Designing A Routine...With Me As The Guinee Pig... Part 1

For the last two and a half years I've been performing in a very elaborate immersive theatrical show called The Speakeasy. 

I play...Bosley The Magnificent.  A ne'er do well drunk magician that gets in lots of trouble.  you may notice the resemblance to my name Boswick...Bosley.  Get it. 

I have a number of stage routines I do in our cabaret. 

The show is going through a rewrite and Nick (the creator of the show) has me doing some other routines as he cuts actors.  At our high point we had 38 actors.  We are a mere 25 now. 

So he said for my new contract.  I can do my magic act, we'll expand it a bit to cover time, And he said, you do a juggling act. 

Now. I'm a good juggler.  By clown standards I'm good.  By juggler standards, I'm a beginner.  mediocre at best.

The question in my lap.  How do I create a 5 to 6 minute silent juggling routine?

I watched a few vaudeville comedy jugglers on youtube.  But I realized I can cobble together a few vaudeville routines using my strength as a clown and mediocre juggler.  Just doing one or two tricks but leading up to these tricks in a huge comic way. 

I did a very large show in Chinatown the other day for a group of about 200 plus kids and their families.  The timing was off, they had me waiting in a back banquet room for about 45 minutes.  So I started playing with comic movements.  There was a mirror for decoration I could play into. 

Using this blog.  I'm going to map out this routine and the progress or lack there of in writing.  I've been avoiding rehearsing.  Because that's more natural than actually rehearsing. 

On paper this is what I have.

Enter with cane.  Do some physical bits with cane ala Charlie Chaplin.

Do a hat trick.  Notice the audience likes it build to a fancier one.  Do a series.  The drummer in the band get ahead of me, I get mad at the drummer. 

List of hat tricks.
-flip to head
-high flip to head
-roll down back
-roll down arm
-hat balanced on top of cane, pull cane away hat lands on head
balance hat on nose
wipe sweat with arm, notice hat is gone grab hat in teeth flip it to head
flip hat to hand fully stretched up, let fall to low hand.

Tricks, I'd like to put in. 
flip hat from foot to head
throw hat to coat rack. 

These are tricks I can do but not consistently.

Here's what's happening in my head as i picture the combination. 

Speed of these tricks, how do they blend together so I can repeat but not right after each other. 

So. Enter stage. take a bow.  twirl cane.  hang up cane.  roll hat down arm, flip on head, roll down back.  start to walk off.  Elicit  audience to start applauding.  Enjoy, then do the same routine adding another element.  Then do a whole fast hat routine ending with a hat on top of a cane on my chin.  pull hat away, hat lands on head. 

This is part 1.  I'll try this tomorrow between gigs.  in the morning I am Santa, in the afternoon I have a show in a school.  The school will be a nice place to try this new routine.  The kids don't really notice if i mess up, they think it's funny and since I am in character, I'll have fun with it.  

Doing More With The Balloon...

I was doing a gig the other day I saw a ferry princess do a bunch of comedy with a balloon. 

It's Christmas time so she was calling her balloon a reindeer.  It wasn't that great a balloon but I was very impressed with the comedy she was doing.  

Go back to the basics of the balloon.  Why is it so magical?  

  -people don't see them very often

  -they are brightly colored

  -they are long and skinny, this is just strange looking. 

  -a balloon goes quickly from a long skinny balloon to a dog nearly instantly.  That's magic

  -they stretch really far

  -they pop

  -if you don't tie them they fly all around the room

  -if you throw them they sort of float

When you are making kids laugh it's often imagination.  What I liked about the Ferry Princess, she took a balloon and called it a reindeer by taking out her pump and laying it across the nozzle like the balloon were the ears of the reindeer.  I was very impressed. 

Here is a little hint with improv.  What the Ferry Princess did, she told the kid what she was going to be makign up front.  This allows so much more.  I'm making a reindeer...

  -oh sorry it's still an egg (if you roll up the balloon a little) it's funny because it makes you think about an egg... a mammal. It reveals the balloon. 

  -blow up the balloon let it fly.  "I guess it heard Santa call and went flying that way"

  -snap it as you stretch.  "That's Santa telling the reindeer to hurry Christmas is here"  or Ouch it thinks I'm stealing presents..."

- make the farting noise. "Excuse me, eggnog does that to me"

-get the balloon stuck on your finger.  "It's biting, it's biting"  or "it thinks my finger is a carrot, get it off get it off"  

Jokes work within your character.  Fart jokes work for me because of the type of character I am, if you are a gentle character you can try and talk to the balloon and tell the balloon to be nice to the children.  If you're silly, there are many ways of accidentally

letting the balloon fly around the room. It's funny if it takes you by surprise. 

