"To Eat Or Not To Eat?"

It's a tough thing for people not in this business to understand; we get offered the best of food. Prime rib and old fashioned hamburgers with thick slices of tomatoes, home made tacos off of an authentic grill, Brazillian sweets, roasted pig, hand picked strawberries, Indian, Thai, Mexican all in celebration.

I have to weigh how much...I want to weigh. Luckily, I generally have no interest in eating when I'm performing. I usually just eat to keep my motor running. When I'm working I can hardly taste food, I'm pretty jacked up, so I just swallow it and smile. This saves me from eating like a pig. I also have a general policy of turning down birthday cake with the line "sorry, it's a clown hazard" which gets a laugh.

But here's the thing. A clown is not the refrigerator repair man. The clown walks in through the front door and is greeted by cheers from the kids, jokes from the adults a sigh of relief from the client. You are a special part of a special day. So that means you better eat.

All cultures show their gratitude with food. So, turning down food is ill mannered and borderline insulting. You have made these people feel incredibly special, you've made their children laugh with glee, you are in the family albums forever.

"Naaaah, I don't want your food."

I think it's really important to eat. I've also found it's very easy to fake it if you don't like the food, your a vegetarian or you are going to your own party afterward. The old kid trick of stirring around the food then tossing it discreetly; who's going to know it's your plate? And no one stares at you while you eat, they have other things to do. When they say "did you get enough to eat?" You can say, "If I lived here and ate like this, I would become a big fat clown!" Again, you've complimented them and enjoyed their hospitality.

I'm not a big fan of the "can you pack it for me to go" school either. That puts people out. There are times you can't eat, because you are running out the door but really, you can't find 7 minutes to enjoy the food they've worked so hard to prepare?

Be polite Chow Down!

"The Clown Hierarchy"

I was trying to explain the clown hierarchy to an actor friend today. It's really strange but to me very clear.

When I think about hierarchies, the vast majority of folks within them, have no idea where they sit within the hierarchy or that there even is a hierarchy.

For instance, I grew up outside of San Francisco. There is a very clear hierarchy, that people from Northern California feel superior to people from Southern California. Which is funny for me, being that both my parents grew up in Los Angeles and moved us all to the San Francisco Bay Area when I was a mere 3 months old. So I feel superior to my parents...

So when I started college, having grown up thinking the Souther folks were surfers and really lame, I was shocked to find they had no notion that we felt one way or another about them. In general they liked us. Weird. And weirder still, they are pretty nice people.

So, we were having cofee, I was explaining there is this feeling that at the top of the clown heap, the stage clowns. The guys that do all the adult clowning in New York City. Then we have the circus clowns and gosh, Cirque du Soleil clowns are more sophisticated than the take a pie in the face Ringling Clowns.

Then we have the political clowns, the ones that often perform without clothes. Clowns that do the Fringe festivals and tiny theaters in the big cities. The clowns that do school assemblies, the clowns that do libraries and park and rec., the birthday party clowns, the parade and hospital clowns and of course the clown clubs.

Yikes! I hate this list but I was so sure of it when I was young. When I came out of Ringling, I thought my poo should be bronzed. Funny thing though, I started doing everything and anything right away. I broke all boundaries, I wanted to perform and I wanted to make money, clowning, that list was useless to me, wherever there were people gathered, I wanted to do shows.

Because I live in San Francisco a city known for it's intense tolerance by being intolerant of people that disagree with it, I am snooted upon by the clown school here. It's pretty amazing, I could pull out my resume from my back pocket and talk a good game but I realize I have no use for this kind of prejudice, being dismissed, is really rude and you also never know what you might be missing if you just said hello to someone.

I think the most wonderful thing about clowning, you can do it when you are 60 or 70 and you are retiring from your job (I meet people all the time that are retiring and have always wanted to be clowns. God Bless 'em!). You can make children smile in a parade, or walk in a room full of sick children and give out coloring to all of them. You can do it on stage, in the street, on TV or in a living room.

Hierarchies require a lot of rules. Clowns break rules, that's the rule!

"Free Shows"

I have a really hard time saying no to any offer, even if it's for a free show. What rattles through my head...they like me, they really like me!

Here is the problem...Sometimes the free shows are really good, they are so worth it.

There is so much written on this. It's a big complaint when I get together with other performers. I can't really imagine it's that different in any other industry though. I would think photographers or lawyers get bombarded with requests for free stuff as well.

