Got Me An Agent...

I'm noticing this blog has shifted toward Boswick becoming an actor.  WTF?

I go through phases.  Usually you can tell with how crazy I keep my hair where my focus is.  Obviously when I use product in my hair comb down the sides.  I'm an actor.

When I let the sides of my hair go nuts, like I'm Ted from SCRUBS.  I'm in total clown mode.

I'm such a f'n actor right now...

I had my audition on Thursday with Look Talent.  I was so nervous.


I worked and worked and worked on my audition piece.  Mumbling it to myself all over.  The morning of my audition.  I played out the day in a backwards fashion.  My appointment was at 11.  Be stepping out the door by 10.  Shower at 9:45.  Put resumes and pictures in portfolio by 9:30. Shave at 9, iron shirt by 8:30.

Backwards timelines are very effective.  I learned them years ago when I was a super Landmark guru.

I was doing one this morning on my taxes.  It makes it seem so much easier when you start with the finished event and work backwards on what has to happen.  I'm looking at my plan on my audition day.  So many holes in there.  I ended up with tons of time.

This is the craziest audition.  I went in.  Pretty early.  I was 20 minutes early for my appointment.

Joan had me sit.  I was noticeably sweating on my bald forehead.  (embarrassing)

We talked for 30 seconds.  She told me how much my old agent Mary means to her and if I was one of her actors, not to worry.  She said, I see you, you're already in so let's just talk.

It took all my strength not to try and do my audition piece.  That would just be needy.

She's the nicest lady.  We just talked for an hour plus about my life, her life, our kids.  The business, the old days of auditions.  I miss black and white photos.  She misses black and white photos.  So much more artistic.

I'm so confused.  I think of my life as if I were 12 years old, getting away with pretending to be a performer.

When I walked out.  I made a decision to take this acting thing very seriously.  I got home.  Made an appointment for new photos.  Updated my resume on the submission site the casting agents use.

And crazy enough.  I purchased a web site with my name to put my photos, videos and links to cool articles.  Actors do this.  I don't exactly know why but I started on it.

One of the problems with a resume you take something big like touring with the circus and it's one line.  With the web site, I can describe it a bit.

When I used to audition a lot, I'd have 3 shirts freshly pressed in my closet for auditions.  Time to do that again.  Maybe even buy some shirts for auditions.  When you're on camera you have to know what colors look good on you.  What styles.

How strange.  I'm an actor again.

Don't worry.  I'll goof it up.  I'm always the clown inside. 

There's Always Time To Rehearse...

I have an audition tomorrow.

An agent.  I'm big timing.

With every ounce of my being, I am trying to wing it, to rely on my charm.

mid sentence working on my monologue

I'm fighting through.  I'd like to have everything planned out.  The audition piece well prepared. I'm going to do a magic trick, because, who does magic tricks at an audition?  I have to pick the trick and be ready to bring it.

I have fought every day preparing my audition piece.  I think it's in good shape.  I'm not sure what else to do with it other than try it in front of some other actors.

This time tomorrow I will have new representation for commercials and movies.

The audition process is pretty odd.  I'm not sure I care all that much about commercials, other than the money.  But there is something so competitive in me, I want them and I want them bad.

Creatively, I'd much rather be in a movie or TV.

The reality is this also happens to be San Francisco.  You get to audition for TV and movies but it's usually small one line roles.  "Have you decided what you'll have this evening?"  Larger roles tend to be cast in LA.

I'm nervous, I'm excited and I'm fighting through my own insecurities to just go in and be good and be funny.  Be charming and be likable.  That's who I am.

I also have a new idea for a video series.  It's a continuation of "hey Mr. Sub..."  But we'll see what it's like to be an actor.

I'll try it tomorrow.  I have an audition.  That's a cool premise.  I also am in a show called The Speakeasy three or more nights every week for the last year and half.  I can talk about all that craziness too.

I'm off track.  Wish me luck or break a leg or bump a nose...

Society Of The Pink Socks...

Some years ago...

Several years ago...

