"You Do What? For a Living?"

I'm still battling with the why I do what I do.

I mean seriously, devout a whole life to being a clown? It just sounds so odd on paper.

But I have to examine my life's focus. Other than being the best father and husband I can be, I devout enough brain power to light a small city outside Seattle to thoughts on clowning.

I think about entrances, exits, transitions in routines. I chat to friends about the state of affairs in our business. I brainstorm ideas for promotional material. I sit and write jokes about feet. Or noses or variations on canibals and clowns.

It drives me crazy because, if I stop for a minute, there is no good reason.

I grapple a lot with whether I'm an artist or not. Generally, I hate the term. To me artists (and please this is only in my head and not true whatsoever!) are lazy, looking for government grants, drink a lot, pretentious, talk about themselves (hey, I might be guilty of that!).

My dad is an art dealer. My entire life, I've related works of art to money. I've also held an artist to an incredibly high standard. Hearing about Picasso and Dali as a child, I was naturally lead to dismiss anything lower.

This is my own problem and makes me who I am but it also peppers my relation to being a clown. I just tend to think of myself as a guy trying to make a living. I feel like I fell into the art of clowning by accident.

But then I dissect it. Did I really fall into it? I fell in love with clowning in college, finding acting "ok" but really liking mime and clown classes. My greatest escape is to sometimes teach or be in a clown class. I just find the pure indulgence of a class challenging and fun.

Falling into touring with Ringling Brothers? It feels that way in my dinosaur brain but it was a lot of focused work, not very many people on earth have had the experiences I've had.

On the real side though. I struggle all the time to make ends meet. I can't take my family on a vacation on an airplane, we simply can't afford it. My children will go to college but will do with grants and borrowing.

I hate that part and it makes me sad.

People often say they admire what I do, I work for myself, I do what I love. I tend to think I don't have a lot of choice, I honestly wish I were this drawn to investment banking.

"What If You Threw a Show and No One Came?"

I wrote a show, publisezed it, rented a theatre, created a set, created lights and sound to go with the show.

And hardly anyone came.

Makes you wonder about the idea of being an artist. This is the time for arm chair quarter backs, it's the time for back seat drivers. Lots of folks give advice.

I've had this thought in my head that I could create a theatre piece for the really young. Something for them to laugh at, with their parents having fun as well.

I've tried this for a number of Christmas breaks, to do a show in a theatre and try and get audiences. I admire the nutcracker ballet, and the holiday symphony shows and the productions of A Christmas Carol. But these events are not directed at children. children love these things but they go in tow. I wanted to do something where the parents are in tow.

I write a lot about dealing with children, audience control, what makes them laugh, how much to charge. At the heart of this though, I have to ask, why do this in the first place?

And that's what we all have to grapple with. Why do this? It's certainly a calling. When I think of other things I can do or would want to do, nothing comes to mind. I can think of things to make some more money but it's always with the intention of doing something for my children (like go on vacation or pay for music lessons) so I can keep doing my art.

Something strange happened this year to that question. What happens if you do the best you can, and there's no one there to see it? What is a clown without an audience? Pretty much the definition of insanity.

Under everything I've always done, it's been the dream of doing something totally artistic, doing stage shows and video of my little funny world.

So, what if you work really hard. What if you spend a lot of money. Create something to best of your ability. And no one comes?

For me, I'll do it all again next year.

"The Show Must Go On!"

I'll bet you've been wondering where I've been.

I put on a show. Oh I know we all do lots and lots and lots of shows. I rented a theatre, I wrote a play, for 4 to 8 year olds, I marketed it, did my best putting together a set, bought props, made posters, sent out tons of emails and somewhere in there rehearsed.

I've done this same thing a number of times now. I work on a children's show specifically for the theatre. I've come to look at it as pure self indulgence. I made excuses at first about marketing myself, having people hear of me in the papers, stretching myself as a performer. But really, this is the pure artistic side of being a clown (I speak only for me on this one).

I do so many shows each year, the shows are for others. I know there is someone paying and it's usually making a little boy or girl feel special (a birthday party). Let's come together as a community (libraries, churches, park and rec shows).

Being in a theatre is and always has been my dream. Well, I'll open that up a bit, I've always loved television and am passionate about being on TV as well.

Actually, they are very similar. In both places, I am creating a world for my clown, I lean toward being the forgetful clown that gets terribly distracted from my goal.

So, the question, why do it?

I'm staring at this screen having absolutely no idea how to answer that question. I think that is the essence of art. I just can't live with myself and not do this. That sounds like such an artsy fartsy answer but once I get started on this sort of goal, I can't turn around and say, "it's not worth it".

And it's so stressful. The last few days or weeks really have been restless sleep, waking up at 4am wondering if anyone will show up. Waking up at 2am and realizing I forgot to get change for the box office. And wondering all the time, if it's any good. It's also tough, because most of the audience knows me from my kids shows, and this show does not nearly elicit the peels of laughter I get from a child's party.

