Back To My Roots

I'm on my way to the Ringling Reunion in Sarasota Florida.

Sitting in the airport.  I feel the same fear, excitement I felt so many years ago.

Clown College is the fork in the road for me.  My whole life was created from those three months I spent learning to become a circus clown.  I've never felt so at home and accepted before or since.

I'm fatter, older, balder but much more of a clown now.

When I went to clown college, I was amazed by how the older clowns were so funny, yet they didn't throw themselves on the floor or kill themselves on purpose.

There was sparseness of movement.

It's taken me a lifetime to get this but that's what clowning is.  Precise movements to elicit
 the greatest comedy effect.

So excited.  So full of foolish thoughts.

In the Tampa Airport waiting for my clown shoes!

A Kid Named Obama...

I've been doing shows for so long I can see actual patterns.

I was doing a charity show for a very poor community center in Oakland and I met a little boy named Obama.  I don't exactly know why the parents didn't think of naming the child Barrack.

I'm a big Obama guy, so it warms my heart.  I thought it was cool.

When I first started clowning, I met kids named Reagan.  Quite a few actually.  I'm not a Reagan fan, so I found it strange.

I have never met a kid named Bush.  Neither of them must have impressed anyone.

Met lots of kids named Carter.  Probably not named after Jimmy, just a cute name.

My wife and I used to have a landlord named Wilson.  He wasn't old enough to be named after Woodrow but I'm sure his parents on coming to America wanted to respect the country.

I've met lots of Kennedys.  No one name Johnson, because that would be a problem naming someone after a penis.

Now that I think of it, I wish I had named my son Dick and changed my last name to Johnson.

Nixon?  That's a burdon to carry.

It was nice to meet a kid named Obama.  It reminded me of how the world changed in 2008.  Whatever has happened or not happened a whole community has changed and has been heard.  People of color see someone that shares their background.

You know, that's pretty cool.

Meeting a little boy named Obama made me smile.  Even if the teacher was saying. "Obama, come here, come here come here"

The Way You Wanna Say Goodbye...

I had an event the other night I wasn't sure about.

I have a client that hires me for all her grandkids.  She's a big fan of mine, even sends me very goofy emails from time to time.

I was on hold for her months away.  She called and asked what days I was open this last weekend?  She said she was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.  She had gone in for a physical, they did the normal blood work and found a mass.

oy.

She felt fine, didn't go to the doctor because she felt bad, just a physical.  She walked out with other news.

She told her doctor she was having a party for her mother's 90th birthday in October. The doctor said, if you want a party, you should move it up.

It's a bit freaky but I go into focus mode in these situations.  My job is laughter. I get very focused on that, the death part doesn't bother me.

And that's the really odd part, I'm very freaked out by mortality, it is on my mind an unhealthy amount.  Faced with sickness and death, I go for it, with all my might.

The show was a huge success.  Lots of people, lots of kids, it was great.

I was thinking, isn't this the way you should go out?  With a party and a clown? We all say that but who would have the courage to actually have a party?

She's a good lady.

There was plenty of laughter, no tears.  Children running around, good food, people drinking but the normal way.  From the outside, just a nice family reunion.

They are a nice family.  I tried refusing payment but they forced money on me.  I guess that's the way it should be, I'm in no position to refuse.

In my line of work, you get into situations you never expected.

I really am blessed.

You Think You've Seen Everything...

I was doing my usual craziness today, when a little boy came up to me and said "here clown".

He was holding a white tube.

Thanks.

He took it apart.  It was a white tube a cotton middle with a string hanging off.  

I told him to give  it to his mom, who about had an aneurism from laughter.  Apparently this 5 year old was digging around momma's purse and discovered a tampon.  I'm not one to judge but don't you need to buy those from a vending machine in truck-stop bathrooms?

In my line of work, when you think you've seen everything, there's always something else to see.

Killin’ Time On The Road...

I don’t travel much, not for work, not even for pleasure.   I’m broke all the time.  

I’m on a three day jaunt around the very lovely Monterey County.   I don’t notice if anything is lovely, I’m a clown on a mission. When I’m traveling I focus on getting there.  Generally, I’m running late to the mission, so I don’t look out the window, I look for police with radar guns. 

Monterey county is very rural.  This is Steinbeck country, he grew up here and wrote about the agriculture here.  This is the Grapes of Wrath, except people mostly have iphones. 

Kids come from all over the place to see me.  I’m doing 13 shows over a 5 day period. I kill it here, kids laugh and laugh.  I’m a huge celebrity, autographs, pictures with me, people shaking my hand.  It’s cool.  

After the shows, I find a bathroom and take off my make up. It’s quiet.  When I’m done, no one is around, they’ve all gone home.  It’s sort of a lonely feeling.  To get so much attention then nothing.  

