"It's a bit embarrassing to say you're a clown..."

I'm on jury duty this week and we're going through the jury selection process.

If someone is dismissed, I have a good shot of going up there stating my name, occupation, where I live, etc. I will say shyly, "I'm a professional clown". Or more likely, not so shyly, loudly and clearly, even though I'm really embarrassed of standing out in this situation. I want to say outloud, I teach 4th grade. Everyone knows a school teacher.

This comes up for me, I say in front of group of strangers that I'm a clown. It gets lots of curious stares smiles. For me, the anticipation of how I'm going to say it consumes me. Will I fake tip my hat? Muss up my hair and show I 'm a goof? Will I play it straight? It consumes me.

I know the follow up questions, "where do you work?" "How did you get started?" It's always the same and I have quick answers. This time, I'm going to be asked questions by a judge. Authority makes me nervous. Really nervous. Really really nervous. I don't like authority, I'm a clown!

But I'm sitting in the courtroom, thinking of what I'm going to say. I'm supposed to be paying full attention to the trial.

Strange, for a person that completely craves attention, I often just want to hide.

I could lie when the judge asks me but...I took an oath! I'll tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth...I'll say very clearly "I'm a clown! I work at children's parties, libraries, schools..."