I think this is sort of like eating dinner though. Most all the performances I do are dessert. I'm a clown, there is an expectation of just being funny, it's fun and makes life pretty easy for me, really. Doing a show in a theatre, is telling a story, creating a world in your imagination. Looking at the stage and saying "oh, that's Boswick the Clown's house" Even though, there are exit signs, lights hanging from the ceiling, black curtains.

So...after working on this, stressing, tossing and turning. I did the first 2 shows yesterday. There were, lots of technical problems on the first show. There were gags that didn't work, no laughs in parts I really like. It was a sold out show, (I did it as a fundraiser for the school my children went to as toddlers). People enjoyed it and gave me nice compliments.

I had an hour before the next show and just sat with it. I didn't love the show, it was "ok".

But the second show rocked. We only had 11 people. It was a show for a local charity I work with that provides housing for children's families while their children are in cancer treatment. I invited all the children but only one family took me up on it, and the children are huge fans, they have my videos and see me a lot (there are brothers and cousins with him). The young man got out of the hospital the night before because he so desperately wanted to see me. He's 14, which is interesting too.

The second show is why I do these things. Good works aside, the show really worked. My timing got in place, I got laughs, I began letting go of my regular style of performing (hey look at me or let's do a magic trick). I really created my world. There were a lot less technical problems. And it felt great.

The first show was a "preview" I had not done it in front of an audience, so that's what happens. The second show was opening night.

Last night, I slept like I was in a coffin. Ahhhhhh.

"Why work for agents?"

Agencies are awesome.

All I have to do, pick up the phone, mark in my calendar I'm going someplace, the information comes to me, I (hopefully) don't have to collect money, I don't pay for my own advertising or business cards it's great.

The one thing you have to make sure though, always contact the client. I always have to make sure what has been sold is actually me. I just describe what I do and double check the address and we're good to go. Sometimes the person working in an agents office thinks all clowns do the same thing. I have never face painted and I am a clown that specializes in shows. Not everyone does that.

If you don't have folks helping book you, you are missing out on lots and lots of money and fun. I can't rely completely on this source of income but it rounds things out nicely. Sometimes it pays a bit less than my direct booking. But I make way more in the off hours bookings. For instance, I rarely get called on Mother's Day for events. The events seem to be in country clubs. Certain agencies have this market tied up. So, working on that day is extra money.

Even for smaller acts like us, it's a good source of work!

"Getting Paid"

I'm not sure on this one. I'm such a nice guy a lot of times I just hang out smiling waiting to get paid.

There are short cuts, "Well, it's time to go" or "I hope everyone had a great time" But there are those that don't get the hint. I'm always torn how do I get out of here and still be nice. I end up staying a long time sometimes with parents running around cutting cake, giving out goodie bags.

I am not comfortable with prepayment. For company events, that's fine, it just feels a bit odd for a private home. I don't know, maybe I'm a bit warped on money but I want everything to go really well, have a big smile on everyone's face, get my check and go to the next event.

I'll figure this one out one day!

"OK, I've Rented a Theatre...Now What?"

In the middle of all this blogging and working and husbanding and fathering, I planned a theatre show.

Every Christmas, I rent a little theatre and do a show for kids and families, figuring, hey, The Nutcracker sells out, A Christmas Carol sells out, people will come see a Boswick the Clown Show!

Each year I do this, I have to ask. Why do a show in a theatre? I don't really think of myself as an artist, this reminds me that I am. There really is no good reason to do a theatre show. I always end up losing money and it's very stressful, the weeks leading up, will I have an audience? Are things ready? Will anyone laugh?

In the end though, it's creativity. I love having youngsters exposed to theatre. Theaters are special, spiritual places to me. There is a real magic when you walk in, see lights hanging from the ceiling, a curtain rising, intro music playing, then the theatre goes black and who knows what will happen? Whatever you witness, will never happen again, it's not tv and it's not a movie. It's a being in the moment experience.

This year I went full out on the Christmas theme. My plot is I have to get ready for a visit from Santa and boy do I get distracted. My basic message, you need to clean up for Santa to visit. And I make more and more of a mess.

I open this show in 6 days, I rehearsed for the first time in the theatre last night. I still have lots of shopping to do and there are technical problems all over the place. But I "think" it's a funny show. Funny thing about funny, you don't know till it's in front of an audience!

This year I've eliminated all audience interaction. I am creating a clown world and having fun in that world. That's the most scary part to me.

The best part? Both my sons do all my technical requirements. They are really the only people I trust. Even though they are very young, they have seen me so many times, they have great ideas and love being around it. There will be a time when my children are too old to do the shows with me, so I love the process I get to do right now.

