"You Do What? For a Living?"

I'm still battling with the why I do what I do.

I mean seriously, devout a whole life to being a clown? It just sounds so odd on paper.

But I have to examine my life's focus. Other than being the best father and husband I can be, I devout enough brain power to light a small city outside Seattle to thoughts on clowning.

I think about entrances, exits, transitions in routines. I chat to friends about the state of affairs in our business. I brainstorm ideas for promotional material. I sit and write jokes about feet. Or noses or variations on canibals and clowns.

It drives me crazy because, if I stop for a minute, there is no good reason.

I grapple a lot with whether I'm an artist or not. Generally, I hate the term. To me artists (and please this is only in my head and not true whatsoever!) are lazy, looking for government grants, drink a lot, pretentious, talk about themselves (hey, I might be guilty of that!).

My dad is an art dealer. My entire life, I've related works of art to money. I've also held an artist to an incredibly high standard. Hearing about Picasso and Dali as a child, I was naturally lead to dismiss anything lower.

This is my own problem and makes me who I am but it also peppers my relation to being a clown. I just tend to think of myself as a guy trying to make a living. I feel like I fell into the art of clowning by accident.

But then I dissect it. Did I really fall into it? I fell in love with clowning in college, finding acting "ok" but really liking mime and clown classes. My greatest escape is to sometimes teach or be in a clown class. I just find the pure indulgence of a class challenging and fun.

Falling into touring with Ringling Brothers? It feels that way in my dinosaur brain but it was a lot of focused work, not very many people on earth have had the experiences I've had.

On the real side though. I struggle all the time to make ends meet. I can't take my family on a vacation on an airplane, we simply can't afford it. My children will go to college but will do with grants and borrowing.

I hate that part and it makes me sad.

People often say they admire what I do, I work for myself, I do what I love. I tend to think I don't have a lot of choice, I honestly wish I were this drawn to investment banking.

"What If You Threw a Show and No One Came?"

I wrote a show, publisezed it, rented a theatre, created a set, created lights and sound to go with the show.

And hardly anyone came.

Makes you wonder about the idea of being an artist. This is the time for arm chair quarter backs, it's the time for back seat drivers. Lots of folks give advice.

I've had this thought in my head that I could create a theatre piece for the really young. Something for them to laugh at, with their parents having fun as well.

I've tried this for a number of Christmas breaks, to do a show in a theatre and try and get audiences. I admire the nutcracker ballet, and the holiday symphony shows and the productions of A Christmas Carol. But these events are not directed at children. children love these things but they go in tow. I wanted to do something where the parents are in tow.

I write a lot about dealing with children, audience control, what makes them laugh, how much to charge. At the heart of this though, I have to ask, why do this in the first place?

And that's what we all have to grapple with. Why do this? It's certainly a calling. When I think of other things I can do or would want to do, nothing comes to mind. I can think of things to make some more money but it's always with the intention of doing something for my children (like go on vacation or pay for music lessons) so I can keep doing my art.

Something strange happened this year to that question. What happens if you do the best you can, and there's no one there to see it? What is a clown without an audience? Pretty much the definition of insanity.

Under everything I've always done, it's been the dream of doing something totally artistic, doing stage shows and video of my little funny world.

So, what if you work really hard. What if you spend a lot of money. Create something to best of your ability. And no one comes?

For me, I'll do it all again next year.

"The Show Must Go On!"

I'll bet you've been wondering where I've been.

I put on a show. Oh I know we all do lots and lots and lots of shows. I rented a theatre, I wrote a play, for 4 to 8 year olds, I marketed it, did my best putting together a set, bought props, made posters, sent out tons of emails and somewhere in there rehearsed.

I've done this same thing a number of times now. I work on a children's show specifically for the theatre. I've come to look at it as pure self indulgence. I made excuses at first about marketing myself, having people hear of me in the papers, stretching myself as a performer. But really, this is the pure artistic side of being a clown (I speak only for me on this one).

I do so many shows each year, the shows are for others. I know there is someone paying and it's usually making a little boy or girl feel special (a birthday party). Let's come together as a community (libraries, churches, park and rec shows).

Being in a theatre is and always has been my dream. Well, I'll open that up a bit, I've always loved television and am passionate about being on TV as well.

Actually, they are very similar. In both places, I am creating a world for my clown, I lean toward being the forgetful clown that gets terribly distracted from my goal.

So, the question, why do it?

I'm staring at this screen having absolutely no idea how to answer that question. I think that is the essence of art. I just can't live with myself and not do this. That sounds like such an artsy fartsy answer but once I get started on this sort of goal, I can't turn around and say, "it's not worth it".

And it's so stressful. The last few days or weeks really have been restless sleep, waking up at 4am wondering if anyone will show up. Waking up at 2am and realizing I forgot to get change for the box office. And wondering all the time, if it's any good. It's also tough, because most of the audience knows me from my kids shows, and this show does not nearly elicit the peels of laughter I get from a child's party.

I think this is sort of like eating dinner though. Most all the performances I do are dessert. I'm a clown, there is an expectation of just being funny, it's fun and makes life pretty easy for me, really. Doing a show in a theatre, is telling a story, creating a world in your imagination. Looking at the stage and saying "oh, that's Boswick the Clown's house" Even though, there are exit signs, lights hanging from the ceiling, black curtains.

So...after working on this, stressing, tossing and turning. I did the first 2 shows yesterday. There were, lots of technical problems on the first show. There were gags that didn't work, no laughs in parts I really like. It was a sold out show, (I did it as a fundraiser for the school my children went to as toddlers). People enjoyed it and gave me nice compliments.

I had an hour before the next show and just sat with it. I didn't love the show, it was "ok".

But the second show rocked. We only had 11 people. It was a show for a local charity I work with that provides housing for children's families while their children are in cancer treatment. I invited all the children but only one family took me up on it, and the children are huge fans, they have my videos and see me a lot (there are brothers and cousins with him). The young man got out of the hospital the night before because he so desperately wanted to see me. He's 14, which is interesting too.

The second show is why I do these things. Good works aside, the show really worked. My timing got in place, I got laughs, I began letting go of my regular style of performing (hey look at me or let's do a magic trick). I really created my world. There were a lot less technical problems. And it felt great.

The first show was a "preview" I had not done it in front of an audience, so that's what happens. The second show was opening night.

Last night, I slept like I was in a coffin. Ahhhhhh.

"Why work for agents?"

Agencies are awesome.

All I have to do, pick up the phone, mark in my calendar I'm going someplace, the information comes to me, I (hopefully) don't have to collect money, I don't pay for my own advertising or business cards it's great.

The one thing you have to make sure though, always contact the client. I always have to make sure what has been sold is actually me. I just describe what I do and double check the address and we're good to go. Sometimes the person working in an agents office thinks all clowns do the same thing. I have never face painted and I am a clown that specializes in shows. Not everyone does that.

If you don't have folks helping book you, you are missing out on lots and lots of money and fun. I can't rely completely on this source of income but it rounds things out nicely. Sometimes it pays a bit less than my direct booking. But I make way more in the off hours bookings. For instance, I rarely get called on Mother's Day for events. The events seem to be in country clubs. Certain agencies have this market tied up. So, working on that day is extra money.

Even for smaller acts like us, it's a good source of work!

"Getting Paid"

I'm not sure on this one. I'm such a nice guy a lot of times I just hang out smiling waiting to get paid.

There are short cuts, "Well, it's time to go" or "I hope everyone had a great time" But there are those that don't get the hint. I'm always torn how do I get out of here and still be nice. I end up staying a long time sometimes with parents running around cutting cake, giving out goodie bags.

I am not comfortable with prepayment. For company events, that's fine, it just feels a bit odd for a private home. I don't know, maybe I'm a bit warped on money but I want everything to go really well, have a big smile on everyone's face, get my check and go to the next event.

I'll figure this one out one day!

"OK, I've Rented a Theatre...Now What?"

In the middle of all this blogging and working and husbanding and fathering, I planned a theatre show.

Every Christmas, I rent a little theatre and do a show for kids and families, figuring, hey, The Nutcracker sells out, A Christmas Carol sells out, people will come see a Boswick the Clown Show!

Each year I do this, I have to ask. Why do a show in a theatre? I don't really think of myself as an artist, this reminds me that I am. There really is no good reason to do a theatre show. I always end up losing money and it's very stressful, the weeks leading up, will I have an audience? Are things ready? Will anyone laugh?

In the end though, it's creativity. I love having youngsters exposed to theatre. Theaters are special, spiritual places to me. There is a real magic when you walk in, see lights hanging from the ceiling, a curtain rising, intro music playing, then the theatre goes black and who knows what will happen? Whatever you witness, will never happen again, it's not tv and it's not a movie. It's a being in the moment experience.

This year I went full out on the Christmas theme. My plot is I have to get ready for a visit from Santa and boy do I get distracted. My basic message, you need to clean up for Santa to visit. And I make more and more of a mess.

I open this show in 6 days, I rehearsed for the first time in the theatre last night. I still have lots of shopping to do and there are technical problems all over the place. But I "think" it's a funny show. Funny thing about funny, you don't know till it's in front of an audience!

This year I've eliminated all audience interaction. I am creating a clown world and having fun in that world. That's the most scary part to me.

