My Battle To Get An Agent...

My fabulous commercial agent Mary retired.

Leaving me to fend for myself.

Usually when agents retire, they sell the company to someone working there.  One of the newer lower level agents.  I gotta figure, the company is worth a lot of money, what with all the clients and actors begging for work.

Mary retired.

I love Mary for one very important reason. She took me on as a client.  Later she took my son on as a client too when he was about 8.  It was pretty awesome.

I'm in this fabulous position of getting a new agent.  Of wondering do I even want an agent?  I've never been very good at booking stuff and I have funny looking hair and my headshots are old and I'm not all that good looking.

I used to be good looking.

Now I'm ugly.

Maybe I've always been ugly.  When I look at my old photos, I was pretty good looking but maybe that's just in comparison to the ugliness that is me now.

I have a wall of headshots in my office.  It's my version of Dorian Grey.  I'm slowly melting.

I'm very fond of myself 

I Worked on my resume all morning.  I created a snarky cover letter.  

I haven't done this (looked for representation) in over 15 years.

Here's how you you do it.  How you get an agent.

Find a list of the franchised agents locally.  It's pretty easy.  Unless it's NYC or LA there are usually only 4 or 5.  Do a search for acting/modeling agencies.

Franchised means they are licensed or "condoned" or "tolerated" by SAG/AFTRA.  The union.  

If they aren't franchised, don't bother, it's likely they are schools disguised as agents.  From what I've seen only the franchised agents get you auditions.  When you audition you sign in, next to your name you put your agent.  I've never seen a non franchised agency next to anyone's name.

You need a resume formatted to look like all the others.  An acting resume does not look like a work resume.  If it looks wrong, they'll toss your resume and picture out. It means you're an amateur they don't need to waste their time.  It's hard to get an agent, so just play the game.

Get a nice headshot.  Don't get a friend that's a good photographer take one.  Spend the money.  There is a format to these.  If you don't follow the format, they'll toss you out.

My headshot is old.  It should get me in the door though.  If I can get a new agent, I'll have to fork over the $300 to $500 to get new ones.  Ugh.

I have less hair now

Usually as a clown, you can get in for the specialty file all the agents have to have.

Even as I work through this I'm so not excited.

I was surprised as I looked through the agents. Most were old school, they still wanted you to mail in a picture and resume.  Easy enough, I'm just out of stamps.

When I started years ago, I got an agent and ordered 300 photos and brought them in every few months with my resume glued to the back.  I learned from a class don't staple them because one agent cut his finger on a staple and he was pissed about it.  So I just used mucilage.  Now I just print it on my printer on the back of the photo.

It's a slow process.  you mail all these then, you'll get a call in a month to come in for an audition.

Gawd.  I've got so much work to do.

Anyway.  That's the process.  Make a nice resume.  Have a nice headshot.  Prepare a 90 second audition and wait.

Don't call my I'm sleeping right now

A Professional Clown's Thoughts on "IT"....

Just for clarification, I am only writing to get the attention of the press.  You the one reading this!


I am being asked, in my personal life my opinion of IT.  (working out at Aikido in the changing room.  At  The Speakeasy, a show I do on Thursday, Friday Saturday nights and of course Russia loving Facebook).

I couldn't give two shits about "It".

The clown is an incredibly powerful character.  The clown can make people laugh till they can hardly catch their breath.  Children love clowns.  I mean love like they want to hug you and not let go love.  Old ladies come up and hug me.  Old people love coming up to me and singing "be a clown, be a clown...all the world loves a clown..."

So of course this same power has an opposite.  The power of the clown to make people laugh and smile so broadly, also has the power to frighten.   Look at 4 kids in line waiting for Santa.  Two are jumping up and down,  2 are crying and clinging to their mom's yoga pants.

I am also a big Stephen King fan.  I've never read "IT".  But I've read about 30 of his 450 novels, novellas, and short stories.  Stephen King is a brilliant writer.  He manages to turn the things we most love to the things we fear most.

I was being interviewed by a TV producer a couple of years ago.  They wanted to do a reality show about the real lives of professional clowns.

She said, "I saw Cujo when I was a kid, but I'm not afraid of puppies"  That was perfect for me.  

It's fun to hate clowns.  I love clowns and sometimes I look at them and say, "wow, this is really odd what I do"

My bigger fear of clowns are those out there protesting.  How lame.  Have a sense of humor clowns.  But wait, if you don't have a sense of humor about being a clown, then maybe you really aren't a clown. Come on. If you can't make fun of clowns and you're a clown, then maybe you don't get what being a clown is

...oy.

Read a little Shakespeare and find out what a fool (clown) is.

I'm available for interviews any time of the day or night.

Boswick@pacbell.net

Working On My Website....La Da Dee...La Da Dum...

Sit around for three or more minutes with variety performers and they will start talking about their web sites.  The problems, the expense but mostly.  "I really have to update it"  

It's time consuming and you seldom get what is in your head onto the page.   

When I search I want easy navigation and easy to contact someone.  

I have been doing my new web site for the bast 10 months.  (I've gone through 2 designers).  My first designer kept getting angry with me.  It was a very strange experience being you know...the one paying them.  They did a mediocre job.  I fired them without telling them I fired them.  Because I'm a wimp. 

I hired another company recently to fix things up.  I like this guy a lot better. 

Neither of these companies is in the US.  The first one was in India, the one I'm currently using is in Pakistan.   For someone like me, the pricing works,  I can't afford much more.  When I'm done, it will be about a thousand bucks all done.  