My friend Nick who runs the theatre company where I do these shows asked me a very important question. What can you do in a theatre you couldn't do anywhere else. There's that magical question. I perform a lot of shows, so why do more? On my own dime for heaven's sake?

I can create a world. At least I can try and create a world for Boswick the Clown. I do this to myself year after year, because being a clown is a passion. Creating a world for Boswick the Clown.

"It's Natural For Kids To Be Shy..."

It's really funny that parents think that all kids should be less shy.

The thing is, kids that are on David Letterman are unusual...that's why they are on David Letterman. Most kids have a natural shyness, this is part of growing up.

We all have natural needs and defenses. I can't stand jewelry, I can hardly wear a watch. Yet, lots and lots of people love jewelry. Some people love to sit and read, others to be at bars or coffee houses and socialize. Some folks can't stand busses, because they hate being so close to others. Other people don't care one bit.

Children are just like this. But they are developing so they can't really put this into words. I've seen so many kids over the years that are laughing hysterically, I think they are having such a great time, I'll have them come up and help me with a trick. Suddenly they clam up.

They are having a great time, because it's more natural for them to be part of the audience laughing. That's who they are.

The way I work with children is knowing that everything they do is totally appropriate. If they are shy, this is who they are, if they are talkative, that's who they are. If they are creative, funny, like attention etc. That's what I work with because they are budding personalities. All these characteristics, I can bring out and have fun with. As we all age, we get layers and layers, it's just fun to work with the perfect little personality!

"Thoughts on Santa..."

What's amazing about being Santa, the look of pure wonder on people's faces. Yes, children are just enthralled with the magic but the adults, especially the older folks, have a wonderful glint in their eyes as I approach them. There is a smile in their eyes and I can see the child in there. I know that sounds a bit Miracle on 34th street but it's really something to see.

I mostly work in public. Over the holidays I work at the Hyatt Embarcadero in San Francisco every Saturday and Sunday through December. So, I see a cross section because the light display is open to everyone. The serious business men rushing to a meeting, the 80 year old married folks walking slowly across the lobby, the men with tattoo sleeves cutting through to get to Justin Herman Plaza. I get a glint of happiness from every one of them.

What I like about being Santa, bringing a magical character to life. Everyone has their own story regarding Santa. I've been a performer for so long I can read people and tell if they are social, or they work too much, or they are addicted to their cell phone, or they are the best dads in the world. If I know a little about them, I can bring their story to life, I incorporate what I see into their personal story. With children, I can bring up things like trains with boys, if I get a response, then talk a lot about the wonders of back hoes. With girls, the color pink is a good indicator of their personality. I can talk about princesses, clothes they like and their friends.

By profession, I've performed for children for 23 years. I know a lot about their development, their behavior and what will make them laugh. I can use all this knowledge I've garnered to make Santa very very real to them.

Mostly kids will sit in wonder on my lap and I can tell them a few stories or ask questions. This is very normal. They will answer questions about school and who their best friends are. Every 50th child will talk and talk and talk. They'll ask about elves and reindeer and how I know what they want and where is Rudolph. Sometimes they'll ask what kind of cookie I like. Oatmeal Cookies of course.

With kids that don't want to sit in my lap, I try and have one of the parents hold them and sit next to me with the child on the far arm. I'll mostly get the 2 year olds that don't want to sit in my lap. There is always a way. I'm pretty happy to recruit another parent to take a picture and I can stand with them in front of the Christmas tree and do a family shot. To get a good picture I come in from the side children are looking a different direction, so we can get a quick calm picture. The best way to get these kind of shots, just don't make a big deal about the photo. If the child is screaming, they calm for 2 seconds don't try and hand them off, it will never work. If the child is unhappy, just hold them and do a 3 or 4 person shot with Santa, it's equally cute. There's no "rule" a child has to be alone with Santa in a picture.

With children that are not sure. I say, I have a secret to tell them their parents can't hear. They slowly come up. I say they have to come a little closer because I'm going to whisper it. I can do this till I just gently lift them on my lap and whisper, Rudolph is on the roof of this building. I can do this because I know kids incredibly well, this one is pure experience.

Of course this is the luxury of working at the Hyatt. Company parties are pretty similar. I have time to do the magic.

I would also say, malls are just not the best place to get a picture. Nothing against them but as an adult, don't you hate waiting in line? Multiply that by a thousand and you know how a child feels when they get to the front of the line.

There are a lot of places to take pictures with Santa. I would check the mother's club links. Higher end places that advertise Santa for a short visit are likely the ones that will have a nicer display and more time for Santa to talk with the children. The nice thing too, you won't have to buy a photo package you may or may not want.

If your company is having Santa come in, encourage HR to splurge and go for a higher end Santa, it's well worth it. It's money well spent.

Christmas Eve is also very popular, I do a lot of house visits. That's a lot of fun, there are folks that do it year after year. It's not terribly expensive. If you were thinking of a private visit, I would either go with someone you've seen or use an agency to help you book it.

