"Pockets Should Be Pockets..."

When you buy a suit, they sew the pockets shut. This has always annoyed me, what's a pocket for except to stuff it full of Kleenex and wrappers from your Lifesaver package?

I think this started when I had to get my first suit. My mom took me shopping because I needed a suit for my Bar Mitzvah. The suits all had this fake lining, it was only lined on the sides but not the back, so you could be really embarrassed if you had to take your jacket off. Everyone would know you had a cheap suit.

Since I became a clown, I've had this thing about decorative clown items that pass as real. If you wear a hat...don't pin it to your head, it should be there to flip, fall off or balance on your nose or put over a kid's head. If you have a handkerchief sticking out of your pocket, it should come out, blow your nose and dump the confetti out.

If you have a zipper, you should be able to unzip and let your pants fall to your ankles and try and run away!

I believe clowns are real. Living cartoon characters.

If you are a living cartoon, you should be able to use any wardrobe piece and bring it to life.

There is a whole world of beautiful clowns. Competitions and what not. I'll step on some toes here, I have no real use for this. Clowns are funny. The most famous beautiful clown, Pierrot, was nasty, dirty and bawdy, he would chase women around with a fake penis.

Pierrot has become an icon of a gentle beautiful clown. That's cool but it's not where the legend came from.

I'm all for looking good, I'm also all about funny. So, what is the purpose of clown make up? What is the purpose of a costume? It's an exaggeration, it's to walk in a room and people start laughing because you are so extreme and so funny.

Let those hats fly!