Boswick The Clown

"Clowns and Gas Prices"

2012-02-23T08:39:00.003-08:00

More than that darned old economy, I'm in competition with Shell, Exxon and Chevron.

When gas prices go up, my prices come down. I understand, people end up with a hundred less in their checking accounts at the end of the month. That's less discretionary money for things like going out to dinner, movies and of course clowns.

I figure I'm the bell weather of the state of the economy. When people feel good, they hire me, when they are worried about money, I don't get hired. The one common all of us have, rich or poor, we complain about the price of gas.

I've given up on complaining, I've even given up on looking around for cheap gas it goes up and down so fast. I'm now one of those people that just says "whatever". But I notice. I can't help it. We all have to drive, sorry hippies but how do we get groceries? How do you get a clown to come to your house? The one line in the sand for me...Not going to take a bus to my shows!

Pray for electric cars and natural gas powered cars because I need the money!

"Getting Kids To Laugh Harder"

2012-02-10T10:31:00.000-08:00

"Getting Kids To Laugh Harder"

As a clown, there is a certain expectation that you're funny.

I would say this is the biggest problem when I watch newer or not very good clowns. Fundamentally, clowns are not cute or acrobatic or great jugglers, clowns are just funny.

And of course clowns are cute, acrobatic, whatever. But realize a child sees you and automatically laughs. If you start off with that assumption, laughs get bigger and bigger because you can mess with that assumption.

I see clowns walk in, casually, like they're party goers and get permission to start. My question is why? You're a clown, the person hiring you will find you. Go, nuts. I think it's confusing to a child when they see a clown discussing with another adult.

Your character is very specific as a clown. You should know how you walk, talk. Are you forgetful? Or know everything?

You can make kids laugh like crazy if you get mad at an inanimate object. You can get children to laugh like crazy by repeating something that made them laugh earlier, simply do it again. Sometimes things happen by accident, if you get a laugh do it again.

I'm mostly free to answer questions. If you've got a spot in your show that is not killing, send me a note, I'll try and help. Even if you're not a clown but work with children, I can give you tricks to get kids attention.

"150 posts and still going...and going and going..."

2012-02-08T18:14:00.000-08:00

I got a nice note this morning from a young lady that told me my blog was awesome.

Which is much appreciated; because I forgot why I'm doing a blog at all.

My original idea was, a blog would be a good place to get a bit of a following while I work on a book for children's entertainers. A book to get children's entertainers to think about children and their relationship to performing.

In the meantime, I've talked about people dying, being tired, what it's like to put on a show. What it's like to put on a show and no one shows up. How to write jokes, how to tell jokes, how to market yourself, mistakes of marketing, thoughts on being an artist, thoughts on Aikido, thoughts on my children, thoughts on being married.

I have plenty to say and a world of people to read my insane ramblings about my life as a professional clown.

If you're out there in the darkness of cyber space, thanks for reading. Thanks for following and of course thanks for calling me awesome. (I'm a very very needy person)

Doing Things Different From Everyone Else

2012-02-06T10:01:00.002-08:00

I was listening to an interview with Phillip Glass the other day. He's a crazy amazing composer, I was fascinated with him years ago when I was in college.

He got me thinking about being an artist.

Phillip Glass essentially became a composer when he discovered, you have to know the rules intimately, to break them. He was talking about music, he had been studying for years, when he had an ah ha moment. Why do you know it's Beethoven compared to Mozart in a few bars. It got me really thinking. AC/DC has a sound, you know right away, the Beatles, Rolling Stones etc etc etc. Yet, they all follow the rules of music. This starts applying to all art forms. Dance has rules, the dancer that stands out, follows the rules but makes them their own. A painter, uses paints and brushes, a canvas but you can tell a Picasso from a Rembrandt in a fraction of a second.

Kid's know my personality from far away, they know me as distinct 20 seconds after I leave my car.

This was a really interesting topic for me when I heard the interview. How do you become an artist? How do you stand out?

Artists spend years learning the rules. You have to learn the rules so you can break them. Breaking the rules, you still work within the rules, you've simply bent them pushed them to the near breaking point.

So many people focus on the skills. Making a good balloon animal is really important. The fun comes when you can do the balloon animal in your sleep and you find routines with that balloon. When the balloon animal attacks you, when the balloon snaps you in the nose, when you accidentally step on it and you cry. The balloon is just a balloon, the rest is clowning.

Go back to the most basic, take a look. How do you walk in character? That walk tells everything. How do you stand when posing for a picture? There are very simple rules to walking and standing, now bend the rules. Walk with your feet pointed out, bounce when you walk, stand at an angle, stand with your arms behind your head like you're in bed.

This is what I mean by rules. This is how you create a very unique clown character.

"Staying Just Ahead of the Curve"

2012-02-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

This is why I'm tired this week.

I've been putting together a small video on DVD for a group of 150 children's librarians.

Children's librarians from around Northern California come together once a year and hold a showcase to look at acts. Libraries hire a lot of entertainment over a year's time. Children's entertainment in libraries is big business. I mean when you mulitiply it all together. Show by show, they pay about the same as all my shows.

But, I'm a huge fan of libraries. I focus a lot of love and energy on them. I love that libraries have changed with the times. Libraries have become a community center of information, they are heavily used. I hardly walk into a library where 3 people aren't waiting to check things out and there are 3 or 4 people at each table. They obviously know what they're doing.

I only get to show off every 4 years on this showcase. There are enough acts coming in they have to rotate. There are plenty of acts that are just there because it's a market. I'm not real fond of that. I spend a lot of time analyzing my character and performance, I have chosen to focus on children's entertainment. It's not a market to me, it's just what's so. Some actors only do stage, others do movies.

I feel like the old man of comedy...get off my lawn!

Over the years, promotional material gets better and better. There was a time, a color business card was really impressive. I used to hand out brochures and people would say "oh this is too expensive, just give me a business card" And yes, they were expensive but I want to reflect this is my job, I want to present myself as a professional.

Then people started making videos. Then DVDs, youtube etc. etc.

I thought about it last year and decided, I'm going to make a DVD for these folks.

And of course, I put it off and put it off and put it off.

When I started on Monday, I couldn't find video clips I was sure I had. My computer is making all my pictures blurry for some reason. I edit in a professional program called Final Cut. Now it's unhappy. You get the point.

The video I made is of me, just being funny in front of the camera then cutting into clips. My first shot was terrible, the light was bad. The next shot was good but if I had started 3 weeks ago, I would shoot it again but it's funny.

The good part of this, it's really good to be forced to look at yourself. I generally pick on myself, I'm never happy with a show, I think of things I could have done better. I was forced to sift through, nearly 300 very nice quotes of appreciation. I used the quotes from librarians and I came up with about 10 pages of quotes. I was surprised and a bit overwhelmed.

I was forced to look at my performance and I said, I'm very loveable. I hadn't seen myself like that.

But here's the realization. To get better, you have to work and do the hard choices. I have spent a lot of unpleasant hours in front of a camera being not good. I got good like an athlete practices. I chose to give away a DVD because people follow the herd, I will be one of the few that has one. I'm about 99% sure I will be the only one that specifically made a DVD just for these 150 folks.

