Doing Something is Always Better Than Doing Nothing...

An old friend of mine gave advice many years ago.  Doing something is better than doing nothing.  

Meaning.  

If all you can do is get a business card from Office Max for $12 that says your name, that's better than waiting and waiting to do the perfect business card.  Or maybe do a simple web site rather than wait. 

Technology gets better but the same thing is always in the way.  To become an actor you need the perfect headshot. (blah blah blah)  To become a great magician you need a very expensive illusion (blah blah blah), to become a great clown you need the perfect costume, (blah blah blah).  To become a filmmaker I need really great equipment (blah blah blah) 

When the world ended a few weeks back I wanted to create virtual content.  I had all sorts of noise in my head about I need a good space to shoot, lights, someone that knows what they are doing.  But being unemployed and stuck at home with what I had.  I created something, because that's better than nothing. 

 didn't wait for a perfect studio and a perfect camera and perfect lighting.  I just started making.  

I just started...

And now...I am in a phase of my life now where I have never been so happy creatively.  I am doing the clowning I enjoy most.  Creating complete mayhem.  It turns out the best place to create this mayhem is in a controlled studio.  

When I start talking myself out of projects.  I remember what my friend Jay said.  Doing something is always better than doing nothing.  

My crazy little studio I created for a total of $28.  I had a lot of props and bits of paint in my garage.  I cleaned up a storage area and voila....

Designing A Routine...With Me As The Guinee Pig... Part 1

For the last two and a half years I've been performing in a very elaborate immersive theatrical show called The Speakeasy. 

I play...Bosley The Magnificent.  A ne'er do well drunk magician that gets in lots of trouble.  you may notice the resemblance to my name Boswick...Bosley.  Get it. 

I have a number of stage routines I do in our cabaret. 

The show is going through a rewrite and Nick (the creator of the show) has me doing some other routines as he cuts actors.  At our high point we had 38 actors.  We are a mere 25 now. 

So he said for my new contract.  I can do my magic act, we'll expand it a bit to cover time, And he said, you do a juggling act. 

Now. I'm a good juggler.  By clown standards I'm good.  By juggler standards, I'm a beginner.  mediocre at best.

The question in my lap.  How do I create a 5 to 6 minute silent juggling routine?

I watched a few vaudeville comedy jugglers on youtube.  But I realized I can cobble together a few vaudeville routines using my strength as a clown and mediocre juggler.  Just doing one or two tricks but leading up to these tricks in a huge comic way. 

I did a very large show in Chinatown the other day for a group of about 200 plus kids and their families.  The timing was off, they had me waiting in a back banquet room for about 45 minutes.  So I started playing with comic movements.  There was a mirror for decoration I could play into. 

Using this blog.  I'm going to map out this routine and the progress or lack there of in writing.  I've been avoiding rehearsing.  Because that's more natural than actually rehearsing. 

On paper this is what I have.

Enter with cane.  Do some physical bits with cane ala Charlie Chaplin.

Do a hat trick.  Notice the audience likes it build to a fancier one.  Do a series.  The drummer in the band get ahead of me, I get mad at the drummer. 

List of hat tricks.
-flip to head
-high flip to head
-roll down back
-roll down arm
-hat balanced on top of cane, pull cane away hat lands on head
balance hat on nose
wipe sweat with arm, notice hat is gone grab hat in teeth flip it to head
flip hat to hand fully stretched up, let fall to low hand.

Tricks, I'd like to put in. 
flip hat from foot to head
throw hat to coat rack. 

These are tricks I can do but not consistently.

Here's what's happening in my head as i picture the combination. 

Speed of these tricks, how do they blend together so I can repeat but not right after each other. 

So. Enter stage. take a bow.  twirl cane.  hang up cane.  roll hat down arm, flip on head, roll down back.  start to walk off.  Elicit  audience to start applauding.  Enjoy, then do the same routine adding another element.  Then do a whole fast hat routine ending with a hat on top of a cane on my chin.  pull hat away, hat lands on head. 

This is part 1.  I'll try this tomorrow between gigs.  in the morning I am Santa, in the afternoon I have a show in a school.  The school will be a nice place to try this new routine.  The kids don't really notice if i mess up, they think it's funny and since I am in character, I'll have fun with it.  

I've Become A Big Fat Clown...

The hazard of my job...

Pizza...Cupcakes...hotdogs...goodie bags...slices of cake...2 liter Pepsi bottles...

I have very little self control in regard to food. I love sweet things (Hey baby...How you doin'?)

I do a lot of business at home.  (Funny business?  Nah too easy).  I often pace around my house eating and thinking.  I'll say to myself "I'll have one cookie, that can't hurt.."  One cookie always always turns into an entire bag.  Because.  I'm a pig.  

I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and holy fat man bat man I am fatter than I've ever been.  

So here I am like my mother my entire childhood.  On a diet.  (My mother has been on every diet known to fat Americans.)