The toys this year. Lego lego lego. Lego has brilliantly marketed Star Wars Legos, Harry Potter Legos and Spiderman Legos. I can't fault that one, I like educational toys. Legos cover boys and girls, more boys a 70/30 split, girls definitely like Legos though. For girls, no surprise American Girl dolls. That's been a winner for years. Barbie of course, doll houses always big. Zu Zu pets, huge. Pillow pets, specifically the unicorn pillow pet, ugh boots. A lot of ipods, but I steer the kids away from ipods and Wii systems, that's a pretty expensive gift to promise. These are the name brands I hear a lot. But...

Bikes, roller blades, doll houses, stuffed animals, baby dolls, clothes a lot.

Despite what all the old codgers think, kids are the same as they were 50 years ago. Little girls like dolls, little boys like to build things. Not very pc of me but I'm the one hearing thousands of requests and I have no agenda, other than encouraging good behavior and I like toys that spur the imagination.

I get asked for kittens and puppies all the time. I can't promise a live animal unless the parents were planning on that one. (they'll whisper it in my ear or give me an obvious, "We're getting a dog this year" nod. But that's unusual). I just tell kids, my elves can't make living things, only toys, "Can you imagine my elves making puppies with a hammer and screwdriver?" They giggle at this. I offer them a nice stuffed kitten. Pretty simple.

The funny ones are cell phones. Around 8 years old they ask for phones a lot. The parents roll their eyes. I make a joke about monthly charges and they get it that's not happening!

I will get the kids asking for their dads to come home. For people that are sick to get better. I've had a little girl wanting her dad home from prison. I tell the kids, that person now has a special gift knowing you love them so much. They like to hear that, I've never had a follow up question after that, so they know they've been heard.

My philosophy of Santa is basically, Santa is the embodiment of pure love. Children 2 to 4 crave love in it's purest form. Older kids are more questioning but still know that someone is watching over them. Santa always knows they try to do the right thing, that's what makes them good girls and boys.

I do get handed letters to Santa. If it's not something the parents want to keep, I'll take it and carefully put it in my toy bag, showing the kids that's it's going to the North Pole. People are good at this. Let them kids draw a picture and write what they say.

"Giving Everything a Personality"

There is something terribly funny about getting mad at your hat. To me, this catches most everything fun and magical about a clown, it's the belief that everything around him helps or hinders his progress.

I think of the great Bello in Ringling Brothers circus for the last few years, climbs a sway pole (a 40 plus foot pole with a chair on top and sways from side to side). Things go wrong and they go right but it's the pole that helps him.

I have a friend that gets mad at a scarf. It's funny. I love when clowns turn away from a puppet and it makes fun of the clown and the clown tries to catch it.

The world of a clown makes all objects real, with personalities. The magic is that the audience follows along completely. No question, just yup, that ladder is causing trouble for that clown.

Knowing this magic, we can put it anywhere in the show. If you are doing the mismade flag, have a conversation with the blue silk that keeps falling on the ground, listen to it talk to you, then have an argument with it.

Bringing the little blue scarf to life will bring a huge change to the routine. Instead of just doing a "magic trick" you have the subtle story of the little blue scarf that won't do what you say, then joins in and becomes our greatest cymbal, the American flag. It's pretty powerful, you could end the routine and talk to the little blue part of the flag and give it your own applause.

I'm a juggler, I have handled my juggling items so many millions of times, I tend to dismiss them, I juggle and toss them aside. When I give them a little personality, my juggling clubs are partners in my show, then I can have fun with them have arguments, have them cooperate, then put them away carefully. Changes everything, makes me a very nice clown, when it's all done. Tossing my juggling clubs away afterward makes me less like-able.

"Setting Up Your Room"

As clowns, we are expected to perform anywhere and everywhere. Beautiful stages with spotlights to the corner of a kitchen. From a 3 ring circus to a hospital room full of equipment.

With children, there can be no distractions behind you. Sizing up a room, I set myself up, back to a wall or fireplace, kids in front. In birthday party situations, I get put in front of buffets, tubs with drinks, b b q's, televisions playing the 49rs game, the front door.

Sometimes things are less than ideal, I get in bad spots but I just go with it, do my best. Otherwise, I take a bit of control, ask a nearby television to be turned off (men yelling about bad calls in a football games is not what I want near me), move a large chair, so I can get in the corner of a living room, ask folks that are eating that I need their spot.

You have to make these decisions in a split second, no talking yourself out of them. Asking someone that has a plate of food with their kids in their lap, is borderline rude but the bigger picture is making the show work.

There is an important psychological factor in play with lots of the things I try and set up. If I can put the audience in the more open section of a room, there is a feeling of freedom. If I were in that open section and a group of kids were squished against the wall, they get the feeling of being trapped. Literally their backs against the wall.