The best part? Both my sons do all my technical requirements. They are really the only people I trust. Even though they are very young, they have seen me so many times, they have great ideas and love being around it. There will be a time when my children are too old to do the shows with me, so I love the process I get to do right now.

My friend Nick who runs the theatre company where I do these shows asked me a very important question. What can you do in a theatre you couldn't do anywhere else. There's that magical question. I perform a lot of shows, so why do more? On my own dime for heaven's sake?

I can create a world. At least I can try and create a world for Boswick the Clown. I do this to myself year after year, because being a clown is a passion. Creating a world for Boswick the Clown.

"It's Natural For Kids To Be Shy..."

It's really funny that parents think that all kids should be less shy.

The thing is, kids that are on David Letterman are unusual...that's why they are on David Letterman. Most kids have a natural shyness, this is part of growing up.

We all have natural needs and defenses. I can't stand jewelry, I can hardly wear a watch. Yet, lots and lots of people love jewelry. Some people love to sit and read, others to be at bars or coffee houses and socialize. Some folks can't stand busses, because they hate being so close to others. Other people don't care one bit.

Children are just like this. But they are developing so they can't really put this into words. I've seen so many kids over the years that are laughing hysterically, I think they are having such a great time, I'll have them come up and help me with a trick. Suddenly they clam up.

They are having a great time, because it's more natural for them to be part of the audience laughing. That's who they are.

The way I work with children is knowing that everything they do is totally appropriate. If they are shy, this is who they are, if they are talkative, that's who they are. If they are creative, funny, like attention etc. That's what I work with because they are budding personalities. All these characteristics, I can bring out and have fun with. As we all age, we get layers and layers, it's just fun to work with the perfect little personality!

"Thoughts on Santa..."

What's amazing about being Santa, the look of pure wonder on people's faces. Yes, children are just enthralled with the magic but the adults, especially the older folks, have a wonderful glint in their eyes as I approach them. There is a smile in their eyes and I can see the child in there. I know that sounds a bit Miracle on 34th street but it's really something to see.

I mostly work in public. Over the holidays I work at the Hyatt Embarcadero in San Francisco every Saturday and Sunday through December. So, I see a cross section because the light display is open to everyone. The serious business men rushing to a meeting, the 80 year old married folks walking slowly across the lobby, the men with tattoo sleeves cutting through to get to Justin Herman Plaza. I get a glint of happiness from every one of them.

What I like about being Santa, bringing a magical character to life. Everyone has their own story regarding Santa. I've been a performer for so long I can read people and tell if they are social, or they work too much, or they are addicted to their cell phone, or they are the best dads in the world. If I know a little about them, I can bring their story to life, I incorporate what I see into their personal story. With children, I can bring up things like trains with boys, if I get a response, then talk a lot about the wonders of back hoes. With girls, the color pink is a good indicator of their personality. I can talk about princesses, clothes they like and their friends.

By profession, I've performed for children for 23 years. I know a lot about their development, their behavior and what will make them laugh. I can use all this knowledge I've garnered to make Santa very very real to them.

Mostly kids will sit in wonder on my lap and I can tell them a few stories or ask questions. This is very normal. They will answer questions about school and who their best friends are. Every 50th child will talk and talk and talk. They'll ask about elves and reindeer and how I know what they want and where is Rudolph. Sometimes they'll ask what kind of cookie I like. Oatmeal Cookies of course.

With kids that don't want to sit in my lap, I try and have one of the parents hold them and sit next to me with the child on the far arm. I'll mostly get the 2 year olds that don't want to sit in my lap. There is always a way. I'm pretty happy to recruit another parent to take a picture and I can stand with them in front of the Christmas tree and do a family shot. To get a good picture I come in from the side children are looking a different direction, so we can get a quick calm picture. The best way to get these kind of shots, just don't make a big deal about the photo. If the child is screaming, they calm for 2 seconds don't try and hand them off, it will never work. If the child is unhappy, just hold them and do a 3 or 4 person shot with Santa, it's equally cute. There's no "rule" a child has to be alone with Santa in a picture.

With children that are not sure. I say, I have a secret to tell them their parents can't hear. They slowly come up. I say they have to come a little closer because I'm going to whisper it. I can do this till I just gently lift them on my lap and whisper, Rudolph is on the roof of this building. I can do this because I know kids incredibly well, this one is pure experience.

Of course this is the luxury of working at the Hyatt. Company parties are pretty similar. I have time to do the magic.

I would also say, malls are just not the best place to get a picture. Nothing against them but as an adult, don't you hate waiting in line? Multiply that by a thousand and you know how a child feels when they get to the front of the line.

There are a lot of places to take pictures with Santa. I would check the mother's club links. Higher end places that advertise Santa for a short visit are likely the ones that will have a nicer display and more time for Santa to talk with the children. The nice thing too, you won't have to buy a photo package you may or may not want.

If your company is having Santa come in, encourage HR to splurge and go for a higher end Santa, it's well worth it. It's money well spent.

Christmas Eve is also very popular, I do a lot of house visits. That's a lot of fun, there are folks that do it year after year. It's not terribly expensive. If you were thinking of a private visit, I would either go with someone you've seen or use an agency to help you book it.

The toys this year. Lego lego lego. Lego has brilliantly marketed Star Wars Legos, Harry Potter Legos and Spiderman Legos. I can't fault that one, I like educational toys. Legos cover boys and girls, more boys a 70/30 split, girls definitely like Legos though. For girls, no surprise American Girl dolls. That's been a winner for years. Barbie of course, doll houses always big. Zu Zu pets, huge. Pillow pets, specifically the unicorn pillow pet, ugh boots. A lot of ipods, but I steer the kids away from ipods and Wii systems, that's a pretty expensive gift to promise. These are the name brands I hear a lot. But...

Bikes, roller blades, doll houses, stuffed animals, baby dolls, clothes a lot.

Despite what all the old codgers think, kids are the same as they were 50 years ago. Little girls like dolls, little boys like to build things. Not very pc of me but I'm the one hearing thousands of requests and I have no agenda, other than encouraging good behavior and I like toys that spur the imagination.

I get asked for kittens and puppies all the time. I can't promise a live animal unless the parents were planning on that one. (they'll whisper it in my ear or give me an obvious, "We're getting a dog this year" nod. But that's unusual). I just tell kids, my elves can't make living things, only toys, "Can you imagine my elves making puppies with a hammer and screwdriver?" They giggle at this. I offer them a nice stuffed kitten. Pretty simple.

The funny ones are cell phones. Around 8 years old they ask for phones a lot. The parents roll their eyes. I make a joke about monthly charges and they get it that's not happening!

I will get the kids asking for their dads to come home. For people that are sick to get better. I've had a little girl wanting her dad home from prison. I tell the kids, that person now has a special gift knowing you love them so much. They like to hear that, I've never had a follow up question after that, so they know they've been heard.

My philosophy of Santa is basically, Santa is the embodiment of pure love. Children 2 to 4 crave love in it's purest form. Older kids are more questioning but still know that someone is watching over them. Santa always knows they try to do the right thing, that's what makes them good girls and boys.

I do get handed letters to Santa. If it's not something the parents want to keep, I'll take it and carefully put it in my toy bag, showing the kids that's it's going to the North Pole. People are good at this. Let them kids draw a picture and write what they say.

"Giving Everything a Personality"

There is something terribly funny about getting mad at your hat. To me, this catches most everything fun and magical about a clown, it's the belief that everything around him helps or hinders his progress.

I think of the great Bello in Ringling Brothers circus for the last few years, climbs a sway pole (a 40 plus foot pole with a chair on top and sways from side to side). Things go wrong and they go right but it's the pole that helps him.

I have a friend that gets mad at a scarf. It's funny. I love when clowns turn away from a puppet and it makes fun of the clown and the clown tries to catch it.

The world of a clown makes all objects real, with personalities. The magic is that the audience follows along completely. No question, just yup, that ladder is causing trouble for that clown.

Knowing this magic, we can put it anywhere in the show. If you are doing the mismade flag, have a conversation with the blue silk that keeps falling on the ground, listen to it talk to you, then have an argument with it.

Bringing the little blue scarf to life will bring a huge change to the routine. Instead of just doing a "magic trick" you have the subtle story of the little blue scarf that won't do what you say, then joins in and becomes our greatest cymbal, the American flag. It's pretty powerful, you could end the routine and talk to the little blue part of the flag and give it your own applause.

I'm a juggler, I have handled my juggling items so many millions of times, I tend to dismiss them, I juggle and toss them aside. When I give them a little personality, my juggling clubs are partners in my show, then I can have fun with them have arguments, have them cooperate, then put them away carefully. Changes everything, makes me a very nice clown, when it's all done. Tossing my juggling clubs away afterward makes me less like-able.

"Setting Up Your Room"

As clowns, we are expected to perform anywhere and everywhere. Beautiful stages with spotlights to the corner of a kitchen. From a 3 ring circus to a hospital room full of equipment.

With children, there can be no distractions behind you. Sizing up a room, I set myself up, back to a wall or fireplace, kids in front. In birthday party situations, I get put in front of buffets, tubs with drinks, b b q's, televisions playing the 49rs game, the front door.