That's staying ahead of the curve.

This is in no way about my ego. My ego is a bit shot this week. I just was thinking, I'm creative, I love video production, in the end this project will cost maybe $50 but looks like a million. Staying ahead of the curve means pushing through doubts, fears and not following the pack.

"Routining a Magic Trick For Children"

2012-01-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

Take a look at the magic coloring book. A wonderful simple magic trick that could be performed for 3 year olds or at a corporate function, it's magic simplicity.

If you don't know this trick, you show a coloring book with blank pages. Say some magic words, it now has outlines to color. Say some more magic words, you show all the images colored in. Say a few more magic words, the coloring is wiped away. Of course you can do that in any order you choose.

Think of any trick you do, juggling? magic? pretending to walk a tight rope? Every thing you do onstage is about the journey. performing with children, it's a very long journey.

Take a look at your coloring book. You can do this trick in 30 seconds. But that's not very interesting or magical for that matter.

Everything you do has a question. The better performer you become the more questions you know to ask.

Is your coloring book a magic coloring book? Or, is this your 4 year old son's book you stole for the show? Each question gives the coloring book some depth. Do you like coloring? Do you think coloring is for babies?

We haven't even gotten to the routine but you have 2 minutes of a routine. "I have to keep it a secret but I like coloring. I love it so much, look I took this from my clown son. His name is dwindle, he's only half the clown I am. Although, I think he's smarter...Dwindle knows what happens when combine blue paint with yellow paint. I have no idea, do you know?" (shouting green) Jelly bean? really? Lima bean...yuck." etc etc etc.

If you start asking the questions, you can easily create a routine. The coloring book doesn't have to be "look at my book, boo hoo, I need to color it. Look it's full of colors" So much more to do, so much more potential.

The coloring books generally have pictures from the circus. What is the name of magician in the book? Name it after the birthday child. "I'm glad I brought this book, this has a picture of Sylvia in it!" Show the picture of the magician or lion tamer. Make a big deal out of it.

The trick is not to get to the end but to get the children laughing. The end is minor. Or it can be a really big deal. Each way is valid and right. The question about the end will let you know the momentum you need.

If the end is minor. "and all the colors are gone" The big deal might be getting them all colored, then you notice the pages blank and scratch your head and gently put the book away.

Or make the end a big deal. "watch watch! You're not going to believe this. I'm going to make the colors disappear!. Ready ONE TWO THREE" "I'm the greatest macian on the planet!" Thank you thank you!

The journey is fun for the children. You can even tell them the end of the trick, it doesn't matter, it's the fun of you creating in front of them that's the magic.

The middle of the routine is just the same. There are suddenly outlines. Is there a ghost in the room that drew these things? Were they drawn by one of the kids? Run around checking the kids for crayons, they will love this.

Most important. Each time you do a routine, discover it once again. That means staying so in the moment with your audience, you are as surprised as them. And I'm not talking fake surprise, just staying in the moment.

Staying in the moment is the reason actors are so interesting to watch. The actor that's playing Hamlet stays in the moment, killing his uncle Claudius is all consuming, the actor is as surprised as anyone when he kills Claudius.

Maybe I should lighten up. Gilligan ruining the chance of escape is a surprise to Bob Denver.

Ask a question, see where it takes you. Maybe you want to do the coloring book about shapes instead of colors. It's a rectangle, then have the children find rectangles in the pictures, circles, triangles etc. Maybe the coloring book is about books in general but you are just learning to read. Or you are so smart you've read every book on the planet, this is the only book you have never read and it keeps changing on you. You'll never get to read the last book on the planet, then everything is blank.

"The Time a Kid Whizzed On Me."

2012-01-24T18:19:00.000-08:00

Being a clown, people expect me to tell funny stories. I really find nothing very humorous about what I do. It’s my job and career.

I know it must sound odd, I do not at all find it funny that I shop for the best price on whoopee cushions. Or the fact that I know the difference in brand quality for said whoopees.

When it’s time to buy new clown shoes I spend hours looking at designs.

I have a great time doing what I do. I make a living making people laugh. I don’t find that humorous at all.

Funny is my job.

Here’s a funny thing that happened to me!

I was at a ridiculous over the top, crazy, spend too much money, kids Halloween party. The party was in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in America. So, picture mansion, circle driveway.

The guy hiring had all his carpets covered in Saran Wrap. I’m serious giant sheets of Saran Wrap. Smart but odd. The party was in his beautiful landscaped backyard.

There were two other children’s entertainers there before I even arrived.

But shhh. I’m the best. I get em laughing like no one else can. Yes, I’m tooting my horn but at that event, parents said to me, “I thought the others were good but I’ve never seen my kid’s laugh so hard”

I’m just that good!

There was a little boy of maybe 3 that kept getting into my things trying to hit me from behind. You guessed it, the parents thought this was really cute, while they hung around the bar. I turn it into comedy. I’m a clown, I take all situations and make them on purpose. I turn the unexpected into a routine.

I was looking left, when I heard “watch out!” I turned to my right and that little boy unzipped his little NASA space costume and was trying to .... pee on me! Whizz on the clown. Pee on the payaso.

I lept back, caught some shrapnel on the bottom of my pants and on my $350 shoes.

This I found hilarious. It was so ridiculously crazy, I just laughed and laughed.

It’s a good story. My favorite part of the story...

I didn’t even get a tip!

"Clowns are dying around me"

2012-01-23T13:16:00.000-08:00

I'm entering a period of life where I'm going to memorial services.

This means, I'm getting close; the cold specter of death is breathing on my neck. Luckily, I wear a scarf.

Two people I knew well, died this last month, both clowns in different ways. My old friend Gerald wanted to become a clown because he was confronted by the thought of doing it. Gerald and I took seminars together for years with a group called Landmark Education. I'm a big fan of Landmark, amazing things have happened in my life because of them, if you are looking for a change in your life, I can't recommend them enough.

Gerald had been involved with Landmark since they were EST.

Gerald was a character. I always enjoy characters. Gerald did things like join the Army during the Vietnam war because he couldn't take the pressure of waiting for the draft. His father was a doctor, he was going to Berkeley, I'm sure he could have found a way out.

Gerald returned to the Bay Area and started a custom guitar shop and know people like Carlos Santana.

By the time I knew Gerald he was still exploring, trying everything. He tried EBAY, He tried selling magic DVDs, he tried making magic tricks (he didn't know anything about magic), he tried real estate (he had $5 in the bank). He decided one day to move to St Louis because it was the most opposite he could think of from San Francisco. Gerald would show up about every three months to do some computer work and to see his mother. He would show up and ask me to pick him up at the airport. Not a lot of people just do that.

Gerald decided he wanted to become a clown. I have him the full training. I've taught a number of folks over the years.

Gerald was not a good clown. But Gerald was fearless and lived his life as if it were on borrowed time (which it was, he had his first stroke at 38 years old. By the end, he was diabetic, had 4 strokes, kidney failure and was still talking about what business he was going to try next). Gerald was a clown in the best sense, he lived an outrageous creative life.

