Putting On My Theatre Show...

For those that love me, those that tolerate me and all others, it's time for my theatre show...

Every year right after Christmas, I rent a theatre and do a new show.

Why?

Because, I'm a theatre performer, that's how I started, being in a theatre is like being in a church to me.  I love being there, I'm at peace.

Doing a theatre show is also a huge challenge.  It's scary, will I get an audience?  Will it come together?  Will I bomb?  Will I lose money?  So far I've broken even every year.  I hire my two sons to do tech for the show.  They make more money than me.  But I like that, I get to be with them.

If you've wondered how to do a theatre show, I'll let you know what I'm doing right now.

I rented a theatre. This is a theatre I have a relationship with. He's charging me less than standard rate because he knows me and I'm doing shows at 11am.  Theatre's make money at 8 at night.  I'm paying $175 per show.  This is about half rate of normal.  Life's expensive what can I say. This theatre seats about 60.

I pay $50 to each person helping me.  I need someone at the front door selling tickets and opening the door before showtime.  I need someone running lights and sound.

There's no storage in the theatre so I have to pay for parking nearby. Because this is San Francisco, parking will be $20 to $25 for the 4 hours I'm there.  Yup.  big city living.

My set is a red dresser, ladders, a yellow picket fence and a chair.  I'll probably have a table for my classic 8 nights of channukah song.  (it's original)

I put my show on a ticketing service.  I use Brown Paper Tickets, they are large and pretty easy to deal with.  It's a lot of complicated work.  I've done this for many years, I still can't figure out their web site.

You need a web page people can go to.

Write up a press release announcing to the papers, radio stations, family web sites there's a show in town.

Write an email to your former customers.  I offer half price to my customers, this is where I get most of my audience.

In the middle of all this I need to pick music for each routine.  Create an order to the whole thing.  Figure out my theme.  (I think it's going to be magic.  This is only for me, it drives me in creating.  Other years it's been whimsy, water, flight).

I also offer my show as a fundraiser for schools.  We split the door sales.  It's ok, I get about 20 or 30 people this way and it's a nice way to help.

Every year I wonder why I do it.

I realized this year, I live life in uncomfort.  This is where I feel alive.  Creating a show from nothing makes me sleep 3 hours a night and makes me feel alive.  My two sons make money and after it's done, I have a little self superiority.  It's pretty cool that I can do what very few children's entertainers can.  I create a one hour show that keeps kids and their parents laughing.

Be prepared for the worst...

Had a very unruly 4 year old at a birthday party.  The parents found it very cute that he was tearing up grass and throwing it at me, which the other children followed.

So, I did the grass dance and tricked the kids into putting down their handfuls of grass.  Remember, distraction is amazingly powerful for small ones.  You can start a story.  (very quietly) "Once there was a clown...).  All the children will stop and stare.

Or (Loudly).  "Everyone open your hands...shut them...open them...shut them"  and return to your show.

My 4 year old had too much coffee and no one stepping in.  Oh well.  I could control the group but not the birthday child.  I never want to make the birthday child or their parents feel bad, so I just live with it.

In the middle of the show, I squatted down to get him from running into my table, I split my pants.

Luckily, my balloon animal stayed in my underwear.

Luckily, I have a sewing kit in my car.  Do you?  Can you do basic repair?  It doesn't have to be neat, you can deal with that later.  Basic sewing is very simple.

I steal the little sewing kits from hotels.  I haven't used one in many years.  But it was in my car,  I threw it in the glove box many years ago.

It was awkward to sew the crotch of my pants while sitting in the car.  But it worked.  Went to the next show and no salt shaker peaking out.

Put a little sewing kit, safety pin, $20, make up remover, under your seat.  You never know.

You never know

How to Get Started as a Clown...

Any thoughts on what I should write next?

Give me a shout out in the comments section.

When I started this blog, I was hoping for more of a discussion.  So ask away.  I'm happy to answer all questions.

The most "pop"ular entries are the ones about balloons.  If that's your thing go ahead.  I get so much laughter out of just blowing up a balloon, I'd love to share.

Pacing...

Question from Mariposa Blessings.

She wrote about long hours of face painting and how to keep yourself healthy.

I'll have to start with my answer, I don't think there's an answer.

The problem is us.  Me, you, all of us.  We are not capable of knowing our limits.  Someone says, 5 hours of strolling magic/balloons/juggling/face painting/games, we say yes.  They say, oh, can you work an extra two hours.   We say yes.

I have a poverty mentality, I am so not sure where my next paycheck is coming from, I'll say yes to anything.  That's not a bad thing.  I've ended up in crazy situations because I am willing to do anything, anywhere, for any price.  That's how I ended up in the Philippines and on commercials.  I just do.

Here's the reality though.  It's really hard on my body.

If you are willing to hear advice this goes to me as well.  Pace yourself.  If you are hired for 6 hours, take breaks.  When you entertain, your brain is working at 6x speed.  Take 10 minutes an hour to get a snack.  Don't look at your phone during the break. Water not sugar drinks.

If you take a long job, divide it up.  I doubt a client will go for this but you should only work in 3 hour sessions.  After years of doing this, I think 3 is max.  You can be funny energetic and make everyone happy in three hours.  After that  you get a dull look on your face.  A plastered smile.

The rest is just talking to the air.  Eat well, go the gym, get lots of rest.  Like any of us are going to do that.

I know I won't follow any of these words, I'm just too scared of not getting work.

I do a full body costume character for a company.  They fly me around to do it.  It's very flattering to be the guy they trust.  I am at a convention in two weeks.  I end up doing 14 hour stretches for three days in the fur. It's completely stupid.  But I'm good at it and it's a bunch of money.

My best advice, just pace yourself.  Take breaks, don't drink soda, when you feel your smile is fake.  Take a break.

The Theatrical Clown Show...

The question I got was "How do you put together a theatre show?"

I've done a lot of theatre shows.  I have a love/hate relationship with them.

They are super creative, fun and feel great when you're done.  On the other hand, they are expensive, stressful and financially not worth it.

So put making money away.  This is the place you get to be an artist.

Years and years ago, my friend Nick (who runs a very successful theatre company.  And is a great director) asked me.  "What can you do in a theatre that you can't do anywhere else?"

And that's the great question.  I see a lot of clowns, magicians do shows that they could do for birthday, a corporate function or a library.  There's a prestige, there's a cool factor to be in a theatre but what makes theatre is the risk of failing and failing badly.  It's what makes theatre and clowning so interesting to me.  To be on the edge.

I do a theatrical kids show every year in December.  I do it for the challenge of trying to put together something for myself.  I spend the whole year making shows that please people.  I do a theatre show because it's all about me.  I want to make people laugh and that's it.

In a library or birthday party, I can't do a clown skit.  In a theatre I have things dangling from the ceiling.  Things just out of my reach.  I love strings and ropes and pulleys hanging down.  Getting them down is crazy, it just makes me laugh.

A theatre show should have a through line.  It can be very light but there needs to be a small theme that holds together.  I will think of things like "balance"  So my whole show will be about bringing balance to the clown.

Last year, my theme was water.  I tried to douse myself in water in as many ways as I could.  It's slippery and I wish I could have done the show 30 more times to figure out the comedy but it's a challenge.  I tried color changing water magic (yawn).  What worked was just lifting a bowl and letting it pour over my head.

When you rent your theatre.  Get a theatre people have heard of and where they feel safe.  This will be more expensive but you'll actually get audience.  I tried for years to do my shows in these awful neighborhoods because it seemed sort of cool to me.  It's cool if your 26 and on an adventure.  It's not so cool if you have a five year old with you.

You need to make the stage look fun.  This is tough because you have to do it in 2 hours.  Most theaters won't let you leave props.