Room arrangement is one of the biggest factors why I have little problem with the frightened child. That feeling of freedom means the timid child can watch comfortably feeling they can leave if they need. The worst situation, a child that is not sure of you, squished with a bunch of other kids, no place to go. No win.

The timid child will join in rapidly when they have the freedom to watch for two or three minutes. Pretty soon, they are the volunteers in the show to the amazement of the parents.

Most people have the same set up of their house; fireplace, coffee table, couch. Move the coffee table out of the way, if possible, no kids on the couch. The coffee table puts a literal barier in the way. It's like a castle moat. It makes your job of relating to the kids very difficult. Either move the coffee table or have someone move the coffee table. People will do it or help you, they understand on a gut level what you are doing. Take a look at the "reading area" of a kindergarten or preschool, you will never ever find anything but an open area. The teacher with their back to a bookshelf or wall.

Kids on couches is unavoidable but can be a distraction. They will start crawling on the arms, the top, bouncing, fighting for the throw pillows. It's generally easier in my set up to get them on the floor, backs leaning on the couch. If they start crawling up the couch mid show, I'll get the kids wiggling and reseat them. (no one would know what I was doing here, it's usually wrapped in a joke about doing a 70s dance about shaking your bootie. After they've shaken their bootie, they sit back down on the floor)

"Give Your Volunteer A Gift!"

Applause is pretty cool. I like it a lot. A gift is also nice.

With children you can think outside the box. I have a friend that gives the mouth coil he just used to a child, the kids all get excited and jealous.

I have a coloring page that I give kids. I also give heart shaped balloons, smiley balloons. Postcard of myself. My thought on give aways, it's nice to have one for all the kids at the end. My coloring page is age appropriate and of course has my contact information on the bottom.

I also like the coloring page, because I can customize it and put different contact information in case I was hired by someone that doesn't want me giving out my own business cards.

My coloring was made by a caricature artist. I paid about $25.

Children like getting things. It's part of their nature. Have fun with it.

"Everything Your Volunteer Does Is Correct!"

Ever had a kid onstage that went power crazy? Ran around, tried to hit you? Drew all the attention?

When a volunteer is with you onstage, it's all about them. Still, you don't want them to take over your show. A child that gets out of control, feels the power they have. If you get frustrated, they will start stealing your hat, getting in your stuff, becoming a gremlin.

If things aren't going right, then that's exactly the way they are supposed to go. If you continue trying to do your routine, it will never happen and it will be frustrating and embarrassing for the parents. No one knows what was supposed to happen, so chase them right back!

If a child says, "dumb clown" say yes, "I am a dumb clown! you must have read my business card!" The audience will think it's very funny that you agree with the terror on stage. Let them have the spotlight for a minute, then say something like, "my mentor...a big hand for Johnny!" or "A big hand for Johnny! You know if we could harness that energy, gas would be 50 cents a gallon!"

It doesn't really matter what you say in this situation as long as you give the stage over and give them applause.

Don't go into the trick you started. Start a different routine and get a new volunteer, you can return to the one you skipped later. To the audience, this looks as if it were supposed to go this way. If you draw attention to the fact that you couldn't get through the routine, it looks like you slipped up. A pretty easy fix really.

If you get a shy one with you. Do the same thing. It might be appropriate to let them sit down. When this happens, I get them big applause and tell everyone they are the bravest kid in the room for coming up! I usually have things I give to the volunteers in the show, I make sure when they sit down they get one directly from me.

If it feels like you can get some mileage out of keeping the shy one with you. Go through the routine, remembering now the show is about a shy kid that is with the clown. You have an opportunity to give this child huge hero status, they can correct everything you say and they will look very smart.

When you have a volunteer, you really don't know what they are going to do. Sure you have a good idea but you'll get lots of mishaps. A volunteer always does the right thing. If you make sure you acknowledge everything the volunteer says, does or reacts to, you've made it look like everything was planned perfectly.

I have had out of control children with me on stage many times, taking focus, doing nothing I asked them to do. So many times, people come up to me and ask if I know that child and did I plan it that way, because it was so funny.

I plan it because I just follow along. That's the fun of being a clown, you go with what's in front of you 100% all the time!

"How a Volunteer Changes Your Show!"

"Me me...pick me!"

You've got your volunteer on stage, now what?

This is really important. When there is a volunteer with you, the show now becomes about them. You may want the show to be about you but what the audience is looking at is that child up there with you. They are expecting something to happen, they are expecting the child to do something, they know you wouldn't have asked for someone if you that person was just going to stand there...

There are lots of performers that ignore the child on stage with them. They use them as a table with moving parts.

You can have fun with your volunteer. You can tease them, whatever style of show you have BUT the audience is on their side. If the child asks a question, repeat it so everyone can hear. Give the power of focus to that child. You will double, triple quadruple your laughs.