We should all live like we are borrowed time.

My old boss and friend Peggy Ford died on Friday from lung cancer.

Peggy was truly funny. She was in that Joan Rivers style of funny. Peggy was one of the early women of clowning. Ringling Brothers never had female clowns till the early 1970s. Peggy went to Clown College in (I don't know the exact dates), 1972 or so and toured. You can only imagine how tough a woman she had to be, I'm sure that was the source of her comedy.

Peggy was not that into performing. I knew her as director of a tiny circus called Make a Circus. We had a great time on tour together. She named me Sphincter Boy, because of my constant talk about toilets, farting and bowel movements.

We were in Los Angeles doing shows in war torn South Central LA. We were hired by Paramount Studios to do shows there after the Rodney King Riots. It looked like the Bronx to me, no big deal. One night at the motel, Peggy died my hair and chest hair orange.

Peggy went on to become the assistant director of the Circus Center in San Francisco. The Circus Center is the only full time circus training in America. It's a big deal in the world of circus. Since Ringling closed Clown College, the Clown Conservatory in the Circus Center, is the main source for new Ringling Brothers clowns.

I ran into Peggy less and less since I had children but just always had such fond memories of our time.

Peggy, like Gerald, got sick very early in life. Peggy had cancer in her mid 30s. I think that's why she smoked, she felt like she was on borrowed time.

So, two people I liked an awful lot passed away recently. Both clowns, both lived life without regret. Both living as if they were on borrowed time.

"The Unusual Show Makes Me Nervous"

2012-01-20T08:47:00.000-08:00

Some shows make me incredibly nervous. Wake up at 4AM nervous.

I get called on fairly often, to do an adult gag, surprise show. The calls go like this. "I thought it would be really funny to surprise my (co-worker, wife, husband, son, daughter, granddaughter, grandson, niece, nephew, best friend) with a clown...They're turning 40, (timidly) do you do adult parties?"

I do one of these, about every other month. Mostly they tend to be in work situations. These cause me great stress because I'm walking into an uncontrolled environment. As a clown, I take over a room, that's what a clown does, you know big shoes, red nose orange wig. We are shouting, "hey look at me, I'm funny!"

I kill at these events. And I mean knock them dead with comedy. There are very few children's entertainers that can cross over into adults, you have to be pretty willing to look bad.

I'm a decent stand up, I've trained as a stand up comedian and spent my time in front of the microphone at open mic nights umpteen times. Still, I'm just barely OK at it. You have to spend years and do thousands of shows before you're really good. But there's something about mixing the clown in there that makes it wildly funny. I guess it's the outrageousness of the situation. And that I have done thousands of shows.

Last night, I had a show for a 21st birthday. I was mad at myself for taking it. I was really nervous about the clown hating thing. This is the prime age they still don't want to look foolish in front of their friends. This is that age that says to me loudly when I'm walking down the street "Ooo clowns scare me."

The mom that hired me was from the generation of "everybody loves a clown". And yes, it is heavlly generational. There is an older generation that absolutely loves clowns.

I was a "surprise". I don't think surprises work. You remove the control from a performance. The best scenario is to let everyone know I'm coming except the honoree. This creates an excitement and buzz in the room, as people whisper about "the clown".

The mom didn't want to do that. So, I was going into the hornets nest.

Guess what, I killed it. I haven't had an audience laughing to peeing their pants this hard in a while.

The more nervous you are, the better it feels when you're performing. I am addicted to endorphins.

This is the part of clowning that I like...and hate. Going into a situation blind, trusting I can handle any situation. Unlike stand up, I have done nearly 300 plus shows year in year out for 25 years.

I have tons of self doubt, I have to put that aside to be a good performer, I have to or I would hide under my bed. Just like the soldier goes in even though they are scared, I go in, with all my training, even though I'm scared.

Apologies to all soldiers for being compared to a clown.

I spent yesterday daydreaming of a time that I had enough money to turn these kind of shows down. Maybe God made me broke for a reason. If I did have enough money, I would play it safe. Being an artist, I have to stay hungry or I can't grow. If I wan't hungry, I would never have done this show. I have to grow, it's what drives me. You have to be mental to be an artist.

Last night I grew.

You know you’re in the right profession when....

2012-01-18T17:44:00.000-08:00

A small tragedy happened to me last week, my eyes went down for a bit.

I’ve been having some trouble with scratchy eyes, dry eyes for about 8 months. Dry eyes are pretty painful and really bothersome. I got a diagnosis from my optometrist a number of months back. Just use the products at Walgreens. Eye drops that say dry eyes.

If you take a look at Walgreens under eye-care, you can see I’m not the only one! There are 15 different brands from mild to severe to occasional. Drops for overnight, single servings kind, economy size. Yup, welcome to middle age plus. (I’m hoping I’m in the middle but I think I’m beyond at this point...all downhill from here weeeee).

A new development about three weeks ago. I am using up a bottle of drops a day, my eyes are blood red. It’s bad. And it feels like I got caught in a dust-storm, weeee.

Anyone want a clown that looks like a vampire for their party? I was dousing my eyes with Visine, which as it turns out, has the opposite effect I’m looking for. If you’re a stoned teenager, it will work, if you use a half a bottle, it makes it worse. Go figure.

I got into an ophthalmologist pretty quickly. Thanks, Diane for having Kaiser health insurance.

So, it turns out, my antibodies are attacking my antigens in the corner of my eye. Whatever. They don’t know why it happens but that’s what’s going on and I got steroids for my eyes... With the help of steroids, I can now see Australia.

Two days later, bloodshot gone but ouch owe. I can’t stand light, it’s painful ouch ouch ouch. Got an emergency appointment to ophthalmology. Blessings upon my mother in law. She drove me to the hospital. I couldn’t drive, I would have had to take a cab, I couldn’t have seen my money to even pay. It was way too painful to wait for my wife to come home from work.

Doctor eyeball said, I became very susceptible to scratches on the cornea because of the super vision I was gaining. (kidding about super vision).

I blinked wrong or rubbed my eyes in the middle of the night and scratched the crap out of my right eye.

I know about scratched eyes because when I was 6, I was looking through the knot hole of a fence at my friend Scott Sandy’s house and the kids next door stuck a stick through the hole into my...wait for it. Right eye!

When I was ten. I went to the World’s Fair in Spokane, Washington with my friend Gary McAdam. While watching the fireworks a little bit of metal flake from a firework landed in my...you guessed it. Right eye.

Both times, I came to the first day of school with an eyepatch.

The good part of all this. I am super familiar with knowing how fast an eye heals. I didn’t have too much fear of my eye getting better.

I lay in my bedroom, shades drawn, my eyes shut. I have tried meditating over the years but always fall asleep, I get bored easily. This time, I just lay there like Tom Cruise in Minority Report, with new eyes. My house is a bit nicer.

But still I stumbled down the hall with my eyes closed to go to the bathroom. Get a banana or a Jack Daniels (kidding kidding).

