To be a clown is to be fearless; to appear in a clown nose and big shoes in front of people you have never met and try and make them laugh requires you to do what many people find scarier than death...stand in front of a group and perform!
Maybe not fearless...maybe foolhardy. But for whatever reason, I've done this very thing as my profession for umpteen years. And to prove I must be nuts, I've done it umpteen times for free.
I think a lot about things I'm passionate about and things I've had to overcome to become the performer that I am. Something that has come up for me time and time again is that I use clowning as a way of confronting my fears and and prejudices.
When I first started, I had a fear of the elderly. (Not so bad now, I'm a lot older!). I thought like many young people, seeing white haired people in wheelchairs was like dealing with a foriegn culture. I could hardly even relate to it.
The first time I was asked to go to an assisted living establishment, I grumbled and was scared and generally didn't want to do it. Using my clown, I do what I do and had a wonderful time and visited some wonderful folks. I have done so many visits and shows in senior centers and convalescent hospitals, I can hardly count at this point. I was able to turn my emotions into clowning. Everyone had fun.
I have had so much joy and fun with seniors, I consider myself very lucky I got over that one very early. I've had so many nice experiences with seniors over the years, thinking back, it seems so silly now.
I'll also admit, early on, I was afraid of the disabled. Mentally and physically.
Again, I have visited and done shows for disabled folks for years.
One of my all time favorite shows was for a woman in her late 30s who was menatally disabled. Her mother threw her a birthday party where I was her clown. She invited her friends from the center where she spent her days and we had a party at their house.
It was just so much fun. I love this community, They laugh with such abandon and true joy. There is such wonderful innocence, no questioning, just trust, a total freedom to love and laugh.
If I show a magic trick, I am the most amazing magician on the planet. If I say I can read your mind, it's completely believed. Just so cool for me.
I used to be afraid of sick people. Again, I have been in a lot of hospitals. I'm sure there are many kids that I met that are not with us. Not anything I want to think about but seeing them smile is fun for me.
I always remember a beautiful little girl with only one leg. She had cancer. She keept trying to poke me with her crutch, which I would pretend to get really mad at (in a clown way of course). She just had such fun messing with me with her crutch. A goofy thing for a child to do, the same as if I child had a balloon and hit me with it. This little girl, I'm sure had it up to here with people feeling sorry for her. I played with her. In the clown world, it doesn't matter if it's a crutch or a paper airplane, you just mess with the clown.
I realize how hard it is for people to see sick children but I revel in it. I just have a blast being with them, I go in and see them as children, clowns don't see "sick" just opportunities for laughs.
As I think about what I want to write, I get chances to count my blessings. Getting in the face of my fears is freeing. And, hopefully, fun for the people I've met!
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