I always use a dresser that's painted bright red, a table painted and my yellow ladder.  I sometimes use an old TV painted to look funny.  And I like a good chair that I can fall off.  Sometimes I'll use a plastic Christmas tree and decorate it with whoopie cushions.  I can get all these props into my mini van.

I do my shows in the theatre district in San Francisco.  I pay a lot more and don't get free rehearsal time but I get more audience.

I do my shows at 11 in the morning.  This seems to be a good time to get people in and then they can have lunch after.  Theaters like me because this is free money to them.  Other than me, no one is renting a theatre at 11 in the morning.

I spend a lot of time getting my shows listed on as many web sites as I can find.  There are lots of places when you search "what to do with children"  that will come up.  I list my show there.  It helps a bit but also gives me a web presence and keeps my web site coming to the top.  That's good for my making a living.

I do fundraising with schools.  I offer a door split for everyone that mentions their name.  This usually brings me about 30 or 40 people.  They're a bit hard because I need to have people there excited about coming to see me. So I have to recruit someone to talk a lot about the show.

I forgot to mention, I usually will do 4 to 6 shows over a 4 day period.  I want to work on the show. That's my personal challenge.  The first show I do will not be great.  I'm never happy with it.  Good energy but I'm thinking of the order of the show and where props are.  I find the comedy as the show progresses.

I list my show on Goldstar which is a half price theatre service.  It gets me 10 or so.

My audience mostly comes from former customers.  I send two emails to everyone that has hired me in the past two years.  I offer half price tickets.

You will need to get into the theatre at some point and move lights around.

I use my sons to run lights, run sound effects and music.  One of my sons is box office.  and will sometimes throw things onto the stage for me.

I pay my sons.  They like this.

I've just scratched the surface.  It's a challenge to put on a theatre show.  I spend about $1500 and over 6 shows.  The theatre is about $200 to $250 per show.  They generally are nice about giving me free rehearsal time.  I pay for parking, which is expensive.  I pay my crew (my sons) $50 to $75 a show.  I try to not buy too many new props but I usually do.  I always make less than what I pay the crew.

I charge about $18 a ticket.  I sell most for half price.

There's so much to be written here.  If you want more.  Please ask.  I can get really specific on things like press releases and the writing of the show.

All The Fame You Ever Wanted...Then What?

Here's the post mortem.

I am profiled in New York Magazine.  They did a 6000 word write up, there are 5 full pages of just pictures of me.  New York Magazine is seen by half a million people plus.  The online version probably equal.

With all that, the world has given me a big shrug.

And that's hard to take.

I always thought someone would see what I do and put me on TV.  Invite me to do a show in New York or Chicago.

I'm still plugging away.  I do a lot of shows.  I've taken a job repairing iphones because I need to get rid of my debt and that's going to take years.  Each phone repair stabs me in the face.  I'm an anonymous phone technician.  A guy with funny hair and tiny tools.  (I have a tiny tool...hee hee)

I'm going to be teaching clowning at San Francisco School of the Arts.  That's nifty.  I am still working for the San Francisco Speakeasy doing my off beat Non-Magician comedy act.  Bosley The Magnificent.

But I'm whole heartedly sad.  This week marks 28 years since I started with Ringling Brothers.

Being so prominently featured...makes me sad.  It's everything I wanted.  I really thought someone would put me on TV.


Read it here!
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

Can You Make a Living as a Clown....

A nice nice fellah named Jusby the Clown has been in communication with me.  I give a big shout out because I'm here, I'm free, I love sharing what I've learned about clowning and he took me up on it.

Good for you.

Jusby went to some business advisors and they said clowning is not a sustainable business.  You would have to do 300 shows a year and you'll end up making $30,000 a year.

He shared this and I said "yup.  That's about right."  That's a lot of shows and lots of those shows will be low priced.

I have the benefit of living in a very wealthy area with millions of people within an hours drive.  I am able to make a living because there are just so many people here.

There are maybe 5 million people in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Point zero zero whatever percent,  will hire children's entertainment.  That's princess parties, balloon makers, magicians, Disney characters, bounce castles, animal shows, science shows, tea parties, music, puppets.

Point zero zero zero zero zero ...zero percent.  Will hire a clown for an event.

I've come to realize you pretty much can't make a living as a clown.

On the other hand so what?

In this world, you can't make a living as a painter, a sculptor, an actor, dancer, writer, martial artist...

Some do.

So the answer is no.  And the answer is yes.

You can make a living.  But it's going to be small, very small and $30,000 a year is about as good as you can hope for.

When I'm at my most financially frustrated, I ask.  "What would you do if you won five million dollars in the lottery?"

Hmmm. I'd get a new car, take care of my children's school, remodel my gross kitchen.  Then what?

I'd still be a clown.  

Branding...

I got a question from my friend Mariposa Blessings.

I knew her way back.  Mariposa worked for me when I was training people to work for a Filipino Restaurant chain called Jollibee.  She was my Heddi Spaghetti.  I knew her then as Vanessa.

She found me again at Christmas I'm very happy to have her back asking me questions.

Vanessa asked me about branding.  She keeps hearing about it.

Here is what I do with my branding.

On youtube I'm boswicktheclown
on instagram I'm boswicktheclown
on facebook I'm boswicktheclown

(starting to get it?)

My business card is yellow background.  My postcard is yellow background.  My type on my business cards, postcards and website are Helvetica.  My videos are the same font.

I try and match my promotion.  It's sort of like seeing A brown truck coming down the road and knowing UPS is delivering so you better run to meet the driver.

The idea is when someone sees a bright yellow clown card they already know it's Boswick the Clown.

It's a pretty high level of marketing.  I think it's a good idea because it will make your promotional material look nicer.  If you're thinking about a new web site, you can match the look.

My opinion?  I don't think it matters as much as people think.

Of course if you are UPS, Ford, Starbucks.  It's necessary.  For us...I think just doing something  is way more important.  It's easy to throw up roadblocks.

If you have no money for a graphic artist.  It's ok to make a simple card from Office Max.  Any business card is better than no business card.  If you don't have a postcard to give to people.  Microsoft Word has some very cool templates.  Use the template and put your pictures in there and print them at home.

Here's the better question though.  When you make a business card or flyer.  What's this piece of paper for?  Ask it over and over.

Here is my answer. I want my business card to go on the refrigerator so people think of me when they have a party.  It's a nice clean fun image.  It's got my phone number on it.

My web site has an email button nice and big on every page.  Because that's what I want.  People to call or email.

There are so many web sites I look at or business cards where I have no idea what the business offers.  I get handed DJ cards all the time.  I throw them on my dresser.  I look at them two weeks later and can't figure out what business this is.

My thought is do something.  Get your name out.  Then start to pick the image you want and start following the colors, images and fonts. Keep your name the same, keep your costume the same.

Tired of Explaining Myself...

Last night I met my friend's new girlfriend.

She had the "oh, clowns scare me thing"

She's very smart.  In fact, should have known better than to keep insulting me.  She's a therapist.  So also very educated.  And had no clue she made me very uncomfortable.

My article has been out a very short time, so everyone wants to talk to me about it and what it's like to be "famous"  (Nothing  to report so far).  So, my friends were there asking me questions.  She said, sitting next to me was difficult for her because she dislikes clowns.

So, I went into my academic explanation of clowns.  The history, all societies have clowns.  Of course you can make a scary clown.  The clown is a profoundly powerful character.  It's easy to make it scary.

I figured out last night while lying in bed why I was bothered by this conversation.  

My piece in New York was about the rude treatment we get and the surprise I feel about people not liking clowns.

I generally have accepted the conversation.  I figure it's like a dentist at a party with someone saying I don't like dentists.  Or a lawyer hearing a lawyer joke.

The difference.  I think people will say something rude to a dentist or lawyer but then say.  "I'm sure you're very good"

I have to defend my profession.  That's so odd.  And It's just tiring.  I don't think a dentist has to defend what they do.