Thank God for Howard Stern. I am a ridiculous super fan and listen a lot. Howard produces 5 original hours a day, I listen a lot but never get to hear the whole thing. I did those days; just laying and listening.

The cool part, I’ve spent most of my life pretending to be blind. I do it all the time, close my eyes and see if I can figure out how to take a shower or see if I can make lunch without seeing. I guess that might be odd. But what do you want? I’m a clown, I have quirks. Today I had an audition for a commercial, as I stared into the mirror shaving, I made faces at myself. Half way shave, I realized this is probably abnormal behavior.

But here’s the blessing. One, no damage done. My eyes are nice and white, not dry anymore, still a bit scratchy but getting better every day.

Two, I was incredibly worried and upset about a birthday party show I had booked.

I was so upset that I couldn’t get well enough in time to see 5 year old Carlos. Carlos had recently seen me at his school and had to have me. A big time fan. Talking to his mom, I could tell it was a stretch financially to hire me but they went ahead. This was not the kind of show I could sub out, it would hurt a lot of people, some people just want a “clown” then I get obsessive fans. Albeit 5 years old but obsessive.

That Saturday, I could stand light but barely. The weather was unseasonably warm and super sunny (darn, I was hoping for rainy). I didn’t know if I could pull off an outdoor show.

I lucked out, the show turned out to be in the rec. room of their apartment. Perfect, I didn’t have to wear sunglasses, or pull a pillow case over my head.

The show absolutely killed. Kids out of their mind, I had tons of happiness energy. Everyone laughing like crazy.

I made it. I did it. I pulled it off. From the brink of blindness to pure laughter.

And I realized, I wasn’t worried about money, bills, the problems in the Middle East. Laying in bed for two days I was worried about that little boy and his parents. I was worried about being able to perform.

I’m in the right field. It takes a lot to remind ourselves why we are put on this earth. I got to SEE, my life is to bring laughter to families.

And that’s pretty cool. wheeeee!

"How Did The Show Come Out?"

2012-01-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

There is so much going on right now...so many creative projects but that's the New Year isn't it?

So to complete the last big project before trying on the next one. I want to write what I learned and what I wish I had done on my annual theatre show.

In the end, I sold 174 tickets out of a possible 196. I gave none away, which is terribly unique for me. I have a tendency to not believe I'm worth money, so I start downplaying my worth. In translation, I beg people to come to my shows.

This is year I priced my tickets at $19. I think children's shows sell for under $10. So I priced it so that I could sell half price tickets all over.

Luckily, I live in a large city and there are agencies that do this. A major company called Goldstar sold nearly half my tickets. That made life very easy for me. I generally need about 10 or 12 in an audience for the comedy point I'm looking for, that is, where people are not self conscience to laugh out-loud.

I also listed my show everywhere and I mean everywhere I could find. This takes a lot of time. Usually it means signing up for a site, filling in the categories and submitting. This can take 10 minutes to 30 minutes per site. It's good for me in the long run because my clown name will come up much higher when people search. So good for my wallet, hopefully.

I also built on my shows from previous years and looked at my show that I do 250 times a year. My regular show is not designed for a theatre, so it takes work to adapt it. And what I found this year, it takes a lot of trial and error. Doing a theatre show, you don't have the fallback of things like balloon animals when my show is not killing. As much as I can make people laugh, there are times, nothing works. That's life on the edge.

In a theatre, you must have a connecting theme. This is something to keep working on for myself, I tend to jump from one routine to the next. Having done some stand up comedy this is the transition part of an act. When George Carlin talks about an escalator handrail going slightly faster than the stairs and then goes into the department store routine, this is seamless. It's the hard part of any comedy show.

And blessings be upon my son Dustin. I tend to ignore things lights and sound, they are a total pain to me. He pushed it and created a lighting design and a sound design. He's 14 and he just created this stuff because he's smarter than me. But as he said to me, that's what makes it a theatre show...

This year's theatrical show was big for me, I succeeded in getting over some big humps. I was able to get a large audience. I built on older routines that worked and wrote them in a way that would work in a theatre. I got over myself and let my son push me to create lights and sound. I found a nice price point for people to come to a theatre.

It's a lot of work, I can see why people don't do this all that much. I ended up making some money, which is cool. But I now know how to make a theatrical clown show. I've rented theaters probably 10 or more times. That represents maybe up to 100 theatre performances and it's taken me this long to get it.

You never stop learning.

"The Successful Show"

2011-12-24T17:47:00.000-08:00

Here I am two shows into my holiday run at the lovely little SF Playhouse downtown San Francisco.

I can say the show is a huge success. I have measures of these things.

I broke even. That's pretty incredible, to get enough people to get out of their houses, go downtown to the crowds this time of year to see a "clown show". I know it's like no other clown show in the world, I have a very unique take on what makes kids laugh.

I have a wonderful new relationship with my younger son. Each year I do these holiday theatre shows with my two sons. My older son is away this year in India with 16 of his classmates, in complete appreciation of all they have at home. (the emails back home are full of stories of limbless beggars and orphans they are helping).

My younger son Dustin did all the tech at the theatre. We rehearsed together, we picked music, he figured out how to operate a lightboard and how to patch into the theatre and run music and sound effects for me. Running a show takes a lot of concentration. Even though I don't really care if he misses a cue, he does.

I have learned (as a father) how wonderful of a son I have, how smart and talented and how much I've underestimated him. He's 4 years younger than his older brother so lives in the shadows a bit.

I happily eat crow. He's amazing and my total partner. I completely hate tech. I just want to perform. I love that he pushed me to pick music for each routine. It's such a better show because of that.

That alone could make it successful. I mean, realizing my child is way better than me, is a gift.

I created a killer theatre show for kids and families. It ran one hour and 10 minutes. There are very few kids entertainers in this country that could command the attention for that length of time. I have one 90 second break in the show where I am not onstage, I run backstage during a cartoon and change into a tutu.

There is no padding in this show, that's pretty incredible to me, I've come a long way.

Here's the big one (as a performer, nothing can match my relationship with my son). I have done 2 shows now. The first one was ok, not a great show by my estimation. I was very angry at myself after for a lot of mistakes in timing and comedy.

I looked at what didn't work in the show and killed the next day. I changed the opening, because I know kids, I know their attention span, I know how to fluctuate material to keep them going. I worked on my show and I created a show better than I believed.

So, this is a dream. I am in a theatre doing my show and making some money. My profit is about what we spend on groceries but I am doing it. It's taken me years and years of renting theatres. But it feels good.

I'm a very very happy clown.

A successful show is not about the money, it's about the art, the craft of clowning. That's a big lesson, a big lesson for me.

"It's Showtime!"

2011-12-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

I subject myself and my family to something every year...I do a big show around Christmas.

This involves, renting a theatre, writing a show and worst of all publicizing it and hoping people will come.

I'm one of the few children's entertainers, that I know of, that puts on a theatrical show. I certainly appreciate that there are entertainers that work solely in the theatre but I straddle the world of birthday, library, school shows and the world of theatre.

This year things are clicking into place. We are doing the final dress rehearsal, I still have to run out and buy bagels for the singing bagel routine but the show could go on this afternoon and it would be in good shape.