Let me know if you need to brainstorm.  

Society Of The Pink Socks...

Some years ago...

Several years ago...

Ok.  20 years ago.  I convinced a really good friend of mine of a secret society of magicians, clowns, jugglers called the Society of the Pink Socks.

He never heard of it.  But I'm a pretty convincing guy.  I also lie a lot.  For no real reason other than to lie.

A bunch of entertainers were going to a big circus fundraiser, it was for the woman that started the Pickle Family Circus who had MS.  She needed lots of money to help with her treatment.

I convinced Funnybone that he was going to be invited into this society.  I had gone to bat for him, I really wanted him in.

The deal was he had to wear a tuxedo with a pink socks. Then he would be welcomed in.

As with most of my lies, I kept it up when we talked then completely forgot about it.  To me it's like hearing or telling a joke and then saying to someone I heard a really good joke but I can't remember it.

So we go to this event and Bone was so excited...

He bought a new Tuxedo.

Convinced to Wear a Tuxedo...

uh oh.

I think he spent almost $500 on a new tuxedo.  I felt really bad.  Holy Crap, this is a gag that went too far.

At the circus fundraiser people thought it was hilarious.

Me. Not so much.

But Bone being Bone, told all the agencies that hire him  he has this new tuxedo to be a magician.  He looks great, it's a high end tuxedo he's the best looking kid's magician around.

That practical joke ended up making him thousands and thousands of dollars.

Because he called all these agents, he was on their mind as gigs came in appropriate for him.  All the gigs went to the man in the tuxedo and pink socks.

Good for you Funnybone.

Lesson being.  Get a new tuxedo and tell everyone you're available for gigs.

Have I learned my lesson?  The other day, I convinced someone I was joining the circus and leaving for a year.  For no decent reason...

So...no.

Can You Make a Balloon Funny?

If you are a family entertainer, you can get so many laughs with repetition.  

For me, I juggle then hit myself in the head with a juggling club.   I can't believe that just happened, I'll do it again.  I'll look at the juggling club and to my disbelief it happens again.  

This is fundamental to the clown.  Emmett Kelly sweeping the light.  It's repetition.  He fights the light, it doesn't do what he wants it to do.  Over and over. 

On Captain Kangaroo Mr Moose would tell a joke and ping pong balls fell from the ceiling.  I loved that when I was 5. 

On Pee Wee Herman.  The secret word.  Everyone screams.  This happens over and over. 

Here's the subtlety and the hardest part.  You have to do it slightly different each time or it's frustrating to the audience.  "just blow up the balloon"  or "just sit down"  That happens because it's the exact same mistake over and over, it's frustrating to watch.  

You take a balloon, try and blow it up it snaps and hits you in the eye.  You get mad at the balloon.  Next time, snap yourself in the other eye, in the nose, in the chest, in the underarm, in the backside, in the knee, in the forehead then hold the back of your head...

How many ways can you think of not (knot!) trying a balloon.  You blow up a balloon, then let it go.  Do that again and watch it go around the room.  Do it and hand it to someone it flies around the room, you tie the wrong end, it deflates in your hand.  You tie it but not for real and watch it fly around the room.  You tie the wrong end and watch the balloon fly all over the place.  You tie it and your finger is caught in the knot and when you let go it flies around the room.  You tie the balloon before blowing up the balloon, then you can't blow up the balloon.  

Have some old gross balloons and spill them, have the children help you pick them up.  They hand you one, you drop another.  Put one under your chin when they hand you another that one falls out.  Put the one they gave you in your pocket but you miss your pocket.  When you're handed a balloon, put it under your arm, it will fall when you lift your arm.  Put a balloon on the side of your table so it falls off when you place it there.  

It you look at it.  These are all the exact same joke.  The repetition is what makes it funny.  

Respect The Balloon Animal...

I have seen amazing balloon creations in my life.  I saw a picture of a two story soccer match made from balloons in Germany.  

There is a group that makes a full sized haunted house. 

Its amazing.  

The first time I saw someone make a curly snake with a balloon, my mind was blown.  (so to speak)

My friend Greg does a simple routine in his stage show with a balloon and a kid spinning a ball.  The balloon is just a doggy balloon.  

Greg tries to blow it up, gets caught on his finger.  Eventually he gives it to a kid.  Huge applause.  

There is an amazing performer here in San Francisco; Scotty Meltzer.  

He does a comedy routine for 8 minutes with a kid and a balloon. He's a juggler.  It's a remarkable routine.  Super funny.  

I like balloons for the comedy they can give me.  This gets me in trouble though.  I carry this over to when I do events.  My goal is to make people laugh.  Doing balloons fast and creating a line is not my style.  I like the mess, the mayhem.  I don't like lines.  I want to create a performance space wherever I am. 