Last night at dinner, I put on a nice face but I had to sit there next to a person that declared her dislike of me.  At no point she said.  "hmm.  you're right, kids like clowns, I can see that"  or even anything nice about me.

I'm very thinned skinned.  This stuff keeps me awake at night.

I thought having a whole fabulous researched article would give me legitimacy.  I would be one of the good ones.

Same crap, not a thing changed.  Even a whole article about me
didn't phase her.

I should have studied dance.

Now I'm famous...

Here it is.  I've been waiting a while for this. My feature in New York Magazine

http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

Let me know what you think.

Speaking To Your Audience...

I did a workshop/performance for a clown club in San Jose last night.

I have been telling people about this for a few days.  I forget the concept of a clown club is foreign to most people.  I'm not all that sure what clown clubs do.  I like the idea.

The idea is to promote the art of clowning.  A big chunk of the group never performs puts on make up or appears as a clown.  I guess they are clown fans.  It's flattering but throws me off.  I have people that like me, laugh, hire me, question my life choices of being a clown.  It's a bit odd to be looked at like I'm something special.  Like I'm a celebrity.

There were a few people at the meeting last night that just hung on my words.  They looked at me like I'm a movie star.

I wish they'd tell my children how special I am.

It was hard to do a workshop for this group, they meet in a Round Table Pizza.  The place was very crowded and the Golden State Warriors are in the play offs and were playing on 22 screens  We had to wait for the game to be done.  It would have been hard to compete with all of that.

I mostly did a show.

What is always interesting for me is how to do my show for adults.  I get such laughs from things like dropping my hat with kids.  They laugh and laugh.   Crickets from adults.  The way I make my hat fall off has taken me forever to perfect.  To adults it just looks like I messed up.

I don't like adults to pretend to be children, it's weird, they don't know how to do it.  Also a bit creepy. So when I clown for adults I speak to them.  I do what will make them laugh.  I want them to just laugh.  They are watching me because they like my style of comedy.

which is tricky.

When you are performing for a group you are not good at.  For me adults.  You have to listen to what they are laughing at.  You have to be present, you have to pay attention.   Drop jokes, routines that simply aren't going over.

It's what comedians do.  I've watched watched Robin Williams do the dirtiest stories because that's the audience.  Other times he told stories of his children a family friendly show.  It's having enough material.  Listening to the feedback (laughter.  gasps of surprise) and following that path.

With children, I describe it as being in a rapid river and floating with the current.  It's the same with any audience.  Listen, if they are laughing, follow that current.  If they don't, you're on a rock in the middle of the river not going forward nor backward.  Get off the rock.  It's a lot more interesting to go against the current or with it.

I ended up discussing a lot of theories after the show.  That's my favorite thing.  It didn't work as well as the performance.

But that's why they brought me in.  So extending the metaphor.  I was in an eddy going round and round, till I put my nose back on and did another routine, then they laughed.  I jumped back into the current.

As a clown, you just never know how to deal with situations.  And that's always funny.  

Teaching Clowns to Clown

I find teaching clowning incredibly scary.  Performing is my safety area, it's where I'm comfortable.

When I teach, I have to be very present, pay lots of attention and gently coach or push people to find character or to find comedy within themselves.

It's easy to say the wrong thing, to shut someone down, to hurt them. I never want that I want them to find character, movement and find comedy.

I am going to be teaching clowning at SOTA. That's School of the Arts.  It's a performing arts high school in San Francisco, like the high school Fame in New York.  I've subbed there a number of times for my old clown partner Brady.  Brady is moving into another teaching position at the school and got me the job as the next heir apparent.

The students spend about 3 or 4 hours every day working on performing.  They do Shakespeare and scene study and movement and dance and monologues and African Haitian dance and improvisation and clowning.

There are some downsides to teaching in a place like this.  You get interrupted a lot.  It is a high school, so someone always has to go to the bathroom or a note is coming in because someone left their backpack somewhere and it's in the office.  Or there's a dentist appointment.

The classes are too short.  I think they are 50 minutes.  They come in really worked up, so it takes a while to start class.  The classes are a bit large for what I do as well.  Ideally, I'd have 12.  6 groups of 2, 4 groups of 3.  I have no control over such things.

On the other hand, to be able to work on clowning is so cool.  To use your body as communication, to make people laugh with a look.  To teach someone a proper slap and fall and watch the execute it.  Just nifty.

Internally, I don't think very highly of my own skills.  In fact, I'm in constant fear of being found out as the fraud I know myself to be.  When I demonstrate in classes, I get ooos and aaahs of "you're so good".  It's weird because I mostly feel like anyone at all can do what I do.

Administration sucks with a capital SUCKS at this school.  I'm not good with authority, I will sabotage every time if left to my own devices.   I can tell they just posture.  So, I'll turn in my lesson plans and do what the students need most, that will likely take us off my lesson plan.  They pay little attention to our class so we'll be fine.

By happenstance, I've been invited to teach at a local clown club tomorow.  That's fun as well.  They will be a lot harder to teach.  Adults, especially in a clown club have preconceived notions of clowns.  Lots of cute stuff that has very little to do with clowning.

But I'm nervous and excited about this as well.  The times I've worked with clown clubs, I'm surprised at how little they know of the greats of the history.  I bring up my hero Bill Irwin, I get blank stares.  We'll have fun.  I like to create clowns inside out, so it will be neat to see how they do.

Now, if only this stuff paid a little better....

To Boldly Go Where No Clown Has Gone Before...

I'm leaving tomorrow for a show in Blaine Washington.  I think it's near Tacoma.

I don't travel much with my shows.  It's always been a dream of mine to be able to do more kids shows around the country.

This is super exciting.

I am being hired because the kids in this little town watch my DVD "here comes the clown".  They discovered me in the library.

How cool is this?

Um...pretty cool.

The dad called me about 6 weeks ago and asked if I would be willing to travel?  Um yeah.

I think the furthest I've ever gone for a birthday party show is about 75 miles.

These are just normal people that want to give something to their kids.  I'm so flattered.  I'm all wigly with excitement.  I have to pack my show and costumes, I've polished my shoes.  I got a new nose out of the medicine cabinet (I have a little stack.  I change them about every 6 weeks, they lose their shine).  I borrowed a nice little sound system I'm trying.

I feel like such a celebrity.

Can't wait.

Into the sky I go

Mimes Are Awesome...

I am unapologetic about how much I love mimes.

Mimes got a bad rap a few years ago.  I'm not sure why.  How often do you actually see a mime?  I study mime, love mime and I only see a mime every couple of years.

Every once and a while I get hired as a strolling mime.  I get so nervous.  I get nervous about my skill level, will people try and hurt me, do people really hate mimes.  Will they hate me?

I did a fancy cocktail party a few days ago. Just so fun.

Mime is such a pretty character.  It's also non-threatening.  It's a quiet character and people just want to hug you and take pictures.  It's fun with the silence to make people laugh.

I've studied mime.  Not for years but I love the classes when I get to do them.  It compliments my art form hugely.  Mime is just the pure study of the body on stage.  Incredibly geeky.  It's not about the rope and box.  Mime is about the space you take when you are on stage.  This applies to actors, clowns, musicians, stand up comedians.  Any body on a stage.

When I go out as a mime, I get really nervous because I won't have all my verbal stuff available to me.  I really don't need it.  I am just a funny guy.  I have a lot of gags available to me.  I have facial expressions, I have body mechanics.  I'm also good at make-up.  My costumes look good and I'm just cute.

It's a challenge but a good one.

For cocktail parties it's just a wonderful character roaming around making people smile.  More corporate events should have a mime while people are mingling.

Cramped Hands and Swallowing My Pride...

