Putting On My Theatre Show...

For those that love me, those that tolerate me and all others, it's time for my theatre show...

Every year right after Christmas, I rent a theatre and do a new show.

Why?

Because, I'm a theatre performer, that's how I started, being in a theatre is like being in a church to me.  I love being there, I'm at peace.

Doing a theatre show is also a huge challenge.  It's scary, will I get an audience?  Will it come together?  Will I bomb?  Will I lose money?  So far I've broken even every year.  I hire my two sons to do tech for the show.  They make more money than me.  But I like that, I get to be with them.

If you've wondered how to do a theatre show, I'll let you know what I'm doing right now.

I rented a theatre. This is a theatre I have a relationship with. He's charging me less than standard rate because he knows me and I'm doing shows at 11am.  Theatre's make money at 8 at night.  I'm paying $175 per show.  This is about half rate of normal.  Life's expensive what can I say. This theatre seats about 60.

I pay $50 to each person helping me.  I need someone at the front door selling tickets and opening the door before showtime.  I need someone running lights and sound.

There's no storage in the theatre so I have to pay for parking nearby. Because this is San Francisco, parking will be $20 to $25 for the 4 hours I'm there.  Yup.  big city living.

My set is a red dresser, ladders, a yellow picket fence and a chair.  I'll probably have a table for my classic 8 nights of channukah song.  (it's original)

I put my show on a ticketing service.  I use Brown Paper Tickets, they are large and pretty easy to deal with.  It's a lot of complicated work.  I've done this for many years, I still can't figure out their web site.

You need a web page people can go to.

Write up a press release announcing to the papers, radio stations, family web sites there's a show in town.

Write an email to your former customers.  I offer half price to my customers, this is where I get most of my audience.

In the middle of all this I need to pick music for each routine.  Create an order to the whole thing.  Figure out my theme.  (I think it's going to be magic.  This is only for me, it drives me in creating.  Other years it's been whimsy, water, flight).

I also offer my show as a fundraiser for schools.  We split the door sales.  It's ok, I get about 20 or 30 people this way and it's a nice way to help.

Every year I wonder why I do it.

I realized this year, I live life in uncomfort.  This is where I feel alive.  Creating a show from nothing makes me sleep 3 hours a night and makes me feel alive.  My two sons make money and after it's done, I have a little self superiority.  It's pretty cool that I can do what very few children's entertainers can.  I create a one hour show that keeps kids and their parents laughing.

Be prepared for the worst...

Had a very unruly 4 year old at a birthday party.  The parents found it very cute that he was tearing up grass and throwing it at me, which the other children followed.

So, I did the grass dance and tricked the kids into putting down their handfuls of grass.  Remember, distraction is amazingly powerful for small ones.  You can start a story.  (very quietly) "Once there was a clown...).  All the children will stop and stare.

Or (Loudly).  "Everyone open your hands...shut them...open them...shut them"  and return to your show.

My 4 year old had too much coffee and no one stepping in.  Oh well.  I could control the group but not the birthday child.  I never want to make the birthday child or their parents feel bad, so I just live with it.

In the middle of the show, I squatted down to get him from running into my table, I split my pants.

Luckily, my balloon animal stayed in my underwear.

Luckily, I have a sewing kit in my car.  Do you?  Can you do basic repair?  It doesn't have to be neat, you can deal with that later.  Basic sewing is very simple.

I steal the little sewing kits from hotels.  I haven't used one in many years.  But it was in my car,  I threw it in the glove box many years ago.

It was awkward to sew the crotch of my pants while sitting in the car.  But it worked.  Went to the next show and no salt shaker peaking out.

Put a little sewing kit, safety pin, $20, make up remover, under your seat.  You never know.

You never know

How to Get Started as a Clown...

Any thoughts on what I should write next?

Give me a shout out in the comments section.

When I started this blog, I was hoping for more of a discussion.  So ask away.  I'm happy to answer all questions.

The most "pop"ular entries are the ones about balloons.  If that's your thing go ahead.  I get so much laughter out of just blowing up a balloon, I'd love to share.

Pacing...

Question from Mariposa Blessings.

She wrote about long hours of face painting and how to keep yourself healthy.

I'll have to start with my answer, I don't think there's an answer.