I figure, you'll remember the laughter or at least the feeling of laughter.  The balloon lasts 30 minutes. 

This is a hard one to write because I get hired all the time to just be a balloon guy.  I'm well above average in my skills but I can't do big sculptures, backpacks for the kids to wear, sharks out of balloons.  So I try to make it up with comedy.  

I think it's funny that balloons make a farting noise.  

I'm pretty happy not tying a balloon and watching the balloon fly around the room.  

Either way.  Comedy or if you want to be the most amazing balloon maker around.  Think

What's amazing about a balloon?

You can take a balloon and make it into something.  That is just so cool.  And it stays that shape.  That is so cool.  I make someone smile.  That is so cool.  They cry when it breaks. That is so cool.  

I mean sad. 

If you are doing amazing balloons.  Look at the eyes watching you.  It's sort of the same look people have with a good storyteller.  They are watching, eyes unfocussed, amazed, their jaws dropped.  

Can we capitalize on that?  I think so.  Just stay aware of what people are looking at what you're doing. 

For someone like me, if I see I'm becoming a balloon machine.  I can forget to tie one, let it fly around break a balloon in half, hand it to two kids.  Have a kid do a raspberry and puff up a poodle tail.  That makes the balloons amazing again. I also get laughs.

If you aren't going for the comedy.  Have someone hold balloon after balloon while you build the amazing super hero you are creating.  Put all the balloons under your arms, then you can't find any place to hold anymore, so you drop them all.  

If you are making a giant creation.  Give it out two steps before your done. Then pull it back, add that little extra balloon.  Pull it back draw the face on.  Pull it back one more time to correct the face.  

This bit is good for any balloon. Make a dog.  Start to give it away, draw a face.  Pull it away to put a mouth.  Pull it away to make the poodle tail.  Pull it away to put eyelashes on.  Deflate the poodle tail, then puff it up again.  Then let the kid do it.  

Fundamentally.  It's taking something everyone knows (a balloon) and making it into something entirely different.  Remember this when you find yourself just making balloon after balloon.  

Me Too Hits The Clowns...

I'm super sad about Grandma clown in the Big Apple Circus.

That is definitely a weird sentence.  Grandma Clown is a dude and one of the funniest funniest clowns I have ever seen.  Seemed like a super nice guy...

On the surface.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/23/nyregion/big-apple-circus-grandma-clown-resigns.html


Another...tough sentence.  I've met him and know lots of people that know him.  What he did to an underage girl and to her life is monstrous and unforgivable.  I used to love Cosby too.  Had a huge influence on me.  Ruined lots of lives.

Grandma clown talked a 16 year old acrobat in the circus into posing in her underwear for him.  He has admitted this.  She has never gotten over it.  He's a monster.

The great thing about the me too movement.  It's caused incredible heroism.  This young woman can maybe get closure.  He will never do this to another girl.  He will never perform again.

it's not getting even.  It's getting things closed up.

In my experience.  Getting even never feels good.  But being told you're right, it's not your fault  feels good it's a big start.

I see a lot of comments on Facebook (I'm full of clown user groups and former Ringling clown groups) about how this will ruin clowning.  Just what we need, another thing that taints our profession.

So lame.

This is one awful person and one brave young woman that stepped forward.  How selfish to worry about yourself, your career, the "profession".

I'm going on a limb and say what he did was terrible.  He's a monster. Wow, aren't I amazing.

This has nothing to do with me.

I'm sad this woman and all the others.  (how could there not be lots of others that were just too embarrassed they never said anything?)  What happened in their lives make them take a turn in their lives that is so unfortunate.

I think of my family.  The thing that hurts me about being a father is when there is a roadblock for my children.  I want life to be easy and a straight line.  Of course there are challenges.

Then there is this. This isn't a roadblock it's a never ending hair pin.  This victim was a young performer.  She may have continued and had her dreams fulfilled.  That's a simplified version but I'm sure she her dream was shut down.

How many other things did she not try or go for because she was hurt and afraid?  Even simple non-threatening things.  "Come over and watch a movie..."  Wouldn't you be afraid to go to someone's house alone after what happened?

My work.  My profession.  Clowning will all survive.

Films are still being made despite Harvey.  The country still goes on despite the president.  The today show went on without Matt Lauer.

But how much talent is destroyed because one man can't control his weird fantasies?  And talent is so delicate.  It's so easy to exterminate.  

Stuff I Do...

I can't eat an orange by peeling it and eating the little wedges.  I hate it.

But I love oranges if they are sliced but it has to be in 8ths.  I love oranges that way.

I only wear boxers.  I only wear boxers with images of the Simpsons on them.