Politics out of the way.  I believe in a world economy. The world shrank many years ago.   Economies change with borders.  I was in Japan when the dollar bought nothing.  A cheap meal started at about $17.  And this was in the late 1980s.  It was very expensive, I was performing there on $350 a week.  I also spent time performing in the Philippines where my dollar made me feel like a millionaire.  I took a cab 4 miles for just over a dollar.  In both these places, people just lived. 

As I looked at the designs of web sites, very few performers have good sites.  If you're looking for good designs go outside of the entertainment field.  Entertainer sites are muddy, they are hard to figure out what the person is selling.  

My message:  Boswick is a highly trained seasoned performer. He will bring mirth magic and laughter to your next event...He'll also do birthday parities. 

Now, honestly, most of my shows are kid's birthday parties.  But I like that feeling that I'll step down from my pedestal to entertain.  It works less and less the longer I've been around.  Most people hiring now are native to the internet.  They don't remember a time they used Yellow Pages or local Parents Magazines to look for ads to help them. The Yellow pages were easy.  Just have the best ad on the page, you got hired. 

In our world I look the same as someone that is newer to the kid's entertainment world.  I'm not the same, I've been around a long time and have honed my comedy to a sharp edge.  

Unfortunately most people are trained by Amazon where a Sony TV looks about the same as a Vizio TV.  (I have been thinking about getting a new TV)

Here's the thing.  A Toyota looks about the same as a Hyundai or a Kia.  But a Toyota is a lot more.  

I own a Toyota because they are just better.  I learned this way back. I've rented a few Hyundais.  They aren't nearly as good.  (sorry Hyundai owners).  I also figured a cars a car and bought a Mazda some years ago.  I was stuck with that thing for 8 years till it committed suicide. Then I got myself a nice Toyota.  

For similar web sites,  I looked at kids shoe sites.  That seemed close to what I wanted.  I also looked at children's dentists.  Mostly terrible but a few were very easy to navigate.  Children's dentist seemed close. Easy to send a question or make an appointment.  That's pretty much what I do.  

My son made a new video for me. We used my annual theatre show to get footage.  I have a new look, no clown nose, very little make up.  

I got a bunch of really nice photos from an amazing photographer that thought I was so funny, he followed me around for a charity event I was doing.  Then gave me all the photos to do what I would.  Greatest gift in the world. Now there's a gift!

I have to accept a web site is always a work in progress.  I want it to be a big brochure. It's frustrating.

I don't really like working on it.  But how do I stand out?  It's gotta be your web site.  

If you're reading this looking for advice.  Front page with a picture that tells a story.  Easy links.  Birthday parties, about me, why I love what I do... Not too many.  Easy to read. Check to see it works on your phone. 

A phone number and email on each page, easy to see and click on.  I hate it when I'm on a web site and I have a specific question but I have to use a form.  

But have the forms.  Don't make the forms hard to use.  If someone doesn't want to fill out the whole form don't make them.  My only required items are email and date of event.  

Wish me luck.  I'll be done in five or ten years. 

Putting On My Theatre Show...

For those that love me, those that tolerate me and all others, it's time for my theatre show...

Every year right after Christmas, I rent a theatre and do a new show.

Why?

Because, I'm a theatre performer, that's how I started, being in a theatre is like being in a church to me.  I love being there, I'm at peace.

Doing a theatre show is also a huge challenge.  It's scary, will I get an audience?  Will it come together?  Will I bomb?  Will I lose money?  So far I've broken even every year.  I hire my two sons to do tech for the show.  They make more money than me.  But I like that, I get to be with them.

If you've wondered how to do a theatre show, I'll let you know what I'm doing right now.

I rented a theatre. This is a theatre I have a relationship with. He's charging me less than standard rate because he knows me and I'm doing shows at 11am.  Theatre's make money at 8 at night.  I'm paying $175 per show.  This is about half rate of normal.  Life's expensive what can I say. This theatre seats about 60.

I pay $50 to each person helping me.  I need someone at the front door selling tickets and opening the door before showtime.  I need someone running lights and sound.

There's no storage in the theatre so I have to pay for parking nearby. Because this is San Francisco, parking will be $20 to $25 for the 4 hours I'm there.  Yup.  big city living.

My set is a red dresser, ladders, a yellow picket fence and a chair.  I'll probably have a table for my classic 8 nights of channukah song.  (it's original)

I put my show on a ticketing service.  I use Brown Paper Tickets, they are large and pretty easy to deal with.  It's a lot of complicated work.  I've done this for many years, I still can't figure out their web site.

You need a web page people can go to.

Write up a press release announcing to the papers, radio stations, family web sites there's a show in town.

Write an email to your former customers.  I offer half price to my customers, this is where I get most of my audience.

In the middle of all this I need to pick music for each routine.  Create an order to the whole thing.  Figure out my theme.  (I think it's going to be magic.  This is only for me, it drives me in creating.  Other years it's been whimsy, water, flight).

I also offer my show as a fundraiser for schools.  We split the door sales.  It's ok, I get about 20 or 30 people this way and it's a nice way to help.

Every year I wonder why I do it.

I realized this year, I live life in uncomfort.  This is where I feel alive.  Creating a show from nothing makes me sleep 3 hours a night and makes me feel alive.  My two sons make money and after it's done, I have a little self superiority.  It's pretty cool that I can do what very few children's entertainers can.  I create a one hour show that keeps kids and their parents laughing.

The Theatrical Clown Show...

The question I got was "How do you put together a theatre show?"

I've done a lot of theatre shows.  I have a love/hate relationship with them.

They are super creative, fun and feel great when you're done.  On the other hand, they are expensive, stressful and financially not worth it.

So put making money away.  This is the place you get to be an artist.

Years and years ago, my friend Nick (who runs a very successful theatre company.  And is a great director) asked me.  "What can you do in a theatre that you can't do anywhere else?"