Ok.  20 years ago.  I convinced a really good friend of mine of a secret society of magicians, clowns, jugglers called the Society of the Pink Socks.

He never heard of it.  But I'm a pretty convincing guy.  I also lie a lot.  For no real reason other than to lie.

A bunch of entertainers were going to a big circus fundraiser, it was for the woman that started the Pickle Family Circus who had MS.  She needed lots of money to help with her treatment.

I convinced Funnybone that he was going to be invited into this society.  I had gone to bat for him, I really wanted him in.

The deal was he had to wear a tuxedo with a pink socks. Then he would be welcomed in.

As with most of my lies, I kept it up when we talked then completely forgot about it.  To me it's like hearing or telling a joke and then saying to someone I heard a really good joke but I can't remember it.

So we go to this event and Bone was so excited...

He bought a new Tuxedo.

Convinced to Wear a Tuxedo...

uh oh.

I think he spent almost $500 on a new tuxedo.  I felt really bad.  Holy Crap, this is a gag that went too far.

At the circus fundraiser people thought it was hilarious.

Me. Not so much.

But Bone being Bone, told all the agencies that hire him  he has this new tuxedo to be a magician.  He looks great, it's a high end tuxedo he's the best looking kid's magician around.

That practical joke ended up making him thousands and thousands of dollars.

Because he called all these agents, he was on their mind as gigs came in appropriate for him.  All the gigs went to the man in the tuxedo and pink socks.

Good for you Funnybone.

Lesson being.  Get a new tuxedo and tell everyone you're available for gigs.

Have I learned my lesson?  The other day, I convinced someone I was joining the circus and leaving for a year.  For no decent reason...

So...no.

My Battle To Get An Agent Part III....

I'm a little taken aback.  Had a call this morning from Look Talent to come in to meet.

That clears all the clouds from my head.  I was feeling sort of down about myself.

I have an audition

I like to do the game on my own terms.  That's a hard way to live.

Sure, I've been able to eek out a living all these years but there are places it's so much easier to just do what people tell you and not do it your own way.

I used my resources for getting an agent.  I spent hours going over my resume and the format.  I sent it to Elle, (my son's girlfriend that works in a talent agency) to critique.  I did exactly what she told me.  No judgment, just do what she said.

Now, Look wants to see me.  She said prepare a monologue.

I've been working on my monologue for a few days getting it memorized.  Now it's time to work on it back and forth and side to side.  Do all the actor stuff.  Backstory, intentions, beats.  I tend to be a lazy actor because I have a lot of stage time and I'm "charming" on stage.  It's what I hear a lot.  I've got a little boys sensibilities.  So, I'm likable.

Which is great for TV commercials.

The rest of the game, I just have to do no questions...

I need new photos.  There are all these places you publish your photos, resume, special skills.  I have never bought into it too much.  If they need a mime, I figure they'll call.  

Here's the thing.  I really like performing.  More than that, I need to perform, it's what keeps me going and fighting my internal demons.  Auditions are little performances.  I get that little high of a performance.

This is exciting.  I've had a commercial agent for 15 plus years.  Now it's time to take it seriously.

Gonna Write a Book Today...

As my two followers know, it's hard for me to get motivated.  Hard to get moving.

I was taking a shower (because I'm fancy).  Here is a preview of my body.

what a man...

I'm just having a hard time moving the last few...(years.  damn, who am I kidding?)

I says to my self I says...I'll write a book today.

So I am.  That's sort of all it takes really.  You just say, I'll write a book and you do it.

Actually I have a great comedy book I've put aside.  I think it's really funny but no publishers wanted to touch it.  I sent out the idea years ago and got a bunch of no thank yous.

The big book of snotty comebacks.  It's comebacks to normal questions.  No connection to Snappy answers to stupid questions.  Any such connection is a lie and merely coincidence.

I wrote this thing years ago when I was substitute teaching.  I know that 4th grade boys (which I have the same mental level).  Would love the snottiness of this book.

My ideal is to get this into Scholastic.  Because you know all those book fairs.  4th graders would love it. I'd make a million dollars and I'd be done.