And because I'm obsessive.  I downloaded an app.  Because I'm obsessive I enter everything on that app.  Because I'm obsessive I mostly quit eating.  

My guess is that I've lost about 12 pounds.  I am one notch closer on my belt.  That's good.  It's a guess because my bathroom scale is a liar.  

But not one person has said to me.  Did you lose weight? I mean 12 pounds?  I should have one person coming up to me saying it.    

I must be fatter than I thought.  

My goal was losing 20 pounds in three months.  

My new goal my birth weight.  I was a 9 pound baby.  That's pretty fat. 

There's Always Time To Rehearse...

I have an audition tomorrow.

An agent.  I'm big timing.

With every ounce of my being, I am trying to wing it, to rely on my charm.

mid sentence working on my monologue

I'm fighting through.  I'd like to have everything planned out.  The audition piece well prepared. I'm going to do a magic trick, because, who does magic tricks at an audition?  I have to pick the trick and be ready to bring it.

I have fought every day preparing my audition piece.  I think it's in good shape.  I'm not sure what else to do with it other than try it in front of some other actors.

This time tomorrow I will have new representation for commercials and movies.

The audition process is pretty odd.  I'm not sure I care all that much about commercials, other than the money.  But there is something so competitive in me, I want them and I want them bad.

Creatively, I'd much rather be in a movie or TV.

The reality is this also happens to be San Francisco.  You get to audition for TV and movies but it's usually small one line roles.  "Have you decided what you'll have this evening?"  Larger roles tend to be cast in LA.

I'm nervous, I'm excited and I'm fighting through my own insecurities to just go in and be good and be funny.  Be charming and be likable.  That's who I am.

I also have a new idea for a video series.  It's a continuation of "hey Mr. Sub..."  But we'll see what it's like to be an actor.

I'll try it tomorrow.  I have an audition.  That's a cool premise.  I also am in a show called The Speakeasy three or more nights every week for the last year and half.  I can talk about all that craziness too.

I'm off track.  Wish me luck or break a leg or bump a nose...

My Battle To Get An Agent Part III....

I'm a little taken aback.  Had a call this morning from Look Talent to come in to meet.

That clears all the clouds from my head.  I was feeling sort of down about myself.

I have an audition

I like to do the game on my own terms.  That's a hard way to live.

Sure, I've been able to eek out a living all these years but there are places it's so much easier to just do what people tell you and not do it your own way.

I used my resources for getting an agent.  I spent hours going over my resume and the format.  I sent it to Elle, (my son's girlfriend that works in a talent agency) to critique.  I did exactly what she told me.  No judgment, just do what she said.

Now, Look wants to see me.  She said prepare a monologue.

I've been working on my monologue for a few days getting it memorized.  Now it's time to work on it back and forth and side to side.  Do all the actor stuff.  Backstory, intentions, beats.  I tend to be a lazy actor because I have a lot of stage time and I'm "charming" on stage.  It's what I hear a lot.  I've got a little boys sensibilities.  So, I'm likable.

Which is great for TV commercials.

The rest of the game, I just have to do no questions...

I need new photos.  There are all these places you publish your photos, resume, special skills.  I have never bought into it too much.  If they need a mime, I figure they'll call.  

Here's the thing.  I really like performing.  More than that, I need to perform, it's what keeps me going and fighting my internal demons.  Auditions are little performances.  I get that little high of a performance.

This is exciting.  I've had a commercial agent for 15 plus years.  Now it's time to take it seriously.

Gonna Write a Book Today...

As my two followers know, it's hard for me to get motivated.  Hard to get moving.

I was taking a shower (because I'm fancy).  Here is a preview of my body.

what a man...

I'm just having a hard time moving the last few...(years.  damn, who am I kidding?)

I says to my self I says...I'll write a book today.

So I am.  That's sort of all it takes really.  You just say, I'll write a book and you do it.

Actually I have a great comedy book I've put aside.  I think it's really funny but no publishers wanted to touch it.  I sent out the idea years ago and got a bunch of no thank yous.

The big book of snotty comebacks.  It's comebacks to normal questions.  No connection to Snappy answers to stupid questions.  Any such connection is a lie and merely coincidence.

I wrote this thing years ago when I was substitute teaching.  I know that 4th grade boys (which I have the same mental level).  Would love the snottiness of this book.

My ideal is to get this into Scholastic.  Because you know all those book fairs.  4th graders would love it. I'd make a million dollars and I'd be done.

Actually, it would be just cool.

So, today I'll write a book.  It will be snotty but today, I'll write a book.  

My Battle To Get An Agent ....part II

I've had a commercial acting agent for 15 or more years.  She retired and closed up her company.  I've been working on my resume and cover letter for days.  I started off slowly, grumbling under my breath about how lame my life has become.  To this is pretty fun.  I can't wait to do more auditions.

I went through all the pay stubs from all the commercial acting I've ever done.

It's pretty nifty.  Lots of things I actually forgot about.