Way back there was a thing called "Take Your Daughters To Work Day".

It lasted about two or three years.

Then it became "Take Your Kids To Work Day"

And it lasted about two or three years.

I did shows for the employees kids at hospitals, law offices, Cisco, Google, Ebay.  It was a busy time.

These days I get a few inquiries, not much.  The biggie every year is Google.  I used to do these big shows for the kids.  Then it slowed to mostly balloons.   There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of kids.  So I was one of maybe 10 balloon makers scattered around a giant field as the kids got hot dogs, played games went bouncing.  I was payed skunk.  I was just one of the many.  

Yesterday, I worked as a "high end" balloon maker with an old friend/acquaintance.  He's gotten bigger and bigger. He's really into balloons.  That's his thing.

I like the comedy of balloons, the magic of taking a tube and making it into a teddy bear.  That's pretty cool to me.  I like using the skill for a laugh or a smile.

For the gig.  There were 4 of us.  We had to do three pre-approved designs in Google colors.  I wanted to barf.  I hate being told what to do.  I wanted to destroy the event with my comedy with all my soul.  I wanted to create mayhem and bite the hand that was feeding me.

...I did what I was told.

Doing what I was told was to learn some very specific elaborate balloons.  The Google Android.  The Google bicycle and a Google flower.  Each of these took 4 to 5 balloons.

The night before, we got together to create and learn so we were all on the same page, it wouldn't  matter which balloon maker you went to, we were all doing the same choices.

My competitiveness was scrunched.  I couldn't be the funniest guy in the room.  I wasn't allowed.

I really need the gig, I really need the money.  I have to take everything that comes my way.  Honestly, if I were to start again, I would never go into this line of work.  This art.  I have never made much money.  The art side of me doesn't care, the dad cares a lot.

I do what I'm told... sometimes.

The gig was totally fun.  I learned some very cool new balloons.  I had fun with the kids and Google gave me a great lunch.  My friend Rob that booked me loved me, he's hiring a lot more, so I'm in on that front.  Being a team player will get me more work.  

All in all.  I'm my worst enemy.  I think I'm so important.  But you know what, it's pretty fun to make children happy. Whether it's as a clown or handing them a Google Android made in Google colors.

Go See Your Friends Perform...

For a big chunk of last year, I worked on a one man show.  Not for kids but for adults.

It was emotional for me.  Personal.  I thought this show would be a new direction in my performing life.  The combination of acting, stand up comedy, story telling and clowning.

Most people I know missed it.  Or treated it like it was a choice.

If someone lets you know about their performance, I don't believe you have a choice in going or not going.  It's on the level of "Are you coming to my wedding?"  "Are you coming to my son's Bar Mitzvah?"

As long as I've been performing, I still get nervous.  If there are people in the audience I know, I'm really nervous.  I have my entire being at stake.  My ego is taking a hit in a big way.

My one man show was extra personal.  It's been a number of months and I'm still hurt at how people didn't go out of their way to come.  I didn't do one show, I did 7 shows.  That's a lot to choose from.

My sons have both told me what an important lesson they've learned by my insisting they go see their friends in shows.  I don't get a lot of acknowledgement for my parenting but this one they both get.

Both my sons go out of their way and will apologize to a friend if there is a conflict they can't get out of.  They've both told me how they don't understand other friends that don't bother.

I took my son a couple of weeks ago to his friends play.  It was a teenage version of Les Miserables.  On paper I was thinking "oh God...".    It was 45 minutes away.  The girl's parents were beside themselves that I would come all that way to support their daughter.  I know.  It's who I am.

The best part.  It was great.  I loved it. I had a great time.

If you miss someone's show, it's done and gone.  It's not a photo, or a video.  It's gone into the air.  You can never see it.

If you just go.  It means so much to that person.  Good or bad has no relevance to me in the going.  It's just support, it's emotional support.  It's what we do for each other.

What bugs me so much about the friends that didn't come to my show.  I've been to their shows.  Because I always do.  This is not a one way street.

After my experience it hurt my relationship with a number of people.  Not to the point to where I will say something.  But I view them very differently.

I've always been confused by the idea of thick skin as a performer.  I've never gotten used to rejection.  I've never not been nervous.  I've never not cared what people think of me.  I don't think I ever will.  I have a very thin skin.  Stuff hurts.  I think it does for all of us.

Go support each other.   Get off the couch and go.

What To Say After To Another Performer After Their Show...

I've been mulling this topic for years.  How to deal with performers after a show and why it hurts so much when someone says the wrong thing to you.

I made a rule with my children to never put each other down, my wife or me if any of us are doing something creative.  This helped. A little.

My wife is director of a chorus and works on music all the time.  My sons make videos, do music.

I'm the thinnest skin of them all.  I wanted to create a house where we are safe to be creative.

Years ago, I read a passage in an autobiography by Alan Alda.  I checked the book out of the library, I can't even remember the name but I loved the book and I quote this section all the time to people.  I should really just buy it so I can share it with people.

Alan Alda wrote about dealing with actors after a performance.  He's talking about plays, but it's the same in all areas of performance.  My children would make fun of each other when they were playing something on the piano.  Or did a school play.  It caused very hurt feelings.  I think it shuts creativity down.

Alan Alda described going backstage after a play is like walking through triage in a hospital.  These people are walking wounded.  They are emotional wrecks.

When you don't go backstage after a show.  The performer thinks. "They hated it and they are embarrassed for me"  They are avoiding me.

When you go backstage and say.  "Good to see you"  but nothing else. The performer thinks, "They hated me, they hated the show".  When you say.  "You were really good"  The performer thinks, "they are being nice they hated the show"  When you say "good show"  the performer thinks, "They hated me"  etc etc etc.

There is no room for honesty or criticism.  When you see someone after a show, you say. "I loved it, you were amazing.  The show was incredible."  That's it.  You have to.  That's the rule.

Here's my story.  This came up a few days ago.

I threw a party for my friend Funnybone the Clown.  He turned 50.  He's a big man child and jokingly said, "you're my clown friend, you have to throw me a party"  He was right, I had to.  So I put it together.

I've been doing shows each weekend in a Speakeasy.  People dress up like 1920, there is pretend gambling, 20s singers and I do my comedy magic act.  It's a vaudeville style act,  it's a character act and it goes really well.

So, they let me use the bar on a Sunday for my party.

I had a show for him in the middle, before the cake.  I did my act and MC'd the show with a singer, magician, ventriloquist.

As people were leaving.  A "friend" said, he "liked" my act but I should tip my hat differently because I'm blocking my face.

Throwing the party was a lot of stress.  I was doing the act for people I know, a lot of them really well.

All I heard. "You suck you suck you suck".

I get that he was actually being helpful.  And I took his note and changed the act when I did it last night.  But it bummed me out.  I felt like such a turd.

In fairness.  I am cringing because I've done this to other performers many times.  So this is one of those finger pointed forward, four fingers pointed back at myself.

The best thing. Be gushing.  Let the person get criticism when they are looking for it.  Most people never are, so don't bother.

Clowns Are Not Stupid...They Just Do Stupid Things...

I was thinking about why clowns are funny.

Are clowns stupid?  Maybe.  I'm not sure.

I think Pee Wee Herman is innocent.  Charlie Chaplin is an innocent.  Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, Bill Irwin Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy?  The Three Stooges?  They are not smart but they keep trying over and over.

I don't think there's such a thing as a lazy clown.  Clowns are always trying to get something, moving forward, just moving.

Here's a mistake I think people make trying to be clowns.  Clowns don't know they are dumb.  I think why we watch and listen and laugh is because they do dumb things out of pure innocence.  As do we all.

