Friday, May 11, 2018

What Is Your Goal Boswick?

I've been going through a life's crisis for

About 45 years....

I keep waiting to become famous.  And waiting and waiting.

In my thoughts last night, I was thinking about how much energy I put into the show/play I'm in The Speakeasy ( check it out clowns ).  I have spent my life obsessing about my own performance.  My performance in circuses, in doing a commercial, filming my video blogs.  Writing.

I have put almost all my emotional energy completely into The Speakeasy.

We are coming up on two years.  And I'm wondering, what exactly is my goal. You know as a clown.

I dug out a book I had been working on Snotty Comebacks for kids.  I find it incredibly funny.  I began reading them and rewriting them. Then working on more jokes.

If I were to get this published my goal would be to become a character like Lemony Snicket. (A Series of Unfortunate Events).

My son and I went to see Davis Sedaris on Tuesday night. I loved it.  I could see how he managed the audience the interactions and how he read his stories and took questions from the audience.  Not only an incredible writer but adept and making each moment seem special to the audience of 2500.

It's a skill I have on stage.  It's the joking skill.

I'm lucky enough to have met Lemony Snicket.  He lives in San Francisco with his kids.  My kids used to go see him when they were little do talks.
Me and Lemony Snicket!

I'm writing and thinking. This is what I want to do/be.

I'd like to be the king of snotty comebacks.  To create a character for stage that talks to large groups.


More to come.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

My New Artist Friend...

My dad is an art dealer.

My dad circa 1985

Not a very good one or I wouldn't have a 2008 Toyota Yaris...I'd have a 2010 Yaris.

My sense of being an artist is way screwed up by my upbringing.  When I'm called an artist I have a fake smile and say thank you.

Art to me is about being better than others.  Knowing something others don't know, judging what's hanging on someone else's walls.

I don't like art galleries.  I don't like museums.  The thought of going into them makes my intestines. clench.

Yet, I love art.

When my kids were little I would go on the field trips and listen with rapt attention as the docents asked the children questions.  I chimed in all the time. (because I'm just excited to be asked my opinion)

Once I was inside the museum it was wonderful.  I love staring at a piece of art.  There is a piece in The San Francisco De Young Fine Arts Museum I couldn't break away from in the California collection.  It was art from the late 1800's from areas I grew up before they were suburbs.  I love it.  I want to steal it.

But the thought of going back in; once again the clench.

In the early 1970s my dad partnered up with other scoundrels and invested in artists doing etchings.  I was very young and I was dragged to fancy dinners.  Part of the deal of the printing was my dad got to own a few prints for himself.  He even had the artists dedicate some to me and my brothers.

There was one that hung at the foot of my bed.  My entire young life.

A piece by James Torlakson. An amazing water color of a jackknifed truck that had crashed on the interstate.  So realistic.  It looks like a photo from a distance.  When you come close you realize it's drawn.

I stared at that.

I have the painting.  My wife put it in a closet.  It's a very modern piece of art.

I met with Jim yesterday.  He had looked my dad up and ended up finding me.  He lives 20 minutes away.

I had a lot to deal with.  A lot to take in.

The idea that my dad had helped a young artist and changed his life.  That's quite something.  I hadn't thought about it but he took a big risk on Jim.

At the time, Jim was in his mid 20s.  It also turns out, the process for making the lithograph was incredibly complex and had never been done before.  I don't understand but Jim explained it to me.  My dad believed in him and spent a bunch of money for this to happen.

It's a puzzle to find out about your parents.  It's quite a journey to not look at them not as your parents.

Jim showed me his art.  His art studio.  His collections.  His toy collections.  His fascination with clowns (why he got in touch with me).

And we talked
And talked
And talked.

It turns out I may be an artist after all.

Jim talked about the gift we've been given.  I never see what I do as a gift, closer to a curse because I have no choice in this.  I have to perform or I die.  I feel that clenching again.

He talked about touching people and touching 3 generations away from us.

His art had done that to me.  His truck on it's side meant so much to me.  I dug it out of the closet and stared at it again last night.  Jim didn't know me till yesterday yet he had touched my essence.  Which had touched others through me.  Many many others.  Not only my family, all the people I perform for.  That may be approaching a million people by now.