It's a scary venture, putting yourself out there like this. There are really so many things out of my control. On the other hand, this is what's called living my dream.

I love children's stage performing. It's been a focus of mine for years. The control and flow of a show, often how to pull it back because when children laugh too hard they sometimes wet themselves. Yup, I'm that funny.

So, I'm nervously making lists of what to finish up. Dress rehearsal this afternoon. Then it's showtime! For the first time in all the years I've rented a theatre, I will not only break even but make money. It actually looks like I'm going to sell all the shows out. There are about 45 tickets left for all the shows. That's cool.

"Raul's Mom"

2011-12-20T06:50:00.000-08:00

I visited the kids at Family House last night. Family House is a place where families live while their kids are in cancer treatment. (Of course there are other awful diseases children have. Their families are also welcome.)

My number one fan Raul died 4 days ago. It was a bit strange to go in there for me. My job is to entertain, not soothe. There are lots of kids there though, plenty to make laugh.

It was a Holiday party (translate Christmas. Come on! I'm a Jew and I call everything Christmas!). Presents galore, piles and piles of presents for the kids. Way more than I give my children even. People love to donate to this place.

I am surrounded by my fan club of kids (there is no place I'm more of a rockstar than Family House). There is Santa, there are elves giving away presents, my good friend Super Gigi is facepainting (she's the best in the world, and totally funny).

Raul's brothers come through and say "Hi Boswick...my brother passed away" Oy. What do I say to that?

Towards the end, Raul's dad asked me to come see his wife, she just didn't want to come to the party. So I went to where they live and she was lying under blankets crying.

The room is like a large hotel room. Everyone is living there, Mom Dad and about 4 kids. So there are toys all over, clothes, TV video games. It would look like a typical family vacation viewed without knowledge.

She brightened up when I came in. She even smiled when she saw me. Raul loved me, that made her smile.

That's what I do. That's why I'm here. For all the fight to stay doing what I do, the fight to make a living. The fight to make a living as a clown and convince people that kids love clowns. Raul's mom smiled when she saw me.

We sat, I held her hand. I had made a small video for Raul, when he missed my show last year. I make videos all the time, to me, it's a tiny project. Raul had my video on his ipod. He watched it a few days before he passed away.

I did what I do. I made a family smile for a few minutes, in a world that gave them nothing to smile about.

"For Raul"

2011-12-19T08:29:00.001-08:00

I found out last night that my super fan Raul passed away.

I've visited a lot of sick kids over my career. This is my first experience and I'm sad.

I didn't know Raul, really. I have visited a special place he lives with his family, called Family House for many years. Raul and his "crazy cousins" have lived there at least 2 years.

But I think about the family.

I live near the hospital where children are in cancer treatment. So, I think about Raul and his family.

I visited the kids at Family House right before Thanksgiving and asked about him, he was getting bone marrow. So he missed my visit. I meant to send him a video greeting. Sometimes, I do that for kids.

I'm visiting the kids tonight at Family House and they told me Raul "had lost his battle" last week.

It makes me sad.

I didn't really know Raul. I know he loved me. That's pretty cool. I made him laugh. He was my fan. I'm his clown.

"Stick To It, Good Things Happen"

2011-11-28T10:34:00.000-08:00

I've rented theatres, every holiday season.

The tough part, getting an audience. I spend so much time getting an audience, the show itself becomes the second most important thing after just getting kids in there.

A funny thing happened this year. I'm over 3 weeks from my show and a quarter of the tickets are sold. This means it's pretty likely to sell out plus. Wow.

My lesson, stick to it. I've been running into people that say, I know you, I keep getting you in my email.

So, I really started working on the show. It's quite exciting. I am rehearsing and writing and reordering the show. Even if I don't sell another ticket, I have enough people coming to do the shows. I just need about 10 per show to get good laughs.

There are so many things like this as a performer and dare I say it... in life. Stick to things, even when it's uncomfortable and you can get the reward over time.

This reminds me of a section in "Think and Grow Rich" (highly highly recomend by the way!). One of the secrets to very succesful people, they don't give up early. They come to decisions quickly and let go very very slowly.

This year it looks like not only will I break even, which is my goal each year but I'll make a bit and I'll be able to pay my son and my neice more than I thought.

It's pretty cool. If you're around...come check out the show http://www.boswick.net.\/show

“The Most Hated of Men...”

2011-11-23T19:33:00.000-08:00

I have to say, it does get to me...the clown hatred the pretend clown phobia. Yes, pretend, it exists and I’ve seen it if someone really has a fear of clowns, you can tell it’s on the level of fear of spiders it’s pretty extreme. The people that say they have it are just buying into this lazy perception.

I put up a good front and laugh it off but I am honestly confused, hurt and disappointed, about this world I’m trying to make a funnier place.

Here’s tmy mistake. Don’t go on youtube, don’t go on yelp, don’t read discussions when you search clowns. I made that mistake.

but I’ve been a bit vulnerable this week. When really great things happen to me, I get a bit nervous and uncomfortable. If get a lot of applause, I am looking for the other shoe to fall. Underneath my bravado, I’m scared of not being liked.

Here are some good things this week...

I was mentioned in the New York Times in the Sunday magazine. That’s terribly cool. I mean, it’s the NY Times! A reporter asked for a quote about a fetish thing with clowns, there are stripper clowns apparently in the burlesque world.

I’m not in the burlesque world, if I have a choice, I’m asleep around 10:30, up at 6.

A reporter for the NY Times! asked me for a quote about these strippers. I said, I was probably not the right guy to go to, I really don’t care that much. But I said, if kids see this, start saving for therapy now. I’m protective of kids but I can’t imagine you’d find a kid anywhere near a stripper place anyway. It’s drinking, it’s late at night, the filters are built in. You’re not going to find kids around a bar.

I also had some big time love and nice emails about one of my shows for Family House a charity I have taken on for kids with cancer.

I’ve been promoting my annual holiday show like crazy, I’ve been busy with shows, I’m writing a lot and I’m not broke right now.

To me, a recipe for disaster. Too many good things at once.

I was looking on Yelp and saw a guy wanted a recommendation for a clown for his child’s birthday. The thread about, how children hate clowns and clowns are scary etc etc hurts me to the core. I had an annoying teenager make a big deal the other day of avoiding me as I was going into a little girls house (this happens a lot with teenagers, they are dramatic), I had a fellow say “clown’s are scary” as I got out of my car to go to a corporate event and now Yelp.

it’s tiring being the most hated person on the planet. Yet, all I live for is audience love. It’s a weird feeling.

It’s a confusing feeling. I am one of the most beloved characters in the lives of the kids I see. I should say, the adults as well, the most common compliment I get is “I think I laughed more than the kids”

Yet, there is this lazy joke floating around that somehow becomes true to people, clowns are scary, don’t get your kids near clowns.

I often don’t think I’m strong enough to take on this battle.

Oy...it’s a living.

"It's Surreal to be a Clown.."