Which has become a problem because they stopped making them.  There was a time you could get them at Target.  Now it's a specialty order.

I wear a T-shirt everyday but it has to be a v-neck.  Unless I'm going casual then it's one solid color with a little pocket over the left side.  I call these formal T-Shirts.

I cut my own hair.  I hate barbers and hair salons.  I just sort of gouge at the back.  Luckily, my hair is frizzy so who cares.

If I have a gig at a hotel.  I'll steal all the pens I can get my hands on.  If I stay at a motel, I will steal the little note pads and pens.  If I pass a maid's cart. My heart beats really fast and I'll steal 2 pens.

I only wear gold toe white socks.  I mean, sometimes, I have to dress nicely or perform, then I wear funny colored socks. If I perform I have to have long striped socks, even though no one sees them.

I hate jewelry.  I can't wear it.  I can wear watches, I hate the feel.

If I'm performing, I have to wear a watch.  It irritates me and makes me pay attention.

For my make up, I only use Johnson and Johnson baby powder because that's what they gave us at Clown College.

I shave in the car with my electric razor.  If I've got no place to be, I won't shave.  If I can drive, I'll shave.

I keep a toothbrush in the car.  I brush my teeth a lot while driving.  No toothpaste.  No place to spit.

I use spiral notebooks but only about 5 pages at a time.  I have them all over the house from classes I take or jokes I write.  I can throw them away in fear there is something brilliant in there.

I hate pencils.

I'm a germaphobe but I'll eat stuff off the floor if it will get a laugh.

I know how to light a fart but I haven't done it in 25 years.

And I've never fired a gun.

Why I Hate Santa....

All my insecurities all my self loathing comes out when I do Santa.

And I perform as Santa a lot.

I hate Santa because i'm phenomenally good at being the big fellah.  In fact so good, people's minds are blown with how I can read body language, guess presents for kids, make personal Santa jokes with the grandmas.

Being Santa reminds me of how (not) far I've come in my career.

Anyone can do Santa and anyone does.

I don't get hired because people want me, I get hired because they want a good Santa.  Which isn't very exciting for me.

I am so good at what I do...

Why I especially hate Santa...I am handcuffed to him.  Golden handcuffed.  The money is huge.

Being Santa is like having a 13 month year for me.  I get another month of income.

And the worst part.  It's so Goddamned easy.

In my regular life, after a show, I need to take a shower first thing after getting home.  If I sit down.  I will fall asleep sitting up.  With Santa, I could go mow the lawn, paint the kitchen and do a load of laundry.

I have a number of friends that complain of how hard they are working at Christmas time.  Oy I say.  Sitting on your ass, smiling, telling dad jokes and getting hugs from little kids.  I say, lose some weight.  it's not hard, I'm way overpriced.

It's a bummer to be so good at something that an eighty year old with a white beard can do.

I'm not quitting any time soon.  And I do take the character incredibly seriously.  I just wish I got as many calls for Boswick.

I just thought, you know by this point in my life, I'd be picking and choosing my gigs more...

Sigh


Ho Ho Ho

A Professional Clown's Thoughts on "IT"....

Just for clarification, I am only writing to get the attention of the press.  You the one reading this!


I am being asked, in my personal life my opinion of IT.  (working out at Aikido in the changing room.  At  The Speakeasy, a show I do on Thursday, Friday Saturday nights and of course Russia loving Facebook).

I couldn't give two shits about "It".

The clown is an incredibly powerful character.  The clown can make people laugh till they can hardly catch their breath.  Children love clowns.  I mean love like they want to hug you and not let go love.  Old ladies come up and hug me.  Old people love coming up to me and singing "be a clown, be a clown...all the world loves a clown..."

So of course this same power has an opposite.  The power of the clown to make people laugh and smile so broadly, also has the power to frighten.   Look at 4 kids in line waiting for Santa.  Two are jumping up and down,  2 are crying and clinging to their mom's yoga pants.

I am also a big Stephen King fan.  I've never read "IT".  But I've read about 30 of his 450 novels, novellas, and short stories.  Stephen King is a brilliant writer.  He manages to turn the things we most love to the things we fear most.

I was being interviewed by a TV producer a couple of years ago.  They wanted to do a reality show about the real lives of professional clowns.

She said, "I saw Cujo when I was a kid, but I'm not afraid of puppies"  That was perfect for me.  

It's fun to hate clowns.  I love clowns and sometimes I look at them and say, "wow, this is really odd what I do"

My bigger fear of clowns are those out there protesting.  How lame.  Have a sense of humor clowns.  But wait, if you don't have a sense of humor about being a clown, then maybe you really aren't a clown. Come on. If you can't make fun of clowns and you're a clown, then maybe you don't get what being a clown is

...oy.