Wow.  A million people.

As I think it out probably more.  The Speakeasy has performed for about 50,000 people.  When I was in the circus, I must have appeared before a quarter million people.  I've done thousands and thousands of shows.

Out of that.  I moved someone.  I must have.  Someone did something they might not have, thought a way they never have before, tried something they never thought they would try.

I'm clenching again.

Go see Jim's work

Thursday, April 26, 2018


We did an anniversary performance for The Speakeasy.  That's a show I've been in for almost two years.

I play Bosley the Magnificent.  A ne'er do well drunk magician that never had a whole lot of ambition in life.

I also play Carrie Nation.  She's the woman that started the temperance movement.

I also play Keller The Magician.

I also play Joe, the Clock Shop owner.

I also Play Fred Russell the terrible ventriloquist.

I'm busy in this show as I look at my line up...

We had an anniversary party.  I wanted to do my magic routine from the first incarnation of the Speakeasy 4 years ago.  I've done the routine a hundred plus times.  I have really good comedy timing and know the routine inside out.

I volunteered to do the routine last week.  But for some reason didn't go over it.  Even for five minutes just to get it back in my head.

I got up there in front of 150 people and I was rusty.  Ugh.  I was so mad at the end of that routine.  There were little subtleties of the act that were coming to me as I did them.  What a dope.

Apparently I killed.  I keep hearing from people how funny I was.  It should would have been nicer to do the routine and been comfortable.

Lesson?  Rehearse rehearse rehearse...

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

I've Become A Big Fat Clown...

The hazard of my job...

Pizza...Cupcakes...hotdogs...goodie bags...slices of cake...2 liter Pepsi bottles...

I have very little self control in regard to food. I love sweet things (Hey baby...How you doin'?)

I do a lot of business at home.  (Funny business?  Nah too easy).  I often pace around my house eating and thinking.  I'll say to myself "I'll have one cookie, that can't hurt.."  One cookie always always turns into an entire bag.  Because.  I'm a pig.  

I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and holy fat man bat man I am fatter than I've ever been.  

So here I am like my mother my entire childhood.  On a diet.  (My mother has been on every diet known to fat Americans.)

And because I'm obsessive.  I downloaded an app.  Because I'm obsessive I enter everything on that app.  Because I'm obsessive I mostly quit eating.  

My guess is that I've lost about 12 pounds.  I am one notch closer on my belt.  That's good.  It's a guess because my bathroom scale is a liar.  

But not one person has said to me.  Did you lose weight? I mean 12 pounds?  I should have one person coming up to me saying it.    

I must be fatter than I thought.  

My goal was losing 20 pounds in three months.  

My new goal my birth weight.  I was a 9 pound baby.  That's pretty fat. 

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Got Me An Agent...

I'm noticing this blog has shifted toward Boswick becoming an actor.  WTF?

I go through phases.  Usually you can tell with how crazy I keep my hair where my focus is.  Obviously when I use product in my hair comb down the sides.  I'm an actor.

When I let the sides of my hair go nuts, like I'm Ted from SCRUBS.  I'm in total clown mode.

I'm such a f'n actor right now...

I had my audition on Thursday with Look Talent.  I was so nervous.

I worked and worked and worked on my audition piece.  Mumbling it to myself all over.  The morning of my audition.  I played out the day in a backwards fashion.  My appointment was at 11.  Be stepping out the door by 10.  Shower at 9:45.  Put resumes and pictures in portfolio by 9:30. Shave at 9, iron shirt by 8:30.

Backwards timelines are very effective.  I learned them years ago when I was a super Landmark guru.

I was doing one this morning on my taxes.  It makes it seem so much easier when you start with the finished event and work backwards on what has to happen.  I'm looking at my plan on my audition day.  So many holes in there.  I ended up with tons of time.

This is the craziest audition.  I went in.  Pretty early.  I was 20 minutes early for my appointment.

Joan had me sit.  I was noticeably sweating on my bald forehead.  (embarrassing)

We talked for 30 seconds.  She told me how much my old agent Mary means to her and if I was one of her actors, not to worry.  She said, I see you, you're already in so let's just talk.

It took all my strength not to try and do my audition piece.  That would just be needy.