And that's the great question.  I see a lot of clowns, magicians do shows that they could do for birthday, a corporate function or a library.  There's a prestige, there's a cool factor to be in a theatre but what makes theatre is the risk of failing and failing badly.  It's what makes theatre and clowning so interesting to me.  To be on the edge.

I do a theatrical kids show every year in December.  I do it for the challenge of trying to put together something for myself.  I spend the whole year making shows that please people.  I do a theatre show because it's all about me.  I want to make people laugh and that's it.

In a library or birthday party, I can't do a clown skit.  In a theatre I have things dangling from the ceiling.  Things just out of my reach.  I love strings and ropes and pulleys hanging down.  Getting them down is crazy, it just makes me laugh.

A theatre show should have a through line.  It can be very light but there needs to be a small theme that holds together.  I will think of things like "balance"  So my whole show will be about bringing balance to the clown.

Last year, my theme was water.  I tried to douse myself in water in as many ways as I could.  It's slippery and I wish I could have done the show 30 more times to figure out the comedy but it's a challenge.  I tried color changing water magic (yawn).  What worked was just lifting a bowl and letting it pour over my head.

When you rent your theatre.  Get a theatre people have heard of and where they feel safe.  This will be more expensive but you'll actually get audience.  I tried for years to do my shows in these awful neighborhoods because it seemed sort of cool to me.  It's cool if your 26 and on an adventure.  It's not so cool if you have a five year old with you.

You need to make the stage look fun.  This is tough because you have to do it in 2 hours.  Most theaters won't let you leave props.

I always use a dresser that's painted bright red, a table painted and my yellow ladder.  I sometimes use an old TV painted to look funny.  And I like a good chair that I can fall off.  Sometimes I'll use a plastic Christmas tree and decorate it with whoopie cushions.  I can get all these props into my mini van.

I do my shows in the theatre district in San Francisco.  I pay a lot more and don't get free rehearsal time but I get more audience.

I do my shows at 11 in the morning.  This seems to be a good time to get people in and then they can have lunch after.  Theaters like me because this is free money to them.  Other than me, no one is renting a theatre at 11 in the morning.

I spend a lot of time getting my shows listed on as many web sites as I can find.  There are lots of places when you search "what to do with children"  that will come up.  I list my show there.  It helps a bit but also gives me a web presence and keeps my web site coming to the top.  That's good for my making a living.

I do fundraising with schools.  I offer a door split for everyone that mentions their name.  This usually brings me about 30 or 40 people.  They're a bit hard because I need to have people there excited about coming to see me. So I have to recruit someone to talk a lot about the show.

I forgot to mention, I usually will do 4 to 6 shows over a 4 day period.  I want to work on the show. That's my personal challenge.  The first show I do will not be great.  I'm never happy with it.  Good energy but I'm thinking of the order of the show and where props are.  I find the comedy as the show progresses.

I list my show on Goldstar which is a half price theatre service.  It gets me 10 or so.

My audience mostly comes from former customers.  I send two emails to everyone that has hired me in the past two years.  I offer half price tickets.

You will need to get into the theatre at some point and move lights around.

I use my sons to run lights, run sound effects and music.  One of my sons is box office.  and will sometimes throw things onto the stage for me.

I pay my sons.  They like this.

I've just scratched the surface.  It's a challenge to put on a theatre show.  I spend about $1500 and over 6 shows.  The theatre is about $200 to $250 per show.  They generally are nice about giving me free rehearsal time.  I pay for parking, which is expensive.  I pay my crew (my sons) $50 to $75 a show.  I try to not buy too many new props but I usually do.  I always make less than what I pay the crew.

I charge about $18 a ticket.  I sell most for half price.

There's so much to be written here.  If you want more.  Please ask.  I can get really specific on things like press releases and the writing of the show.

Branding...

I got a question from my friend Mariposa Blessings.

I knew her way back.  Mariposa worked for me when I was training people to work for a Filipino Restaurant chain called Jollibee.  She was my Heddi Spaghetti.  I knew her then as Vanessa.

She found me again at Christmas I'm very happy to have her back asking me questions.

Vanessa asked me about branding.  She keeps hearing about it.

Here is what I do with my branding.

On youtube I'm boswicktheclown
on instagram I'm boswicktheclown
on facebook I'm boswicktheclown

(starting to get it?)

My business card is yellow background.  My postcard is yellow background.  My type on my business cards, postcards and website are Helvetica.  My videos are the same font.

I try and match my promotion.  It's sort of like seeing A brown truck coming down the road and knowing UPS is delivering so you better run to meet the driver.

The idea is when someone sees a bright yellow clown card they already know it's Boswick the Clown.

It's a pretty high level of marketing.  I think it's a good idea because it will make your promotional material look nicer.  If you're thinking about a new web site, you can match the look.

My opinion?  I don't think it matters as much as people think.

Of course if you are UPS, Ford, Starbucks.  It's necessary.  For us...I think just doing something  is way more important.  It's easy to throw up roadblocks.

If you have no money for a graphic artist.  It's ok to make a simple card from Office Max.  Any business card is better than no business card.  If you don't have a postcard to give to people.  Microsoft Word has some very cool templates.  Use the template and put your pictures in there and print them at home.

Here's the better question though.  When you make a business card or flyer.  What's this piece of paper for?  Ask it over and over.

Here is my answer. I want my business card to go on the refrigerator so people think of me when they have a party.  It's a nice clean fun image.  It's got my phone number on it.

My web site has an email button nice and big on every page.  Because that's what I want.  People to call or email.

There are so many web sites I look at or business cards where I have no idea what the business offers.  I get handed DJ cards all the time.  I throw them on my dresser.  I look at them two weeks later and can't figure out what business this is.