Pee Wee Herman chased his bicycle across the country, not because he's dumb. Just pure child like wonder.  He couldn't live a life without his bike.  Laurel and Hardy carry a piano up a thousand flights of stairs, only to find there was a road to the top.  They take the piano back down and drive the piano to where it's supposed to go.  It's just such simple innocent logic.

I get frustrated watching a clown that is not connected to this notion.  I remember watching a clown try to unpack a suitcase once in a stage act.  I was so frustrated.  It didn't make sense, just unpack. it.  He was missing the simple logic.  He didn't convey to the audience his simple mind.

As a clown, I get frustrated by my own props. My hat, my juggling clubs, my balloons.

I get hit by a juggling club in the head.  I try and figure out why I got hit.  I do it again, I get hit again. If I'm not an innocent, it's frustrating.  Why not just put the juggling club down?  Or just juggle, obviously I can juggle.  I keep trying to do the same thing over and over.  Eventually I win.

Einstein had a definition of insanity.  Trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result.  I think he could have been talking about the clown as well.

I think it's funny with Abbott and Costello discussing "Who's On First"  Bud is innocent to the fact that a man named "who" is unusual.  He's ok with that.  That's pretty funny on it's own.  Costello is frustrated because he's answering the question "who, is on first?"

Costello tries over and over to get a different outcome to the question "who's on first"  The Three Stooges try every job you can imagine and each time they mess it up.  That constant movement is funny.

I think we like clowns because we are all dumb, we are all innocent.  We'll put a grocery bag on top of our car and drive away or go fishing and bring everything but the bait.  We put the cereal box in the refrigerator.   I had a friend once take his dog for a walk then realize he forgot his dog.

We relate to these funny things. The clown will do them again and again and expect another outcome.  That's what's funny.  Because we all do these dumb things.  The clown just never learns.

Balloon Animal Comedy...

Statistics have spoken.  My loyal fan base wants more funny stuff with balloons.

I'm psychic.  I know it.  I'm amazing that way.  I can read your minds...Plus Google gives me analytics.  This touchy feely stuff is cool for me.  Not so much for my audience.

I'm actually crying now.  Be guilty. Very guilty.

Do you remember how cool you used to think balloons were?  Way way back.  Maybe you still do.

I had a teacher in college that taught me balloon animals.  It was a clown class.  This teacher, I'm sure never did a kids party, he was all about stage clowning.  He's an awesome guy.  I'll give him a plug.  Here's his book

http://www.amazon.com/Physical-Comedy-Handbook-Davis-Robinson/dp/0325001146

I just thought it was so cool I was doing balloon animals.  I really thought, this is clowning, what could be better?

I got in trouble when I first came home from the circus.  I was working in a box office with my now wife.  My boss said, "no balloon animals in here...ever!"

So I made them all the time.  I'm a dick.

Balloons are fun, they make you feel good, I want one, they are colorful.  This is where the comedy will come.

Do a big production.  Do a fanfare on your phone.  Bring a kazoo and toot out. Da da du.  Drum roll and finally present an empty balloon.  Fall in love with it, dance with it.  Then give it to a child.

Call it a worm.  Tell the audience.  I'm pretty good eh?  Kids will argue.

Do the whole routine again.  Never underestimate repetition.  Do it exactly as you did before.  blow it up a little.  Give it to a kid.  A pregnant worm.

Do the routine, this time faster.  Blow it up all the way, let it go.  That worm had gas.  Wave at your backside. He must have eaten a burrito.

You can let balloons go in a bunch of ways.  The comedy is to make the balloon smarter than you.  Give the balloon status.  It's an important balloon.  Be surprised that the balloon is not doing what you want.  This is clowning.  Don't do a pretend surprised.  Really believe the balloon is going to stay inflated if you don't tie it.

Clowns are not stupid, they just do stupid things.  Don't be dumb, be surprised that something dumb happened.  We all do dumb things. (Ever lock your keys in the car?  Clowns just do it a lot)

Keep making similar mistakes of letting the balloon go.  One time say.  "There's something wrong with this balloon"  Blow up a few, then let them all go.  "Fourth of July"

If you tie a balloon loosely around your finger you can take your finger out and it will be untied.  This takes a little practice.

When you have a balloon blown up.  If you hold it and force your finger into the nozzle end, the balloon will shoot away.  This is just funny looking. You can chase after the balloon and let it escape. Try capturing this same balloon but it keeps flying away because you've put your finger into the nozzle and it pops away.

Get mad at the balloon (always funny). try and step on it.  Balloons won't pop if you step on them.  or sit on them.  Unless they are heavily inflated.

Then finally make something really simple.  A dog.

After all this build up, you don't have to make anything elaborate.  The audience will applaud because of the comedy.

I just love balloons.  Not the balloon line kind of gig.  Balloons are magical.  One minute you have a long colorful tube the next minute someone has a flower.  It's nifty.

Just Show Up...

I've been doing Aikido for a long long time.

I am a second degree black belt in Aikido which means

Toughest Clown in San Francisco!

I'd still cover my crotch and roll up in a ball if I were ever in a fight.  Aikido is like violent Yoga.

I got better and better at Aikido because I just kept showing up.  I go 3 to 5 times per week.  Every time I go, it's a struggle.  "I don't feel like it, I'm no good at this, I just want to relax today"...Head voices.

I show up and the rest takes care of itself. Aikido is a frustrating activity.  Often, I don't do well.  I don't understand the instruction or I'm not clicking.  But I show up.  And I get better.  It just happens.

This is how I got better and better at performing.  Shows are not always good, some I hate, some I'm in way over my head.  But I show up, over and over and over.  And I get better.

This is my approach to all things creative.  Just show up.  Then you're stuck, you have to create something.

i.e.  This monstrous blog.  I committed. I show up and write over and over and over. I'm getting better and better.

I created a children's show on Public Access years back.  When I started I was all over the place.  I tried green screens, I tried doing things in studios, I did crazy characters.

It was not very good.

I remember learning how to use Final Cut Pro.  It was a nightmare, I was near tears trying to get my show in by the deadline.

Then I got better and better.  I can fly around Final Cut these days.  I did a video series called "Hey Mr. Sub!"  I eventually flew through those.

The show got easier to make.  It got better and better.  Because I showed up.  Meaning, I signed myself up for a time slot and committed to making something month after month. I'd still be making that show if the station still existed.

When I was younger and more handsome I auditioned for commercials.  I showed up and got better.  To get better at auditions, you have to audition.  To get more auditions you have to be good at auditioning.  So, you show up.

I started doing a "holiday" show every year.  The week between Christmas and New Years.  It was stressful.  I didn't know how to get audiences.  I knew how to perform but I was exploring a new world of clowning for myself.  I didn't know my audience would enjoy my personal clown explorations.

I kept showing up. Year after year.

Stress never goes away.  Fear never goes away.  Self-Doubt never goes away.  Those are voices, like awful Muzak you can turn down but not off.

But you show up.  Day after day, year after year.  You'll get better. Ever see the first 3 episodes of Seinfeld?  Not great.  They kept showing up.  The show became great.

Right now, I'm working on another joke book.  It's frustrating.  It's been about 75% complete for six months.

It bugs me that it's not done.  I decided a few days ago to start showing up.  It's happening.  I can see an end finally.  Then on to the next book.

It's easy to start something new.  Showing up day after day...Sigh, not as easy, not as fun.  But that's how you complete things.  Whether you're a clown, a writer or you're building a house.

Show up.

Ahhh I'm bald...

Following up with the bald theme that's been in my head.  Actually being on a bald theme, there's nothing on my head!

I still think I have hair.  When I look in the mirror, yes I can see my scalp but there is still hair.

I see pictures of myself and it's not there.  It's weird.

I was at the bank with my friend Nick before we went to lunch.  I was standing back and started playing in the security camera.  According to the security camera, I am near complete horseshoe.

I said to Nick, man this camera makes me look completely bald.  He said "look?"