Sometimes things are less than ideal, I get in bad spots but I just go with it, do my best. Otherwise, I take a bit of control, ask a nearby television to be turned off (men yelling about bad calls in a football games is not what I want near me), move a large chair, so I can get in the corner of a living room, ask folks that are eating that I need their spot.

You have to make these decisions in a split second, no talking yourself out of them. Asking someone that has a plate of food with their kids in their lap, is borderline rude but the bigger picture is making the show work.

There is an important psychological factor in play with lots of the things I try and set up. If I can put the audience in the more open section of a room, there is a feeling of freedom. If I were in that open section and a group of kids were squished against the wall, they get the feeling of being trapped. Literally their backs against the wall.

Room arrangement is one of the biggest factors why I have little problem with the frightened child. That feeling of freedom means the timid child can watch comfortably feeling they can leave if they need. The worst situation, a child that is not sure of you, squished with a bunch of other kids, no place to go. No win.

The timid child will join in rapidly when they have the freedom to watch for two or three minutes. Pretty soon, they are the volunteers in the show to the amazement of the parents.

Most people have the same set up of their house; fireplace, coffee table, couch. Move the coffee table out of the way, if possible, no kids on the couch. The coffee table puts a literal barier in the way. It's like a castle moat. It makes your job of relating to the kids very difficult. Either move the coffee table or have someone move the coffee table. People will do it or help you, they understand on a gut level what you are doing. Take a look at the "reading area" of a kindergarten or preschool, you will never ever find anything but an open area. The teacher with their back to a bookshelf or wall.

Kids on couches is unavoidable but can be a distraction. They will start crawling on the arms, the top, bouncing, fighting for the throw pillows. It's generally easier in my set up to get them on the floor, backs leaning on the couch. If they start crawling up the couch mid show, I'll get the kids wiggling and reseat them. (no one would know what I was doing here, it's usually wrapped in a joke about doing a 70s dance about shaking your bootie. After they've shaken their bootie, they sit back down on the floor)

"Give Your Volunteer A Gift!"

Applause is pretty cool. I like it a lot. A gift is also nice.

With children you can think outside the box. I have a friend that gives the mouth coil he just used to a child, the kids all get excited and jealous.

I have a coloring page that I give kids. I also give heart shaped balloons, smiley balloons. Postcard of myself. My thought on give aways, it's nice to have one for all the kids at the end. My coloring page is age appropriate and of course has my contact information on the bottom.

I also like the coloring page, because I can customize it and put different contact information in case I was hired by someone that doesn't want me giving out my own business cards.

My coloring was made by a caricature artist. I paid about $25.

Children like getting things. It's part of their nature. Have fun with it.

"Everything Your Volunteer Does Is Correct!"

Ever had a kid onstage that went power crazy? Ran around, tried to hit you? Drew all the attention?

When a volunteer is with you onstage, it's all about them. Still, you don't want them to take over your show. A child that gets out of control, feels the power they have. If you get frustrated, they will start stealing your hat, getting in your stuff, becoming a gremlin.

If things aren't going right, then that's exactly the way they are supposed to go. If you continue trying to do your routine, it will never happen and it will be frustrating and embarrassing for the parents. No one knows what was supposed to happen, so chase them right back!

If a child says, "dumb clown" say yes, "I am a dumb clown! you must have read my business card!" The audience will think it's very funny that you agree with the terror on stage. Let them have the spotlight for a minute, then say something like, "my mentor...a big hand for Johnny!" or "A big hand for Johnny! You know if we could harness that energy, gas would be 50 cents a gallon!"

It doesn't really matter what you say in this situation as long as you give the stage over and give them applause.

Don't go into the trick you started. Start a different routine and get a new volunteer, you can return to the one you skipped later. To the audience, this looks as if it were supposed to go this way. If you draw attention to the fact that you couldn't get through the routine, it looks like you slipped up. A pretty easy fix really.

If you get a shy one with you. Do the same thing. It might be appropriate to let them sit down. When this happens, I get them big applause and tell everyone they are the bravest kid in the room for coming up! I usually have things I give to the volunteers in the show, I make sure when they sit down they get one directly from me.

If it feels like you can get some mileage out of keeping the shy one with you. Go through the routine, remembering now the show is about a shy kid that is with the clown. You have an opportunity to give this child huge hero status, they can correct everything you say and they will look very smart.

When you have a volunteer, you really don't know what they are going to do. Sure you have a good idea but you'll get lots of mishaps. A volunteer always does the right thing. If you make sure you acknowledge everything the volunteer says, does or reacts to, you've made it look like everything was planned perfectly.

I have had out of control children with me on stage many times, taking focus, doing nothing I asked them to do. So many times, people come up to me and ask if I know that child and did I plan it that way, because it was so funny.

I plan it because I just follow along. That's the fun of being a clown, you go with what's in front of you 100% all the time!

"How a Volunteer Changes Your Show!"

"Me me...pick me!"

You've got your volunteer on stage, now what?

This is really important. When there is a volunteer with you, the show now becomes about them. You may want the show to be about you but what the audience is looking at is that child up there with you. They are expecting something to happen, they are expecting the child to do something, they know you wouldn't have asked for someone if you that person was just going to stand there...

There are lots of performers that ignore the child on stage with them. They use them as a table with moving parts.

You can have fun with your volunteer. You can tease them, whatever style of show you have BUT the audience is on their side. If the child asks a question, repeat it so everyone can hear. Give the power of focus to that child. You will double, triple quadruple your laughs.

All the addressing the audience, do it straight to that child. "I have an empty bag" Show the volunteer. The audience changes rolls, they are witnessing a secret, through the volunteer...one of them!

And here's a little secret (shhh. it took me a lot of years to figure this one out). After you say, "a big hand for susie" guide them to their seat. If the child goes on their own. continue the applause till they actually sit down. Do a "another hand for susie" if they are finding their seat or going to their mom.

When you have your volunteer, the audience, the parents on your side, everything you do will be funnier because everyone completely loves you, because you have given ultimate respect for the child (or children) on stage with you!

"How To Choose a Volunteer"

Who wants to help with a magic trick?

There are all sorts of ways of phrasing that but generally it's somewhere in between I need a helper to who wants to help.

With children, it's really ok to spell out everything you are doing. "I'm going to make this handkerchief disappear" It works with children, they see a picture of an apple and the word apple is written above, that's the way the brain works.

Here's a little hint, don't pick the screaming, jumping up and down child. Do you really think they are going to come up with you and be any different. I also hate the idea of rewarding behavior like this. It means all the kids will try harder and be louder to get your attention. It's a pretty easy way to lose control.

Imagine you were in a preschool class and you wanted to choose the child to change the date on the calendar. You would choose a well behaved but excited child. The kid jumping up and down would knock the calendar off the wall.

If a child changes their mind, no big deal, if they come up then change their mind. Have everyone applaude them for being the bravest child there.

Choosing a volunteer is trusting your instincts. I trust eye contact a lot and body language. They are looking at me and they are in control but excited.

There are routines that will work better with boys than girls. Physical stuff or gross humor tends to work better if you do it with boys.

And just to let you know. As long as I've been doing this, I still sometimes choose the wrong volunteer. No one is immune, that's what's fun about live entertainment.

"Being In The Newspaper-Being on TV"

I have been on the local news umpteen times and I get in the paper a lot.

Here's the big secret, treat a camera like an audience member. I get on the local news because when I see a camera pointed toward me, I look straight into the lens and have a particular trick I do right to the camera. My trick? I juggle and hit myself in the head with my juggling clubs.

This action works because it's a quick clown story. You get the clown world in a fraction of a second. The camera people are coming up to me because every street faire or festival says "food, fun, clowns"

They do a one minutes story on how thousands of people went to the asparagus festival (real thing!). So my little bit always lands me on TV.

Those little TV appearances do nothing for my career by the way. I usually am reminded that I was on TV when my mother or my mother in law call very excited that they saw me on the news. I have never had a customer call or send an email saying they saw me. Nor has anyone ever hired me because I was on TV. But it's cool. Only only one TV appearance made me lots of money and boosted my career.

Same goes for newspapers. My go to move. I usually get in the paper again for juggling or for looking straight into the camera lens, crossing my eyes and making a swirly animal balloon. It's a good visual.

Now this move, did make me many many thousands of dollars. I was on a TV commercial for the yellow pages and this move got me on. They had a lot of different performers doing things on camera for the commercial. Most didn't make it into the final cut. They got paid to be there. I had a strong move that got me on screen. The rule for commercials, if you are on long enough to be recognized, you are payed royalties.

You should have something in your clown arsenal that says clown in one, two or three seconds...literally! Snap a balloon in your face and get mad. Have your little puppet scare you. pretend to eat a giant hotdog and enjoy it.

If you send me an email I will give you ideas as I hear about your character.

"Why I Love Barny"

Want to get a reaction? Say you love Barny in a group of adults. Want to get a really strong reaction? Start singing the Barny song to a group of 7 year olds. They will try and overpower you with "I hate you, you hate me, let's all kill Bar neeeee"

I'm just amazed that this character that is nearly universally loved by the very young is thoroughly hated after 1st grade.

This is what we can learn from Barny. Be accepting. Be forgiving, Be pure love.

To a 3 year old and please remember, Barny is for 3 year olds, what they crave, what drives them are hugs and love.

Barny was a phenomenon because the inventors put many elements together that children desire. Some would think this crass. I think it's nice and if it were easy, everyone would do it.