My thought is do something.  Get your name out.  Then start to pick the image you want and start following the colors, images and fonts. Keep your name the same, keep your costume the same.

Who's the Party About?

At the end of a birthday party show I go to the birthday boy/girl and give them my complete undivided attention.  I whisper a secret in their ear (usually, it was great to be at their circus).  I Get a high five.  Make them feel special.

A good buddy of mine told me about a fairy princess he hired for his daughter when she was 5.  He's a professional magician.  He's seen everything.  He's a great performer himself.

He thought the show and songs were so so.  But that last moment made him cry and he gave her a big tip.

I heard this and incorporated this into my birthday party show.  I don't know what it looks like.  I don't know if it gets me more tips.  I do know that if this were my child and the performer spent a second focused on my child. I'd like it and appreciate it.

You have to stop and ask.  "Why am I doing this show?"  Most of my shows are birthday party shows.  The focus of the birthday party show is the birthday child.

I ask.  "what's my checklist to make sure it's special for the family?"

Make sure I take a picture with the birthday child and me.  If it's a baby, even more important.
Make sure I use the birthday child's name in my show.
Make sure I spend a few seconds with the birthday child and thank them for having me.
Make sure I send a thank you.

There is nothing more special to a family than their child's birthday.  I always have this in my mind. I do a lot of children's parties.  I never let myself take for granted how special this is and what an honor to be part of something so important to the family.

So.  I take minute and just let the birthday child know, I'm so happy THEY invited me.  

One Balloon Animal Per Child...Nah!

Quite a while ago, when my son was in preschool.  One of the mothers was talking to me and said she saw an entertainer at another party.

When I had little kids and I was in those social circles, people gave me opinions of performers they had seen.  It was natural, it's like meeting a dentist at a party, then talking about some bad experience you've had with a dentist.  What I do is an unusual occupation, it was their way of opening something up.

One thing that struck me about our conversation.  Her son wanted another balloon and the entertainer held to the only one balloon per child custom.

She took away a meh attitude toward this performer.  Everything else was good, she was left with a bad feeling.

How you leave an event is everything.  It's a weird human behavior but a bad feeling at the end will taint our whole experience.  We may have a great meal but the waiter took forever to bring the check and then was slightly rude.  The whole experience diminished.  You'll remember the meal for not being great because of a little glitch at the end.

When I started, I held to the same rule.  One balloon, if you pop it, hey, that's what balloons do.  Tough it out kid, life's tough.

On the other hand. Who cares.  give the kids as many as they want.  Why not?  So what, you go over your time by 15 or 20 minutes.

15 or 20 minutes and you leave with not only a satisfied customer but a customer that loves you forever.

I totally ruin it for all other performers.

You can have a five year old looking at you with big eyes asking for a dinosaur.  You can can say, "Everyone only gets one balloon, you already got a balloon, that wouldn't be fair to the other children"

They hear. "Mean clown mean clown mean clown"

Or, you can just do it and it takes the same amount of time as explaining.  If you are running out of time.  Just say you can't make a dinosaur how about a sword or a dog or a bear?  In case you don't know this.  Children are easily manipulated!

The kids are happy, birthday parents are happy, you get hugs and a tip at the end.  Seems like the way to go.

I'm a Published Author...

Years and years and years ago I created a booklet called a 101 comebacks.  I stuffed a 115 into there, I thought that was funny.

I followed it up with 101 more comebacks. I stuffed about 130 into that one.  I copied it and sold it in an ad in the back of Laughmaker magazine for $5.  I'm sure I paid for the cost of the ad, the copying charges and the postage.  But probably not.

This is maybe 1990.

I have been adding to this list of comebacks for all these years.  A few years ago, I sat down and wrote a few thousand more.  Yup.  A few thousand.

I copied them and had it bound at Office Max.  Each copy cost me nearly $5 and I sold them for $20.  I didn't break even.

There were a lot of typos.  A lot of repeated jokes.

My friend Mike challenged me to take on the hard comebacks.  "Hey Quit Clowning Around"  and "Why are Your Feet So Big?"

I also expanded my world.  I asked magicians what they heard most often.  "Can you make my wife disappear?"  I asked face-painters.  "Is it easy to wash off?"  "Does it hurt?"

I removed all duplicate jokes even though you can use the same response for "Is This All you Do?"  Whether you're a jugger, a clown or a magician.

My son helped me edit.  Duncan once described my use of the coma as a bloodbath.  Duncan did the mind numbing task of going through nearly 2000 one liners looking for grammar errors, phrasing problems and does the joke make sense.

Duncan came up with the idea of calling these one liners "Gotchas".  I didn't like the idea of the comeback because I don't think people are making fun or heckling.  They are engaging in what they perceive as a clever way.  As an improviser I want to Yes And them.  I want to acknowledge their joke and one up them.

A year ago I found the two publishers that put out this sort of specialty book.  I got a no thanks from one and never heard from the other.  I was honestly shocked.  I've never seen a book like this.  Maybe there's a reason.  Or maybe my jokes aren't funny.

This book sat on my computer for a year.

My brother writes science fiction.  He couldn't get his work published either.   He said get that thing out there, who cares who publishes it, you wrote a book.  It's no good on the computer.  Give it to the world.

I put in illustrations.  I organized and laid the thing out.  I hired a company to lay the book out for me and do a cover design.

On Tuesday, I released my book on Amazon.

It feels weird.  It feels like I don't deserve the nice words people are saying.  My old friend Gerald told me years ago, the inside of your head is a bad neighborhood.  He's right.

So.  Buy my book.  I've worked a long time on this.  There is nothing like this out there and it's just darned funny.