2011-11-22T13:22:00.000-08:00

I visited the kids at Family House last night. Just for clarity, Family House is a place where families live while their kids are in super extreme car at UCSF Med Center. A lot of these children are bald, in wheel chairs, are very small because they don't grow.

There is a Thanksgiving party every year I go to. Volunteers make food, it's a big celebration, then they see their favorite Boswick the Clown.

OK, that's the scenario.

I am famous at Family House, and when I say famous, I mean Brad Pitt, Robin Williams famous. They have posters all over announcing my visit, they have a giant poster of me with a kid on the wall, they have a photographer to shoot the show. Last night a bunch of kids skipped the feast so they could hang out with me as I set up.

That's pretty uncomfortable for me but this show and this is bad phrasing, kills. I mean, I have the sick kids, their brothers and sisters, parents, staff and umpteen volunteers laughing in hysterics.

I got involved with Family House because they are 2 blocks from where I live. No car, just a clown walking down the street with his junk to a show.

My neighborhood is one of those really popular city neighborhoods, with hipsters, oldsters, shoppers and ATM users. Walking, I have to pass 4 restaurants, either side of the road, 3 banks, and a grocery store. Lots of people.

Mostly people ignore me, in an obvious, I'm ignoring you on purpose way. Which is always odd, I am a clown, they could say hi, or have a good day or quit clowning around. And it's at night, the show is around 7:30, you probably aren't expecting to see a clown at night going out to dinner.

I'm a celebrity in my little universe. And walking home, I'm a weirdo in a clown suit. It's the strangest of feelings. I just keep wanting to say, "you should have seen me 10 minutes ago, they couldn't stop laughing" But I'm getting people walking by me saying, "clowns scare me" And yes, they do say that right to me.

I read a great story about the world's greatest violinist playing in the subway as an experiment. The conclusion was basically, out of context you don't appreciate an art form.

As a clown, I am the living embodiment of the art itself. it's not a recording of a song, or a photo on display. It's me walking by...sort of a celebrity.

I spend my life looking for fame. So when I get that fame in abundance, it's really surreal to have it taken away so quickly.

I would drive but there's no place to park around here!

"You Can Get an Entertainer to Do Anything!”

2011-11-17T08:48:00.000-08:00

People that do entertainment, are insecure little children. I can say that because I am an insecure child.

I have taken the stupidest jobs that do nothing for my bank account or career, because I heard, something like “we love you, my children always talk about you...” I’ve given discounts, I’ve done things for free, I’ve driven and driven driven. Because they love me, they really love me!

I am such an insecure wreck, I need to hear how wonderful I am.

The thing is, it’s not just me. All performers will do this, all performers need love more than money.

I often am in a position of being event planner for a company and have the chance to hire other entertainers. Because I chose to call them and they will lower their price for me, practically offer to wash my car because I’m calling them.

I booked a large event last year. I put together a crew of about 15 performers. It was amazing how many people just begged and were so happy, I called. I am just happy to hire the best I can, I was being paid to put this thing together, because of my knowledge, you don’t have to lick my shoe.

On the other side of this. I do have people chew me out, because I should do them a favor. then demand I give discounts. I’m talking customers here. It’s funny because it’s so easy to get discounts, this tactic makes an unhappy relationship. I often discount shows because I need to work and compare the bird in the hand vs. maybe I’ll book something, maybe I won’t. I usually have to go with the security. But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If people are nice about it, I don’t have that crusty feeling in my mouth.

The funny part, if they said something like, we really like you but that’s a lot more than we can afford, can you discount a bit? I’d work it out and be happy to be there. People are funny.

It’s a lesson in life. You can get a lot of good things given to you if you approach it from the person you are talking to is the best at their job.

So, if you need to totally take advantage of a creative person. Just compliment their hair, skin teeth and talent. They’ll do anything for you. Just be nice about it.

"Shows For Special Needs Kids!"

2011-11-12T08:44:00.000-08:00

I did a show yesterday at a camp dedicated to special needs kids.

I just love these shows, I love these kids, I get a big kick out of how much they will laugh.

A lot of people don't deal with this population. I would do the shows for free, it's just a treat to me.

What's great about being a clown, is whatever happens during the show, I can "comment" on it, either physically or verbally and I do. It gets the councilors howling. Every kid there had a one on one councilor. So, it's an interesting show. Sometimes, I can have people just wandering right into a routine or in the case of yesterday, I had one young lady, stand front and center in front of me to watch. Each time, I tried to put her off to the side (gently and in a funny way), she came back to the center. Oh well, no one can see, but I just put that much more energy into working with what's there.

I have a choice going in, I can be super sarcastic and edgy because it will go over the heads of the participants and go to the councilors that tend to be sort of hip people. (yup, I've visited lots of special needs places and there are more facial piercings, porkpie hats, beanies and tattoos than the normal population).

I choose to do routines that will have the participants enjoying the show. Now this can be uncomfortable because sometimes there is no response, it's a weird feeling to be doing a routine in the quiet. While I'm doing it, I know it works, I have to trust it. I could get easy laughs by going for the self commenting route "well, I guess that doesn't work..."

That will get a laugh but it's easy cheap comedy.

At the end, I really am not sure how I did. There were participants on a higher functioning level that had a great time. But I also got a lot of stares. A couple of the councilors came up and told me, they loved it. They paid attention, watched for the entire time, that's unusual.

This is a part of the job I get a kick out of. Every day is new. Who knows what will happen next?

How I learned to Juggle....

2011-10-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

How I learned to Juggle....

My older brother could juggle two things, I thought that was pretty cool and tried and tried and learned to copy him.

I thought I was pretty cool.

When I was 11, I was in summer camp. I was in a skit and was dressed as a girl with a bikini top and oranges stuffed in my breast top. (hey, once a clown, always...)

I was goofing around and showed one of the councilors my ability with two, thinking I was pretty good. He said, “three is actually easier” and showed me the classic juggling pattern, I picked it up pretty quickly...

That summer, I juggled everything in site. Oranges, peaches, tangerines. I moved onto tennis balls.

I have always juggled but I didn’t really realize there was a world for jugglers till I went to Clown College.

Now at Clown College, there were really good jugglers. My friend Randy (Bless his soul, he was one of the very first people I knew that succumbed to AIDS so long ago, I miss him). Randy used to constantly practice 5 club back crosses.

So, I worked on it.

When I was in the circus, I had a roommate that worked and worked and worked with me. Thanks Rich Potter. He said once to me, you know you will be a professional juggler within the next 6 months.

And I was.

I worked a lot on passing juggling clubs with Rich.

Then I was home. I had two friends from Clown College, Woody and Brady, we created Kloons on Ice! A comedy, skit, improvisational, clowning, juggling troupe.

Woody was a very good juggler in his own right, prior to Clown College, I know he juggled a lot. If you knew Woody, you would know his focus made him a very good juggler. Focus has allowed Woody to become a very fine clown, a great juggler, a writer of history. Plus he turned into my brother in law by marrying my sister in law Nancy (rowr, a Kloon joke).

While we were hanging out, practicing, writing material, deciding on our crazy future, we used to meet in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, every day and juggle.