I did a thing for BMW where I'm a mime, the car goes by and I say "WOW"  That was neat.

I did a thing for Safeway stores where I talk about all the St Patrick's Day recipes we have.  The fun of that job.  We shot it at a huge Safeway in the middle of the night.  People came up to me asking where items were.

I did a thing for Harvard teaching people to not harass co-workers.  I don't think it worked.

My first commercial was for The Smart Yellow Pages.  That played for 3 years.  I had a stack of residual payments.  It didn't seem like a big deal at the time.  I would get checks for $300 some every other month.  But that's a bunch in the end.

I just sent off the last letter to the agencies in San Francisco.

I was at the All Star Game. They hired Union Actors because we appeared on TV.  

From a Commercial For Nissan

I did what I never do.  I asked for help.  My son's girlfriend works in an agency in NYC.  I asked her to look at the letter for me and my resume.

She gave me small tips and said it would get past the receptionist in her agency.  That's good to know.

Lesson:  Got an expert in your life.  Ask for help.

I've preemptively begun working on my audition monologue.

It's from the play Harvey.  It's fun and whimsical.

I'll do that and a magic trick.  That always gets me in the door.

As I grumbled through this process I am realizing I'm excited about auditioning again.  About giving this a try.

Auditions are terrible.  And not for the reason you think.  What's awful is you think and think about it as you walk to your car.  Then you go to bed and say "I should have..."  "Why didn't I..."  And for days after till it slowly disappears.

They are always very nice in auditions, they really want you to do well.  It's not like they show on tv.


Wish me luck.  

The King Of Lists...

I get depression...

Big time.

Sometimes hard to get out of bed.  I lay there playing candy crush on my phone.  My dog licking my face wanting to get emptied.

So...I make lists.  Tons of them.  This is how I get over myself.  Some people drink.  Some people exercise.  I make lists.

When the depression hits hard.  I time myself.  "I'm going to clean my house, go to the bank, do the dishes, make coffee for tomorrow, put everything in my car for my show this afternoon in .... 15 minutes".  "I'll do all the dishes in 4 minutes".  "I'll do my show contracts in 3 minutes or less"...

Side note:  it's very cool apple added seconds to the timer.  It's a lot more fun to time yourself doing dishes at 3:17 seconds.

This time of year, January, it's very slow.  Not a lot of shows.  So I sit around moping.  I'm making lists in order to keep moving...

I just noticed the title of my blog.  Boswick the Clown.  This isn't very funny.

I'll put it on my list to be more funny.  I can do it in 30 seconds or less.

Clown walks into a bar asks for a beer. Bartender looks him up and down and says ok...but no funny business.

Clown goes into a car dealer.  Dealer shows him a Smart car.  Clown says, I'll take it but I don't know what I'm going to do with all the extra room.

Clown goes into a shoe store.  Says got gimme 2 bananas?  Shoe salesman says, this isn't a fruit stand, it's a shoe store.  I know. I was looking for a pair of slippers.

I'm Motivated Again...Sort Of....

I'm going to give my love to Silly Billy right now.

I've met him twice.  I imagine he knows who I am because of the article in NY Magazine about me and he lives in NYC.

He sent an email a few days ago with a free tiny book to read.  I know it's promo and he wants us to buy his stuff but gd if he didn't hit home.

His 8 page book was about what to do in the slow times.  My work is so slow right now, I'm doing a whole lot of nothing.

It was as if he was talking to me.

-Go watch that magic DVD that's still in plastic (I have a DVD I bought 6 weeks ago sitting on my desk)

-Is your business card out of date?  Are you handwriting your new email on the back?  (My look has entirely changed, I'm still using my card from 10 or more years ago and I've changed my email)

-Is your web site out of date?  (I had a new web site done a year ago. It was never done right it's a mess.  My forms don't work, there are words on the top of my face.  I've just been living with it)

Silly Billy's email sat in my inbox for a week.  (I should read this thing...)

It has felt like my performing life is over.  It's been so slow.  I did a ton of work in December but a lot of Santas, take a look at my last blog post to see how I feel about that.

I want to do large shows for kids and their parents in a theatre setting.  I want to do a kids channel on the internet.  (So what are doing to further this?)

Not much.  Moping a lot.  That's something isn't it?

I spent most of yesterday talking to my web designer about my site and my new business cards.

Now, it's time to watch that DVD that's sitting on my desk....

It's time to read Silly Billy's book again.  (Seriously Silly.  Go buy it if you don't own it).

Working On My Website....La Da Dee...La Da Dum...

Sit around for three or more minutes with variety performers and they will start talking about their web sites.  The problems, the expense but mostly.  "I really have to update it"  

It's time consuming and you seldom get what is in your head onto the page.   

When I search I want easy navigation and easy to contact someone.  

I have been doing my new web site for the bast 10 months.  (I've gone through 2 designers).  My first designer kept getting angry with me.  It was a very strange experience being you know...the one paying them.  They did a mediocre job.  I fired them without telling them I fired them.  Because I'm a wimp. 