Read a little Shakespeare and find out what a fool (clown) is.

I'm available for interviews any time of the day or night.

Boswick@pacbell.net

Clown Closure... Or Fame, What Fame?

Exactly one year ago, I was about to be famous.  My life changed.

Have a TV show...

Do shows around the world...

Be a guest on Terry Gross...

This profile of me came out last May  http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

I mean.  Come on.  Executives in New York are going to have to see this and notice how funny I am.

For a year, nothing has happened.  I mean.  Nothing.  I was mentioned on Twitter a bit.  No other writers followed up.  No TV shows, no one asking me to fly in to do their kid's faire.

This last week, I went to New York for my sons college graduation.  (So proud...so sad).  One of the things I really had to do was meet with Benjamin the writer of the story.  I have had so many conversations with him in my head.  I've had so many nights that I was mad at myself for doing the wrong thing.  Saying the wrong thing.  Bringing him to the wrong place.  Why didn't I set up more shows? He didn't see me do any large school shows, a place where I kill.

I met Benjamin for lunch.  He was an entirely different person.  Because he wasn't focused on me, he was just this super nice, smart interesting guy, who knows a lot about me.  But we're not friends.

I left our lunch with a sense of relief.  As important as I think I am.  To him, it was a story.  He may like me, he may like what I do.  But I have effected him very little.  What I want is to effect people and events.  It's important to me.

So for the year while I waited for someone to notice me.  I have become a clown no forward momentum.

This is why closure is so important.   I can move forward.  I can work on my latest joke book.  I haven't worked on my video blog in way over a year.  I love video.  My videos are also very funny.

It was cool to have this thing done about me.  I'm not as important as I think.

But what I love doing is being creative.  I stopped being creative this past year.  Writing joke books, making funny videos, working on a script for a children's tv show.  All things I do.  I need them in order to feel like myself.  I am pretty classic in my depression.  I've always suffered from it.  How I cope is to create.  It's like taking drugs.  Which is probably true.  I imagine when I get focused and excited about a project, I get a little burst of adrenaline in my blood stream, feels good.

As busy as this last week was. My son graduating, seeing him as much as I could.  Seeing people I haven't seen in a while.  Exploring New York.  I am glad I made closure a priority.  I highly recommend it.  

The Show That Was...

I'm not very good at tooting my own horn. Well a little.

But I have to say, my show each year lets me toot away.

That just sounded like a fart joke.  Which it sort of is.

toot.

Some of the things I am happy with about my show.  I ended up doing a 90 minute kids show.  That's really pretty remarkable for one person to keep the attention of an audience for that long.  Let alone have enough material.  Not only did I have enough material, I could have done more, there were routines I skipped.

Toot.

I found a new opening for my show which made me really happy.  I came running on with my clown shirt, bow tie, clown shoes and a robe.  I welcomed everyone and said it's been such a mad house with Christmas I knew I forgot something.  I took off the robe and I was in my giant boxers.

Trying to put on your pants in front of kids is just so funny.  I dropped my pants over and over.  I really liked that.  In the past, I have gone through a whole gyration of getting dressed.  This was just pants and underwear, that's what I wanted.

Toot

One thing that I do and do really well.  I interview kids.  It's a skill I've honed over the years.  How to get the kids warmed up then let them answer questions.  I brought along my sound system and used it with my microphone to let kids talk.  It was really funny.  When one kid said his dad sold Oxygen.  That was the best.  I was able to reference that for the rest of the show.  Because selling air is just funny.

Toot

I've always wanted to have a TV show, Kid's Say the Darndest Things.  But you know, not having a whole lot of luck selling shows.

The set looked great.  The theatre was beautiful and my sons did a great job helping me with the show.  (they run lights, run the light board, go through the light cues with me, run box office, move my props)

Toot

I broke even.  I made something like $45.  My sons each made a few hundred each.  I would have to hire someone anyway.  I'm glad they make money.

Toot

Here are the things that kill me.  Like other years, I offer my show as a fundraiser to schools.  I only had 7 people take advantage of that.  It irritates me.

I had a hard time this year getting audience.  The longer I'm a clown, the less people want to see me.  I did the press release.  Just hard to get people out.

It's fun to do what I do.  And I'm going to say, I'm really good at it.  I also realized, if I could narrow down what I want to be doing.  It's theatre shows with families laughing.  I would love to work on this show for 5 shows a week for a month and get the timing down and how to get more laughs.

I now have a fear that one day I'm going to find my success and I'm going to be too old to fall off of a chair.

tooooooot.  

Really Am I That Old...

There's a nice optical illusion when you're onstage;  you look much younger.

I have a high energy, I'm silly, I talk a little fast, my voice (I hear this a lot) sounds younger than I am.