We were a good team of club passers. I didn’t know at the time but it was pretty impressive what we did. Always focused on the silly but still very skilled.

From copying my brother to standing in front of 5000 people juggling...it’s quite a journey.

"This Year's Big Show!"

2011-10-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

Regular fans of Boswick know that each year I rent a theatre around Christmas time and do shows for families.

I have a giant passion for theatre. I love theatre, I have a college degree in Theatre Arts, when I go on vacation I see plays, when I get invited to shows, I go, when I'm in a bookstore (like those exist anymore), I will stop myself from going to the theatre section to daydream.

I was bored the other day and was thinking about all the shows I see. I consider myself a homebody. But I counted and realized I average one theatre experience every single week. Often I will see 3 things in a week.

So, it's a total passion of mine. Theatre and children is just fascinating to me. It's the one area everyone acknowledges is important but very little is done for kids. People plan their yearly trip to the Nutcracker but is that really for kids? I don't think so, it's neat and palatable but theatre for kids looks like Barney on stage.

People don't see the value of this kind of entertainment because what children respond to is simple and loving. Um...corny and sappy! So, it's hard for adults to get what's going on.

But children love theatre.

I do a stage show every year because it's such a treat for me. Selfishly, I want to see kids walk into a theatre and look at the lights, the red velvet seats, look at the stage and get exited.

I'm a one man band. I do the writing the performing, the promotion, I'll do the ticket sales, the press releases, I gave a check to the theatre, so I'm the producer and I will answer the phone describing the show.

I will be totally honest and say, IT'S FRUSTRATING! In the end though, it's really fun. And I'm fulfilled.

It's October and I woke up last night with the realization I'm behind on everything. But people will show up, they always do, it's just scary.

So, I am writing the show, I have some rough new ideas of what I want to do.
I need to make a page for a web site so people can find out about the show.
I need to find a way to sell tickets,
I need to contact literally thousands of people to sell the 100 tickets I need to break even.

On the other hand, it's pretty neat. My dream is to theatre shows, I love them. I love being in a theatre, I love the quiet when no on is there, I love the lights in my eyes, not knowing exactly where the audience is.

It's a process but hey, all big projects are.

The Great Clown Influence...

2011-10-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I used to spend a couple of weeks each summer with my friend Gary in Oregon.

It was always exciting. I lived with another family, new crazy rules, they had things like soda in their refrigerator, amazing to me. I thought that was only for families that lived in commercials. The first place I visited, they lived in a place without sidewalks. Wow.

It seemed like a million miles away, they lived in Oregon. Mostly Eugene, later Beaverton, outside Portland. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, going to Oregon was an amazing adventure; it rained in the summer and there were trees everywhere. They had wild berries encroaching every untended area of their lives. The berry situation was so bad, if the highway maintenance guys didn’t cut it back or more likely poison the bejesus out of it, they would grow onto the highway, popping tires enjoying their mischief toward the crazy humans.

We sometimes would pick the berries. That was pretty cool but terribly painful. Blood oozing from thorn holes in my skin.

My grand influence is Bill McAdam. I’ve thought so much of him over the years what a goofy guy he is.

Bill sold toys for a living. It seemed pretty amazing for a kid to know you could sell toys as your job. I know now sales are sales, If there's money to be made, there will be salespeople. At that time, there was a toy market in drug stores, five and dimes. There were no Targets or Walmarts. There was Toys R Us but that was heresy to say that name in their house.

It was a great house, no one cleaned up, there were toy samples all over. They never used the kitchen table, it was piled chest high with mail, bills, old report cards and trash and of course (sigh) toy samples.

This is where I learned to to be goofy, this is where I would laugh and eventually where I learned to juggle. My friend Gary and I went to the same summer camp in Portland. At a talent show, I (of course) dressed in drag walking around like a goof. I had oranges in my bikini top. One of the counselors showed me how to juggle after my spectacle of an appearance.

I spent the next number of weeks in obsession juggling everything and anything. Most of it happened at Bill’s house. They even joked, “I must be preparing for the circus”. Little did they know, little did they know.

Bill loved being a father. My fondest... no greatest kid memory was going for a walk with Gary, myself and Bill. Bill was talking to us, “boys, pay attention, you have to watch yourself in the world” a second after he said that, he hit his head on a low hanging branch.

I busted a gut, I had never seen anything so funny. He was talking about watching out and a tree branch hit him. Man, it was the best.

I recently found out it was a set up. I was probably 40 something years old when he was talking to me and said, he did it on purpose. I was...am so disappointed, I have always thought that was the greatest. I guess that's the key to being a clown, it's the total belief system.

I get asked a lot, why did you become a clown? What’s special about a clown? And the question I ask of myself, of all the types of performing, why clowning, it’s such a niche? It comes back to watching Bill.

When I was quite young, I got to see Bill perform in a melodrama. It was the classic “can’t pay the rent, you must pay the rent” kind of thing. I was all of 9, I don’t remember much of the plot but I had a blast. We could buy peanuts and throw them at the villain.

I am pretty certain Bill played the villain, I don't remember for sure. It was so fun to boo hiss and throw peanuts at our beloved father figure. Another great clown performance. I’m sure the only way to get people to buy the peanuts was to have a great hated villain. You have to be a pretty good clown to play something like that.

I think of people like Bill. When clowning works, there is nothing like it, there is simply nothing comparable to the level of laughter you can get. On occasion, I get people wheezing with laughter, they can’t catch their breath. I am quite pleased and I pay homage to Bill.

Another time, we went fishing in the dead of winter. My mom’s then boyfriend Joe, Gary and his dad Bill. No one could fart like Bill. It was a clown pleasure to be around such heroics.

Bill is kind, funny and a gentle soul. He makes me laugh, sometimes he makes himself laugh so hard he can’t catch his own breath.

I’ve been thinking of Bill a lot. I’ve been doing some of my own soul searching and I realize, I have so much to thank Bill for. Yes, clowns are born and not made but along the way, to become a clown you have to witness other great clowns. Although not really a performer, a great great clown. And that of course, is my highest compliment.

"Wordplay with KId's Names..."

2011-10-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

I started playing with kid’s names some years ago.

I don’t think a lot of people do this because they are afraid of making fun of the kids. The thing is, it’s as polar opposite as you can get. The more I make the kids names into something else, the more they want me to do it. Without exception “...do my name, do my name”

It does take practice, you have to develop the ability, you can get stuck off guard unable to come up with a funny alternate name.

I met girl named Daniella today. I called her vanilla. Once you do this you can go in any direction you want. “no Daniella” “oh, Donatello” No...Daniella” “Oh denial, you should go to rehab” Whatever, it’s all silly, you can go in any direction. And it’s so fast, you don’t offend anyone.

I do this with kids on stage, I do it doing strolling entertainment, I do it at birthday party shows. It’s an incredibly strong warm up. The kid’s can get to know your personality and they get comfortable with you in a matter of seconds.

I used to be afraid that Daniella would be called Vanilla for the rest of her life. I doesn’t really happen. Kids forget very quickly, it’s a throw away joke. If I did this with 12 year olds, this would probably happen.

