"Clowns are dying around me"

I'm entering a period of life where I'm going to memorial services.

This means, I'm getting close; the cold specter of death is breathing on my neck. Luckily, I wear a scarf.

Two people I knew well, died this last month, both clowns in different ways. My old friend Gerald wanted to become a clown because he was confronted by the thought of doing it. Gerald and I took seminars together for years with a group called Landmark Education. I'm a big fan of Landmark, amazing things have happened in my life because of them, if you are looking for a change in your life, I can't recommend them enough.

Gerald had been involved with Landmark since they were EST.

Gerald was a character. I always enjoy characters. Gerald did things like join the Army during the Vietnam war because he couldn't take the pressure of waiting for the draft. His father was a doctor, he was going to Berkeley, I'm sure he could have found a way out.

Gerald returned to the Bay Area and started a custom guitar shop and know people like Carlos Santana.

By the time I knew Gerald he was still exploring, trying everything. He tried EBAY, He tried selling magic DVDs, he tried making magic tricks (he didn't know anything about magic), he tried real estate (he had $5 in the bank). He decided one day to move to St Louis because it was the most opposite he could think of from San Francisco. Gerald would show up about every three months to do some computer work and to see his mother. He would show up and ask me to pick him up at the airport. Not a lot of people just do that.

Gerald decided he wanted to become a clown. I have him the full training. I've taught a number of folks over the years.

Gerald was not a good clown. But Gerald was fearless and lived his life as if it were on borrowed time (which it was, he had his first stroke at 38 years old. By the end, he was diabetic, had 4 strokes, kidney failure and was still talking about what business he was going to try next). Gerald was a clown in the best sense, he lived an outrageous creative life.

We should all live like we are borrowed time.

My old boss and friend Peggy Ford died on Friday from lung cancer.

Peggy was truly funny. She was in that Joan Rivers style of funny. Peggy was one of the early women of clowning. Ringling Brothers never had female clowns till the early 1970s. Peggy went to Clown College in (I don't know the exact dates), 1972 or so and toured. You can only imagine how tough a woman she had to be, I'm sure that was the source of her comedy.

Peggy was not that into performing. I knew her as director of a tiny circus called Make a Circus. We had a great time on tour together. She named me Sphincter Boy, because of my constant talk about toilets, farting and bowel movements.

We were in Los Angeles doing shows in war torn South Central LA. We were hired by Paramount Studios to do shows there after the Rodney King Riots. It looked like the Bronx to me, no big deal. One night at the motel, Peggy died my hair and chest hair orange.

Peggy went on to become the assistant director of the Circus Center in San Francisco. The Circus Center is the only full time circus training in America. It's a big deal in the world of circus. Since Ringling closed Clown College, the Clown Conservatory in the Circus Center, is the main source for new Ringling Brothers clowns.

I ran into Peggy less and less since I had children but just always had such fond memories of our time.

Peggy, like Gerald, got sick very early in life. Peggy had cancer in her mid 30s. I think that's why she smoked, she felt like she was on borrowed time.

So, two people I liked an awful lot passed away recently. Both clowns, both lived life without regret. Both living as if they were on borrowed time.