I did a great stand up show the other night.  It was using more of my stand up comedy skills.  It was a party for a young man of 10.  He is severely handicapped.  He can hardly speak, lives in a wheel chair, may not be able to feed himself.

The theme was a carnival.  The mother was very sweet.  She is single and obviously this young man means everything to her.  She, luckily, had a nice family structure to support her.

At the end, when I was taking a picture with Jayden, I was touched by how sweet the whole experience was.

(I always make sure and get one shot of me and the birthday child.  No matter what.  It would have been very easy to say goodbye in this instance.  he was asleep.  But you know what?  I create memories.  I always ignore that nagging voice in my head that says, you don't need to do this.  I just take a picture).

I was the star attraction of this event.  This happens to me a lot, I walk into a situation, I am shocked that I'm put on a stage and entertain the crowd.  Luckily, I kill.  I'm really funny.

There was one woman I was picking on in the center of the room.  Her cousins were all there, they kept trying to push her on stage as I did my show with the children.  (My show works on both levels.  I do comedy for the adults and physical stuff for the kids at the same time).

When I was running around at the end. I went to her to do the kiss me on the cheek bit.  She was sort of not that fun at this point, even though her cousins were.

I took off my hat, she said, ewww you're old.

And I actually felt bad.

I broke the illusion of stage performer.  Plus, I don't feel old.  I just feel like myself.

This has been sitting with me a lot.

Eww you're old.

My time has passsed me by.  All I've learned, All the comedy I can do with just a look.  It's all wasted because...Ewww you're old.

I'm an old clown.  Wow. Sort of snuck up on me.

All The Fame You Ever Wanted...Then What?

Here's the post mortem.

I am profiled in New York Magazine.  They did a 6000 word write up, there are 5 full pages of just pictures of me.  New York Magazine is seen by half a million people plus.  The online version probably equal.

With all that, the world has given me a big shrug.

And that's hard to take.

I always thought someone would see what I do and put me on TV.  Invite me to do a show in New York or Chicago.

I'm still plugging away.  I do a lot of shows.  I've taken a job repairing iphones because I need to get rid of my debt and that's going to take years.  Each phone repair stabs me in the face.  I'm an anonymous phone technician.  A guy with funny hair and tiny tools.  (I have a tiny tool...hee hee)

I'm going to be teaching clowning at San Francisco School of the Arts.  That's nifty.  I am still working for the San Francisco Speakeasy doing my off beat Non-Magician comedy act.  Bosley The Magnificent.

But I'm whole heartedly sad.  This week marks 28 years since I started with Ringling Brothers.

Being so prominently featured...makes me sad.  It's everything I wanted.  I really thought someone would put me on TV.


Read it here!
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

Can You Make a Living as a Clown....

A nice nice fellah named Jusby the Clown has been in communication with me.  I give a big shout out because I'm here, I'm free, I love sharing what I've learned about clowning and he took me up on it.

Good for you.

Jusby went to some business advisors and they said clowning is not a sustainable business.  You would have to do 300 shows a year and you'll end up making $30,000 a year.

He shared this and I said "yup.  That's about right."  That's a lot of shows and lots of those shows will be low priced.

I have the benefit of living in a very wealthy area with millions of people within an hours drive.  I am able to make a living because there are just so many people here.

There are maybe 5 million people in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Point zero zero whatever percent,  will hire children's entertainment.  That's princess parties, balloon makers, magicians, Disney characters, bounce castles, animal shows, science shows, tea parties, music, puppets.

Point zero zero zero zero zero ...zero percent.  Will hire a clown for an event.

I've come to realize you pretty much can't make a living as a clown.

On the other hand so what?

In this world, you can't make a living as a painter, a sculptor, an actor, dancer, writer, martial artist...

Some do.

So the answer is no.  And the answer is yes.

You can make a living.  But it's going to be small, very small and $30,000 a year is about as good as you can hope for.

When I'm at my most financially frustrated, I ask.  "What would you do if you won five million dollars in the lottery?"

Hmmm. I'd get a new car, take care of my children's school, remodel my gross kitchen.  Then what?

I'd still be a clown.  

Tired of Explaining Myself...

Last night I met my friend's new girlfriend.

She had the "oh, clowns scare me thing"

She's very smart.  In fact, should have known better than to keep insulting me.  She's a therapist.  So also very educated.  And had no clue she made me very uncomfortable.

My article has been out a very short time, so everyone wants to talk to me about it and what it's like to be "famous"  (Nothing  to report so far).  So, my friends were there asking me questions.  She said, sitting next to me was difficult for her because she dislikes clowns.

So, I went into my academic explanation of clowns.  The history, all societies have clowns.  Of course you can make a scary clown.  The clown is a profoundly powerful character.  It's easy to make it scary.