What I try to keep in mind is, "this going to further my career?" The most interesting shows, the ones that get press are often not the best paying or no pay at all. So it's a dilema for sure.

I think that's the question to ask. Will this show forward my professional life in any way? I'm very fascinated with how children react in theatrical settings. I started life as an actor and have my college degree in theatre, specifically acting; I'm always drawn back to that world. In the theatre I can create a whole world, it's pretty fun. Often there is no pay.

I love watching children walking into a theatre, wide eyed with wonder at the curtains, lights, red velvet chairs. pretty cool.

So yes the interesting shows often lose you money but it may be where you want to be. And then there is the question of just doing something nice. I like the idea of doing good works, I can make the world a little happier.

I guess the big question. How nicely do they ask? But then again, I'm a pretty light touch, I say yes all the time. I think you can say no sometimes and say yes others. The best idea though, is to use these events as a chance to stretch yourself as a clown.

The next time someone calls for something free quit complaining and do it. Or don't.

"What's the Difference Between a Clown And A Funny Actor?"

The clown world is bigger than the actor's world. Not in opportunities but in what's available around him. An actor has a very defined space. A clown can move anywhere, comment on anything.

A clown may be on stage doing a routine, being part of a play even, working behind the 4th wall but if someone sneezes; he'll look out and say "bless you", and return to his routine. Actor's call it breaking the 4th wall. Clowns call it "clowning".

Clowns are historically very political. So, when a clown comments it's a comment on society. It's pretty interesting in a theatre full of 200 people, the societal norm is to ignore the sneeze. Actors on stage ignore the sneeze, the audience ignores it, even the person that sneezes tries to cover it and is likely embarrassed.

Yet the clown comments on it. What does the comment mean? "Are you ok?" , "Eww, you're spreading germs.", "I hope you covered your mouth.", "That's disgusting", "Why did you come out tonight if you're sick?" "That messed up my routine".

Or maybe it's all of those things.

The clown role of breaking the 4th wall will always get a laugh. It's a break from what society allows, it's quite shocking taken against our expectations. It's a comment on how we are followers and mostly proper in our lives. We buy a ticket, go to the theatre, sit down when the lights flash, turn off our cell phones, give dirty looks to the people arriving late. We are great at being in a herd, we follow unnamed rules. We don't think about this, we do these things without comment.

A clown also follows the rules, starts on time, is dressed a certain way; then will horribly break those rules. He will walk on theatre chairs, make noise as the show is starting, make fun of fellow actors on stage, make a comment on someone sneezing.

A clown can get away with it. An actor can't.

Why Oh Why Do I Get So Nervous?....

I get stage fright. All the time, in fact, it's constant in my life.

I shouldn't say constant; I get relief while I'm performing and after my shows, it's blissful I'm just at peace. The next morning it starts right back up, I'm afraid of not being ready, being late, forgetting props, doing a bad job (that's the big one!)

To put this in context, I've been doing this for 23 years. My best guess, I'm nearing 10,000 shows. Yikes, that's quite a number.

I have to say this is no way for a grown person to live. Living in a state of fear? Man that's unpleasant.

So what drives me?

I often dream of other jobs. Mostly, I tend to dream of what it would be like to be a person that carries a briefcase to work instead of a bag of balloons. I dream of what would it be like to know exactly the situation every day. I see lights on in office buildings at night and I muse "what in the world would someone be doing at work at 10 at night?" Or, I'm waiting for a plane and someone has a spreadsheet open on their laptop and they seem to be working and understanding what all the boxes mean.

Seems kind of nice.

But I have this drive, I need to be seen. I also need to be my own boss. And here's the big secret for a guy that does for a living what most people fear the most (public speaking). Underneath, I'm scared. I'm always afraid. I'm afraid people will think I'm not good enough.

On the other hand, it's pretty cool to make people laugh. It's pretty neat to be mildly famous.

Just call me the nervous clown!

"Are My Shoes Shined?"

I once heard the difference between a thousand dollar magician and a two hundred dollar magician is one shines his shoes.

I think about this one all the time, this is deceptively simple. As if shining your shoes will make you that much more money. So I have to look at my own shoes...

My shirt is a bit frayed around the collar, nothing anyone would not to bad yet, I need to pay attention to it though, these shirts are custom made, so a bit more delicate than a store bought shirt. My juggling clubs are a bit scratched and could be wiped down. Not too bad. My cases look good, my tables are new.