I remember a study of a little monkey that got no love, no touch no other monkey interaction. I saw pictures of this poor little monkey in a class I took in college, probably psychology. The experiment was pretty basic, deprive a young monkey of all interaction. The monkey was fed by a nipple.

The monkey clung to a pole for comfort. It needed love. The little monkey went crazy, never had a chance.

So look at Barny in a fresh way. Children need love, acceptance in it's purest form. They cling to it, long for it.

Our most enduring characters are of the same mold. Santa. The Tooth Fairy, Mr. Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, Barny. No judgement, no scolding just, you are a good boy or girl and I love you.

In performing, you can channel these icons. What is it about Santa that makes him so enduring? It's pretty powerful stuff if you are dealing with 2 and 3 year olds. To this age, they are unquestioning that a clown is fun, silly and their friend.

When I'm dealing with this age group, I think, what they crave is love, they can sit on my knee while I do magic.

Now the question why do older kids turn on Barny? Because with self knowledge comes judgement. As we judge we get embarrassed, even if a part of us still remembers how we felt about Barny. Who wants to be uncool and say they still like him?

For adults...Children do not sit around watching old Seinfeld episodes, it does not feed their needs in any way. Switch it around, we are just so far removed from Barny we are disgusted by something so sweet. Get over it. Look into the eyes of your child, they see magic.

"Special Folks I encounter!"

I encounter some of the most giving people doing what I do for a living. I wanted to write about Sabra, a woman that's been hiring me for many years.

The second Friday evening in December I reserve for Sabra. Sabra puts on a holiday bash at Kaiser in Santa Clara. The thing is she doesn't work there.

The party is for the kids that have cancer, their siblings, their aunts, their uncles, their grandparents, the nurses, the doctors, former patience, administration... This is a big party. Some of the kids are pretty sick but you wouldn't know it from all the happiness in the room.

Sabra works as a 911 dispatcher for the city of San Jose. She raises funds all year long through the police department so she can throw a holiday bash for 200 people every year. There is arts and crafts, presents for every child, Santa, food, drinks, ginger bread houses, decorations, The police bring in the trained dogs and do a demonstration for the kids and I'm humbled because somehow I became a highlight of this event. Hugs and screams of laughter.

Sabra throws this party because her daughter had leukemia. I've met her daughter, her daughter has children now of her own, she's probably 35 by now. Sabra made a promise to God that if he saved her daughter, she would take over this party every year. I don't know a lot about the details but Sabra has been doing this for probably 25 years.

Now that's a promise.

People think it's pretty neat that I work with kids. People think it's neat that "I do what I want" for a living. But you know what, it's pretty neat because I meet a lot of people like Sabra.

"The Kid Warm Up..."

Audiences are part of your show, as such they have to be organized. An audience is like another character in a play.

A lot of performing problem come from a disorganized audience. All performances organize an audience in some ways. When you go to see a play, lights dim, an announcement about cell phones and a curtain rises. The audience is all focuses on one thing. A comedian comes out, pauses...says, how's everyone doing tonight...as if I care. A circus ringmaster blows a whistle, the circus starts.

Clowns tend to be in more casual arenas, someone's living room, a classroom, a park. these are not performing areas, so it's incumbent upon us to really train an audience.

With children, part of the organization is often teaching children how to be an audience. We can have them clap their hands in unison, do a simon says sort of game or shake body parts. This focuses the kids and hopefully while you are doing one of these "games" they will learn when to talk out and when not to. You can even go over audience rules with children. I think we can be more clever than that and do rules in a fun way.

If you do a clever warm up, you can also return to it when you need. I like the body shaking (shake your hands, shake your face etc). When the kids are losing attention or get distracted by an airplane, there is a distracting child. They already know about the shaking from the beginning, I just return to it, it's an instant organization tool.

"What Was It Like To Become A Clown?...

Auditioning for Clown College was a focused crazy roller coaster for me.

I heard about the Clown College auditions in a local theatre magazine called "Theatre Bay Area". It had notices for auditions for plays. I showed my girlfriend, who later became my wife the notice, she thought I should do it.

The audition was pretty straightforward, movement, clown walks...things I had done in classes in college. By this point in my life, I knew I wanted to be a clown. I thought I wanted to be a stage clown. I was mad about Bill Irwin at this time of my life. He had won the Macarthur Genius Grant and he was from San Francisco I wanted to be just like him.

I received an application to fill out. Lots of questions, tiny boxes to fill in my answers. Plus, I had to have pictures of me. One picture in a bathing suit. I think about how confronting that might be to a lot of folks but clowns put it all out there! I took pictures in my boxers pretending I was naked!

I took the application process more seriously than any application I had ever done. There were question like what is your favorite move, why? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Pretty personal stuff. I made a copy of the application and spent nearly 3 weeks pouring over it, answering, then rewriting.

My favorite question and I almost missed this one, It was in the regular vital statistics section (age, height, social security number), a box to mark if you had served in the military. I had everything completed, when I noticed it said, if you checked no, why?

I loved these people. Because I had to really think about why I had not entered the military. It was one of the greatest questions I have ever been asked. Like they were paying attention. And I needed to really think about that one. I'm not a person against kids joining the military but why wasn't it for me? How do I say all my feelings in a sentence or two? That's clowning, how do you get a lot of story and emotion in a sentence of two?

That little moment of nearly missing that tiny question has framed my clown life. Number one, I tend to miss little details in my life and it's very frustrating for my family, I'm pretty oblivious to things around me. Two, I love thinking about odd details. Clowning is a never ending question for me of tiny details, how to stand? How to walk? How to enter a room? How to leave a room?

The day I learned I was accepted to clown college, I had stayed out late the night before. I was working in a theatre box office in San Francisco, I worked until the plays were done then hung out after. I was sharing this apartment with maybe 6 or more people paying $190 a week (ahhhh the days!). I was awoken by Steve Smith dean of clown college, saying in his wonderful voice, "congratulations, you've been accepted to clown college!"

Here's the hard part. I had also applied to a theatre clown school in Northern Northern California called the Del Arte School, a school that trains in the style of Comedia Del Arte. My heart sank a bit, I had to think about this. I stuttered thank you, I'm waiting to hear from The Del Arte School too before I know what I'm going to do.

Knowing Steve Smith's love of all things clown, this probably cemented me in his heart whatever I chose to do. I think it was obvious I was very serious about my training.

I went to work that day, talking to everyone, saying "I'm going to join the circus". It was perfectly weird for me. Perfect. It was a strange and exciting time, one way or another my life was changing for sure. From being on the fringe of the stage, college, box office, to being asked to train with Ringling Brothers. Wow, life was getting cool. I was really going to be in front of people performing.

When I returned from work that night, in my mail was the acceptance letter from both, clown college and The Del Arte School...

Talk about serendipitous!

Clown College had a fun envelope, it was filled with confetti. It was asking me to join the party. Del Arte, was more straight forward, an acceptance from a school.

I thought for a day and accepted Ringling. It was a gut thing, it was a money thing (Clown College offers free training, you just pay your food, lodging and transportation), biggest, it was that being part of the party! It was an elite party, few were asked to attend.

I really get chills writing about this. That phone call and letter shifted the direction of my life. I was thrilled and told everyone what I was doing, I didn't quite know that letter was The Good Witch saying "follow the Yellow Brick Road".

I was finding little bits of star confetti in that junky little apartment for months, I'm sure it still turns up. I can't see Mylar confetti without a very strong feeling, knowing something wonderful just happened.

Thank you Steve Smith, Thank you Ringling Brothers for a 23 year walk in Oz!

"Words That Will Get Kids Crazy!"

Here is the most cool part of kid's performing. Children listen. And they listen hard.

Kids have a tiny vocabulary but they are absorbing umpteen words a day, so all words are fun and the sillier the better.

I love Doctor Seuss. I loved reading Dr. Seuss books to my kids. I always think of him as more of a poet, his simplicity of language tied into his art is wonderfully surreal. I used to read the books wondering how many pages we would go before he made up a word. We don't get very far...

You can misuse words, you can make up words you can use words in the wrong order. The rules aren't in place. Children are still practicing please and thank you, they get verb tense wrong, it's ok, there is someone there to correct them, just don't let it be you.

There are words that are just funny. Poop. Well let's see, it's funny because you are saying poop. It's funny because it's got a popping sound to it, so it's funny. It's funny because it's taboo. It's funny because it's an easy word to rhyme. Blue-poo. Boot-poop. Goo- poo. Root - poop.

I know I stretched it a bit in there but so what.

Words are fun. I play with kids names. "what's your name?" "Michael" "Bicycle? Someone named you bicycle?" "Gracie" "Crazy? Really, your name is crazy?" "Paul" "Shopping Mall. Can I give you my credit card?"

When I do this with kids they start raising their hands in excitement, "do me, do me!" Drop your adult sensibility about making fun of names. Don't be mean, have fun with it.

I also turn it on myself. "My name is Boswick. What's my name?" Kids shout Boswick. "Buzz light year? No Boswick, say Boswick" kids are howling with laughter. They shout out Boswick. "Bob? No Boswick! say Boswick!" Kids can hardly sit up straight by this point.

