"The Show Must Go On!"

I'll bet you've been wondering where I've been.

I put on a show. Oh I know we all do lots and lots and lots of shows. I rented a theatre, I wrote a play, for 4 to 8 year olds, I marketed it, did my best putting together a set, bought props, made posters, sent out tons of emails and somewhere in there rehearsed.

I've done this same thing a number of times now. I work on a children's show specifically for the theatre. I've come to look at it as pure self indulgence. I made excuses at first about marketing myself, having people hear of me in the papers, stretching myself as a performer. But really, this is the pure artistic side of being a clown (I speak only for me on this one).

I do so many shows each year, the shows are for others. I know there is someone paying and it's usually making a little boy or girl feel special (a birthday party). Let's come together as a community (libraries, churches, park and rec shows).

Being in a theatre is and always has been my dream. Well, I'll open that up a bit, I've always loved television and am passionate about being on TV as well.

Actually, they are very similar. In both places, I am creating a world for my clown, I lean toward being the forgetful clown that gets terribly distracted from my goal.

So, the question, why do it?

I'm staring at this screen having absolutely no idea how to answer that question. I think that is the essence of art. I just can't live with myself and not do this. That sounds like such an artsy fartsy answer but once I get started on this sort of goal, I can't turn around and say, "it's not worth it".

And it's so stressful. The last few days or weeks really have been restless sleep, waking up at 4am wondering if anyone will show up. Waking up at 2am and realizing I forgot to get change for the box office. And wondering all the time, if it's any good. It's also tough, because most of the audience knows me from my kids shows, and this show does not nearly elicit the peels of laughter I get from a child's party.

I think this is sort of like eating dinner though. Most all the performances I do are dessert. I'm a clown, there is an expectation of just being funny, it's fun and makes life pretty easy for me, really. Doing a show in a theatre, is telling a story, creating a world in your imagination. Looking at the stage and saying "oh, that's Boswick the Clown's house" Even though, there are exit signs, lights hanging from the ceiling, black curtains.

So...after working on this, stressing, tossing and turning. I did the first 2 shows yesterday. There were, lots of technical problems on the first show. There were gags that didn't work, no laughs in parts I really like. It was a sold out show, (I did it as a fundraiser for the school my children went to as toddlers). People enjoyed it and gave me nice compliments.

I had an hour before the next show and just sat with it. I didn't love the show, it was "ok".

But the second show rocked. We only had 11 people. It was a show for a local charity I work with that provides housing for children's families while their children are in cancer treatment. I invited all the children but only one family took me up on it, and the children are huge fans, they have my videos and see me a lot (there are brothers and cousins with him). The young man got out of the hospital the night before because he so desperately wanted to see me. He's 14, which is interesting too.

The second show is why I do these things. Good works aside, the show really worked. My timing got in place, I got laughs, I began letting go of my regular style of performing (hey look at me or let's do a magic trick). I really created my world. There were a lot less technical problems. And it felt great.

The first show was a "preview" I had not done it in front of an audience, so that's what happens. The second show was opening night.

Last night, I slept like I was in a coffin. Ahhhhhh.