All the addressing the audience, do it straight to that child. "I have an empty bag" Show the volunteer. The audience changes rolls, they are witnessing a secret, through the volunteer...one of them!

And here's a little secret (shhh. it took me a lot of years to figure this one out). After you say, "a big hand for susie" guide them to their seat. If the child goes on their own. continue the applause till they actually sit down. Do a "another hand for susie" if they are finding their seat or going to their mom.

When you have your volunteer, the audience, the parents on your side, everything you do will be funnier because everyone completely loves you, because you have given ultimate respect for the child (or children) on stage with you!

"How To Choose a Volunteer"

Who wants to help with a magic trick?

There are all sorts of ways of phrasing that but generally it's somewhere in between I need a helper to who wants to help.

With children, it's really ok to spell out everything you are doing. "I'm going to make this handkerchief disappear" It works with children, they see a picture of an apple and the word apple is written above, that's the way the brain works.

Here's a little hint, don't pick the screaming, jumping up and down child. Do you really think they are going to come up with you and be any different. I also hate the idea of rewarding behavior like this. It means all the kids will try harder and be louder to get your attention. It's a pretty easy way to lose control.

Imagine you were in a preschool class and you wanted to choose the child to change the date on the calendar. You would choose a well behaved but excited child. The kid jumping up and down would knock the calendar off the wall.

If a child changes their mind, no big deal, if they come up then change their mind. Have everyone applaude them for being the bravest child there.

Choosing a volunteer is trusting your instincts. I trust eye contact a lot and body language. They are looking at me and they are in control but excited.

There are routines that will work better with boys than girls. Physical stuff or gross humor tends to work better if you do it with boys.

And just to let you know. As long as I've been doing this, I still sometimes choose the wrong volunteer. No one is immune, that's what's fun about live entertainment.

"Being In The Newspaper-Being on TV"

I have been on the local news umpteen times and I get in the paper a lot.

Here's the big secret, treat a camera like an audience member. I get on the local news because when I see a camera pointed toward me, I look straight into the lens and have a particular trick I do right to the camera. My trick? I juggle and hit myself in the head with my juggling clubs.

This action works because it's a quick clown story. You get the clown world in a fraction of a second. The camera people are coming up to me because every street faire or festival says "food, fun, clowns"

They do a one minutes story on how thousands of people went to the asparagus festival (real thing!). So my little bit always lands me on TV.

Those little TV appearances do nothing for my career by the way. I usually am reminded that I was on TV when my mother or my mother in law call very excited that they saw me on the news. I have never had a customer call or send an email saying they saw me. Nor has anyone ever hired me because I was on TV. But it's cool. Only only one TV appearance made me lots of money and boosted my career.

Same goes for newspapers. My go to move. I usually get in the paper again for juggling or for looking straight into the camera lens, crossing my eyes and making a swirly animal balloon. It's a good visual.

Now this move, did make me many many thousands of dollars. I was on a TV commercial for the yellow pages and this move got me on. They had a lot of different performers doing things on camera for the commercial. Most didn't make it into the final cut. They got paid to be there. I had a strong move that got me on screen. The rule for commercials, if you are on long enough to be recognized, you are payed royalties.

You should have something in your clown arsenal that says clown in one, two or three seconds...literally! Snap a balloon in your face and get mad. Have your little puppet scare you. pretend to eat a giant hotdog and enjoy it.

If you send me an email I will give you ideas as I hear about your character.

"Why I Love Barny"

Want to get a reaction? Say you love Barny in a group of adults. Want to get a really strong reaction? Start singing the Barny song to a group of 7 year olds. They will try and overpower you with "I hate you, you hate me, let's all kill Bar neeeee"

I'm just amazed that this character that is nearly universally loved by the very young is thoroughly hated after 1st grade.

This is what we can learn from Barny. Be accepting. Be forgiving, Be pure love.

To a 3 year old and please remember, Barny is for 3 year olds, what they crave, what drives them are hugs and love.

Barny was a phenomenon because the inventors put many elements together that children desire. Some would think this crass. I think it's nice and if it were easy, everyone would do it.

I remember a study of a little monkey that got no love, no touch no other monkey interaction. I saw pictures of this poor little monkey in a class I took in college, probably psychology. The experiment was pretty basic, deprive a young monkey of all interaction. The monkey was fed by a nipple.

The monkey clung to a pole for comfort. It needed love. The little monkey went crazy, never had a chance.

So look at Barny in a fresh way. Children need love, acceptance in it's purest form. They cling to it, long for it.

Our most enduring characters are of the same mold. Santa. The Tooth Fairy, Mr. Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, Barny. No judgement, no scolding just, you are a good boy or girl and I love you.