Off beat rhyming. Similar sounding words, huge to kids. And guess what, it's stretching their brains, it's developmentally appropriate. Rhyming is getting these guys to be better readers. You get the laugh, they are going to do better for the rest of their life. I think that's a win win!

"Hey...I Just Do What I do..."

There are days I can't figure out why I do this crazy thing for a living. It doesn't pay all that well, most everyone I knew from high school or college or even the circus days, makes way more money than me.

There are days I just think I'm pretty self indulgent. I'm a middle aged man that dresses up for a living, I get upset at things like my whoopie cushion having a hole, so it doesn't work right. Or the price of balloons went up, or I would really like to grow a mustache but I can't because it would look weird under my make up.

I have no real choice in the matter when it comes down to it. My life's motivation is about performing. I imagine having lots of money...so that I could have a better show and a really goofy car to show up to events in. All lots of money would do for me would ease money tension but as much as I tie together my performing and what I charge, I would do it for free.

I bristle at being called an artist. I just do what I do. Artists are really cool, they change the world with beauty. I can't be an artist...I just do what I do.

"An Amazing Thing Happened At The Hospital The Other Day..."

Dragging myself to the hospital...Another visit to see sick kids...Why do I always say yes?...I've got a million things to do today...This messes up my entire day...Not even being paid... (Hello brain...Shhhhh, you are the one that said you'd visit the kids).

I was going to San Francisco General Hospital to visit sick children.

As I was riding the elevator up to the 5th floor an older gentleman of Latin origins was staring at me. I said hello, he looked just very tired, he nodded, barely...

Did my clown thing. Saw the kids. The ones that could leave their room came to the playroom and watched my magic show. We had a blast, my dumb brain was put to shame; there was no place I'd rather be, once I get going, I love my work.

There was a pretty girl of about 10 or 11, her father watching her laugh and just smiling. I then noticed that older man in the elevator was her father...the thing was he was not older, he was maybe 30, or there abouts. He was smiling, he was watching his daughter laugh.

The tired old man in the elevator probably had not slept in days. His beautiful daughter was in the hospital. He was able to just be with her as she laughed as was a fun little girl.

My being there shaved 30 years off that man's face. In that moment, I got what I do for people is pretty cool.

I don't know what happened to that pretty little girl but I gave a wonderful 45 minute gift to her father at his lowest point. He was just with her as she laughed...I could see it in his face.

"The Usefulness Of Comebacks!"

If you haven't noticed, people will tend to say the same thing to you over and over. We are in an unusual career and we bring up the same thoughts in a wide variety of people. I had a friend that used to get frustrated when he'd hear "quit clowning around!" He'd say, "like I never heard that one before"

I think it's interesting I hear very similar comments where I am. This gives me comfort that we are all part of a giant human family. There are similarities about all of us. Like when a waiter comes over and says, "Hi, I'm Sam, I'll be your server today". How many of us have said at some point in our lives, "Hi I'm Fred, I'll be your customer."? (Probably not a lot, if you aren't named Fred)

I don't think these common phrases are intended to be mean or condescending. I think it's the total opposite, it's to be part of the fun, it's just people responding to something they don't see every day.

As a clown, it's nice to have lots of funny, friendly comebacks in your back pocket.



Hey Clown!
Quit Clowning around!
How big are your feet?
Is that your real nose?
Say something funny?
You're not a real clown?
Why are your shoes so big?
I've seen that one before?

Start to notice the commonness of what people say. Then what do you want to do with your comeback. As a performer, especially as a comedian, I do not want to shut that person down. I want to move the comment forward in some way. In improvisation, we call it yes, and. Meaning, I'll agree and move the comment forward.

If I'm walking from my car and someone says, "hey quit clowning around!" I usually say "I have to, clown union regulations!" They smile and wave. It's a small laugh and equivalent to how're you doing? But with a laugh. I may get another comment or just a wave. Either way is fine, I'm prepared and I've moved the comment forward. what I wanted was just to simply make that person feel acknowledged and get a small laugh.

Why are your shoes so big? Because my feet are very small (pause) but my toes are incredibly long. I usually use this one when kids are near their parents, it gets a big laugh. I think of it as children being very curious creatures. I want the child's question answered, I am able to answer it in a very absurd way and I get a big laugh from any adult that overhears it.

With children, I want to move their comment in another direction, otherwise, they will tend to get stuck on one topic. "You're not a real clown." "Yes I am, want to see my business card?" or "You're right, I'm an elephant, I forget to pack my trunk." Or, "you found me out," with a physical move. Usually I tip my hat and it falls over my head to the ground, getting a laugh, putting a period on the subject.

These common statements from people are just auto responses. They tend to pop up when I don't need them. So, hopefully I can gloss over it and slide along like a piece of ice was put over their comment.

Think about what you want the person saying the comment to do next. You may want to lead the person into a magic trick. If a child said "You're not a real clown" "yes I am, I'm a magical clown...watch..."

Or if you are more physical, "You're not a real clown..." "come over let me tell you a story..." then try and sit down and fall off a chair. Or if your mime skills are good, lean on an imaginary wall and tell an absurd story of why you are a clown

Or have a bunch of comebacks all ready, do them in a row. "how big are your shoes?"
Size 1. In clown.
Actually, this one's a bit loose, someone was having car trouble, I gave them a toe.
Perfect for water skiing, I don't need skis. (Wow them with one liners.)

If you are not great at one liners. Send me a note, I can give you a bunch. Go to the library, check out some joke books, a lot of jokes can be adapted for your purposes.

"How To Deal With Agents..."

There are folks that just will not or completely hate working with bookers.

I don't understand. To me a booking is a booking is a booking. In the end, it's not about how you got the show, it's the people at the show and making them laugh.

If someone calls me from an agency and wants to book me, I have no problem with the commission they take. Customers can be intimidated calling around, they don't want to be sold by someone that won't show up. We belong to a very flakey fraternity. A lot of entertainers don't show up, do a bad job or arrive late. All sorts of terrible things.

An agency has a stable of entertainers that they trust. Pretty simple. That's why people use them, so they don't have to go through the shopping process. They also know they have a legitimate company that stands behind the entertainment they send.

I've been quite surprised when I've been at clown conventions or been around folks who will rail against the agents. I figure, an agency has ads, phones, offices, they need to stay open. They make a living off the commissions they make from my jobs. I am happy to get the work.

I try and set a price I want to make from an agent, it's generally pretty close to what I would make from a customer that's never seen me. An agent tends to have a higher level clientele, they are willing to pay a bit higher in general, they go in knowing the price is being broken apart, some for you some for the agent. If the agent offers me lower than my usual I have the option of saying no thank you, just like any job.

It's very hard to book things like country clubs, shopping malls and corporate gigs on my own. Representatives from agencies spend time cultivating clients, going to social gatherings handing out business cards. That's a skill I don't really have, I am not a big social person, so I'm happy someone does this. I can stay at home watching TV, while they're out working.

My opinion, be happy, it's a gig. Hopefully one day you'll be working so much you won't need them. Until then, smile and take it!

"What Age Are You Focused On....?

A big breakthrough in my performing came when I decided I wasn't the clown for everyone. I can get a group of 4 to 7 years olds howling with laughter in a way I wouldn't have believed possible. This comes from zeroing in on my focused age group.

I read David Kaye's book a few years ago about performing magic for children. I had been doing all the right things but got permission through his book to just totally go for it. What I mean by permission, I was self censoring my show from an adults point of view. I knew what would make kids laugh, repetition of a gag, saying poop. I censored because as an adult, I'm not real interested in seeing a trick done over and over. To a child if it's funny once, it's funnier the second time, the third the fourth etc.

Two of my funniest routines. I say my name, tip my hat to introduce myself. I say, oops, or sorry, try it again, the hat falls off, now I can't get my hat on my head to save my life. It repeats the gag over and over, just putting a hat on my head. I used to cut that routine off way too early.

The other routine. I am figuring out what to do with my juggling clubs. I finally figure out they are for juggling, I start to juggle, everyone applauds (it's cool to see someone juggle). then I bonk myself. Hey. I do it again and again and again. Getting really mad at the blue colored juggling club.

For the first 20 years of my career, I wanted to be respected. I wanted to be like Bill Irwin on stage. But I'm not an adult performer, it's not my focus, it hasn't been in many many years. I changed and looked at the laughter of my group, very specifically 4 to 7. Silly silly silly. bodily functions, physical bits, slips of language. It's the same stuff Dr. does but in physical form.

What's interesting, I get adults laughing really hard now. Watching kids laughing that hard makes the adults laugh, making the kids laugh harder. There are times it's too much laughter. I have to pull it in or the kids will use too much energy and not have the power to watch the whole show.

When I focused on my age group, I was afraid I would leave people behind. It's interesting this didn't happen. I also realized a lot of what people pay me to do is give their children fun and laughter, they didn't hire a stand up, they hired a clown.

I now see things all the time I can do more of or quicker. I can flip through books at a bookstore on child development and get ideas. Doing shows for a very specific age group, just made my performing life so much simpler. My promotional materials, my video stuff, my booking methods and my show. I know nearly exactly how it works and what will work and of course what won't.

I'm no longer the jack of all trades and master of none. I'm master of making 4 to 7year olds laugh till they fall over!

"Listening To Your Customer...Then Doing What You Want!"