I figured out last night while lying in bed why I was bothered by this conversation.  

My piece in New York was about the rude treatment we get and the surprise I feel about people not liking clowns.

I generally have accepted the conversation.  I figure it's like a dentist at a party with someone saying I don't like dentists.  Or a lawyer hearing a lawyer joke.

The difference.  I think people will say something rude to a dentist or lawyer but then say.  "I'm sure you're very good"

I have to defend my profession.  That's so odd.  And It's just tiring.  I don't think a dentist has to defend what they do.

Last night at dinner, I put on a nice face but I had to sit there next to a person that declared her dislike of me.  At no point she said.  "hmm.  you're right, kids like clowns, I can see that"  or even anything nice about me.

I'm very thinned skinned.  This stuff keeps me awake at night.

I thought having a whole fabulous researched article would give me legitimacy.  I would be one of the good ones.

Same crap, not a thing changed.  Even a whole article about me
didn't phase her.

I should have studied dance.

Now I'm famous...

Here it is.  I've been waiting a while for this. My feature in New York Magazine

http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

Let me know what you think.

Speaking To Your Audience...

I did a workshop/performance for a clown club in San Jose last night.

I have been telling people about this for a few days.  I forget the concept of a clown club is foreign to most people.  I'm not all that sure what clown clubs do.  I like the idea.

The idea is to promote the art of clowning.  A big chunk of the group never performs puts on make up or appears as a clown.  I guess they are clown fans.  It's flattering but throws me off.  I have people that like me, laugh, hire me, question my life choices of being a clown.  It's a bit odd to be looked at like I'm something special.  Like I'm a celebrity.

There were a few people at the meeting last night that just hung on my words.  They looked at me like I'm a movie star.

I wish they'd tell my children how special I am.

It was hard to do a workshop for this group, they meet in a Round Table Pizza.  The place was very crowded and the Golden State Warriors are in the play offs and were playing on 22 screens  We had to wait for the game to be done.  It would have been hard to compete with all of that.

I mostly did a show.

What is always interesting for me is how to do my show for adults.  I get such laughs from things like dropping my hat with kids.  They laugh and laugh.   Crickets from adults.  The way I make my hat fall off has taken me forever to perfect.  To adults it just looks like I messed up.

I don't like adults to pretend to be children, it's weird, they don't know how to do it.  Also a bit creepy. So when I clown for adults I speak to them.  I do what will make them laugh.  I want them to just laugh.  They are watching me because they like my style of comedy.

which is tricky.

When you are performing for a group you are not good at.  For me adults.  You have to listen to what they are laughing at.  You have to be present, you have to pay attention.   Drop jokes, routines that simply aren't going over.

It's what comedians do.  I've watched watched Robin Williams do the dirtiest stories because that's the audience.  Other times he told stories of his children a family friendly show.  It's having enough material.  Listening to the feedback (laughter.  gasps of surprise) and following that path.

With children, I describe it as being in a rapid river and floating with the current.  It's the same with any audience.  Listen, if they are laughing, follow that current.  If they don't, you're on a rock in the middle of the river not going forward nor backward.  Get off the rock.  It's a lot more interesting to go against the current or with it.

I ended up discussing a lot of theories after the show.  That's my favorite thing.  It didn't work as well as the performance.

But that's why they brought me in.  So extending the metaphor.  I was in an eddy going round and round, till I put my nose back on and did another routine, then they laughed.  I jumped back into the current.

As a clown, you just never know how to deal with situations.  And that's always funny.  

Teaching Clowns to Clown

I find teaching clowning incredibly scary.  Performing is my safety area, it's where I'm comfortable.

When I teach, I have to be very present, pay lots of attention and gently coach or push people to find character or to find comedy within themselves.

It's easy to say the wrong thing, to shut someone down, to hurt them. I never want that I want them to find character, movement and find comedy.

I am going to be teaching clowning at SOTA. That's School of the Arts.  It's a performing arts high school in San Francisco, like the high school Fame in New York.  I've subbed there a number of times for my old clown partner Brady.  Brady is moving into another teaching position at the school and got me the job as the next heir apparent.

The students spend about 3 or 4 hours every day working on performing.  They do Shakespeare and scene study and movement and dance and monologues and African Haitian dance and improvisation and clowning.

There are some downsides to teaching in a place like this.  You get interrupted a lot.  It is a high school, so someone always has to go to the bathroom or a note is coming in because someone left their backpack somewhere and it's in the office.  Or there's a dentist appointment.

The classes are too short.  I think they are 50 minutes.  They come in really worked up, so it takes a while to start class.  The classes are a bit large for what I do as well.  Ideally, I'd have 12.  6 groups of 2, 4 groups of 3.  I have no control over such things.