The problem is us.  Me, you, all of us.  We are not capable of knowing our limits.  Someone says, 5 hours of strolling magic/balloons/juggling/face painting/games, we say yes.  They say, oh, can you work an extra two hours.   We say yes.

I have a poverty mentality, I am so not sure where my next paycheck is coming from, I'll say yes to anything.  That's not a bad thing.  I've ended up in crazy situations because I am willing to do anything, anywhere, for any price.  That's how I ended up in the Philippines and on commercials.  I just do.

Here's the reality though.  It's really hard on my body.

If you are willing to hear advice this goes to me as well.  Pace yourself.  If you are hired for 6 hours, take breaks.  When you entertain, your brain is working at 6x speed.  Take 10 minutes an hour to get a snack.  Don't look at your phone during the break. Water not sugar drinks.

If you take a long job, divide it up.  I doubt a client will go for this but you should only work in 3 hour sessions.  After years of doing this, I think 3 is max.  You can be funny energetic and make everyone happy in three hours.  After that  you get a dull look on your face.  A plastered smile.

The rest is just talking to the air.  Eat well, go the gym, get lots of rest.  Like any of us are going to do that.

I know I won't follow any of these words, I'm just too scared of not getting work.

I do a full body costume character for a company.  They fly me around to do it.  It's very flattering to be the guy they trust.  I am at a convention in two weeks.  I end up doing 14 hour stretches for three days in the fur. It's completely stupid.  But I'm good at it and it's a bunch of money.

My best advice, just pace yourself.  Take breaks, don't drink soda, when you feel your smile is fake.  Take a break.

The Theatrical Clown Show...

The question I got was "How do you put together a theatre show?"

I've done a lot of theatre shows.  I have a love/hate relationship with them.

They are super creative, fun and feel great when you're done.  On the other hand, they are expensive, stressful and financially not worth it.

So put making money away.  This is the place you get to be an artist.

Years and years ago, my friend Nick (who runs a very successful theatre company.  And is a great director) asked me.  "What can you do in a theatre that you can't do anywhere else?"

And that's the great question.  I see a lot of clowns, magicians do shows that they could do for birthday, a corporate function or a library.  There's a prestige, there's a cool factor to be in a theatre but what makes theatre is the risk of failing and failing badly.  It's what makes theatre and clowning so interesting to me.  To be on the edge.

I do a theatrical kids show every year in December.  I do it for the challenge of trying to put together something for myself.  I spend the whole year making shows that please people.  I do a theatre show because it's all about me.  I want to make people laugh and that's it.

In a library or birthday party, I can't do a clown skit.  In a theatre I have things dangling from the ceiling.  Things just out of my reach.  I love strings and ropes and pulleys hanging down.  Getting them down is crazy, it just makes me laugh.

A theatre show should have a through line.  It can be very light but there needs to be a small theme that holds together.  I will think of things like "balance"  So my whole show will be about bringing balance to the clown.

Last year, my theme was water.  I tried to douse myself in water in as many ways as I could.  It's slippery and I wish I could have done the show 30 more times to figure out the comedy but it's a challenge.  I tried color changing water magic (yawn).  What worked was just lifting a bowl and letting it pour over my head.

When you rent your theatre.  Get a theatre people have heard of and where they feel safe.  This will be more expensive but you'll actually get audience.  I tried for years to do my shows in these awful neighborhoods because it seemed sort of cool to me.  It's cool if your 26 and on an adventure.  It's not so cool if you have a five year old with you.

You need to make the stage look fun.  This is tough because you have to do it in 2 hours.  Most theaters won't let you leave props.

I always use a dresser that's painted bright red, a table painted and my yellow ladder.  I sometimes use an old TV painted to look funny.  And I like a good chair that I can fall off.  Sometimes I'll use a plastic Christmas tree and decorate it with whoopie cushions.  I can get all these props into my mini van.

I do my shows in the theatre district in San Francisco.  I pay a lot more and don't get free rehearsal time but I get more audience.

I do my shows at 11 in the morning.  This seems to be a good time to get people in and then they can have lunch after.  Theaters like me because this is free money to them.  Other than me, no one is renting a theatre at 11 in the morning.