I hired another company recently to fix things up.  I like this guy a lot better. 

Neither of these companies is in the US.  The first one was in India, the one I'm currently using is in Pakistan.   For someone like me, the pricing works,  I can't afford much more.  When I'm done, it will be about a thousand bucks all done.  

Politics out of the way.  I believe in a world economy. The world shrank many years ago.   Economies change with borders.  I was in Japan when the dollar bought nothing.  A cheap meal started at about $17.  And this was in the late 1980s.  It was very expensive, I was performing there on $350 a week.  I also spent time performing in the Philippines where my dollar made me feel like a millionaire.  I took a cab 4 miles for just over a dollar.  In both these places, people just lived. 

As I looked at the designs of web sites, very few performers have good sites.  If you're looking for good designs go outside of the entertainment field.  Entertainer sites are muddy, they are hard to figure out what the person is selling.  

My message:  Boswick is a highly trained seasoned performer. He will bring mirth magic and laughter to your next event...He'll also do birthday parities. 

Now, honestly, most of my shows are kid's birthday parties.  But I like that feeling that I'll step down from my pedestal to entertain.  It works less and less the longer I've been around.  Most people hiring now are native to the internet.  They don't remember a time they used Yellow Pages or local Parents Magazines to look for ads to help them. The Yellow pages were easy.  Just have the best ad on the page, you got hired. 

In our world I look the same as someone that is newer to the kid's entertainment world.  I'm not the same, I've been around a long time and have honed my comedy to a sharp edge.  

Unfortunately most people are trained by Amazon where a Sony TV looks about the same as a Vizio TV.  (I have been thinking about getting a new TV)

Here's the thing.  A Toyota looks about the same as a Hyundai or a Kia.  But a Toyota is a lot more.  

I own a Toyota because they are just better.  I learned this way back. I've rented a few Hyundais.  They aren't nearly as good.  (sorry Hyundai owners).  I also figured a cars a car and bought a Mazda some years ago.  I was stuck with that thing for 8 years till it committed suicide. Then I got myself a nice Toyota.  

For similar web sites,  I looked at kids shoe sites.  That seemed close to what I wanted.  I also looked at children's dentists.  Mostly terrible but a few were very easy to navigate.  Children's dentist seemed close. Easy to send a question or make an appointment.  That's pretty much what I do.  

My son made a new video for me. We used my annual theatre show to get footage.  I have a new look, no clown nose, very little make up.  

I got a bunch of really nice photos from an amazing photographer that thought I was so funny, he followed me around for a charity event I was doing.  Then gave me all the photos to do what I would.  Greatest gift in the world. Now there's a gift!

I have to accept a web site is always a work in progress.  I want it to be a big brochure. It's frustrating.

I don't really like working on it.  But how do I stand out?  It's gotta be your web site.  

If you're reading this looking for advice.  Front page with a picture that tells a story.  Easy links.  Birthday parties, about me, why I love what I do... Not too many.  Easy to read. Check to see it works on your phone. 

A phone number and email on each page, easy to see and click on.  I hate it when I'm on a web site and I have a specific question but I have to use a form.  

But have the forms.  Don't make the forms hard to use.  If someone doesn't want to fill out the whole form don't make them.  My only required items are email and date of event.  

Wish me luck.  I'll be done in five or ten years. 

No Elbow Room...

I had an injury.  It hurt...it still hurts.

I hurt my elbow.

Whaa.

I was teaching at the School Of the Arts in San Francisco.  "Clowning and circus skills."  I was helping a giant 9th grader, (a big un).  A super sweet kid but a big kid.

When I started teaching, I didn't realize how many kids never did gymnastics.  I thought all kids did it, either in preschool or classes.  A bunch of my kids never did a summersault or cartwheel.  Very foreign to my way of looking at life.

Life is a tumble.  I used to do summersaults on our back lawn.  I think I learned a cartwheel in elementary school, I can't remember because I could always do it.

I spent a lot of my life trying to learn to walk on my hands.  Which I learned, I was pretty good at it.  I don't do it much now.

Because...I'm too fat to hold up my weight anymore and...

I hurt my gd elbow!

The giant 9th grader in fact did.

As part of my kids show, I take little kids and create a circus.  I help them roll.  But you know they are five not two hundred and five like my giant 9th grader.

I've been impervious to most injuries.  I've done Aikido forever.  My knees pop a lot but I can still do most everything.

Except, walk on my hands because my elbow hurts.
Carry my show because my elbow hurts.
Get high fives from kids because my elbow hurts.
Sleep without waking up because my elbow hurts.
Do Aikido

I was spotting the giant 9th grader.  (helping him go over his own head without wrenching his neck). He went sideways and took my arm with him on a little guided adventure.

It hurt. A lot but I've been hurt a lot in my career.

One time doing a fall off a chair, I hit the corner of the chair on my ass.  Now that hurt.

