"The Unusual Show Makes Me Nervous"

Some shows make me incredibly nervous. Wake up at 4AM nervous.

I get called on fairly often, to do an adult gag, surprise show. The calls go like this. "I thought it would be really funny to surprise my (co-worker, wife, husband, son, daughter, granddaughter, grandson, niece, nephew, best friend) with a clown...They're turning 40, (timidly) do you do adult parties?"

I do one of these, about every other month. Mostly they tend to be in work situations. These cause me great stress because I'm walking into an uncontrolled environment. As a clown, I take over a room, that's what a clown does, you know big shoes, red nose orange wig. We are shouting, "hey look at me, I'm funny!"

I kill at these events. And I mean knock them dead with comedy. There are very few children's entertainers that can cross over into adults, you have to be pretty willing to look bad.

I'm a decent stand up, I've trained as a stand up comedian and spent my time in front of the microphone at open mic nights umpteen times. Still, I'm just barely OK at it. You have to spend years and do thousands of shows before you're really good. But there's something about mixing the clown in there that makes it wildly funny. I guess it's the outrageousness of the situation. And that I have done thousands of shows.

Last night, I had a show for a 21st birthday. I was mad at myself for taking it. I was really nervous about the clown hating thing. This is the prime age they still don't want to look foolish in front of their friends. This is that age that says to me loudly when I'm walking down the street "Ooo clowns scare me."

The mom that hired me was from the generation of "everybody loves a clown". And yes, it is heavlly generational. There is an older generation that absolutely loves clowns.

I was a "surprise". I don't think surprises work. You remove the control from a performance. The best scenario is to let everyone know I'm coming except the honoree. This creates an excitement and buzz in the room, as people whisper about "the clown".

The mom didn't want to do that. So, I was going into the hornets nest.

Guess what, I killed it. I haven't had an audience laughing to peeing their pants this hard in a while.

The more nervous you are, the better it feels when you're performing. I am addicted to endorphins.

This is the part of clowning that I like...and hate. Going into a situation blind, trusting I can handle any situation. Unlike stand up, I have done nearly 300 plus shows year in year out for 25 years.

I have tons of self doubt, I have to put that aside to be a good performer, I have to or I would hide under my bed. Just like the soldier goes in even though they are scared, I go in, with all my training, even though I'm scared.

Apologies to all soldiers for being compared to a clown.

I spent yesterday daydreaming of a time that I had enough money to turn these kind of shows down. Maybe God made me broke for a reason. If I did have enough money, I would play it safe. Being an artist, I have to stay hungry or I can't grow. If I wan't hungry, I would never have done this show. I have to grow, it's what drives me. You have to be mental to be an artist.

Last night I grew.