Big Time Photo Shoot...

The big big article is almost here.

Maybe this will change my career. 

Maybe not.  

It's just interesting to be in on a story that will change how professional clowns, especially the ones that do children's entertainment are viewed.  

Wednesday, I was flown to Los Angeles for a photo shoot.  

I dealt with my own huge insecurities, my need to please everyone, my wanting beyond measure to be famous.  

I tend to sabotage good things in my life.  See "Hey Mr. Sub!"  my very funny youtube channel about being a substitute teacher.  oops. got fired again and again.

When I talked to the photographer last week, she wanted me to change my look, my make up.  It was super upsetting to me.  There is nothing sacred to me about the clown.  I would do another make up if I were being hired but this is about me.  

I will make fun of clowns, I will put myself in harms way.  But my make up is incredibly personal. This was like asking me to make fun of my own children.  I was really hurt.  

I held my ground.  I don't care about what I do, I don't care about the costume, just my look is me.  

When I arrived. She loved all my props but had an image of a white face clown.  I held to no.  But was so upset.  I hate letting people down.  

The shoot was a long one.  6 hours.  Lots of very interesting positions and sad faces.  My in my underwear.  balancing ladders on my finger.  juggling old fashioned juggling pins.  doing the splits.  

I was tired.  I do a lot of long clown days but I pace myself.  This one, I never took breaks.  Even when I ate lunch.  I took 10 minutes ate very little so I wouldn't get sleepy and went back to work.  

Life throws a few opportunities.  I can't blow this one.  I don't have a lot left.