"Hey Quit Clowning Around"

By

David Magidson

http://www.amazon.com/Quit-Clowning-Around-David-Magidson/dp/1503387984/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1417312886&sr=8-1&keywords=hey+quit+clowning+around

My Book, My Book, My Book...

I wrote a little book of comebacks years and years ago.  I called it 101 comebacks.  It included 120 comebacks but I liked 101 as a better title.

I sold it for $5 in the back of Laugh Maker Magazine. 

Then I wrote 101 More Comebacks.  

My ad cost $45 a month.  I didn't sell enough to cover the cost of the ad.  I thought it was cool though.  

I've revisited this book over and over.  I always thought there was something there.  I don't know of any books that just included comebacks for children's entertainers.  I didn't want to put anyone down I just want to make people laugh.  

The joke is called "Hey Quit Clowning Around"  Comebacks for the most commonly heard comments a children's entertainer hears.  

So, after a lot of work.  I'm sending my version off to a publisher.  It's 95 pages.  There are probably 1500 jokes in there.  It's really tough to edit, after working on one liners for hours, your mind gets really numb.  

I have worked, reworked reworded each joke umpteen times.  I think it's really funny.  

We'll see what a publisher says.  

Wish me luck.  

Should I wear Clown Gloves?

Sherry Wrote:

I have run across some clowns who say that gloves are essential & to cover as much of your arms, hands, basically skin, etc. to make ur appearance look more animated or cartoony....
What's your take on this?

This is the "what is a clown?" question.  

Sherry told me some time ago, some kids called her a clown and she was dressed just like her own beautiful self.  She was very excited

So, you're already a clown.  

How do you want to present yourself?

I can't wear gloves because I'm a juggler and I do a lot of magic.  It's tough to juggle with gloves on unless I put grips of some sort on them. Which seems silly.  

On the other hand, I would never ever let children see me without gloves as Santa.  Do you believe your clown character is a magic character that lives in the circus and eats cotton candy every afternoon? 

Or, like me, is your clown an extension of your own person, a reflection of the world?

How far do you want to take your character?  

I'm a working clown.  I have to cut corners, wigs and gloves don't work for me because they are in the way.  

Some places I don't cut corners.  I keep my own hair weirdly long and wiry.  If I weren't a clown, I'd probably cut my hair very short, to lessen the look of my balding.  I don't ever wear short sleeves because I have hairy arms and that doesn't work for me.  I wear full base make up at all times, it would be easier to wear less and none on my neck for sure.  

I love the look of a full clown.  I'm a Ringling Clown after all.  In the circus, we never wore gloves unless it was for publicity.  

If your primary work is parades, make up competitions, then you should go all the way.  My first clown mentor, (who was cut 

Children's parties, events making balloons.  I would skip gloves.  For photos, wear gloves.  

People make a lot of "rules" about clowning.  My opinion...be the best clown you can, sometimes you have to give up looks for laughter.  I go with laughter 10 out of 10 times.  

Doing a Theatre Show...

Just for background, I rent a theatre and do a children's holiday show each year.

Why?

What makes me put down the deposit on the theatre are my sons.  Each year, they rehearse me, design the lights, music and have a great time being in the theatre.  It's a real strong memory for each of us.  We've been doing this for years.

A theatre is a very special place. A theatre without an audience is spiritual, you feel magic oozing from the walls.

Each year I say never again.  The stress of getting butts in seats, writing the show, publicizing, worrying I won't break even.

Each year I do it again.

I get to be the clown I want to be.

I get into lots of trouble in my life.  I say things I shouldn't, I offend people, I get kicked out of places.

In my theatre, I say whatever burbles out, I do the routines I feel like doing.

I'm thankful people come and laugh like crazy but it's a relief to just not hold back in any way.

I sold out yesterday and came close to selling out the first show.  Things look good for breaking even.  My sons are making money, I pay them before myself for all their work.  I'm helping a bunch of charities with my show.

I just get to be Boswick The Clown...

Got Questions? I've Got Answers!

You may notice I had a gap last month and the month before.

Going through a mid-clown life crisis.  Wondering if clowning is the best use of my time anymore.

I'd like to become a guru.  I would like to become Yoda and live on a mountain top of cotton candy.  I need to get some respect in my life!

So HELLO out there.  I'm sitting here waiting to answer your questions.   I want nothing in return (right now.  Like Rumpelstiltskin, I may ask for your first born or a review).  

I look at what's being read on my blog.  People like the balloon articles.  Go ahead, tell me your routine, I will try and pump up your routine with jokes or clean up the routine.

Questions about comedy.  Please ask.  When I'm not writing this blog, performing or staring at Jon Stewart.  I write jokes.  I also listen to comedy constantly.

Kids hitting your big old clown shoes?  Go ahead ask me how I can help.

I'm available, funny and free.

Post your questions in the comment box below.  

Name Tags...

My best friend the name tag.

On an episode of Seinfeld someone ran for mayor on the platform that everyone should wear a name tag. In that episode, he lost the election but won me over. The idea of name tags for everyone has been in my head for 20 years.

For birthday parties, I suggest to parents use name tags for the children, asking “what’s your name?” over and over puts an impedance between the children and myself. As a children’s entertainer, I’m constantly thinking of ways to get my audience closer to me, i.e. participate more.

Children very seldom pick up on how I know their name, they just accept it. This eliminates lots of warm up, we are instantly old friends.

I also suggest name tags to parents because it’s likely parents know a number of names from school, play-dates etc. But does dad or grandma know all these kids? Doubtful.

Of course in my case, I did the day to day care, play-dates, work in the preschool, so it was my wife that didn’t know. I’m super dad!

