable. I hadn't seen myself like that.

But here's the realization. To get better, you have to work and do the hard choices. I have spent a lot of unpleasant hours in front of a camera being not good. I got good like an athlete practices. I chose to give away a DVD because people follow the herd, I will be one of the few that has one. I'm about 99% sure I will be the only one that specifically made a DVD just for these 150 folks.

That's staying ahead of the curve.

This is in no way about my ego. My ego is a bit shot this week. I just was thinking, I'm creative, I love video production, in the end this project will cost maybe $50 but looks like a million. Staying ahead of the curve means pushing through doubts, fears and not following the pack.

"Routining a Magic Trick For Children"

Take a look at the magic coloring book. A wonderful simple magic trick that could be performed for 3 year olds or at a corporate function, it's magic simplicity.

If you don't know this trick, you show a coloring book with blank pages. Say some magic words, it now has outlines to color. Say some more magic words, you show all the images colored in. Say a few more magic words, the coloring is wiped away. Of course you can do that in any order you choose.

Think of any trick you do, juggling? magic? pretending to walk a tight rope? Every thing you do onstage is about the journey. performing with children, it's a very long journey.

Take a look at your coloring book. You can do this trick in 30 seconds. But that's not very interesting or magical for that matter.

Everything you do has a question. The better performer you become the more questions you know to ask.

Is your coloring book a magic coloring book? Or, is this your 4 year old son's book you stole for the show? Each question gives the coloring book some depth. Do you like coloring? Do you think coloring is for babies?

We haven't even gotten to the routine but you have 2 minutes of a routine. "I have to keep it a secret but I like coloring. I love it so much, look I took this from my clown son. His name is dwindle, he's only half the clown I am. Although, I think he's smarter...Dwindle knows what happens when combine blue paint with yellow paint. I have no idea, do you know?" (shouting green) Jelly bean? really? Lima bean...yuck." etc etc etc.

If you start asking the questions, you can easily create a routine. The coloring book doesn't have to be "look at my book, boo hoo, I need to color it. Look it's full of colors" So much more to do, so much more potential.

The coloring books generally have pictures from the circus. What is the name of magician in the book? Name it after the birthday child. "I'm glad I brought this book, this has a picture of Sylvia in it!" Show the picture of the magician or lion tamer. Make a big deal out of it.

The trick is not to get to the end but to get the children laughing. The end is minor. Or it can be a really big deal. Each way is valid and right. The question about the end will let you know the momentum you need.

If the end is minor. "and all the colors are gone" The big deal might be getting them all colored, then you notice the pages blank and scratch your head and gently put the book away.

Or make the end a big deal. "watch watch! You're not going to believe this. I'm going to make the colors disappear!. Ready ONE TWO THREE" "I'm the greatest macian on the planet!" Thank you thank you!

The journey is fun for the children. You can even tell them the end of the trick, it doesn't matter, it's the fun of you creating in front of them that's the magic.

The middle of the routine is just the same. There are suddenly outlines. Is there a ghost in the room that drew these things? Were they drawn by one of the kids? Run around checking the kids for crayons, they will love this.

Most important. Each time you do a routine, discover it once again. That means staying so in the moment with your audience, you are as surprised as them. And I'm not talking fake surprise, just staying in the moment.

Staying in the moment is the reason actors are so interesting to watch. The actor that's playing Hamlet stays in the moment, killing his uncle Claudius is all consuming, the actor is as surprised as anyone when he kills Claudius.

Maybe I should lighten up. Gilligan ruining the chance of escape is a surprise to Bob Denver.

Ask a question, see where it takes you. Maybe you want to do the coloring book about shapes instead of colors. It's a rectangle, then have the children find rectangles in the pictures, circles, triangles etc. Maybe the coloring book is about books in general but you are just learning to read. Or you are so smart you've read every book on the planet, this is the only book you have never read and it keeps changing on you. You'll never get to read the last book on the planet, then everything is blank.

"The Time a Kid Whizzed On Me."

Being a clown, people expect me to tell funny stories. I really find nothing very humorous about what I do. It’s my job and career.

I know it must sound odd, I do not at all find it funny that I shop for the best price on whoopee cushions. Or the fact that I know the difference in brand quality for said whoopees.

When it’s time to buy new clown shoes I spend hours looking at designs.

I have a great time doing what I do. I make a living making people laugh. I don’t find that humorous at all.

Funny is my job.

Here’s a funny thing that happened to me!

I was at a ridiculous over the top, crazy, spend too much money, kids Halloween party. The party was in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in America. So, picture mansion, circle driveway.

The guy hiring had all his carpets covered in Saran Wrap. I’m serious giant sheets of Saran Wrap. Smart but odd. The party was in his beautiful landscaped backyard.

There were two other children’s entertainers there before I even arrived.

But shhh. I’m the best. I get em laughing like no one else can. Yes, I’m tooting my horn but at that event, parents said to me, “I thought the others were good but I’ve never seen my kid’s laugh so hard”

I’m just that good!

There was a little boy of maybe 3 that kept getting into my things trying to hit me from behind. You guessed it, the parents thought this was really cute, while they hung around the bar. I turn it into comedy. I’m a clown, I take all situations and make them on purpose. I turn the unexpected into a routine.

I was looking left, when I heard “watch out!” I turned to my right and that little boy unzipped his little NASA space costume and was trying to .... pee on me! Whizz on the clown. Pee on the payaso.

I lept back, caught some shrapnel on the bottom of my pants and on my $350 shoes.

This I found hilarious. It was so ridiculously crazy, I just laughed and laughed.

It’s a good story. My favorite part of the story...

I didn’t even get a tip!

"Clowns are dying around me"

I'm entering a period of life where I'm going to memorial services.