People make bald jokes around me all the time now.  I want from extreme receding to bald guy.  It's within the last 6 or 10 months.  I went over the breaking point.

I'd totally get plugs if I could afford them.  Cut my hair real short.  Spray paint my head.

But you know.  The clown thing.  I really like being a bald clown, it's funny.

I don't like being a bald guy.  Not so funny.

I hate having two identities.   Damn clown, stronger than the man.

This is why I wear a hat all the time. 

Just Call Me Baldy...

I have a strong belief that the reason clowns are funny is because clowns have us (as a society) look at our own flaws and laugh.

In the big picture a clown should be making fun of people that care too much about their looks. A great TV show would be the Kardashian's played by clowns.  Next Top Model with clowns.  The Oscars with clowns.

Clowns should make fun of people in charge.  A clown pretending to be the president.  Awesome.  A clown being Justin Bieber, a clown Supreme Court.  So funny.

Total Carol Burnett stuff.

Where I perform, living rooms mostly. I want to get laughs on a local level.  Baldness is pretty common and it's always funny.  Being overweight is common, it's funny (don't make fun of overweight people, bring it to yourself). Being old is common, it's funny.

Look at what we try and hide, bring it to the surface in your own character.

My old clown partner Woody used to enter and say.  I'm 9 feet tall to the kids.  Woody is 6 foot 5.  Basketball player height.  Yes, super tall and it was funny.  I know he's spent his life dealing with "hows the weather up there"

I'm pretty much bald at this point.  So, I point it out, I point at my mellon.  I stand next to other bald men and say "look we're twins".  It's funny because it's silly to care about something that is so unimportant.

Who wants to be bald?  Not me.  But it's hilarious.  It's a perfect clown bit.  Society spends so much money on hair products, jells, sprays, hair rememdies, hair straightener, hair thickener.  Etc Etc.  I could do a whole show on just sprays, hair color, goops, different brushes.

A Clown should make us see how silly all of that is.  Of course it doesn't matter if someone's bald.  But it sure feels like it matters.

Let the world laugh at itself.  That's what clowns do.  I'm bald.  I totally hate being bald,  I use hair stuff, I cover it, I wear hats, I try to not draw attention to it.  As a clown I fluff my side hair, I point out the baldness, I pretend to get mad when kids point out that I'm bald.

I get to make fun of myself.  Pretty neat.  That's being a clown.

Who's the Party About?

At the end of a birthday party show I go to the birthday boy/girl and give them my complete undivided attention.  I whisper a secret in their ear (usually, it was great to be at their circus).  I Get a high five.  Make them feel special.

A good buddy of mine told me about a fairy princess he hired for his daughter when she was 5.  He's a professional magician.  He's seen everything.  He's a great performer himself.

He thought the show and songs were so so.  But that last moment made him cry and he gave her a big tip.

I heard this and incorporated this into my birthday party show.  I don't know what it looks like.  I don't know if it gets me more tips.  I do know that if this were my child and the performer spent a second focused on my child. I'd like it and appreciate it.

You have to stop and ask.  "Why am I doing this show?"  Most of my shows are birthday party shows.  The focus of the birthday party show is the birthday child.

I ask.  "what's my checklist to make sure it's special for the family?"

Make sure I take a picture with the birthday child and me.  If it's a baby, even more important.
Make sure I use the birthday child's name in my show.
Make sure I spend a few seconds with the birthday child and thank them for having me.
Make sure I send a thank you.

There is nothing more special to a family than their child's birthday.  I always have this in my mind. I do a lot of children's parties.  I never let myself take for granted how special this is and what an honor to be part of something so important to the family.

So.  I take minute and just let the birthday child know, I'm so happy THEY invited me.  

One Balloon Animal Per Child...Nah!

Quite a while ago, when my son was in preschool.  One of the mothers was talking to me and said she saw an entertainer at another party.

When I had little kids and I was in those social circles, people gave me opinions of performers they had seen.  It was natural, it's like meeting a dentist at a party, then talking about some bad experience you've had with a dentist.  What I do is an unusual occupation, it was their way of opening something up.

One thing that struck me about our conversation.  Her son wanted another balloon and the entertainer held to the only one balloon per child custom.

She took away a meh attitude toward this performer.  Everything else was good, she was left with a bad feeling.

How you leave an event is everything.  It's a weird human behavior but a bad feeling at the end will taint our whole experience.  We may have a great meal but the waiter took forever to bring the check and then was slightly rude.  The whole experience diminished.  You'll remember the meal for not being great because of a little glitch at the end.

When I started, I held to the same rule.  One balloon, if you pop it, hey, that's what balloons do.  Tough it out kid, life's tough.

On the other hand. Who cares.  give the kids as many as they want.  Why not?  So what, you go over your time by 15 or 20 minutes.

15 or 20 minutes and you leave with not only a satisfied customer but a customer that loves you forever.

I totally ruin it for all other performers.

You can have a five year old looking at you with big eyes asking for a dinosaur.  You can can say, "Everyone only gets one balloon, you already got a balloon, that wouldn't be fair to the other children"

They hear. "Mean clown mean clown mean clown"

Or, you can just do it and it takes the same amount of time as explaining.  If you are running out of time.  Just say you can't make a dinosaur how about a sword or a dog or a bear?  In case you don't know this.  Children are easily manipulated!

The kids are happy, birthday parents are happy, you get hugs and a tip at the end.  Seems like the way to go.

How Blogging Changed My Life...

I started blogging because I wanted to work on a book.

I could have used a personal journal.  I could have typed on the computer.  But, I view myself as a public person.  In fact, I have a feeling that I'm always being watched, like I'm on the Truman Show.  I've always felt this.

I also figured doing a blog about children's entertainment would put me in a teaching or consulting position. As I created my vision of the blog, I looked at other blogs.  I saw lots of crap out there.

Here's the sin of the blog.  Quitting.  And there's lots of quitting out there.  It's easy to write 3 entries. Then apologize on the 4th for how long it's been since you wrote.  Try the 50th entry.  Or the 150th.  Continue coming up with topics when you're sure you've covered everything.

I've found I'll never run out of topics to write about.  I care deeply about the art of clowning.  I am passionate about the idea of children's entertainment being taken as a seriously.  Those of us that specialize in children's entertainment are good at what we do and do not consider our art form the forgotten step of the entertainment community.

I got disheartened in 2013.  I look back and I have very few entries.  I spent a ton of time linking this blog.  Submitting to specialty sites.  Not much happened.  I got 5 views a day and most of those views were from robots trolling the internet.  I was spinning my wheels.  No one was listening.  Why shout out when there are no ears?

But here's what happened.  My career is about to burst. I am the focus of a major news article about clowns.  The article profiles me, my feelings, this blog and my life.  Where the clown community is busy copying itself over and over till it becomes a faded Xerox.  I forged something new and was discovered.  I've put my whole heart into this thing.  I didn't see it paying off in this way.  I wanted to be a guy that did workshops with other clowns.

The reporter that has been studying me for three months, studied every part of this blog.  I've not only put my thoughts about how to pick clown shoes.  I've put my total passion into this.

I'm being discovered not by magic.  By perseverance.

My last entry was about a party that was not great, everything went wrong.   When things go badly, I get to be a clown.  Being funny, trying to control chaos that's what I strive for, the messier the better.  A clown in peril is funny.  A clown is trying to make the world work when it just won't, that's why clowns are so interesting.  

Of course, I don't like it when things go badly.  But who cares, it's funny to watch a clown deal with the mess and mayhem.  Kids poking at me with plastic magic wands, kids hitting my shoes, the birthday boy trying to hit me, getting in my things.

I got home after that show and was happy it was over, ready for my next show.  A better show.