Names with faces are tough, why bother? Give yourself a break, very very few people are good with names, in fact, it’s abnormal to be good with names and faces. The people that really good with names and faces go into careers like college admissions, high level sales, political advisors, casting agents. Very specialized positions, because it’s an unusual talent!

One of my goals as a clown is to be magical, the children put me in the same category as Santa and Mickey Mouse. That’s a big trust. Knowing their names gives me another magical edge.

For anyone that works with children, substitute teachers, teachers, PTA parents, clowns. You can create an instant rapport with children, simply by calling them by name. The name tag, a very powerful tool!

"Staying Just Ahead of the Curve"

This is why I'm tired this week.

I've been putting together a small video on DVD for a group of 150 children's librarians.

Children's librarians from around Northern California come together once a year and hold a showcase to look at acts. Libraries hire a lot of entertainment over a year's time. Children's entertainment in libraries is big business. I mean when you mulitiply it all together. Show by show, they pay about the same as all my shows.

But, I'm a huge fan of libraries. I focus a lot of love and energy on them. I love that libraries have changed with the times. Libraries have become a community center of information, they are heavily used. I hardly walk into a library where 3 people aren't waiting to check things out and there are 3 or 4 people at each table. They obviously know what they're doing.

I only get to show off every 4 years on this showcase. There are enough acts coming in they have to rotate. There are plenty of acts that are just there because it's a market. I'm not real fond of that. I spend a lot of time analyzing my character and performance, I have chosen to focus on children's entertainment. It's not a market to me, it's just what's so. Some actors only do stage, others do movies.

I feel like the old man of comedy...get off my lawn!

Over the years, promotional material gets better and better. There was a time, a color business card was really impressive. I used to hand out brochures and people would say "oh this is too expensive, just give me a business card" And yes, they were expensive but I want to reflect this is my job, I want to present myself as a professional.

Then people started making videos. Then DVDs, youtube etc. etc.

I thought about it last year and decided, I'm going to make a DVD for these folks.

And of course, I put it off and put it off and put it off.

When I started on Monday, I couldn't find video clips I was sure I had. My computer is making all my pictures blurry for some reason. I edit in a professional program called Final Cut. Now it's unhappy. You get the point.

The video I made is of me, just being funny in front of the camera then cutting into clips. My first shot was terrible, the light was bad. The next shot was good but if I had started 3 weeks ago, I would shoot it again but it's funny.

The good part of this, it's really good to be forced to look at yourself. I generally pick on myself, I'm never happy with a show, I think of things I could have done better. I was forced to sift through, nearly 300 very nice quotes of appreciation. I used the quotes from librarians and I came up with about 10 pages of quotes. I was surprised and a bit overwhelmed.

I was forced to look at my performance and I said, I'm very loveable. I hadn't seen myself like that.

But here's the realization. To get better, you have to work and do the hard choices. I have spent a lot of unpleasant hours in front of a camera being not good. I got good like an athlete practices. I chose to give away a DVD because people follow the herd, I will be one of the few that has one. I'm about 99% sure I will be the only one that specifically made a DVD just for these 150 folks.

That's staying ahead of the curve.

This is in no way about my ego. My ego is a bit shot this week. I just was thinking, I'm creative, I love video production, in the end this project will cost maybe $50 but looks like a million. Staying ahead of the curve means pushing through doubts, fears and not following the pack.

"The Successful Show"

Here I am two shows into my holiday run at the lovely little SF Playhouse downtown San Francisco.

I can say the show is a huge success. I have measures of these things.

I broke even. That's pretty incredible, to get enough people to get out of their houses, go downtown to the crowds this time of year to see a "clown show". I know it's like no other clown show in the world, I have a very unique take on what makes kids laugh.

I have a wonderful new relationship with my younger son. Each year I do these holiday theatre shows with my two sons. My older son is away this year in India with 16 of his classmates, in complete appreciation of all they have at home. (the emails back home are full of stories of limbless beggars and orphans they are helping).

My younger son Dustin did all the tech at the theatre. We rehearsed together, we picked music, he figured out how to operate a lightboard and how to patch into the theatre and run music and sound effects for me. Running a show takes a lot of concentration. Even though I don't really care if he misses a cue, he does.

I have learned (as a father) how wonderful of a son I have, how smart and talented and how much I've underestimated him. He's 4 years younger than his older brother so lives in the shadows a bit.

I happily eat crow. He's amazing and my total partner. I completely hate tech. I just want to perform. I love that he pushed me to pick music for each routine. It's such a better show because of that.

That alone could make it successful. I mean, realizing my child is way better than me, is a gift.

I created a killer theatre show for kids and families. It ran one hour and 10 minutes. There are very few kids entertainers in this country that could command the attention for that length of time. I have one 90 second break in the show where I am not onstage, I run backstage during a cartoon and change into a tutu.

There is no padding in this show, that's pretty incredible to me, I've come a long way.

Here's the big one (as a performer, nothing can match my relationship with my son). I have done 2 shows now. The first one was ok, not a great show by my estimation. I was very angry at myself after for a lot of mistakes in timing and comedy.

I looked at what didn't work in the show and killed the next day. I changed the opening, because I know kids, I know their attention span, I know how to fluctuate material to keep them going. I worked on my show and I created a show better than I believed.

So, this is a dream. I am in a theatre doing my show and making some money. My profit is about what we spend on groceries but I am doing it. It's taken me years and years of renting theatres. But it feels good.

I'm a very very happy clown.

A successful show is not about the money, it's about the art, the craft of clowning. That's a big lesson, a big lesson for me.

"It's Showtime!"

I subject myself and my family to something every year...I do a big show around Christmas.

This involves, renting a theatre, writing a show and worst of all publicizing it and hoping people will come.

