When I don't work, I get really down.
I can't tell where the clown begins and the person takes over. So, in slow times, which thankfully, there aren't a ton of through the year, I question my whole existence. I start to listen to people that don't like clowns and I can't get a thing done.
The last part is the biggest drag. When I'm really busy, I just can't find the time for blogging, for editing my videos, working on new material. Well here I am plenty of time and I am having trouble motivating myself to make my bed.
So, I've said "hello" to all those little voices that tell me I'm a slug of a performer and today I'm back.
And it's just that simple. Well not really but it's just a declaration of starting over. It's just like exercise, losing weight, starting a new career, you have set backs and you stop and say, well I fell off the wagon, lets start over.
So, I start over.
And I think that's really all a professional entertainer is. It's a person that gets set backs, takes hits, falls down, questions their life's work, then stands up, dusts off and says, this is what I'm about.
And it's hard. I would so much rather sit around surfing the internet, feeling sorry for myself. That is just so much more fun.
Today, I start with feeling lucky. I'm lucky to have my family. My wife has never questioned what I do for a living. Imagine that? She has pretty much always made more money than me and has a job with health and dental. For that, I'm so lucky. I have two sons that are my true joy. They certainly make me pull my hair out but they are so funny. They do well in school and they would never admit it but they adore me. I bounce ideas off of them and they give me feedback. I have a little brain trust just a bedroom away. Boy I'm lucky.
I've found a club of middle aged guys that love martial arts and the eternal search for inner peace. They are always at my dojo eager to joke around and ask that question, "we hurt each other and we're paying to do it?" I love them for that.
I have a small group of performer friends that I talk to daily. We complain, we kvetch, and when I need them, they are there. They help with creative ideas. They donate their homes for my crazy video projects, they listen to me, they help design things and they understand. I'm pretty lucky.
I have a drive. A drive to say something to the world, to make people laugh. I get to do that. I get hired to do that. I get fan letters, I get pictures. I get pats on the back. I'm darn lucky.
And because there has been a lull in my work. I almost have a beard. I wish it wasn't nearly all white but hey, we can't have everything. For the time being until my next show, in a mere two days. I'm truly thankful, I can look scruffy!
I don't shave today, because, I'm a lucky boy!