In performing, you can channel these icons. What is it about Santa that makes him so enduring? It's pretty powerful stuff if you are dealing with 2 and 3 year olds. To this age, they are unquestioning that a clown is fun, silly and their friend.

When I'm dealing with this age group, I think, what they crave is love, they can sit on my knee while I do magic.

Now the question why do older kids turn on Barny? Because with self knowledge comes judgement. As we judge we get embarrassed, even if a part of us still remembers how we felt about Barny. Who wants to be uncool and say they still like him?

For adults...Children do not sit around watching old Seinfeld episodes, it does not feed their needs in any way. Switch it around, we are just so far removed from Barny we are disgusted by something so sweet. Get over it. Look into the eyes of your child, they see magic.

"Special Folks I encounter!"

I encounter some of the most giving people doing what I do for a living. I wanted to write about Sabra, a woman that's been hiring me for many years.

The second Friday evening in December I reserve for Sabra. Sabra puts on a holiday bash at Kaiser in Santa Clara. The thing is she doesn't work there.

The party is for the kids that have cancer, their siblings, their aunts, their uncles, their grandparents, the nurses, the doctors, former patience, administration... This is a big party. Some of the kids are pretty sick but you wouldn't know it from all the happiness in the room.

Sabra works as a 911 dispatcher for the city of San Jose. She raises funds all year long through the police department so she can throw a holiday bash for 200 people every year. There is arts and crafts, presents for every child, Santa, food, drinks, ginger bread houses, decorations, The police bring in the trained dogs and do a demonstration for the kids and I'm humbled because somehow I became a highlight of this event. Hugs and screams of laughter.

Sabra throws this party because her daughter had leukemia. I've met her daughter, her daughter has children now of her own, she's probably 35 by now. Sabra made a promise to God that if he saved her daughter, she would take over this party every year. I don't know a lot about the details but Sabra has been doing this for probably 25 years.

Now that's a promise.

People think it's pretty neat that I work with kids. People think it's neat that "I do what I want" for a living. But you know what, it's pretty neat because I meet a lot of people like Sabra.

"The Kid Warm Up..."

Audiences are part of your show, as such they have to be organized. An audience is like another character in a play.

A lot of performing problem come from a disorganized audience. All performances organize an audience in some ways. When you go to see a play, lights dim, an announcement about cell phones and a curtain rises. The audience is all focuses on one thing. A comedian comes out, pauses...says, how's everyone doing tonight...as if I care. A circus ringmaster blows a whistle, the circus starts.

Clowns tend to be in more casual arenas, someone's living room, a classroom, a park. these are not performing areas, so it's incumbent upon us to really train an audience.

With children, part of the organization is often teaching children how to be an audience. We can have them clap their hands in unison, do a simon says sort of game or shake body parts. This focuses the kids and hopefully while you are doing one of these "games" they will learn when to talk out and when not to. You can even go over audience rules with children. I think we can be more clever than that and do rules in a fun way.

If you do a clever warm up, you can also return to it when you need. I like the body shaking (shake your hands, shake your face etc). When the kids are losing attention or get distracted by an airplane, there is a distracting child. They already know about the shaking from the beginning, I just return to it, it's an instant organization tool.

"What Was It Like To Become A Clown?...

Auditioning for Clown College was a focused crazy roller coaster for me.

I heard about the Clown College auditions in a local theatre magazine called "Theatre Bay Area". It had notices for auditions for plays. I showed my girlfriend, who later became my wife the notice, she thought I should do it.

The audition was pretty straightforward, movement, clown walks...things I had done in classes in college. By this point in my life, I knew I wanted to be a clown. I thought I wanted to be a stage clown. I was mad about Bill Irwin at this time of my life. He had won the Macarthur Genius Grant and he was from San Francisco I wanted to be just like him.

I received an application to fill out. Lots of questions, tiny boxes to fill in my answers. Plus, I had to have pictures of me. One picture in a bathing suit. I think about how confronting that might be to a lot of folks but clowns put it all out there! I took pictures in my boxers pretending I was naked!

I took the application process more seriously than any application I had ever done. There were question like what is your favorite move, why? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Pretty personal stuff. I made a copy of the application and spent nearly 3 weeks pouring over it, answering, then rewriting.

My favorite question and I almost missed this one, It was in the regular vital statistics section (age, height, social security number), a box to mark if you had served in the military. I had everything completed, when I noticed it said, if you checked no, why?

I loved these people. Because I had to really think about why I had not entered the military. It was one of the greatest questions I have ever been asked. Like they were paying attention. And I needed to really think about that one. I'm not a person against kids joining the military but why wasn't it for me? How do I say all my feelings in a sentence or two? That's clowning, how do you get a lot of story and emotion in a sentence of two?

That little moment of nearly missing that tiny question has framed my clown life. Number one, I tend to miss little details in my life and it's very frustrating for my family, I'm pretty oblivious to things around me. Two, I love thinking about odd details. Clowning is a never ending question for me of tiny details, how to stand? How to walk? How to enter a room? How to leave a room?