I'm one of the few children's entertainers, that I know of, that puts on a theatrical show. I certainly appreciate that there are entertainers that work solely in the theatre but I straddle the world of birthday, library, school shows and the world of theatre.

This year things are clicking into place. We are doing the final dress rehearsal, I still have to run out and buy bagels for the singing bagel routine but the show could go on this afternoon and it would be in good shape.

It's a scary venture, putting yourself out there like this. There are really so many things out of my control. On the other hand, this is what's called living my dream.

I love children's stage performing. It's been a focus of mine for years. The control and flow of a show, often how to pull it back because when children laugh too hard they sometimes wet themselves. Yup, I'm that funny.

So, I'm nervously making lists of what to finish up. Dress rehearsal this afternoon. Then it's showtime! For the first time in all the years I've rented a theatre, I will not only break even but make money. It actually looks like I'm going to sell all the shows out. There are about 45 tickets left for all the shows. That's cool.

You Can Have Your Mayhem and Efficiency Too...

Making Life Easier....

Organization is not my strong suit. I have things stacked up around my office that have been sitting there for 5, maybe 10 years. Every once and a while I shift them or dust them off. But never deal with them. I can’t bring myself to throw them away.

I asked myself, what is most in the way of making me money (organizationally)? I found out something about organization, it’s helped me spiritually and made me more money.

I resist any streamlining or efficiency. Mostly because I want don’t want to be a grown up. Efficient offices are for adults, that’s not me.

But every once and a while, I will take on a simple organizational project. The dividends pay off for years, actually the rest of my life. Once they are done, they maintain themselves, sort of a self cleaning oven for offices.

In the old days, I used to write down booking information on a piece of paper and clip it into a calendar. That was scary because there was a fear of losing that calendar or double booking if I didn’t pay attention. That used to happen to me from time to time. It’s really a drag to have to tell someone I took another booking because I double booked myself. I felt terrible about it.

I put a simple organizational plan into place. I made a booking sheet. On the sheet, I had the obvious, time date, location, how referred to me, phone, how referred to me.

But here’s what changed my life, I put in a self check system. I had a spot that said. “Entered in Calendar?”. “Confirmation mailed?” “Reconfirmed?” “thank you sent?” next to each question mark I left a blank spot to put in the date it was done. The easiest way was just to do it all at the same time. If I didn’t send the confirmation, I knew it would stick in the back of my mind, giving me pain.

This is still the basic booking pattern I use, except now I do it on the computer. Online calendar, email confirmation etc. Just a 1,2,3 pattern.

So, what used to be a pain, became fairly efficient. I automatically, send a confirmation, enter in my calendar etc. It’s a non thinking process that used to stress me out. As I write this, it seems obvious but I do still know performers that always struggle with keeping things straight.

I don’t take what I did lightly. Putting all this into place took a few hours of designing and thinking. That wasn’t the hard part, it was getting to it.

I’ve gotten so efficient and fearless in my booking process I put my calendar online so everyone can see it. I could never have done that if I didn’t have a fool proof system of booking. If I’m taking the step of putting a calendar on the internet, it had better be up to date to the minute.

The other place that killed me year after year-Taxes. Yuck patoo. I hate dealing with taxes so much I happily pay someone to do them. If you knew what a cheapskate I am, this would shock you. I also happen to be kind of geeky and like math. I really like simple algebra and I could do taxes for other people, I’d probably even enjoy it.

But my own, too personal I hate it! I have to look at my income and what I spend, ugh.

So, what I started doing (and this took real mental effort) I place a manila folder in my filing cabinet. One is for credit card statements (I highly recommend using one credit card for business only, it makes taxes much easier). I marked it Credit Card Statements 2011. I have another Credit Card Transactions 2011 (I take credit cards). Another is my income. Every time I go to the bank, I copy all the checks and put a date on the sheet. I put the copies into a folder marked “checks 2011”

In the area of taxes. I still don’t like them but I just pull out the marked folders and add things up at the end of the year. It’s also saved on clutter. I don’t have credit card receipts sitting around. It’s by no means a perfect system but it’s fairly simple for a one man band.

Now this all may seem pretty rudimentary and maybe even lame. But I can now take a booking and do all the steps and send the confirmation back in under five minutes. This goes a long way toward making the customer comfortable.

Where are you annoyed with your office? What causes you stress?

My life is one of improvisation. I LIKE mayhem around me, I have a clown sense, I like things haphazard. Even when my office is clean it’s a bit crazy looking, there are spinning plates over here, a television painted bright orange with fuzzy rabbit ears over there. Two shelves of mad books and mad magazines, a closet spilling out costumes.

I have to figure out a way to keep my comfortable mayhem and still get to where I’m supposed to be.

The most important thing in the world to me is to be at a show on time and make a families event the most special I can. I work a lot on the funny but it won’t be special day if my customers are worried about me showing up.

With that in mind I made my booking process automatic. This works wonders for my clients. I hear over and over, “you’re so efficient” or “I appreciate how thorough you are” Efficiency is not natural for me. I also don’t like the nagging feeling of there is something I have to do. Or I forgot to send the contract I promised.

You can’t have mayhem and efficiency. I figured out a small way of keeping my mayhem in the important areas, I have efficiency.

Find a repetitive task in your booking process and standardize it. An email inquiry? Spend time writing and rewriting, or find a response you’ve used and particularly like, then copy and paste it into your response. Do you send thank yous after your shows? Make it standard and just add the persons name.

I am really unhappy with myself if I’m meaning to send a confirmation and haven’t or am avoiding my taxes. This takes my energy, I have very little creativity. Instead of writing jokes, I end up watching TV using the electronic drug to push down my annoyance.