The giant 9th grader just caused a lot of aching.

I finally decided I should see a doctor after about a year and 3 months of agonizing and complaining..  But you know...i'm a dude.  My friend Bill said, oh yeah, I had that, you need an operation to reattach the tendon.  damn...

I went in, told the doctor I needed an operation.  He said, "I wish you people would quit talking to each other...you have tennis elbow"  he gave me cortisone vwalah.

That was good for two months.  The pain returned with a horrible vengeance.

A hundred web sites later.  I emailed the doctor and asked if I could see a physical therapist.

This is so stupid, I thought physical therapy was the last resort.  OMG, I should have done this first.

My new hero Becky.  Did all sorts of detective work.  No tears, but lots of weak muscles in the elbow area from my body protecting itself.  (stupid body)

My hero Becky found I injured my elbow and an area of my neck.  (stupid giant 9th grader)

My hero Becky gave me stretches and strengthening exercises.

My hero Becky pushed on spots on my neck that made my toes flinch.  (ouch)

We set goals.  First.  To get high fives from the wee ones.  Got that
To carry my stuff into a show without pain.  Better
And to return to Aikido.  That scared me.

This last week, I not only returned I've taken 5 classes, it's so fun.  I'm in there without competition just enjoying the art and blowing cholesterol out of my arteries.  I'm a very competitive person, so I like trying to get higher degrees.

My elbow was a great excuse.  I gave up.  It was a perfect symptom.  I didn't have to do Aikido and be social with all those go getters.  I didn't have to work on video projects, I didn't have to write, I didn't have to work on clowning.  I have been in a depression for nearly two years.  My elbow injury was perfect cover.  A perfect way of not moving.  Physically and metaphorically.

Outside forces are great at messing us up.  Those little voices inside my head were loud and they got control.

F the little voices.  I'm back.  

Clown Closure... Or Fame, What Fame?

Exactly one year ago, I was about to be famous.  My life changed.

Have a TV show...

Do shows around the world...

Be a guest on Terry Gross...

This profile of me came out last May  http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

I mean.  Come on.  Executives in New York are going to have to see this and notice how funny I am.

For a year, nothing has happened.  I mean.  Nothing.  I was mentioned on Twitter a bit.  No other writers followed up.  No TV shows, no one asking me to fly in to do their kid's faire.

This last week, I went to New York for my sons college graduation.  (So proud...so sad).  One of the things I really had to do was meet with Benjamin the writer of the story.  I have had so many conversations with him in my head.  I've had so many nights that I was mad at myself for doing the wrong thing.  Saying the wrong thing.  Bringing him to the wrong place.  Why didn't I set up more shows? He didn't see me do any large school shows, a place where I kill.

I met Benjamin for lunch.  He was an entirely different person.  Because he wasn't focused on me, he was just this super nice, smart interesting guy, who knows a lot about me.  But we're not friends.

I left our lunch with a sense of relief.  As important as I think I am.  To him, it was a story.  He may like me, he may like what I do.  But I have effected him very little.  What I want is to effect people and events.  It's important to me.

So for the year while I waited for someone to notice me.  I have become a clown no forward momentum.

This is why closure is so important.   I can move forward.  I can work on my latest joke book.  I haven't worked on my video blog in way over a year.  I love video.  My videos are also very funny.

It was cool to have this thing done about me.  I'm not as important as I think.

But what I love doing is being creative.  I stopped being creative this past year.  Writing joke books, making funny videos, working on a script for a children's tv show.  All things I do.  I need them in order to feel like myself.  I am pretty classic in my depression.  I've always suffered from it.  How I cope is to create.  It's like taking drugs.  Which is probably true.  I imagine when I get focused and excited about a project, I get a little burst of adrenaline in my blood stream, feels good.

As busy as this last week was. My son graduating, seeing him as much as I could.  Seeing people I haven't seen in a while.  Exploring New York.  I am glad I made closure a priority.  I highly recommend it.  

You're Up. The Big Audition...

I had an audition on Monday for the TV show Sense 8.

I got the audition on a Thursday.  Told them the time was wrong because I teach my clowning class at a high school.

I used to audition a lot.  I'd move life, kids, shows, school, seeing my mother...everything to go to the audition.

this time I didn't care.  I only get one or two of these a year so the odds are really stacked against me.

Which is no excuse.

All very good stories in my brain.

I had a script to practice.  I didn't even look at it till the day before.  Then did some small memorizing, thinking who cares anyway I'm not getting this.

It turns out, it is a really good part.  the person auditioning me, said I have a really good quality for the character they are looking for.

But I was ill prepared.

I forgot my rules.  if you are going to do it. Do it well.  You are not only trying to do a good job but impress the casting person. The casting person is the one that can think of you the next time.

I did not fully memorize the script.  I was ok but so so.  I also should have broken down the script, made acting choices on each line.

Blown opportunity.  I am so mad at myself.  There is no one to blame but me.  Preparing for an audition is really good acting practice.  Even if I didn't get the part, a good opportunity to just practice the craft of acting.

oy.