Then I find someplace to eat.  Last night, I washed my costumes in a Laundromat, got a burrito next door, bought some supplies at an ACE hardware, took my half wet clothes back to the Day’s Inn.  And watched TV, till I fell asleep. 

I called home.  Having teenagers in the house is of no comfort when you’re away.  They answer questions but the least amount of words they can get away with. 

And here I am.  I woke early this morning and did lots of nothing.  

I left the motel for my first show in a little town of 800.  I’m an hour early with nothing to do. It’s a bit lonely.  

I always dreamed of touring.  When I toured in the circus, there were hundreds of people always around.  When I toured with partners in the Kloons, we were always together, so much so, I wanted to work solo.  

My dream of celebrity is here, the roars of laughter make people come from all over to see what in the heck is going on.  

In between.  It’s lonely.  As the saying goes.  Be careful of what you wish for. 

My Book, My Book, My Book...

I wrote a little book of comebacks years and years ago.  I called it 101 comebacks.  It included 120 comebacks but I liked 101 as a better title.

I sold it for $5 in the back of Laugh Maker Magazine. 

Then I wrote 101 More Comebacks.  

My ad cost $45 a month.  I didn't sell enough to cover the cost of the ad.  I thought it was cool though.  

I've revisited this book over and over.  I always thought there was something there.  I don't know of any books that just included comebacks for children's entertainers.  I didn't want to put anyone down I just want to make people laugh.  

The joke is called "Hey Quit Clowning Around"  Comebacks for the most commonly heard comments a children's entertainer hears.  

So, after a lot of work.  I'm sending my version off to a publisher.  It's 95 pages.  There are probably 1500 jokes in there.  It's really tough to edit, after working on one liners for hours, your mind gets really numb.  

I have worked, reworked reworded each joke umpteen times.  I think it's really funny.  

We'll see what a publisher says.  

Wish me luck.  

Being A "Proper" Actor On Set...

I shot a short film yesterday here in San Francisco.  Short films are the rage;  I don't know what happens to them, they end up being submitted to film festivals mostly.  I've been on sets for crazy huge million dollar productions and tiny productions, where it's just a camera, the director does the sound, lights and everything else.  And lots in between.

The production yesterday had a crew of 7.  There is a child in the opening scene, he's on for 5 seconds, I chase him off as the character, then it's me for the next five minutes on screen. 

I was thinking about how to be professional.  Being professional mostly means, keeping your mouth shut.  

The film I did yesterday is terrible, I think it will be a disaster.  I had a million opinions on making the story better but I am there as an actor, not a writer.  I was hired because I am a clown/actor, they wanted something physical with the acting.  I don't think the story will work.  Oh, well.  I'm sure carpenters build kitchens they think are ugly and still work keeping their judgement to themselves. 

On a set, stay positive.  I stayed on the set itself for nearly two hours while they fussed with lights and sound.  Being there in front of hot lights, is long and boring.   This is why they hire stand-ins for movie stars.  I volunteered to be on set, because you need a body, with the skin tone of the actor to adjust lights.  It's boring but it's part of the job, it's my being professional.  I sat there and played on my phone.  

This can't be understated arrive early.   You will always sit around on these things, always!  But the actor is the least/most important part of the shoot.  There is a crew working on angles, sound, lights.  This takes hours, the acting part, is the shortest.  But in the end, poor acting, poor movie.  You will be treated like a prop sometimes, then when your job happens, you are very very important.

Don't wander off.  Shout, "going to the bathroom".  If you leave.  

Be friendly.  You walk in after weeks of planning.  Don't chit chat with the crew.  Often they are waiting to do their job.  Talk, but keep the conversation very light, so they can break away easily, without being rude.  

We all think we're pretty important, save all that for your family.  

Don't offer to move things, it gets in the way.  You are like a model for an artist, they are painting and you need to hold still.  You wouldn't pose for an artist, then offer to get them a coke in the middle of the pose.  Film is just like that.  

When you shoot, take direction.  Let go of the "I've been doing this a long time" thing.  Yesterday was hard for me, the director was terrible, so I didn't know how to perform the thing.  He spoke English very haltingly and was afraid of telling me what to do.  I did what I could.  I kept my mouth shut, I wanted to shout, "tell me what to do?"  I took what I could from what he said and applied it, without the "I know what I'm doing" attitude. 

They seemed happy.  I had to do the performance over and over and over. 

You can't tell by the photos but it was a Twilight Zone sort of feel to the shoot.  I just can't help but pose.  

Feel free to ask questions if you are dying to get in front of the camera.  I've spent years and years in training, it's hard to come off comfortable.  I'll give my small bits of advice.