I spend a lot of time getting my shows listed on as many web sites as I can find.  There are lots of places when you search "what to do with children"  that will come up.  I list my show there.  It helps a bit but also gives me a web presence and keeps my web site coming to the top.  That's good for my making a living.

I do fundraising with schools.  I offer a door split for everyone that mentions their name.  This usually brings me about 30 or 40 people.  They're a bit hard because I need to have people there excited about coming to see me. So I have to recruit someone to talk a lot about the show.

I forgot to mention, I usually will do 4 to 6 shows over a 4 day period.  I want to work on the show. That's my personal challenge.  The first show I do will not be great.  I'm never happy with it.  Good energy but I'm thinking of the order of the show and where props are.  I find the comedy as the show progresses.

I list my show on Goldstar which is a half price theatre service.  It gets me 10 or so.

My audience mostly comes from former customers.  I send two emails to everyone that has hired me in the past two years.  I offer half price tickets.

You will need to get into the theatre at some point and move lights around.

I use my sons to run lights, run sound effects and music.  One of my sons is box office.  and will sometimes throw things onto the stage for me.

I pay my sons.  They like this.

I've just scratched the surface.  It's a challenge to put on a theatre show.  I spend about $1500 and over 6 shows.  The theatre is about $200 to $250 per show.  They generally are nice about giving me free rehearsal time.  I pay for parking, which is expensive.  I pay my crew (my sons) $50 to $75 a show.  I try to not buy too many new props but I usually do.  I always make less than what I pay the crew.

I charge about $18 a ticket.  I sell most for half price.

There's so much to be written here.  If you want more.  Please ask.  I can get really specific on things like press releases and the writing of the show.

All The Fame You Ever Wanted...Then What?

Here's the post mortem.

I am profiled in New York Magazine.  They did a 6000 word write up, there are 5 full pages of just pictures of me.  New York Magazine is seen by half a million people plus.  The online version probably equal.

With all that, the world has given me a big shrug.

And that's hard to take.

I always thought someone would see what I do and put me on TV.  Invite me to do a show in New York or Chicago.

I'm still plugging away.  I do a lot of shows.  I've taken a job repairing iphones because I need to get rid of my debt and that's going to take years.  Each phone repair stabs me in the face.  I'm an anonymous phone technician.  A guy with funny hair and tiny tools.  (I have a tiny tool...hee hee)

I'm going to be teaching clowning at San Francisco School of the Arts.  That's nifty.  I am still working for the San Francisco Speakeasy doing my off beat Non-Magician comedy act.  Bosley The Magnificent.

But I'm whole heartedly sad.  This week marks 28 years since I started with Ringling Brothers.

Being so prominently featured...makes me sad.  It's everything I wanted.  I really thought someone would put me on TV.


Read it here!
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/05/fears-of-boswick-the-clown.html

Can You Make a Living as a Clown....

A nice nice fellah named Jusby the Clown has been in communication with me.  I give a big shout out because I'm here, I'm free, I love sharing what I've learned about clowning and he took me up on it.

Good for you.

Jusby went to some business advisors and they said clowning is not a sustainable business.  You would have to do 300 shows a year and you'll end up making $30,000 a year.

He shared this and I said "yup.  That's about right."  That's a lot of shows and lots of those shows will be low priced.

I have the benefit of living in a very wealthy area with millions of people within an hours drive.  I am able to make a living because there are just so many people here.

There are maybe 5 million people in the San Francisco Bay Area.  Point zero zero whatever percent,  will hire children's entertainment.  That's princess parties, balloon makers, magicians, Disney characters, bounce castles, animal shows, science shows, tea parties, music, puppets.

Point zero zero zero zero zero ...zero percent.  Will hire a clown for an event.

I've come to realize you pretty much can't make a living as a clown.

On the other hand so what?

In this world, you can't make a living as a painter, a sculptor, an actor, dancer, writer, martial artist...

Some do.

So the answer is no.  And the answer is yes.

You can make a living.  But it's going to be small, very small and $30,000 a year is about as good as you can hope for.

When I'm at my most financially frustrated, I ask.  "What would you do if you won five million dollars in the lottery?"

Hmmm. I'd get a new car, take care of my children's school, remodel my gross kitchen.  Then what?

I'd still be a clown.