The day I learned I was accepted to clown college, I had stayed out late the night before. I was working in a theatre box office in San Francisco, I worked until the plays were done then hung out after. I was sharing this apartment with maybe 6 or more people paying $190 a week (ahhhh the days!). I was awoken by Steve Smith dean of clown college, saying in his wonderful voice, "congratulations, you've been accepted to clown college!"

Here's the hard part. I had also applied to a theatre clown school in Northern Northern California called the Del Arte School, a school that trains in the style of Comedia Del Arte. My heart sank a bit, I had to think about this. I stuttered thank you, I'm waiting to hear from The Del Arte School too before I know what I'm going to do.

Knowing Steve Smith's love of all things clown, this probably cemented me in his heart whatever I chose to do. I think it was obvious I was very serious about my training.

I went to work that day, talking to everyone, saying "I'm going to join the circus". It was perfectly weird for me. Perfect. It was a strange and exciting time, one way or another my life was changing for sure. From being on the fringe of the stage, college, box office, to being asked to train with Ringling Brothers. Wow, life was getting cool. I was really going to be in front of people performing.

When I returned from work that night, in my mail was the acceptance letter from both, clown college and The Del Arte School...

Talk about serendipitous!

Clown College had a fun envelope, it was filled with confetti. It was asking me to join the party. Del Arte, was more straight forward, an acceptance from a school.

I thought for a day and accepted Ringling. It was a gut thing, it was a money thing (Clown College offers free training, you just pay your food, lodging and transportation), biggest, it was that being part of the party! It was an elite party, few were asked to attend.

I really get chills writing about this. That phone call and letter shifted the direction of my life. I was thrilled and told everyone what I was doing, I didn't quite know that letter was The Good Witch saying "follow the Yellow Brick Road".

I was finding little bits of star confetti in that junky little apartment for months, I'm sure it still turns up. I can't see Mylar confetti without a very strong feeling, knowing something wonderful just happened.

Thank you Steve Smith, Thank you Ringling Brothers for a 23 year walk in Oz!

"Words That Will Get Kids Crazy!"

Here is the most cool part of kid's performing. Children listen. And they listen hard.

Kids have a tiny vocabulary but they are absorbing umpteen words a day, so all words are fun and the sillier the better.

I love Doctor Seuss. I loved reading Dr. Seuss books to my kids. I always think of him as more of a poet, his simplicity of language tied into his art is wonderfully surreal. I used to read the books wondering how many pages we would go before he made up a word. We don't get very far...

You can misuse words, you can make up words you can use words in the wrong order. The rules aren't in place. Children are still practicing please and thank you, they get verb tense wrong, it's ok, there is someone there to correct them, just don't let it be you.

There are words that are just funny. Poop. Well let's see, it's funny because you are saying poop. It's funny because it's got a popping sound to it, so it's funny. It's funny because it's taboo. It's funny because it's an easy word to rhyme. Blue-poo. Boot-poop. Goo- poo. Root - poop.

I know I stretched it a bit in there but so what.

Words are fun. I play with kids names. "what's your name?" "Michael" "Bicycle? Someone named you bicycle?" "Gracie" "Crazy? Really, your name is crazy?" "Paul" "Shopping Mall. Can I give you my credit card?"

When I do this with kids they start raising their hands in excitement, "do me, do me!" Drop your adult sensibility about making fun of names. Don't be mean, have fun with it.

I also turn it on myself. "My name is Boswick. What's my name?" Kids shout Boswick. "Buzz light year? No Boswick, say Boswick" kids are howling with laughter. They shout out Boswick. "Bob? No Boswick! say Boswick!" Kids can hardly sit up straight by this point.

Off beat rhyming. Similar sounding words, huge to kids. And guess what, it's stretching their brains, it's developmentally appropriate. Rhyming is getting these guys to be better readers. You get the laugh, they are going to do better for the rest of their life. I think that's a win win!

"Hey...I Just Do What I do..."

There are days I can't figure out why I do this crazy thing for a living. It doesn't pay all that well, most everyone I knew from high school or college or even the circus days, makes way more money than me.

There are days I just think I'm pretty self indulgent. I'm a middle aged man that dresses up for a living, I get upset at things like my whoopie cushion having a hole, so it doesn't work right. Or the price of balloons went up, or I would really like to grow a mustache but I can't because it would look weird under my make up.

I have no real choice in the matter when it comes down to it. My life's motivation is about performing. I imagine having lots of money...so that I could have a better show and a really goofy car to show up to events in. All lots of money would do for me would ease money tension but as much as I tie together my performing and what I charge, I would do it for free.

I bristle at being called an artist. I just do what I do. Artists are really cool, they change the world with beauty. I can't be an artist...I just do what I do.