I called my good friend Mike.  Funnybone the clown.  He told me to share the story with the reporter.  I did that and one better.  I shared it on here.  And I got to see the good side of the show.  The amazing part of the show.  Where I wanted everything to work, that's what made it really funny.  It was because it was not working.

One dream I hold onto is to be able to pick the shows I'd like to do.  The reason I'm so funny and so good at what I do, I've never allowed myself to choose. I always take what's offered.  I hear about other entertainers that will only do certain ages.  Only go to certain areas of town.  Sorry Nancy Reagan, I never say no.

I've done

Senior Centers
Alzheimers
Blind Children
Deaf Children
Inner City Gangs
Housing Projects
Kids with Cancer
Adults with Cancer
Battered Women's Shelters
East Los Angeles After the Rodney King Verdict

I would not choose to be in these places.  But the clown needs to be in these places.  The clown in a nice controlled environment is just a cute character.  A clown in uncomfort is funny.

And that's what I want to be.  Funny.

(yup that's me!  In trouble)

This blog has changed my life.  I realize I'm the court jester.  A lot of times I'm just doing this for a living.  At my best, I'm risking myself.  I get to see that here.

It's only taken 225 entries and a lot of discouragement.

The Tough Party...

Last night I did a show.

Tried to do a show.

Yet, I was super funny.  The moments where everything is truly going wrong, not the controlled wrong.  I get people laughing.  I get to be a clown.

Here's what it is to be a clown.   Everything is your stage and you comment on it.  Comment, meaning joking, acknowledging, a body language gesture, making physical or eye contact. Everything. that's what's funny about clowns, it's the reflection of what we see.  Most people don't see the world.  A clown brings everything upfront.

I always remember in elementary school.  The teacher had us put our heads down, we listened.  She said, "can you hear the train far away?"  "Can you hear the bird outside"  etc.  Stuff you just process.

By acknowledging EVERYTHING the audience notices the absurdity of the world.  That's what clowns do.

My party last night had everything wrong.  They held it in a local Chinese restaurant, no banquet room, just in the middle of the restaurant.  So, hmmm, how do I deal with people that might actually be there to eat that are not part of this party?  Point them out and say, "I guess you didn't go out to eat for this tonight..."

Absolutely no room.  I had some parents move the tables a bit but there were 35 kids.  Lots and lots of adults.  The children were at my feet.  I mean, at my feet.  Being a clown, I can step on them, pretend to step on them, use a whoopie cushion on them for being so close.  Acknowledging the situation.

i had kids that were "older" meaning 9 or 10.  They were in the "that's not magic, this is boring"  part. And they shouted it out a lot.  So, I acknowledge that.  "You sound like my wife"  "You think this is boring?  Try my day job, urinal cake testing"  whatever.  I don't think I said that.

The birthday boy was special needs and totally in my stuff.  It was hard to do routines with me having to get him out of my stuff, every few seconds.  I do this in a fun gentle way.  He was overly excited and tried to hit me and kick me a lot too. More potential for jokes.  

And of course comment on it.

Plus it was a magic themed party, all the kids had magic wands they were poking at each other and my face.  I made a joke about Kaiser.  That's our big hospital chain.

For me.  The show was way less than ideal.

It doesn't matter.  If you pick and choose your shows, you'll be stuck, to be a clown you can't choose

.  A clown, just by definition (see above) has to go into the unknown, has to get into life threatening or just horrible situations.

That's why clowns are funny.  Because you put your career, your physical well being, everything on the line.  I got lots of laughs and today huge praise from the parents about how memorable it was for their son.

I'm not sure how I feel about a show like this one.  I was truly a clown.  I made memories, I was super funny.

On the other side, it was crowded, I didn't do a lot of my routines very well.  That part failed.

And that's what clowning is.  Nearly always success/failure.  That's truly what's funny.  Not so much to me.  But I'm sure a truly funny show to watch.

My Funny Exit...

It's a bit rude to do a show, have all attention on you, then simply disappear.

Find a place for business cards.  Best, a small table by the front door, you want people to take them as they leave.  Often this doesn't work.  A likely place for people to see my cards.  The cake, goodie bag area.  You can have kids hand them out, I find that a bit over the top but it might work for you.

I want to take a few seconds with the birthday child to ask if they had fun.  Get a high five.  After all this whole event was all about them.

If I didn't feel I got enough pictures, just before I leave is the time I'll gather all the kids for a group photo. I will blatantly ask people to take pictures.

Even if I've been offered food, or I've been dealing with payment, giving someone a business card.  I want to bring everything back to a big goodbye and make it about the children.

If the children are not occupied (eating cake).  I shout out to come over.  I tell them to give me a big push out the door.  They think this is really funny.

They push my backside.  They are little so they can't push too hard.  I have all my things under my arms and make an S through the room or crowd.

The children are laughing I pause before leaving and say a big "Bye Everybody"  Usually I'll get some applause.

Then they push me out the door or gate or wherever.

I like an exit like this because it involves the children.  It's funny, cute and memorable.  It's also a book end to my big entrance.

Think of funny character ways of exiting.  Children holding your hand and guiding you out.  Children hopping like bunnies around you.  Maybe just a big crowd with you showing you out.  Make the exit as big as the entrance.

Leave a big impression.  

Best Birthday Party Entrance...

Generally when you go to a birthday party.  The mom (I'll just use mom as the general person that hired you) will say, "where would you like to set up"  or "we're not quite ready, would you like to eat something?"  or "The children are in the backyard let me go get them"  

I don't let any of that stuff happen.  I always always call before I come in.  I make sure I have a back up number so I can get someone on the phone.  I don't enter without calling first.  

When I get them on the phone, I ask if they are ready.  I don't want to start if the children are just eating or they are doing a pinata.  I want all that stuff out of the way.  

I ask to be met by the children.  Tell the mom to tell the children you're there, they can meet at the front door, back gate in the playground. 

The children see me.  I'm in character walking up.  I can do funny physical comedy.  I get no one screaming because they see I'm coming in, nothing shocking.  I've completely taken over.  Adults are removed.  This is what I want.  

Parents don't always know the best place to set up, how to gather the children, how to warm them up. By meeting me at the front door or greeting me I'm in total control.  Well not total but you know. 

While goofing with the kids at the front door I make the children laugh.  You can ask for the birthday child and shake the wrong child's hand.  You can say I don't see any boys here, the children will laugh and say there are lots of boys.  Play with that.  You can pretend to sneeze and chase them with a gross giant handkerchief.  All nice warm ups.  In the corner of your eye, check out the space, look for the best area.  Then lead the children to the best area.  Move furniture if you need to.  

Don't be afraid to start late.  When I call, I ask if they are ready for me or if they'd like me to wait a few minutes.  I think it's better to wait so you have all focus and all the guests have arrived.  Late comers are disruptive.  

Get in there and take over.  That's what entertainers do.    

Big Time Photo Shoot...

The big big article is almost here.

Maybe this will change my career. 

Maybe not.  

It's just interesting to be in on a story that will change how professional clowns, especially the ones that do children's entertainment are viewed.  

Wednesday, I was flown to Los Angeles for a photo shoot.  

I dealt with my own huge insecurities, my need to please everyone, my wanting beyond measure to be famous.  

I tend to sabotage good things in my life.  See "Hey Mr. Sub!"  my very funny youtube channel about being a substitute teacher.  oops. got fired again and again.

When I talked to the photographer last week, she wanted me to change my look, my make up.  It was super upsetting to me.  There is nothing sacred to me about the clown.  I would do another make up if I were being hired but this is about me.  

I will make fun of clowns, I will put myself in harms way.  But my make up is incredibly personal. This was like asking me to make fun of my own children.  I was really hurt.  

I held my ground.  I don't care about what I do, I don't care about the costume, just my look is me.  

When I arrived. She loved all my props but had an image of a white face clown.  I held to no.  But was so upset.  I hate letting people down.  