Then I look a bit deeper. How do I enter a room? Are my shoes polished in the way I meet my client? Did I show up early? Did I set up my show before I entered, so I don't waste my client's time?

Once again, the question; am I being lazy? That's the big question. So, I have to ponder the question...are my shoes shined?

"What Is It About That Special Costume Piece?"

If I don't have my hat, I feel at odds with my performing. I was thinking what is it about this item?

My hat is the essence of who I am. There are actors that will begin a character study with what's in their character's pockets (change, a comb, what kind of comb, wallet, what kind, how much did it cost? How much money is inside? What pictures? How old is the license? what state is it from etc etc). I'm a top hat guy. The top hat is the symbol of a class. So I can break that pretty easily by bumbling. Or I can be a classy clown and play up the sophisticate part.

I feel very uncomfortable without my hat, it's on par with my clown nose in it's importance.

There are so many things I can do with my hat, I open my show with my hat not staying on my head. I use the hat as a character in my pictures. It's very symbolic.

So, I've been wondering, is it lazy on my part to rely on one prop so much? Or is this like the actor with a backstory? I've been thinking, I know I can do many things that will get laughs with my hat, I return to it as an attention getter. I use it in photos as a tip of the hat to the camera. I do juggling with it (hat manipulation).

Do I go there so often because it's easy. Or is it easy because it's an important part of my character?

Just something I'm musing...

"The Crying Child"

I don't take crying children too seriously. There are so many reasons, from no nap, to parents snapping at a child for spilling something or forgetting to say thank you to letting your helium balloon fly into the sky.

For the sake of this discussion, I'm assuming I've already had some interaction with the upset child; I like to get eye contact with the child, find out what happened and see if there is a way of fixing it. It's usually pretty simple, like they want another balloon. Easy enough.

There are very simple things I do to get the crying child smiling again. Try the simple approach. If I know their name, I can go back to the simple game of..."I'm so sorry Daniel, I completely forgot your name" "Wait don't tell me, is it Daniel?" This kind of joke works for a very simple reason.

Children can only follow one or two things at a time. It's not their fault, it's the structure of the brain. Go back to the song, Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes. This song shows us the child's process. We introduce the head, (touch it) shoulders (touch them) knees (touch them) etc., each time building on what came before. Or the very hungry caterpillar. On day one he ate one apple. On day two he ate two pears, on day three, three plums. Old McDonald...a chicken, a dog, a cow...These examples show how a child follows by building. I'm using the child's developmental level not to build but distract.

So, back to the upset child. They are upset about their balloon breaking. I say, "I'm so sorry I forgot your name Daniel" This takes them away from the original upset. They look at me trying to follow the strange logic. "Wait, don't tell me, is it Daniel?" I've built on the original joke and we are away from the upset and into the the world of silliness, the clown logic of forgetting the name you just said.

A big caveat on this simple interaction. If the child is simply tired, it's probably best just to give them something, try and pose in a picture and move on. (see opening sentence, "I don't take crying children too seriously" ) This comes with some experience, a tired cry is different from a "someone took my toy cry"

"You're Not a Real Clown"

When a child says, "you're not a real clown", you can take it with anger and defend yourself or you can think of what's going on developmentally and have a ready SIMPLE come-back.

Children are transitioning from a magical world to a world of reality. When you are 3, 4 or 5 years old, your parents are super heros (they move super fast, they are super tall, can control super hot things like a stove, have super strength, they can lift me with one hand) to the reality we all live in (the stars in the sky are millions of stars billions of miles away, beds need to be made, food does not magically appear on the table, it needs to be paid for).

Children will ask questions or make statements only as far as they want to go. Wondering about the reality of whether you're a clown is in the same realm of "where do babies come from?"

Children are testing the water of what's magic and what's real. So, is a clown real? Clowns have a wonderful warped logic. That means a clown has no control because things tend to get messed up and absolute control of all situations, because to bungle things you have to know an awful lot about your own character. My simple response is to say, "you've found me out" tip my hat, as I put my hat back on my head it falls off. I start with control, the agreement, the universal tip of the hat, the unexpected hat falling to the floor, the loss of control.

My giving a simple nod of the hat which falls off, answers the question, "Of course I'm a real clown." I give them a few more years of magic in their lives. They never have a follow up question after. If they did, I tip my hat again and watch it fall to the floor in anguish.