Why I Hate Santa....

All my insecurities all my self loathing comes out when I do Santa.

And I perform as Santa a lot.

I hate Santa because i'm phenomenally good at being the big fellah.  In fact so good, people's minds are blown with how I can read body language, guess presents for kids, make personal Santa jokes with the grandmas.

Being Santa reminds me of how (not) far I've come in my career.

Anyone can do Santa and anyone does.

I don't get hired because people want me, I get hired because they want a good Santa.  Which isn't very exciting for me.

I am so good at what I do...

Why I especially hate Santa...I am handcuffed to him.  Golden handcuffed.  The money is huge.

Being Santa is like having a 13 month year for me.  I get another month of income.

And the worst part.  It's so Goddamned easy.

In my regular life, after a show, I need to take a shower first thing after getting home.  If I sit down.  I will fall asleep sitting up.  With Santa, I could go mow the lawn, paint the kitchen and do a load of laundry.

I have a number of friends that complain of how hard they are working at Christmas time.  Oy I say.  Sitting on your ass, smiling, telling dad jokes and getting hugs from little kids.  I say, lose some weight.  it's not hard, I'm way overpriced.

It's a bummer to be so good at something that an eighty year old with a white beard can do.

I'm not quitting any time soon.  And I do take the character incredibly seriously.  I just wish I got as many calls for Boswick.

I just thought, you know by this point in my life, I'd be picking and choosing my gigs more...

Sigh


Ho Ho Ho