It's hard to let go. I take it as a failure. A personal, financial, creative failure.
And it's hard to let go.
Because I can't figure it out. In my head, it all makes sense. In my head, it's a great show.
And it's hard to let go.
August 2013, I was challenged by my son Dustin. As my fans know, I do a new children's theatrical show every year around Christmas, usually after. I stress, I complain, I hate it. Till it's done. Then I'm happy.
August 2013, Dustin said. Just do it for yourself. You always say there's no point in doing this show, just do something for you. I took that to mean, do a show for adults.
The show was always about how I became a clown; my life story. It went through a lot of incarnations.
I wrote a lot of sketch ideas and messed around with different ways of holding it together. One Idea I worked on a lot. God interviewing me. I had a lot written me on a chair, God asking me questions. I'd talk about my life, then do a sketch about that moment. My parents divorcing. My awkawardness around women. Being a troublesome husband and father.
God had some funny lines. I juggled in one sketch. God said. That's cool, can you do five? I saw a guy do that with chainsaws, is that hard.
I stopped pursuing that idea when I thought it out and realized, I'd either need to memorize the crap out of it with a recorded God. Or, more likely have an actor watch from backstage that would improvise with me as I messed up lines.
My show is my story. I called it "Through the Eyes of a Clown"
I was on stage telling my life story, interspersed with sketches inspired by events of my life. The show shocked me. It was an hour and forty five minutes. That's a real show.
People expected my children's show, so I booked it into a theatre. Simultaneously, I did my one man show at night, in a whole different theatre.
Crazy? Stupid? Yes to all those things.
It was exciting. I did my one man show. I was so rehearsed by the time I went on, I was hardly nervous at all. Amazing.
My sons, as always helped me. We got into the theatre and they did a very cool light design. Lights would change during sections and with emotions. The theatre had LED lights so you can program colors too. Very neat.
I had about 25 people come see me, over 3 nights. I didn't care. I knew 19 of those people. I had a whole tour in my head, I was ready to go.
No one else was ready. I submitted the show to Festivals in NY. No acceptance. I got into the San Francisco Fringe Festval that was exciting.
I let the show sit for months, thinking about it all the time.
I listened to books on tape (on my phone, I didn't walk around with a walkman). I listened to a lot of autobiographies read by comedians. Sarah Silverman, Billy Crystal, Howie Mandel, Marc Maron. Lots of others, I can't remember now.
I heard structure, timing how to create my one man show. What was missing the first time.
And I worked and worked. I did better clown sketches.
No one came. I didn't expect the friends that had come before. I understand. But there were people that didn't come that promised they would.
And it sucked. And I'm still mad. I've seen a lot of shows of other people. These people. I'm still pissed, I needed them and they didn't come.
It's been nearly 3 months since I did the show...for the last time. I have promo on my computer. I can't throw it away. I have programs on my desk, I can't toss. I have the funny picture I used. I can't delete it.
I don't know what happened.
I thought when I told my story, there would be a show people would want to see.
Sigh...
I was wrong...and it's hard to let go...
And it's hard to let go.
Because I can't figure it out. In my head, it all makes sense. In my head, it's a great show.
August 2013, I was challenged by my son Dustin. As my fans know, I do a new children's theatrical show every year around Christmas, usually after. I stress, I complain, I hate it. Till it's done. Then I'm happy.
August 2013, Dustin said. Just do it for yourself. You always say there's no point in doing this show, just do something for you. I took that to mean, do a show for adults.
The show was always about how I became a clown; my life story. It went through a lot of incarnations.
I wrote a lot of sketch ideas and messed around with different ways of holding it together. One Idea I worked on a lot. God interviewing me. I had a lot written me on a chair, God asking me questions. I'd talk about my life, then do a sketch about that moment. My parents divorcing. My awkawardness around women. Being a troublesome husband and father.
God had some funny lines. I juggled in one sketch. God said. That's cool, can you do five? I saw a guy do that with chainsaws, is that hard.
I stopped pursuing that idea when I thought it out and realized, I'd either need to memorize the crap out of it with a recorded God. Or, more likely have an actor watch from backstage that would improvise with me as I messed up lines.
My show is my story. I called it "Through the Eyes of a Clown"
I was on stage telling my life story, interspersed with sketches inspired by events of my life. The show shocked me. It was an hour and forty five minutes. That's a real show.
People expected my children's show, so I booked it into a theatre. Simultaneously, I did my one man show at night, in a whole different theatre.
Crazy? Stupid? Yes to all those things.
It was exciting. I did my one man show. I was so rehearsed by the time I went on, I was hardly nervous at all. Amazing.
My sons, as always helped me. We got into the theatre and they did a very cool light design. Lights would change during sections and with emotions. The theatre had LED lights so you can program colors too. Very neat.
I had about 25 people come see me, over 3 nights. I didn't care. I knew 19 of those people. I had a whole tour in my head, I was ready to go.
No one else was ready. I submitted the show to Festivals in NY. No acceptance. I got into the San Francisco Fringe Festval that was exciting.
I let the show sit for months, thinking about it all the time.
I listened to books on tape (on my phone, I didn't walk around with a walkman). I listened to a lot of autobiographies read by comedians. Sarah Silverman, Billy Crystal, Howie Mandel, Marc Maron. Lots of others, I can't remember now.
I heard structure, timing how to create my one man show. What was missing the first time.
And I worked and worked. I did better clown sketches.
No one came. I didn't expect the friends that had come before. I understand. But there were people that didn't come that promised they would.
And it sucked. And I'm still mad. I've seen a lot of shows of other people. These people. I'm still pissed, I needed them and they didn't come.
It's been nearly 3 months since I did the show...for the last time. I have promo on my computer. I can't throw it away. I have programs on my desk, I can't toss. I have the funny picture I used. I can't delete it.
I don't know what happened.
I thought when I told my story, there would be a show people would want to see.
Sigh...
I was wrong...and it's hard to let go...
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