The New Year...Now What? Resolutions Shesolutions...

Have a New Years Resolution?

I don't.  I never do, my entire life is a big resolution.  Do more, do better, stop eating all the time.

I am so lucky I am not predisposed toward fat.  Everyday I say, only fruit and vegetables.  Then I find cookies, candy, chocolate milk powder, Honey Nut Cheerios.

I do this starting at 2 in the afternoon.

My New Years Resolution.  Eat breakfast, maybe then I won't be a pig.

My friend Jay says, make a list do the hardest 3 on the list, the rest take care of themselves.

It's a good resolution.  I am applying for a loan.  I just don't want to do it.  I forced myself today and got nearly everything sent to the loan officer.  That's cool.

The second.  Write.  This blog weighs heavily on my mind.  So check, I'm doing it.  Hey this is meta.
I'm lying though, I put on all the other stuff that I do everyday.  I made my bed, made coffee for tomorrow, did the dishes.

My resolution. 1 thing a day I've been putting off.  Like starting taxes.  Nah, I'll wait...

Pacing...

Question from Mariposa Blessings.

She wrote about long hours of face painting and how to keep yourself healthy.

I'll have to start with my answer, I don't think there's an answer.

The problem is us.  Me, you, all of us.  We are not capable of knowing our limits.  Someone says, 5 hours of strolling magic/balloons/juggling/face painting/games, we say yes.  They say, oh, can you work an extra two hours.   We say yes.

I have a poverty mentality, I am so not sure where my next paycheck is coming from, I'll say yes to anything.  That's not a bad thing.  I've ended up in crazy situations because I am willing to do anything, anywhere, for any price.  That's how I ended up in the Philippines and on commercials.  I just do.

Here's the reality though.  It's really hard on my body.

If you are willing to hear advice this goes to me as well.  Pace yourself.  If you are hired for 6 hours, take breaks.  When you entertain, your brain is working at 6x speed.  Take 10 minutes an hour to get a snack.  Don't look at your phone during the break. Water not sugar drinks.

If you take a long job, divide it up.  I doubt a client will go for this but you should only work in 3 hour sessions.  After years of doing this, I think 3 is max.  You can be funny energetic and make everyone happy in three hours.  After that  you get a dull look on your face.  A plastered smile.

The rest is just talking to the air.  Eat well, go the gym, get lots of rest.  Like any of us are going to do that.

I know I won't follow any of these words, I'm just too scared of not getting work.

I do a full body costume character for a company.  They fly me around to do it.  It's very flattering to be the guy they trust.  I am at a convention in two weeks.  I end up doing 14 hour stretches for three days in the fur. It's completely stupid.  But I'm good at it and it's a bunch of money.

My best advice, just pace yourself.  Take breaks, don't drink soda, when you feel your smile is fake.  Take a break.

Mimes Are Awesome...

I am unapologetic about how much I love mimes.

Mimes got a bad rap a few years ago.  I'm not sure why.  How often do you actually see a mime?  I study mime, love mime and I only see a mime every couple of years.

Every once and a while I get hired as a strolling mime.  I get so nervous.  I get nervous about my skill level, will people try and hurt me, do people really hate mimes.  Will they hate me?

I did a fancy cocktail party a few days ago. Just so fun.

Mime is such a pretty character.  It's also non-threatening.  It's a quiet character and people just want to hug you and take pictures.  It's fun with the silence to make people laugh.

I've studied mime.  Not for years but I love the classes when I get to do them.  It compliments my art form hugely.  Mime is just the pure study of the body on stage.  Incredibly geeky.  It's not about the rope and box.  Mime is about the space you take when you are on stage.  This applies to actors, clowns, musicians, stand up comedians.  Any body on a stage.

When I go out as a mime, I get really nervous because I won't have all my verbal stuff available to me.  I really don't need it.  I am just a funny guy.  I have a lot of gags available to me.  I have facial expressions, I have body mechanics.  I'm also good at make-up.  My costumes look good and I'm just cute.

It's a challenge but a good one.

For cocktail parties it's just a wonderful character roaming around making people smile.  More corporate events should have a mime while people are mingling.

Cramped Hands and Swallowing My Pride...

Way back there was a thing called "Take Your Daughters To Work Day".

It lasted about two or three years.

Then it became "Take Your Kids To Work Day"

And it lasted about two or three years.

I did shows for the employees kids at hospitals, law offices, Cisco, Google, Ebay.  It was a busy time.

These days I get a few inquiries, not much.  The biggie every year is Google.  I used to do these big shows for the kids.  Then it slowed to mostly balloons.   There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of kids.  So I was one of maybe 10 balloon makers scattered around a giant field as the kids got hot dogs, played games went bouncing.  I was payed skunk.  I was just one of the many.  

Yesterday, I worked as a "high end" balloon maker with an old friend/acquaintance.  He's gotten bigger and bigger. He's really into balloons.  That's his thing.

