Sunday, May 29, 2016

Clown Closure... Or Fame, What Fame?

Exactly one year ago, I was about to be famous.  My life changed.

Have a TV show...

Do shows around the world...

Be a guest on Terry Gross...



This profile of me came out last May  http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

I mean.  Come on.  Executives in New York are going to have to see this and notice how funny I am.

For a year, nothing has happened.  I mean.  Nothing.  I was mentioned on Twitter a bit.  No other writers followed up.  No TV shows, no one asking me to fly in to do their kid's faire.

This last week, I went to New York for my sons college graduation.  (So proud...so sad).  One of the things I really had to do was meet with Benjamin the writer of the story.  I have had so many conversations with him in my head.  I've had so many nights that I was mad at myself for doing the wrong thing.  Saying the wrong thing.  Bringing him to the wrong place.  Why didn't I set up more shows? He didn't see me do any large school shows, a place where I kill.

I met Benjamin for lunch.  He was an entirely different person.  Because he wasn't focused on me, he was just this super nice, smart interesting guy, who knows a lot about me.  But we're not friends.

I left our lunch with a sense of relief.  As important as I think I am.  To him, it was a story.  He may like me, he may like what I do.  But I have effected him very little.  What I want is to effect people and events.  It's important to me.

So for the year while I waited for someone to notice me.  I have become a clown no forward momentum.

This is why closure is so important.   I can move forward.  I can work on my latest joke book.  I haven't worked on my video blog in way over a year.  I love video.  My videos are also very funny.

It was cool to have this thing done about me.  I'm not as important as I think.

But what I love doing is being creative.  I stopped being creative this past year.  Writing joke books, making funny videos, working on a script for a children's tv show.  All things I do.  I need them in order to feel like myself.  I am pretty classic in my depression.  I've always suffered from it.  How I cope is to create.  It's like taking drugs.  Which is probably true.  I imagine when I get focused and excited about a project, I get a little burst of adrenaline in my blood stream, feels good.

As busy as this last week was. My son graduating, seeing him as much as I could.  Seeing people I haven't seen in a while.  Exploring New York.  I am glad I made closure a priority.  I highly recommend it.  

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