She's the nicest lady.  We just talked for an hour plus about my life, her life, our kids.  The business, the old days of auditions.  I miss black and white photos.  She misses black and white photos.  So much more artistic.

I'm so confused.  I think of my life as if I were 12 years old, getting away with pretending to be a performer.

When I walked out.  I made a decision to take this acting thing very seriously.  I got home.  Made an appointment for new photos.  Updated my resume on the submission site the casting agents use.

And crazy enough.  I purchased a web site with my name to put my photos, videos and links to cool articles.  Actors do this.  I don't exactly know why but I started on it.

One of the problems with a resume you take something big like touring with the circus and it's one line.  With the web site, I can describe it a bit.

When I used to audition a lot, I'd have 3 shirts freshly pressed in my closet for auditions.  Time to do that again.  Maybe even buy some shirts for auditions.  When you're on camera you have to know what colors look good on you.  What styles.

How strange.  I'm an actor again.

Don't worry.  I'll goof it up.  I'm always the clown inside. 

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

There's Always Time To Rehearse...

I have an audition tomorrow.

An agent.  I'm big timing.

With every ounce of my being, I am trying to wing it, to rely on my charm.

mid sentence working on my monologue
I'm fighting through.  I'd like to have everything planned out.  The audition piece well prepared. I'm going to do a magic trick, because, who does magic tricks at an audition?  I have to pick the trick and be ready to bring it.

I have fought every day preparing my audition piece.  I think it's in good shape.  I'm not sure what else to do with it other than try it in front of some other actors.

This time tomorrow I will have new representation for commercials and movies.

The audition process is pretty odd.  I'm not sure I care all that much about commercials, other than the money.  But there is something so competitive in me, I want them and I want them bad.

Creatively, I'd much rather be in a movie or TV.

The reality is this also happens to be San Francisco.  You get to audition for TV and movies but it's usually small one line roles.  "Have you decided what you'll have this evening?"  Larger roles tend to be cast in LA.

I'm nervous, I'm excited and I'm fighting through my own insecurities to just go in and be good and be funny.  Be charming and be likable.  That's who I am.

I also have a new idea for a video series.  It's a continuation of "hey Mr. Sub..."  But we'll see what it's like to be an actor.

I'll try it tomorrow.  I have an audition.  That's a cool premise.  I also am in a show called The Speakeasy three or more nights every week for the last year and half.  I can talk about all that craziness too.

I'm off track.  Wish me luck or break a leg or bump a nose...

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Society Of The Pink Socks...

Some years ago...

Several years ago...

Ok.  20 years ago.  I convinced a really good friend of mine of a secret society of magicians, clowns, jugglers called the Society of the Pink Socks.

He never heard of it.  But I'm a pretty convincing guy.  I also lie a lot.  For no real reason other than to lie.

A bunch of entertainers were going to a big circus fundraiser, it was for the woman that started the Pickle Family Circus who had MS.  She needed lots of money to help with her treatment.

I convinced Funnybone that he was going to be invited into this society.  I had gone to bat for him, I really wanted him in.

The deal was he had to wear a tuxedo with a pink socks. Then he would be welcomed in.

As with most of my lies, I kept it up when we talked then completely forgot about it.  To me it's like hearing or telling a joke and then saying to someone I heard a really good joke but I can't remember it.

So we go to this event and Bone was so excited...

He bought a new Tuxedo.

Convinced to Wear a Tuxedo...
uh oh.

I think he spent almost $500 on a new tuxedo.  I felt really bad.  Holy Crap, this is a gag that went too far.

At the circus fundraiser people thought it was hilarious.

Me. Not so much.

But Bone being Bone, told all the agencies that hire him  he has this new tuxedo to be a magician.  He looks great, it's a high end tuxedo he's the best looking kid's magician around.

That practical joke ended up making him thousands and thousands of dollars.

Because he called all these agents, he was on their mind as gigs came in appropriate for him.  All the gigs went to the man in the tuxedo and pink socks.

Good for you Funnybone.

Lesson being.  Get a new tuxedo and tell everyone you're available for gigs.

Have I learned my lesson?  The other day, I convinced someone I was joining the circus and leaving for a year.  For no decent reason...