I was hanging out with one of my two oldest clown friends last night. He was reminding me of crazy stories. I told him how I recently got in a bunch of trouble at a hospital visit, I went to where I wasn't supposed to. I did it because I was waved in. When I see someone in need, I'm the Underdog of clowns, I fly in!

Then I got in trouble for not following the rules. Hey I got it, rules in a hospital. I do that stuff all the time, getting into trouble is a lifetime occurance for me.

Then we got to talking, what do people expect when they bring a clown in? If you are a clown, just by definition, you are going to be unpredictable, possibly edgy, you might even get into a little trouble. It's pretty much a dictionary definition of a clown.

I'm thinking of the times people want me to do things, I know that won't work and I just do what I do anyway and it all works out. Or throw in some lame thing they wanted as a bone and then do my thing anyway.

I have so many of these kind of stories. I am often asked to do shows very religious folks. Got it, cool I can do that. Here's what they say to me... "but pleas don't use the word magic". Not too hard, I can say "trick" Like, who wants to see a trick? Or I'm about to trick you.

I go through this routine at the beginning, "I'm going to fool you today but I'm a trickster, I don't really do magic. The only person that does magic is?..." Always always always the kids will say "YOU!!!" No, I say, Jesus does magic, I'm just fooling you. "NO, YOU DO MAGIC!!!" say the kids...

You know, I've done the best I can, I have no intention of stepping on people's religious views. But, I know kids. I know how the react interact and what they'll say before they say it.

Or the most common. "Can you come to my party for 3 hours?" Um...sure. But how many kids do you have? Why would you want entertainment for 3 hours? I gently guide them...this is what works...an hour is what I've found works. I'll lose gigs because I won't do weird things like this but I hate feeling like I've done a bad job.

Or the office visit. I call them "telegrams" "Come by for an hour or so..." This is an office? Yes. In the middle of a work day? Yes... People don't want that, they still need to work or we're going to get a bunch of folks in trouble. For the record, I almost always get in trouble at offices, they amuse me, I've never had a job like that, the whole world of cubicles and stuff intrigues me. I'll end up going a little nuts, I'm in this world that looks like a cartoon to me!

Clowns are unpredictable, funny, magical, offbeat. Stay true to your character! I'm into the laughter, I'm into the offbeat nature of being a clown. I walk away sometimes and think about the stuff I just did and say "man, I'm nuts" On the other hand, it's who I am through and through. I like pleasing people but there is an important code of conduct for clowns. Be unpredictable, be outrageous, be funny!

"Giving Discounts..."

I'm so torn on discounts, I do it all the time, I don't think you could find a week in my calendar I didn't lower my price for someone. It's a fear thing I have.

I'm always a bit scared I'm going to run out of work. It's not the best way to run a business. The best financial times for me are when I'm involved with a project, like making a video and just book stuff without thinking. In those times, I just don't have the time and don't care as much about not working, so I have more of a take it or leave it feeling. Allthough, I would never ever say that.

Then there are times, it's just quick money. I often take things because I know they are only going to pay a certain amount, I'm available and hey, doing a show is better than not any day.

If I were someone else booking me, I would not give discounts, generally most folks can afford it, I look at the price of a tank of gas, I'm worth more than two tanks of gas, I mean come on! Often I'm just a sucker for people asking me favors, they are so nice and I really want to have me for their kids...(what to do, they love me so much!)

I like working. I need to work for my self worth. I need the laughter in my life. So, I try to get as many events as I can do. In the end, I've been given a gift of talent, and it's cool I get to do it as my living.

One day I'll have someone else answer the phone and I won't be sweet talked into lower prices. That will happen soon I'm sure...

"I don't get sad when I see sick kids..."

I was visiting some very sick children one day at Oakland's Children's Hospital. It's actually not that unusual for me, I do it from time to time, when I'm asked or at the holiday time, I visit the kids with cancer in San Francisco at UC Med Center. I've just done it for years, I actually sort of forget about it.

This one time at Oakland's Children's though, I had to sit back and really wonder about myself, it was a strange moment.

I had visited the kids, I was chaperoned around by a charity group called Bread and Roses. I was there an hour and a half or two hours, something like that. Did a show for all the kids in the playroom, then went around saying hi, doing close up magic and goofing around, sort of what I do for a living basically.

I was in the lobby saying goodbye, and the kids were gone from my thoughts, I was concerned with the calls I had to return, getting home to see if I could get an Aikido class in and most of all, I wanted my parking validated.

Went to my car, smiling, saying hello in the parking lot to folks the usual Boswick the Clown smiley stuff. Got in the car went for my phone, notepad in hand focused on getting some business done.

Here's where I stopped and said, wo what's the matter with you. I've been there with kids in car accidents, parents that have slept 5 hours over 3 days, kids with horrible diseases from all over the country to see specialists. And I'm more concerned with returning a phone call, landing my next gig, and making sure I don't lose $6 in parking.

I'm more moved by what I just wrote than at the time. I was sitting there, wondering why I wasn't in tears. How I could go on so commonly, I mean I have children, I have nieces, nephews, I see children all the time, I'm focused on the welfare of children.

So, what's the matter with me?

It struck me, nothing. Outside of being a clown, I get teary with those smile train commercials on late night tv, I'm really sad if I see a child in a wheelchair at the mail.

As a clown, I am not effected this way. I'm not effected because I am a focused professional. I visit kids to make them laugh, to get into their world of the very silly, the odd logic of the clown. In that world, there are no sick kids, just variations of getting into their world.

It's really hard to explain how I'm not bothered by seeing this stuff. Yet, I'm a very emotional person, in real life, I cry at movies and tv all the time. I cried at a Pokemon movie when I thought Pikachu had died with my son way back. I mean talk about lame.

Yesterday I saw a number of very sick kids. One had breathing apparatus, she was in ICU, had terrible lung functions but I made her laugh and giggle. I made her sister sitting there laugh and giggle. I had a great time, just being a clown. That's a pretty cool feeling.

"More On Poop"

Kids go home after my show talking a lot about poop. Saying "poo" saying "poo poo" saying "diaper baby" You know potty talk.

I've always found poop and farts very funny, hey it's just me being not very uptight or incredibly uptight, either way it's funny to me. I think poop is what makes a clown funny, it's the basest of and lowest of humor. The lowest humor is the defining element of a clown. Poo, boogers and farts.

I'm going to take a leap here and compare poop to the escalator. (big leap I know!)

When I was a kid, I used to sneak a listen to my dad's George Carlin record, Class Clown. I imagine no real shock to anyone of my age that went into comedy.

The humor on there about the seven words, yeah funny but what I loved most; The fart humor and his joke about noticing things around us. George Carlin talked about the escalator, the handle going slightly faster than the stairs. Since I was 9 years old, I can't help but notice the handle on the escalator goes a little faster. And I chuckle inside to myself.

I'll bring the comparison back. To a 3 to 6 year old child, the world is poop. It's parents, saying do you have to go? It's "uh oh, we had an accident", it's the amazing giant toilet you sit on. It's the line up at preschool in front of the tiny toilets and going, all at the same time... military style (don't tell me that's not funny).

Comedy is about noticing the unusual but more often what is most funny to us, is the most obvious. Riding an elevator and noticing everyone looks forward and wondering what would happen if you faced the wrong way. Getting on the morning bus but walking up the stairs backward. Driving to work on a snowy day with your convertible top down...in a bathing suit. These would all be funny scenarios but really out of the very normal.

So, noticing the escalator is funny, because it's in front of me all the time. But really I'm an adult, so my world is pretty big compared to a 4 year old. I have the wonderful option of taking myself places, on my own, no one holding my hand. Which would be sort of funny when I think about it, having someone take my hand and drag me places, strap me in a car seat and put me in a shopping cart.

Poo is funny because it's like 40% of a 4 year olds world. It's obvious, it's in front of them all the time. Adults may deal with it and make little jokes but the kids know the adults don't dig changing diapers or wiping a butt. It's gross. It's a lot of control a kid has. So poo is like the escalator in that it's in front of them all the time. They think of a joke the clown said and it's funny again.

So, a clown's humor. Low humor. Falling down. We all do it. It's funny. Not understanding the most basic thing, misunderstanding and thinking someone said poo when they said "blue". And of course bodily noises, fraps, farts, whoopies.

It's more funny to me when people don't like that kind of humor. Like they don't poo! I even think people in Europe are funny, cause, they're all Euro pean. (get it pee in!)

“Why Is A Poop Joke Important?”

Here is the thing about kids, they are going developing all the time, every second, all the time. A big part of the development is the fascination with feces, excrement, do do, or plain old poo.

I get parents from time to time not liking that I encourage this. Everything I do with kids is for their fun and growth. They can’t believe a grown person is saying the word poo, it gets funnier the more times you say it. I mean how can it not?

When I was young I was watching the animal trainers at Marine World. They said, training is never teaching an animal what it can’t do, it’s having them do what they would normally do but on command. So a dolphin will jump out of the water, the training is simply will you do it when I blow the whistle.

I don’t want to compare children to dolphins, but what the heck. Children are going to be amazed with poo. No matter what. It’s a huge developmental stepping stone. That’s why there are so many videos about toilet training. That’s why there are bears selling toilet paper, that’s why there are cute diaper commercials.