This means, I'm getting close; the cold specter of death is breathing on my neck. Luckily, I wear a scarf.

Two people I knew well, died this last month, both clowns in different ways. My old friend Gerald wanted to become a clown because he was confronted by the thought of doing it. Gerald and I took seminars together for years with a group called Landmark Education. I'm a big fan of Landmark, amazing things have happened in my life because of them, if you are looking for a change in your life, I can't recommend them enough.

Gerald had been involved with Landmark since they were EST.

Gerald was a character. I always enjoy characters. Gerald did things like join the Army during the Vietnam war because he couldn't take the pressure of waiting for the draft. His father was a doctor, he was going to Berkeley, I'm sure he could have found a way out.

Gerald returned to the Bay Area and started a custom guitar shop and know people like Carlos Santana.

By the time I knew Gerald he was still exploring, trying everything. He tried EBAY, He tried selling magic DVDs, he tried making magic tricks (he didn't know anything about magic), he tried real estate (he had $5 in the bank). He decided one day to move to St Louis because it was the most opposite he could think of from San Francisco. Gerald would show up about every three months to do some computer work and to see his mother. He would show up and ask me to pick him up at the airport. Not a lot of people just do that.

Gerald decided he wanted to become a clown. I have him the full training. I've taught a number of folks over the years.

Gerald was not a good clown. But Gerald was fearless and lived his life as if it were on borrowed time (which it was, he had his first stroke at 38 years old. By the end, he was diabetic, had 4 strokes, kidney failure and was still talking about what business he was going to try next). Gerald was a clown in the best sense, he lived an outrageous creative life.

We should all live like we are borrowed time.

My old boss and friend Peggy Ford died on Friday from lung cancer.

Peggy was truly funny. She was in that Joan Rivers style of funny. Peggy was one of the early women of clowning. Ringling Brothers never had female clowns till the early 1970s. Peggy went to Clown College in (I don't know the exact dates), 1972 or so and toured. You can only imagine how tough a woman she had to be, I'm sure that was the source of her comedy.

Peggy was not that into performing. I knew her as director of a tiny circus called Make a Circus. We had a great time on tour together. She named me Sphincter Boy, because of my constant talk about toilets, farting and bowel movements.

We were in Los Angeles doing shows in war torn South Central LA. We were hired by Paramount Studios to do shows there after the Rodney King Riots. It looked like the Bronx to me, no big deal. One night at the motel, Peggy died my hair and chest hair orange.

Peggy went on to become the assistant director of the Circus Center in San Francisco. The Circus Center is the only full time circus training in America. It's a big deal in the world of circus. Since Ringling closed Clown College, the Clown Conservatory in the Circus Center, is the main source for new Ringling Brothers clowns.

I ran into Peggy less and less since I had children but just always had such fond memories of our time.

Peggy, like Gerald, got sick very early in life. Peggy had cancer in her mid 30s. I think that's why she smoked, she felt like she was on borrowed time.

So, two people I liked an awful lot passed away recently. Both clowns, both lived life without regret. Both living as if they were on borrowed time.

"The Unusual Show Makes Me Nervous"

Some shows make me incredibly nervous. Wake up at 4AM nervous.

I get called on fairly often, to do an adult gag, surprise show. The calls go like this. "I thought it would be really funny to surprise my (co-worker, wife, husband, son, daughter, granddaughter, grandson, niece, nephew, best friend) with a clown...They're turning 40, (timidly) do you do adult parties?"

I do one of these, about every other month. Mostly they tend to be in work situations. These cause me great stress because I'm walking into an uncontrolled environment. As a clown, I take over a room, that's what a clown does, you know big shoes, red nose orange wig. We are shouting, "hey look at me, I'm funny!"

I kill at these events. And I mean knock them dead with comedy. There are very few children's entertainers that can cross over into adults, you have to be pretty willing to look bad.

I'm a decent stand up, I've trained as a stand up comedian and spent my time in front of the microphone at open mic nights umpteen times. Still, I'm just barely OK at it. You have to spend years and do thousands of shows before you're really good. But there's something about mixing the clown in there that makes it wildly funny. I guess it's the outrageousness of the situation. And that I have done thousands of shows.

Last night, I had a show for a 21st birthday. I was mad at myself for taking it. I was really nervous about the clown hating thing. This is the prime age they still don't want to look foolish in front of their friends. This is that age that says to me loudly when I'm walking down the street "Ooo clowns scare me."

The mom that hired me was from the generation of "everybody loves a clown". And yes, it is heavlly generational. There is an older generation that absolutely loves clowns.

I was a "surprise". I don't think surprises work. You remove the control from a performance. The best scenario is to let everyone know I'm coming except the honoree. This creates an excitement and buzz in the room, as people whisper about "the clown".

The mom didn't want to do that. So, I was going into the hornets nest.

Guess what, I killed it. I haven't had an audience laughing to peeing their pants this hard in a while.

The more nervous you are, the better it feels when you're performing. I am addicted to endorphins.

This is the part of clowning that I like...and hate. Going into a situation blind, trusting I can handle any situation. Unlike stand up, I have done nearly 300 plus shows year in year out for 25 years.

I have tons of self doubt, I have to put that aside to be a good performer, I have to or I would hide under my bed. Just like the soldier goes in even though they are scared, I go in, with all my training, even though I'm scared.

Apologies to all soldiers for being compared to a clown.

I spent yesterday daydreaming of a time that I had enough money to turn these kind of shows down. Maybe God made me broke for a reason. If I did have enough money, I would play it safe. Being an artist, I have to stay hungry or I can't grow. If I wan't hungry, I would never have done this show. I have to grow, it's what drives me. You have to be mental to be an artist.

Last night I grew.