Actually, it would be just cool.

So, today I'll write a book.  It will be snotty but today, I'll write a book.  

Can You Make a Balloon Funny?

If you are a family entertainer, you can get so many laughs with repetition.  

For me, I juggle then hit myself in the head with a juggling club.   I can't believe that just happened, I'll do it again.  I'll look at the juggling club and to my disbelief it happens again.  

This is fundamental to the clown.  Emmett Kelly sweeping the light.  It's repetition.  He fights the light, it doesn't do what he wants it to do.  Over and over. 

On Captain Kangaroo Mr Moose would tell a joke and ping pong balls fell from the ceiling.  I loved that when I was 5. 

On Pee Wee Herman.  The secret word.  Everyone screams.  This happens over and over. 

Here's the subtlety and the hardest part.  You have to do it slightly different each time or it's frustrating to the audience.  "just blow up the balloon"  or "just sit down"  That happens because it's the exact same mistake over and over, it's frustrating to watch.  

You take a balloon, try and blow it up it snaps and hits you in the eye.  You get mad at the balloon.  Next time, snap yourself in the other eye, in the nose, in the chest, in the underarm, in the backside, in the knee, in the forehead then hold the back of your head...

How many ways can you think of not (knot!) trying a balloon.  You blow up a balloon, then let it go.  Do that again and watch it go around the room.  Do it and hand it to someone it flies around the room, you tie the wrong end, it deflates in your hand.  You tie it but not for real and watch it fly around the room.  You tie the wrong end and watch the balloon fly all over the place.  You tie it and your finger is caught in the knot and when you let go it flies around the room.  You tie the balloon before blowing up the balloon, then you can't blow up the balloon.  

Have some old gross balloons and spill them, have the children help you pick them up.  They hand you one, you drop another.  Put one under your chin when they hand you another that one falls out.  Put the one they gave you in your pocket but you miss your pocket.  When you're handed a balloon, put it under your arm, it will fall when you lift your arm.  Put a balloon on the side of your table so it falls off when you place it there.  

It you look at it.  These are all the exact same joke.  The repetition is what makes it funny.  

My Battle To Get An Agent ....part II

I've had a commercial acting agent for 15 or more years.  She retired and closed up her company.  I've been working on my resume and cover letter for days.  I started off slowly, grumbling under my breath about how lame my life has become.  To this is pretty fun.  I can't wait to do more auditions.

I went through all the pay stubs from all the commercial acting I've ever done.

It's pretty nifty.  Lots of things I actually forgot about.

I did a thing for BMW where I'm a mime, the car goes by and I say "WOW"  That was neat.

I did a thing for Safeway stores where I talk about all the St Patrick's Day recipes we have.  The fun of that job.  We shot it at a huge Safeway in the middle of the night.  People came up to me asking where items were.

I did a thing for Harvard teaching people to not harass co-workers.  I don't think it worked.

My first commercial was for The Smart Yellow Pages.  That played for 3 years.  I had a stack of residual payments.  It didn't seem like a big deal at the time.  I would get checks for $300 some every other month.  But that's a bunch in the end.

I just sent off the last letter to the agencies in San Francisco.

I was at the All Star Game. They hired Union Actors because we appeared on TV.  

From a Commercial For Nissan

I did what I never do.  I asked for help.  My son's girlfriend works in an agency in NYC.  I asked her to look at the letter for me and my resume.

She gave me small tips and said it would get past the receptionist in her agency.  That's good to know.

Lesson:  Got an expert in your life.  Ask for help.

I've preemptively begun working on my audition monologue.

It's from the play Harvey.  It's fun and whimsical.

I'll do that and a magic trick.  That always gets me in the door.

As I grumbled through this process I am realizing I'm excited about auditioning again.  About giving this a try.

Auditions are terrible.  And not for the reason you think.  What's awful is you think and think about it as you walk to your car.  Then you go to bed and say "I should have..."  "Why didn't I..."  And for days after till it slowly disappears.

They are always very nice in auditions, they really want you to do well.  It's not like they show on tv.


Wish me luck.