When we (yes all of us have to do this), when we learn to poo on our own. It’s an achievement. It’s high level learning. It’s a huge milestone. So why not celebrate it with the whoopie cushion, the rhyming the word blue with poo? The “excuse me, I had a breakfast burrito” joke.

I say embrace the poo! That’s a bit gross....

Embrace the poo joke!

"I'm Sick...What To Do...What To Do..."

Over the quadrillion years I've been doing kids shows, I am amazed at getting a phone call from someone saying their clown cancelled and they have a houseful of kids, can I make it?

I always wonder, who are these people that would leave someone in the lurch like that and not find someone to do the show for them? I'm fairly certain, they aren't sick, they just got something better or decided to take the day off. Why in the world would you do that to someone? It's not just bad business, it's just rude, especially knowing the stress of someone trying to do a party. I may attend parties week in and week out but I never forget, this is a big deal to people. They only do this once.

I have lost a lot of money over the years with offers of better jobs, I will always be there, rain or shine. In the end, I don't think it mattered, most times I work there is no offer for other jobs. It just seems like a good policy and it keeps things straight.

We as children's entertainers are a very small world. I can tell you that I would help almost any other performer out in a pinch. And most other performers would do the same.

So, what's the problem? I think we are in a business that has a reputation for flakiness. There is a bigger picture for all of us. The better we do, the less stress we cause, the more likely all of us will work more.

"The Shy Child"

My first 15 or more years I spent trying to win everyone over, I was so personally challenged if I thought someone didn't like me. It took a lot of energy. I can't even tell you how hard I used to sweat working shows at retirement communities when sometimes they are not aware of where they are.

In that same area, there are kids that are just shy. Sometimes a child won't come up to me. In the past, I spent so much energy on that child. In the end, didn't matter, that's the way they are wired, they sit back and observe.

What's fun about being in the circus, you can scan huge audiences and try and meet and greet as many kids as you can in 10 minutes. You can play a great numbers game. There is an instinct we have about who is going to be a fun volunteer or fun to play with.

In a giant crowd, you have tons of kids that just want to watch. There is something funny that happens to me though with a group of 12 kids. I want them all to love me. Sometimes it doesn't happen.

I do get the feedback that I am the only thing they talk about for the next 3 days. If I remember who they are, in my head, I'm saying "really...? that kid?"

With kids we work on levels. I usually work around shy kids by doing my routines where all the kids are shouting, the answer, then singling them out, they already know the answer and asking the same question. Stuff like that. They become part of the experience some people just don't like crowds.

The best way to deal with shy kids. No forcing of your big personality. Just gentle nudges from you. I'm working on a numbers game. I can make something like 20,000 kids a year scream and laugh. There are 2,000 in there, that watched quietly. I want them all but I'll take 90%. Hey 90% is still an A on your final report card!

"Staying The Course..."

I have to deal with my own inability to stay the course...

I made a goal of doing a blog entry every day. In fact, I made a goal of doing a blog entry and going back and revise my writing every day.

I missed yesterday. I had a good record, I had done 28 in a row. That's pretty good. Yesterday, I found time to do all sorts of goofy things. I found time to talk on the phone, call my mom, clean the house, take a nap, I took an Aikido class... No blog time

So what, you missed a day... There is something very powerful about making a promise. A promise is hard to keep. I could make a promise to brush my teeth but I that's not very hard for me. It's the personal growth stuff that's tough, saying I will write and work on my blog is tough.

Why bring this up in a blog about musings about clowning. Because it's all the same. My promise to work on writing is just like my promise to be a better clown, make more money, have a better show, have more shows.

Missing a day of a blog is not that big a deal. The big deal is to not stay the course. My big goal in all this is to work on a book for entertainers that specialize in children. The blog itself is just to work on that goal.

I have to look at my goals as a performer. I make little promises all the time. Did I do something to forward my intention toward that goal today? For instance:

I'm booked to do a holiday show in a theatre in San Francisco. It's something I do every year. Last year, I had a very hard time getting an audience. The question, am I doing something every day to get word out?

The show requires me to write new routines. It's a theatre show, it's got a plot and it's themed for the holidays. So, have I been practicing the new routines? Have I purchased the props or acquired the props I need?

I could go on forever.

This little promise to do a blog entry is to show me, I can do something every day. There will be times I miss but I will get back on the horse and keep riding. This show I'm doing in December. I have a lot of little voices in my head telling me it's a lot of work, no one ever comes. But I have a bigger goal. I've always wanted to do theatre shows for kids. This is a step toward that goal. To get better and better all the time.

So, I'll promise to keep moving toward my book about performing. I'll promise to keep moving toward the goal of performing for kids in a theatre, I'll promise to keep writing working toward that goal of writing a book about performing.

"What's A Joke?"

A joke doesn't have to be "knock knock" or "Did you hear the one about the..."

A joke is when you get a laugh. It can be a look, it can be starting to talk, then stopping, a double take or calling a boy a girl.

Jokes can fill in a blank spot. (Did you hear the one about the priest the minister and the ....)

If you're over 30, you said Rabbi! In your show, is there an obvious place kids shout out? Make it into a joke. (I need to find the....) kids will shout out rabbit, birthday boy, etc.

Then you twist it, right "my car keys"

Jokes are simply the shock of expecting one thing and something else happens. "The rug being pulled".

If you know this structure, put in a slow burn on purpose. Put in a look of confusion, lead the kids with a verbal cue, let's go sing around the ... right... old spare tire.

This takes a bit of examination but you can get more laughs per show.

"Staying In Character"

On occassion I see a clown in a car speeding down the freeway. It's a pretty funny site.

When I was starting out at Clown College, we had it beaten into our heads we were never to appear without our full costume, wigs, hats, gloves in public. It's not always practical in the world outside the circus but I think the notion is really important.

Basically, I try as much as possible to keep smiling, even when I'm driving. It's just a practice, being aware when I leave my house, I'm being looked at, even if no one is "looking". I live in San Francisco and have to park on the street, so there are always cars coming down my street, people coming and going from their houses, people walking dogs, shopping, they don't "look" at me but I put on my smile and stay in character.

The notion that because no one is "looking" at you you don't have to put on a show, is wildly false. I can promise you, if you are driving down the freeway, going to your car, getting your show supplies out of your car for your show, getting gas, going through a drive through; You will be talked about a few minutes later..."Guess what I just saw...a clown! Driving a car!"

My friend Jay was promoting a magic show, this is way back. He was the guest on a wake up Bay Area Show. They would do news, then cut back to the on location reporter who would talk to Jay and he would do a magic trick. Sometimes they just cut back and the reporter would say, "We're here with Magician Jay Alexander, who's doing his show at the On Broadway Friday night...the current time is 7:04 and it's 63 degrees downtown" A bunch of us were in the background and we'd make noise.

So, I was dressed in my juggling outfit, not as a clown. Lime green high wasted pants, suspenders, a bright yellow hat, a bright red shirt, a bright blue tie. Like a rainbow threw up.

I had parked and was walking to the place they were shooting, I think we all met at 6:30 in the morning. Not a lot of people going to work yet. My wife called me later saying, someone was going to work and they saw this guy in lime green pants and they couldn't believe it... She said, I think I know who that was. People may not say hello but they see you. They really do.

Now dealing with children. Start your show 30 seconds before you drive up. Do your clown walk to the trunk of your car. If I see kids, I will start dropping things, bam the kids are laughing already, they are pre warmed up. Imagine that, I don't have to spend the first couple of minutes showing them I can be approached.

Plus it's just fun to make someone's day. "There was a clown on highway 280...."

"Good Business Is Just Being Polite"

Clowning is such an important area of my life, I have put good business practices into place. I tend to think of these practices as "thing my grandmother would be proud of..."

My grandmother, we called her "Princess Grandma" apparently because she used a princess phone. If you are old enough to remember a princess phone you can pretty much imagine her entire house. She lived in Hollywood in a lavendar house. A really nice lady.

My brother and I spent two weeks there one summer. We heard, things like "don't say thanks, it sounds crude, say 'thank you'." We heard, "animals put their elbows on the table" We heard "a gentleman stands when a lady enters the room" And the all important "send a thank you"

Hey you know what, this is old fashioned but it's business!

Stand when someone enters the room, this mean acknowledge people when the come into your life.

Don't say thanks, say Thank You. That means Listen to your customer and listen hard. It's easy to say thanks and blow something off. Take a minute and say Thank you. It makes you really appreciate what has been done or said.

Get your elbows off the table. Means don't be lazy, pay attention to your surroundings, it's not all about your comfort. Oh this one is so important to performers. We think we are pretty important. Without our audience we are just someone dressing up.

I am a big fan of polite practice, I think it translates into good business practice, which we can all do better!

You Say Tomato, I Say Tomato..."

Carefully use opposites with children. In healthy doses there is nothing the kids love more than a good argument.

When was beginning I used to do body parts and miss match them, point to my knee for my elbow, pretend my hand was my foot. I've learned over the many many years, you can use these practices as laugh getter with children.

I came back from a birthday party show this morning where the kids kept singing "happy birthday" when I said, "Let's count to 3 and say Happy Birthday" The first time one of them naturally started singing. I feigned anger and said. "no singing" We did it again. nearly all of them sang. And this goes on till we reach the tipping point.