Making things streamlined increases my well being and creativity.

I think these small things allow you to become a much funnier entertainer.

"Get Things Done Right Away. Get Them Off Your Plate."

When I first began, in those early days before internet, voice mail and cell phones, I used to use a thing called the mail. People would find my name in an ad in one of the Parent’s Magazines that are free at the children’s shoe stores and give me a call. Often these would be corporate jobs.

The strangest comment, (and I still find it strange), “thanks for calling me back, you are the only one that’s returned my call”.

What an odd world, where someone has to thank you for calling them back. I mean they are the ones with the cash, they are the ones allowing us to do our craft.

I used to offer to send a picture and a description. I’m not very organized and would scramble around writing things up and trying to remember where I put the little stack of photos I had. I would put it in that afternoon’s mail. Sometimes, I missed the mail, but mostly I tried to get it out before the end of the day.

Then I would get hired. Often, I was the only one that sent anything back to the client. Again, what an odd world where you get hired because you are the only one together enough to mail a letter.

I don’t really like that reason but I’ll take it. I would much rather be hired because I’m the funniest or I have the best resume. In the end, who cares how you get the work as long as you do a good job.

It’s just impolite to not return a call. It’s impolite to not send a letter if you’ve said you would. I’m certainly amazed by how many people don’t return my calls and emails but usually, I’m the one looking for the work they are the ones hiring, so I can’t do much.

I’m always checking myself on this one. I often don’t feel like sending a confirmation or returning a call. The biggest pay off I get, I don’t have to worry and fret, because it’s done.

If I get a call, I return it, even if I don’t feel like it. It’s just so much easier. Bam, it’s done, I can erase the voice mail message. No more mental energy.

This is an area of my life where, I’m pretty good. I don’t put myself above anyone here, people tell me I’m not much of a procrastinator. It’s the total opposite. I know that if I don’t get to something that minute, it will sit and become a “thing” in my life. I hate having “things” in my life. I procrastinate about many many things in my life. I just know myself.

I have a number of projects I am not dealing with. And they bother me! If I don’t start on it right away, it will sit and sit and sit, I’ll see them on my computer desktop and my actual desktop feeling guilty.

Work on having a nice empty plate. Your business will increase and you will look like the most responsible clown in the world. Return your calls within the hour and mail or email even faster. My promise. Your bookings will go up, your anxiety level will go down.

"Starting Your Children’s Entertainment Business"

Recently I’ve been hounded by this guy asking me how to get started, what it takes to make a living, can I help him get started in the children’s entertainment business.

You can approach the children’s entertainment business in a pretty scientific way, it’s not that difficult. What’s tough is following through and not taking it personally. It’s just you and a microphone up there, tough not to take it personally.

Here’s the science part of this.

Are you taking workshops? If no, why not? You may live in an area with not a lot of workshops but you can drive an hour or two, I’m sure there are places to take classes.

When you take a workshop, you can find out what people are doing. They will all lie about how successful they are but so what, you can read between the lines and start to figure it out. You will make connections learn what to do and if you listen learn what not to do.

Are you taking every volunteer opportunity that is available? If now, why not? That means, a church a school, a fundraiser calls. Say yes and do it. You need to have lots and lots of stage time, you need experience. Here’s a promise, you will not have great experiences doing charities. You can ask almost any entertainer why they stop doing charitable work and it’s likely because of how we are treated. So prepare, you might be treated like “they help”, you will be told to do things you know are wrong (go stand over there and make your little balloons...but there’s no one over there). They will bring food for all the volunteers and not give you a sandwich. Oh well, do it anyway.

Look. If you wanted to write for the New York Times, you would follow the same approach. Go to a good college, get a master’s degree, take advanced courses to become a better writer and make connections. Work at small publications, write wherever, whenever, in order to get experience, when you’re ready, you can apply for the New York Times.

Are you contacting professionals and asking questions? If no. Why not? Learn how to do what I do. But here is the mistake new people make, don’t copy me, you won’t be able to and you’ll look like an idiot. My character is mine, Robin Williams character is his, you have a unique character, get on stage and find it. Doing my character will make you look like an amateur because it is fake. (to you, not me, I’m wonderful just ask my mom). You can learn from me by asking “How do you start a show?” “How do you gather a crowd?” “What do you do if the kids get out of control?” I can answer these questions, I’ve been doing this a long time. I’ll even give you ideas.

You also have to start working cheap. Don’t be greedy, time will come to be greedy. For me, I don’t know when that is, I am still here taking every job I can get.

Are you a gossip. If so, why? Don’t talk badly about other performers. Learn from them and they will give you work. I have an old clown friend, we rely on each other to get work. Old fashioned but it works. A big chunk of my income comes from other performers passing on my name.

So, when you have some experience. You have a show, you know how to control kids. You need nice photos. Why? Because I can tell exactly how good you are from your pose and your photo. I know what to look for, a customer in their sub conscience will see something is off. Do a nice photo, don’t copy anyone’s pose be your own funny self, make sure you have laughing eyes. My photos tell a story of a clown that loves what he does and kids will run up to and hug. You can get all this in a hundredth of a second. The old saying a picture is worth a thousand words is true.

Make a simple web site. Don’t copy every other clown and magician, they generally look terrible. Copy Coke, Ford, University of Nebraska any place that has good designers. Find a nice site, that grabs you and follow that lead. Trust your gut. Make a nice simple site. Again, don’t copy, just capture the feeling. Think of colors that represent you.

And just like that you’ll start booking things. You’ll be an overnight success in three years or so, because that’s about how long it takes. Or longer, hey, I’m still figuring it out.

But it’s fun and no matter how I fight, I can’t stop doing this for a living.