I like the comedy of balloons, the magic of taking a tube and making it into a teddy bear.  That's pretty cool to me.  I like using the skill for a laugh or a smile.

For the gig.  There were 4 of us.  We had to do three pre-approved designs in Google colors.  I wanted to barf.  I hate being told what to do.  I wanted to destroy the event with my comedy with all my soul.  I wanted to create mayhem and bite the hand that was feeding me.

...I did what I was told.

Doing what I was told was to learn some very specific elaborate balloons.  The Google Android.  The Google bicycle and a Google flower.  Each of these took 4 to 5 balloons.

The night before, we got together to create and learn so we were all on the same page, it wouldn't  matter which balloon maker you went to, we were all doing the same choices.

My competitiveness was scrunched.  I couldn't be the funniest guy in the room.  I wasn't allowed.

I really need the gig, I really need the money.  I have to take everything that comes my way.  Honestly, if I were to start again, I would never go into this line of work.  This art.  I have never made much money.  The art side of me doesn't care, the dad cares a lot.

I do what I'm told... sometimes.

The gig was totally fun.  I learned some very cool new balloons.  I had fun with the kids and Google gave me a great lunch.  My friend Rob that booked me loved me, he's hiring a lot more, so I'm in on that front.  Being a team player will get me more work.  

All in all.  I'm my worst enemy.  I think I'm so important.  But you know what, it's pretty fun to make children happy. Whether it's as a clown or handing them a Google Android made in Google colors.

Go See Your Friends Perform...

For a big chunk of last year, I worked on a one man show.  Not for kids but for adults.

It was emotional for me.  Personal.  I thought this show would be a new direction in my performing life.  The combination of acting, stand up comedy, story telling and clowning.

Most people I know missed it.  Or treated it like it was a choice.

If someone lets you know about their performance, I don't believe you have a choice in going or not going.  It's on the level of "Are you coming to my wedding?"  "Are you coming to my son's Bar Mitzvah?"

As long as I've been performing, I still get nervous.  If there are people in the audience I know, I'm really nervous.  I have my entire being at stake.  My ego is taking a hit in a big way.

My one man show was extra personal.  It's been a number of months and I'm still hurt at how people didn't go out of their way to come.  I didn't do one show, I did 7 shows.  That's a lot to choose from.

My sons have both told me what an important lesson they've learned by my insisting they go see their friends in shows.  I don't get a lot of acknowledgement for my parenting but this one they both get.

Both my sons go out of their way and will apologize to a friend if there is a conflict they can't get out of.  They've both told me how they don't understand other friends that don't bother.

I took my son a couple of weeks ago to his friends play.  It was a teenage version of Les Miserables.  On paper I was thinking "oh God...".    It was 45 minutes away.  The girl's parents were beside themselves that I would come all that way to support their daughter.  I know.  It's who I am.

The best part.  It was great.  I loved it. I had a great time.

If you miss someone's show, it's done and gone.  It's not a photo, or a video.  It's gone into the air.  You can never see it.

If you just go.  It means so much to that person.  Good or bad has no relevance to me in the going.  It's just support, it's emotional support.  It's what we do for each other.

What bugs me so much about the friends that didn't come to my show.  I've been to their shows.  Because I always do.  This is not a one way street.

After my experience it hurt my relationship with a number of people.  Not to the point to where I will say something.  But I view them very differently.

I've always been confused by the idea of thick skin as a performer.  I've never gotten used to rejection.  I've never not been nervous.  I've never not cared what people think of me.  I don't think I ever will.  I have a very thin skin.  Stuff hurts.  I think it does for all of us.

Go support each other.   Get off the couch and go.

Just Show Up...

I've been doing Aikido for a long long time.

I am a second degree black belt in Aikido which means

Toughest Clown in San Francisco!

I'd still cover my crotch and roll up in a ball if I were ever in a fight.  Aikido is like violent Yoga.

I got better and better at Aikido because I just kept showing up.  I go 3 to 5 times per week.  Every time I go, it's a struggle.  "I don't feel like it, I'm no good at this, I just want to relax today"...Head voices.

I show up and the rest takes care of itself. Aikido is a frustrating activity.  Often, I don't do well.  I don't understand the instruction or I'm not clicking.  But I show up.  And I get better.  It just happens.

This is how I got better and better at performing.  Shows are not always good, some I hate, some I'm in way over my head.  But I show up, over and over and over.  And I get better.

This is my approach to all things creative.  Just show up.  Then you're stuck, you have to create something.

i.e.  This monstrous blog.  I committed. I show up and write over and over and over. I'm getting better and better.

I created a children's show on Public Access years back.  When I started I was all over the place.  I tried green screens, I tried doing things in studios, I did crazy characters.

It was not very good.

I remember learning how to use Final Cut Pro.  It was a nightmare, I was near tears trying to get my show in by the deadline.