Here's the thing. I used the "no singing" to get big laughs. This generally isn't part of the show. I had a situation where the birthday girl was shy and didn't want to be with me to start the show. I don't think shouting out happy birthday is that interesting, so I tend not to do something so straight forward. In this case, I wanted to make sure she was acknowledged and loved.

I used this thing the kids would naturally do to do the argument approach. And we did it with something huge like "happy birthday". feigned arguments will get your message across in a big way. I want the kids to know it's Katie's birthday, I want them remembering whey they are there. I want the parents to hear laughter and business wise, I want them to hear "happy birthday" and laughter together.

The argument approach can be used to huge effect if you maintain control. It can build but you have to stay present to know when to switch, know when to distract the kids into some other routine. Children will not tire, they just get on their feet and start running. I don't want this in my show, I want just a hair below that, then bring them down.

I like the argument approach because it's always in my back pocket. I can use it if I don't get a volunteer for a routine. I can use it if I have a volunteer that's not working. I can use it if I get child that starts crying.

Repetition is key to using this. I tell the kids "no singing..." and I do it again. A rough rule, for shouting maybe 3 possibly 4 times. In a magic trick I can do more, but that's because we end up arguing with an inanimate object. This is sort of like bringing in another actor to interact with.

I also have the choice of not using it. That's important to point out. This doesn't have to be part of routine. There are certainly times the kids are already climbing the walls. By coincidence I did a late show last night for a large church social dance. A lot of the kids knew me, it was late, they are with cousins, it was fancy but a fun church. I got there at 8:30, the kids were already out of their minds.

I pulled back on the arguing thing because it sent them over the edge, I didn't have a lot of supervision so I want them fascinated but in my control.

Use this power sparingly, it's funny, you get to be a clown (what could be funnier than be angry about someone singing "happy birthday" at a birthday party!). You get attention and laughs. When it gets to a high point, switch abruptly. Another big laugh and you'll have the kids attention for the next routine.

"Living On Top Of The Pyramid"

What makes a good performer, especially one that works with children is how close to the peak of the pyramid can you balance? That's where comedy comes from.

I think all performers balance on this peak but the children's performer does a balancing act on that tiny area.

Here is my metaphore explained. I like the image of a pyramid because, if you chop off the top you have a nice safe area to stand and make speeches. It's like a nice safe three legged stool. I try and press things, I think of my performing as putting a little pencil sharpener on top of the pyramid and constantly sharpening the point to see if I can still balance and not fall.

Basically this is where comedy comes from. Comedy is making a right turn when your whole body was prepared for a left turn. So that balance thing, we can take our audience in any direction.

The downside. Sometimes you tumble. Living on the point is not playing it safe. With children, there are times I can get them laughing so hard, it gets crazy. Sometimes kids just fall over on their side with laughter. There are even times kids wet themselves I get them laughing so hard.

On the other side, kids can maintain this level of energy, they just never tire. If we keep the balancing point, they will keep going until...they fall over.

It takes a long time to step off that platform and balance. But that's the goal. This is how we keep performances fresh and exciting. I never tire of my show, I think because I'm in it as if for the first time. If I can keep myself balancing, the audience knows we're in slight danger of falling over. It's a journey we are both on.

"Let's Make Life Easy!"

I tend to get involved in crazy projects about 3 times a year. Like all encompassing 16 hour a day kind of things. When this happens, I notice, being a clown just happens, there isn't that much work to be done. If I'm sitting around waiting for calls or avoiding sending out contracts or what not, I feel like I'm working.

When I'm involved in these crazy projects, I run to the computer or phone, do what I have to and run back and don't think too much.

I'm a pretty disorganized person. Although, as I get older and older I notice everyone says that about themselves, even the ones that have cushions on their couch cushions.

I am really paranoid about double booking or forgetting to show up. Not really paranoid more like obsessively frightened. On Saturdays without a kids party booked, I can't enjoy going to a movie because I'm sure I forgot to write something down and I'm going to be chewed out over the phone.

For my own sanity, I have slowly put things into place. Things like a booking form for my customers. Man did I suffer over this one. What to say how to say it, sending it to friends to look over. Now I look at it and it's just the information I need to send a confirmation. (day time, location etc).

I'm not very good at keeping calendars. I created an online calendar man did I obsess over the look, what to say, should I put the birthday child's name on there or not? Where on my web site should I put it.

I look at it and roll my eyes at my former self. It's just a calendar.

In the end though, what I've tried to do is just make sure I'm supposed to be where I say.

What's nice about being a bit obsessive with my projects, I can look at my system and be thankful that I spent a little time putting them in place. When I'm sort of nuts doing a video project, I can just rely on this to be self working. Ahhhhh

"So, what do you do for a living?..."

I'm sure other occupations experience this but I find it a bit rude when people comment in a negative way that I'm a professional clown.

It seems strange to me that a person, to my face, would say, "oh, I don't like clowns" or "that's scary" or a hundred variations of those statements.

Isn't that just a bit rude? Why would you say that about someone’s profession? I may try to explain or change the subject, it has always struck me as odd to say that to someone. In one fell swoop, they take away all my passion, my training, the little thank you cards from kids I get. Whether you like clowns or not, it’s my profession, I do love what I do.

I can handle the "oh, you don't seem very funny" comment a lot more. I can appreciate that, because it says, clowns are magical; you should be a clown 24/7 and live in a wonderful little world and eat cotton candy for breakfast. I tend to like these folks a lot more because I can talk about being a clown, my experiences, how I got started, my philosophy of children (which I can talk about forever).

I have asked around to other professions. My dentist also gets these comments, he's the kindest man I know, wonderful with children and adults, yet he gets the "oh, I don't like dentists..." My neighbor is a lawyer. Again, a very nice person, has helped me umpteen times carry heavy things into my house, just because he saw me getting something out of the minivan (yes, I'm a minivan dad). He gets the "Oh, I don't like lawyers..." comment.

I think it's just a lazy thought process. I don't like dental treatments but I sure appreciate dentists and that I live in a country with such good dental care. I have needed the professional services of a lawyer a few times, we really do need lawyers, it's very important. Our laws are what define us as a civilized society.

My thought is that people are repeating the watered down version of what Jay Leno, Howard Stern or David Letterman are saying. These are adept social observers, comedians that have honed their craft over many years to comment on society in a comic way. A good comedian is a philosopher under it all. A good comedian can make observations about what I do, hey, that’s what they do.

I think their comments get repeated and repeated and repeated till they become "oh, clowns are scary". If you just repeat a punch line, it doesn’t make it true.

Whatever the reason. I feel manners are everything in this world. I can't say much to when someone insults me to my face. I will surely find my way out of that conversation as quickly as I can. I can't change rudeness but I don't have to listen to it.

"Don't Forget To Say You're Welcome!"

There is a routine by Lenny Bruce where The Lone Ranger does good things for the people in a village. They go to say thanks and he says "you don't have to thank me" and rides off. This keeps happening, the townsfolk get more and more frustrated because he won't take a thanks and start to get really angry at him. Pretty soon they are swearing at him and don't want his help.

It's a very funny routine and was made into a cartoon sometime in the 60s. It's well worth watching, it's funny because it's so true.

There are many shows that I don't think went well. For whatever reason, "the audience wasn't with me", I'm "off" or "I just didn't find my flow". In these times I really want to avoid the person that booked me or give my payment back. I have to fight these urges and take the thanks for the "wonderful show".

I could say (and I have...sigh). "It wasn't as good as I usually am". "I'm so sorry I was a little off tonight". Etc. What they said was, "thank you". The proper and polite response is "you're welcome!" Maybe even a, "I hope you had as much fun as I did". With all your acting skills and conviction, look them in the eye and take in their appreciation.

I've gone to a movie or a play or a comedy show, I've had a good time and liked what I saw. The person I'm with will say "I just didn't like the acting" or "That was terrible..." or "That was a rip-off of so and so's routine..." It will completely change my experience of the play, movie or show I just saw and enjoyed. I suddenly feel stupid, like I don't know what I saw. I question my own judgement of what I have seen. If you take away your customer's enjoyment of your show, you are taking away their self esteem, possibly insulting them. Remember, they are looking to make a whole bunch of people happy, you did your job, they had a good time, their guests had a good time.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes. They want their guests to have fun and laugh. If you fulfilled on this, that's what they are thanking you for. Again, don't take that away, that's mean.

Just like the Lenny Bruce routine, don't run away, take in their appreciation.

I have two very musical sons. I go to the 20 or so concerts they give with their schools, with their music lessons or what not. I have no musical ability whatsoever, I'm really impressed by musicians, it consistently amazes me that my children can take an inanimate object and fill the air with music.

After the concert or on the way home, I'll say "that was really good, I thought you guys were great tonight!"

My son's say to me, "I was terrible tonight" "We were better the other day when we played for the convalescent hospital" "The beat was off" "We didn't rehearse this one long enough, we just got the sheet music" etc.

That simply makes me feel bad. I heard what I heard, I know it's peppered with parental pride of course, but still, I think I can tell a well played piece of music. If it sounded good, it was good.

I know a lot of what they are doing is the "aw shucks" thing but a simple, thank you or thanks or yeah, we were really on tonight would be make me feel great about myself.

Do something good for the world, say you're welcome! Just accept you are good!