On the other hand, to be able to work on clowning is so cool.  To use your body as communication, to make people laugh with a look.  To teach someone a proper slap and fall and watch the execute it.  Just nifty.

Internally, I don't think very highly of my own skills.  In fact, I'm in constant fear of being found out as the fraud I know myself to be.  When I demonstrate in classes, I get ooos and aaahs of "you're so good".  It's weird because I mostly feel like anyone at all can do what I do.

Administration sucks with a capital SUCKS at this school.  I'm not good with authority, I will sabotage every time if left to my own devices.   I can tell they just posture.  So, I'll turn in my lesson plans and do what the students need most, that will likely take us off my lesson plan.  They pay little attention to our class so we'll be fine.

By happenstance, I've been invited to teach at a local clown club tomorow.  That's fun as well.  They will be a lot harder to teach.  Adults, especially in a clown club have preconceived notions of clowns.  Lots of cute stuff that has very little to do with clowning.

But I'm nervous and excited about this as well.  The times I've worked with clown clubs, I'm surprised at how little they know of the greats of the history.  I bring up my hero Bill Irwin, I get blank stares.  We'll have fun.  I like to create clowns inside out, so it will be neat to see how they do.

Now, if only this stuff paid a little better....

To Boldly Go Where No Clown Has Gone Before...

I'm leaving tomorrow for a show in Blaine Washington.  I think it's near Tacoma.

I don't travel much with my shows.  It's always been a dream of mine to be able to do more kids shows around the country.

This is super exciting.

I am being hired because the kids in this little town watch my DVD "here comes the clown".  They discovered me in the library.

How cool is this?

Um...pretty cool.

The dad called me about 6 weeks ago and asked if I would be willing to travel?  Um yeah.

I think the furthest I've ever gone for a birthday party show is about 75 miles.

These are just normal people that want to give something to their kids.  I'm so flattered.  I'm all wigly with excitement.  I have to pack my show and costumes, I've polished my shoes.  I got a new nose out of the medicine cabinet (I have a little stack.  I change them about every 6 weeks, they lose their shine).  I borrowed a nice little sound system I'm trying.

I feel like such a celebrity.

Can't wait.

Into the sky I go

Clowns Are Not Stupid...They Just Do Stupid Things...

I was thinking about why clowns are funny.

Are clowns stupid?  Maybe.  I'm not sure.

I think Pee Wee Herman is innocent.  Charlie Chaplin is an innocent.  Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd, Bill Irwin Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy?  The Three Stooges?  They are not smart but they keep trying over and over.

I don't think there's such a thing as a lazy clown.  Clowns are always trying to get something, moving forward, just moving.

Here's a mistake I think people make trying to be clowns.  Clowns don't know they are dumb.  I think why we watch and listen and laugh is because they do dumb things out of pure innocence.  As do we all.

Pee Wee Herman chased his bicycle across the country, not because he's dumb. Just pure child like wonder.  He couldn't live a life without his bike.  Laurel and Hardy carry a piano up a thousand flights of stairs, only to find there was a road to the top.  They take the piano back down and drive the piano to where it's supposed to go.  It's just such simple innocent logic.

I get frustrated watching a clown that is not connected to this notion.  I remember watching a clown try to unpack a suitcase once in a stage act.  I was so frustrated.  It didn't make sense, just unpack. it.  He was missing the simple logic.  He didn't convey to the audience his simple mind.

As a clown, I get frustrated by my own props. My hat, my juggling clubs, my balloons.

I get hit by a juggling club in the head.  I try and figure out why I got hit.  I do it again, I get hit again. If I'm not an innocent, it's frustrating.  Why not just put the juggling club down?  Or just juggle, obviously I can juggle.  I keep trying to do the same thing over and over.  Eventually I win.

Einstein had a definition of insanity.  Trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result.  I think he could have been talking about the clown as well.

I think it's funny with Abbott and Costello discussing "Who's On First"  Bud is innocent to the fact that a man named "who" is unusual.  He's ok with that.  That's pretty funny on it's own.  Costello is frustrated because he's answering the question "who, is on first?"

Costello tries over and over to get a different outcome to the question "who's on first"  The Three Stooges try every job you can imagine and each time they mess it up.  That constant movement is funny.

I think we like clowns because we are all dumb, we are all innocent.  We'll put a grocery bag on top of our car and drive away or go fishing and bring everything but the bait.  We put the cereal box in the refrigerator.   I had a friend once take his dog for a walk then realize he forgot his dog.

We relate to these funny things. The clown will do them again and again and expect another outcome.  That's what's funny.  Because we all do these dumb things.  The clown just never learns.