Then I got better and better.  I can fly around Final Cut these days.  I did a video series called "Hey Mr. Sub!"  I eventually flew through those.

The show got easier to make.  It got better and better.  Because I showed up.  Meaning, I signed myself up for a time slot and committed to making something month after month. I'd still be making that show if the station still existed.

When I was younger and more handsome I auditioned for commercials.  I showed up and got better.  To get better at auditions, you have to audition.  To get more auditions you have to be good at auditioning.  So, you show up.

I started doing a "holiday" show every year.  The week between Christmas and New Years.  It was stressful.  I didn't know how to get audiences.  I knew how to perform but I was exploring a new world of clowning for myself.  I didn't know my audience would enjoy my personal clown explorations.

I kept showing up. Year after year.

Stress never goes away.  Fear never goes away.  Self-Doubt never goes away.  Those are voices, like awful Muzak you can turn down but not off.

But you show up.  Day after day, year after year.  You'll get better. Ever see the first 3 episodes of Seinfeld?  Not great.  They kept showing up.  The show became great.

Right now, I'm working on another joke book.  It's frustrating.  It's been about 75% complete for six months.

It bugs me that it's not done.  I decided a few days ago to start showing up.  It's happening.  I can see an end finally.  Then on to the next book.

It's easy to start something new.  Showing up day after day...Sigh, not as easy, not as fun.  But that's how you complete things.  Whether you're a clown, a writer or you're building a house.

Show up.

How Blogging Changed My Life...

I started blogging because I wanted to work on a book.

I could have used a personal journal.  I could have typed on the computer.  But, I view myself as a public person.  In fact, I have a feeling that I'm always being watched, like I'm on the Truman Show.  I've always felt this.

I also figured doing a blog about children's entertainment would put me in a teaching or consulting position. As I created my vision of the blog, I looked at other blogs.  I saw lots of crap out there.

Here's the sin of the blog.  Quitting.  And there's lots of quitting out there.  It's easy to write 3 entries. Then apologize on the 4th for how long it's been since you wrote.  Try the 50th entry.  Or the 150th.  Continue coming up with topics when you're sure you've covered everything.

I've found I'll never run out of topics to write about.  I care deeply about the art of clowning.  I am passionate about the idea of children's entertainment being taken as a seriously.  Those of us that specialize in children's entertainment are good at what we do and do not consider our art form the forgotten step of the entertainment community.

I got disheartened in 2013.  I look back and I have very few entries.  I spent a ton of time linking this blog.  Submitting to specialty sites.  Not much happened.  I got 5 views a day and most of those views were from robots trolling the internet.  I was spinning my wheels.  No one was listening.  Why shout out when there are no ears?

But here's what happened.  My career is about to burst. I am the focus of a major news article about clowns.  The article profiles me, my feelings, this blog and my life.  Where the clown community is busy copying itself over and over till it becomes a faded Xerox.  I forged something new and was discovered.  I've put my whole heart into this thing.  I didn't see it paying off in this way.  I wanted to be a guy that did workshops with other clowns.

The reporter that has been studying me for three months, studied every part of this blog.  I've not only put my thoughts about how to pick clown shoes.  I've put my total passion into this.

I'm being discovered not by magic.  By perseverance.

My last entry was about a party that was not great, everything went wrong.   When things go badly, I get to be a clown.  Being funny, trying to control chaos that's what I strive for, the messier the better.  A clown in peril is funny.  A clown is trying to make the world work when it just won't, that's why clowns are so interesting.  

Of course, I don't like it when things go badly.  But who cares, it's funny to watch a clown deal with the mess and mayhem.  Kids poking at me with plastic magic wands, kids hitting my shoes, the birthday boy trying to hit me, getting in my things.

I got home after that show and was happy it was over, ready for my next show.  A better show.

I called my good friend Mike.  Funnybone the clown.  He told me to share the story with the reporter.  I did that and one better.  I shared it on here.  And I got to see the good side of the show.  The amazing part of the show.  Where I wanted everything to work, that's what made it really funny.  It was because it was not working.

One dream I hold onto is to be able to pick the shows I'd like to do.  The reason I'm so funny and so good at what I do, I've never allowed myself to choose. I always take what's offered.  I hear about other entertainers that will only do certain ages.  Only go to certain areas of town.  Sorry Nancy Reagan, I never say no.

I've done

Senior Centers
Alzheimers
Blind Children
Deaf Children
Inner City Gangs
Housing Projects
Kids with Cancer
Adults with Cancer
Battered Women's Shelters
East Los Angeles After the Rodney King Verdict

I would not choose to be in these places.  But the clown needs to be in these places.  The clown in a nice controlled environment is just a cute character.  A clown in uncomfort is funny.

And that's what I want to be.  Funny.

(yup that's me!  In trouble)

This blog has changed my life.  I realize I'm the court jester.  A lot of times I'm just doing this for a living.  At my best, I'm risking myself.  I get to see that here.

It's only taken 225 entries and a lot of discouragement.