The shoot was a long one.  6 hours.  Lots of very interesting positions and sad faces.  My in my underwear.  balancing ladders on my finger.  juggling old fashioned juggling pins.  doing the splits.  

I was tired.  I do a lot of long clown days but I pace myself.  This one, I never took breaks.  Even when I ate lunch.  I took 10 minutes ate very little so I wouldn't get sleepy and went back to work.  

Life throws a few opportunities.  I can't blow this one.  I don't have a lot left.  

Waiter, There's a Journalist In My Soup....Part 2

After having a journalist with me for three full days.  interviewing me.  And interviewing and interviewing.

I gained insight into who I am.  Or at least that I'm in the right line of work.  

Telling story and after story.  Telling my thoughts, my dreams, why I do what I do.  I realized most of the world does not think like me.  

Most of the time this makes me lonely.  

I truly think that what I do is the most normal thing in the world.  That auditioning for a commercial is just a normal activity for most people.  Knowing where to buy magic tricks, what's the best brand of whoopie cushion, why grease paint is better than water based make up, doing a video blog, wearing only underwear that has images of the Simpsons.

Is what everyone does.  

I think everyone wants to be famous.  I didn't know this wasn't true till yesterday.  

I also thought there was something wrong with me because I have a very hard time making a living.  Apparently, it's hard for all clowns.  There are very few people doing better than me.  Which is depressing and relieving.  

I do what I do because I have no choice.  Being a clown is the only thing I'm good at.  It's the only thing I know how to do.  

Finding that out is a relief.  

Excuse Me Waiter...There's a Reporter in My Soup...

The last 3 days, I had an embedded reporter with me all day each of the days.  

For three days, I did shows, he watched as I performed.  He watched, as my son came home from school and I said, "how was your day?"  I showed him how I put on make-up and collect money for my performances.  

I showed him my underwear drawer.  Why? Because I'm an idiot but I also am very proud of the fact that I will only wear Simpson boxers.  Yes, proud.  

I thought the article was about clowns.  I thought the article was about the world of clowns.  

The article is about me.  After a lot of interviews.  I didn't know that.  I slowly got it. There will be other people mentioned but I'm the feature of the thing.  What a strange feeling.  I feel so undeserving.  I also feel like of course it's me.  This feeling is a lot like being a clown.  As a clown you live in two worlds.  The lie that is clowning. Come on, I'm wearing a rubber nose a costume and make up.  

Yet, I really would love to be taken seriously.  

Two very different worlds. 

I'm processing what all this means, doesn't mean, how normal I am and how abnormal.  It's all come together in one long weekend. 

Being in conversation about my life and my "theories" of clowns, clowning wakes me to the view that I see the world in a way others don't.  

I honestly didn't know that.  

Every time I hear, "oh, I don't like clowns"  or "I'm afraid of clowns"  it's the first time.  It's like the first time.  

I realized I'm taken aback each and every time.  As much as I deal with this and talk about it.  It's new every time.  Weird.  

I also mess up my life, because I think everyone wants to be noticed and famous.  These two things drive my very being.  I only write this blog so that I am noticed.  In my head right now, there are thousands of people hanging on my words.  I wish this were just a joke but that's my feeling.  

I have a lot of work to do with a good friend from this weekend.  I forced the reporter on her.  She didn't want it.  That never ever occurred to me. I thought she'd love the attention.  She didn't and I'm a dick.  Yikes.  

Who knew.  

I do have a feeling today I'm in the right line of work.  It's something I question each day.  Finding out not everyone feels like I do is strange.  I'm a clown.  That's all I know.  That's what I do.  

Waitin for the news...

I'm about to have an embedded reporter follow me around for the weekend.  I'm so nervous/excited.

I've gone through all emotions this week since I found out.  (I've done a few phone interviews with him.  I was just taken aback when he asked if he could follow me around and watch my process as I put on make up and get ready.  What my office looks like, what my car looks like...)

I got the "I'm not worthy willies".  I was really mad at myself for a few days.  I got over it.  I feel pretty deserving today.

As I've been getting ready, I am going through my resume.  This crazy blog one of my biggest achievements.  Although, I take this as a huge failure.  It's a failure because I have so few readers.  Oh well.

It turns out, this cool reporter found me through this.

He even read it.  I have moments here where I am so frustrated with my life I want to quit.  The only place I share is, oh where the world can see it, here!  He saw it and asked me about it.

I've done a lot of interviews.  I was really close to being on a reality TV show about clowns.  I have come so close to fame.  I've never found it.

Maybe this time.

If I could do anything.  I'd have a children's TV show.  If I could do anything, I would do family shows in small theaters around the country.  Maybe someone will read this article and let me follow my dream.

Just a nudge beyond where I am right now.

Maybe this time.

Maybe this time. 

What's Life About Clowny?...

My year end reflection doesn't happen on December 31st.  I get to work a lot and my children are with me.

My year end reflection happens when I do my taxes.   Each expense has a story.  I buy a piece of music for a show, that makes me think.  I purchase a costume piece, get software for my computer.  Each event gave me such hope.  When I use my credit card, I'm living a dream.

This year was especially tough.  I did my one man show "Through The Eyes of a Clown".  It was my dream come true.  To stand on stage, raw, full of emotion, full of stories, making people laugh and cry.  What a creative dream.

I miss this show so much.  I started the show out of a challenge from my son.  Instead of doing my annual holiday show for kids. (Each year I rent a theatre and do public shows.  It's always an original theme.  It's expensive and gives me ulcers so I complain about it).

August 2013, my son told me to quit complaining and do a show for myself.  I had always talked about doing an adult themed clown show.

August 2013, is when it started.  I went through a lot of ideas.  One idea I stayed with for quite a while.  I'm onstage on a stool.  God is talking to me and I'm explaining how I became a clown.

As God asks me questions, I did sketches.  I had God saying lines like.  "You're a really good juggler, can you do 5?"

It was a funny idea but I dropped it because of amount of memorization I would have to do.  Or hire an actor for backstage to interact.  It was cumbersome.

I did a lot of brain storming. I settled on mine.  I did stories and sketches.  I really hadn't ever seen anyone do this with clowning.  It seemed so interesting.

I did the show then submitted the show to different festivals around the country.  I was rejected mostly but accepted into the San Francisco Fringe Festival.

I spent a big chunk of last year listening to autobiographies of comedians.  Marc Maron, Sarah Silverman, Howie Mandel, Amy Poehler, Artie Lange, Carl Reiner, Tina Fey, Lena Dunham, Mindy Koeling, Billy Crystal.  There are others I'm leaving off the list.  I listened to so many I can't remember.

I listened for structure.  Comedians structure their autobiographies like one man shows.

I did the show and not many people came.  I mean hardly anyone.  It killed me.  I would see people at the festival I knew, I had seen their shows and they didn't bother to come to mine.  I was pissed.  I will never do that to another performer.

I got a review in a local paper.  That was cool.  It was a lukewarm review but spot on.  Yes, I needed to work on the show.  That was the point of putting it up there, so I could go further.  The routines I've been doing in my show, I've been doing for years and years.  This was brand new.  I was discovering so much in this show.

At my last show, I felt my best show, because I had decided this is closing night.  I had 6 people in the audience.  When I finished, one guy looked at me and said, "this is the size of crowd you've been getting?  What a shame, what a shame"  He had a look of wow on his face. That was a cool


But no one came.  It just didn't call to people.  And that kills me.  And doing my taxes now and seeing my hope in the form of a cancelled check, hurts my heart.

What happened?

This is what it's like to be an artist.  This is why I'm so jealous of a regular life.  The lows are just so low.

There's something in that show that I can't let go.  I tried.  I lost money, I lost hope.

But I tried.

Taxes suck.