If you want to take it to a higher level, you can use the name as a call back. A call back is a comedy reference to something earlier in your show. I can say that I arrived by bicycle to the show, when I do my balloons for the kids, I can say, I left my pump with my bicycle. If I can remember a name the kids howled at, when I choose a volunteer and I say, sure...Vanilla come up and help. The call back is a comedy device that works like an extra punchline.

Biggest laugh of the night.

The tough part is remembering the funny name. Often I’m just moving on to the next name throwing names out as fast as I can think of them.

Often I get a name that where I can’t think of anything funny. I can cover myself and say “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear your name Daniella” They say Daniella. “say it again Daniella” this gives me a chance to actually think about things that rhyme. If I can’t think of anything, it’s a personal interaction. I can come back in a minute if something pops into my head or just move on.

Mike...Bike? you’re a bicycle? Patricia...Tissue paper? Rohan...row row row your boat? (there is a large Indian population near me. Rohan is a very popular boy’s name).

Kid’s love wordplay. Think Dr. Seuss. this is another way to incorporate rhymes within your show.

"Make a Clown’s Day!"

2011-10-02T07:58:00.000-07:00

We’ve had painters at my house for the last 10 days or so. I haven’t come across the workers while in my make up. I was avoiding the interaction. I didn't want to be stared at.

Sometimes, I just want to be anonymous.

I was leaving the house and Blaine, the foreman on the job, said, "wow you look great!" I said, "Yup, you haven’t seen me in make up, but this is the real me, this is my job!"

Blaine said. "You know, clowning is one of the most honorable professions".

That is so cool. I was sort of avoiding clown contact with guys that work with their hands for a living, because it feels a bit awkward. When I’m around “real men” I get a deeper voice, talk about beer and burp.

But that really made my day. Made my week.

I have tons of positive energy around me but I do get the extreme negative a lot. Ewww, I don’t like clowns.

"Clowning is one of the most honorable professions."

I bring people together in laughter. I get to be around people in their happiest moments. Happy moments tend to be when a child and their parent or grandparent share a laugh. I provide laughs, I provide belly laughs.

Providing laughs is rewarding. I wish it were a bit more financially rewarding...I’m paying the painters not out of savings but borrowing against my house. That’s a pretty cruddy feeling.

....he said doing what I do is one of the most honorable professions.

Thanks, I needed that.

"Don't be rude to your customers"

2011-09-30T20:19:00.000-07:00

So, I so wanted to tell someone to go $#% themselves today.

It's a strange feeling, to want to say $#%^ to someone. I just want to make people laugh and feel good.

I was working at an event this afternoon for the Diabetes Foundation. 1200 people taking an afternoon off work to walk and raise money. It was great, I'm really happy to have been part of it.

But I got one of those young employees that worked at Hyatt (a corporate sponsor, nothing against Hyatt). She was pretty rude, which always catches me off guard. I have to catch myself because under it all, I'm a forked tongue devil. I am a trained performer, a trained comedian, I can taker hecklers and destroy them. Nothing good ever comes from that though.

She said she doesn't like clowns.

I am continually baffled by this kind of statement. She certainly could have said, "no thanks, give it to a kid". I get that a lot, it's a blow off but an easy way out for me. This was just insulting.

And it's totally under my skin. I'm here questioning why I do what I do. I met hundreds and hundreds of people that I got to smile, some laugh hysterically, I will be on dozens of Facebook pages. But this one just makes me mad.

The good part, I saved face, made a joke, a quick balloon and got out of there. This is a no win.

But I write about it because it hurts. I suppose this is a way this person gets through life, dismissing people. I can tell she has a very thick shell. My guess not a fan of the unpredictable.

This is the part of being a clown that isn't so fun.

I could say oh well but I can't again, it does hurt. Oh well, at least I made some new friends....

You Can Have Your Mayhem and Efficiency Too...

2011-09-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

Making Life Easier....

Organization is not my strong suit. I have things stacked up around my office that have been sitting there for 5, maybe 10 years. Every once and a while I shift them or dust them off. But never deal with them. I can’t bring myself to throw them away.

I asked myself, what is most in the way of making me money (organizationally)? I found out something about organization, it’s helped me spiritually and made me more money.

I resist any streamlining or efficiency. Mostly because I want don’t want to be a grown up. Efficient offices are for adults, that’s not me.

But every once and a while, I will take on a simple organizational project. The dividends pay off for years, actually the rest of my life. Once they are done, they maintain themselves, sort of a self cleaning oven for offices.

In the old days, I used to write down booking information on a piece of paper and clip it into a calendar. That was scary because there was a fear of losing that calendar or double booking if I didn’t pay attention. That used to happen to me from time to time. It’s really a drag to have to tell someone I took another booking because I double booked myself. I felt terrible about it.

I put a simple organizational plan into place. I made a booking sheet. On the sheet, I had the obvious, time date, location, how referred to me, phone, how referred to me.

But here’s what changed my life, I put in a self check system. I had a spot that said. “Entered in Calendar?”. “Confirmation mailed?” “Reconfirmed?” “thank you sent?” next to each question mark I left a blank spot to put in the date it was done. The easiest way was just to do it all at the same time. If I didn’t send the confirmation, I knew it would stick in the back of my mind, giving me pain.

This is still the basic booking pattern I use, except now I do it on the computer. Online calendar, email confirmation etc. Just a 1,2,3 pattern.

So, what used to be a pain, became fairly efficient. I automatically, send a confirmation, enter in my calendar etc. It’s a non thinking process that used to stress me out. As I write this, it seems obvious but I do still know performers that always struggle with keeping things straight.

I don’t take what I did lightly. Putting all this into place took a few hours of designing and thinking. That wasn’t the hard part, it was getting to it.

I’ve gotten so efficient and fearless in my booking process I put my calendar online so everyone can see it. I could never have done that if I didn’t have a fool proof system of booking. If I’m taking the step of putting a calendar on the internet, it had better be up to date to the minute.

The other place that killed me year after year-Taxes. Yuck patoo. I hate dealing with taxes so much I happily pay someone to do them. If you knew what a cheapskate I am, this would shock you. I also happen to be kind of geeky and like math. I really like simple algebra and I could do taxes for other people, I’d probably even enjoy it.

But my own, too personal I hate it! I have to look at my income and what I spend, ugh.

So, what I started doing (and this took real mental effort) I place a manila folder in my filing cabinet. One is for credit card statements (I highly recommend using one credit card for business only, it makes taxes much easier). I marked it Credit Card Statements 2011. I have another Credit Card Transactions 2011 (I take credit cards). Another is my income. Every time I go to the bank, I copy all the checks and put a date on the sheet. I put the copies into a folder marked “checks 2011”

In the area of taxes. I still don’t like them but I just pull out the marked folders and add things up at the end of the year. It’s also saved on clutter. I don’t have credit card receipts sitting around. It’s by no means a perfect system but it’s fairly simple for a one man band.

Now this all may seem pretty rudimentary and maybe even lame. But I can now take a booking and do all the steps and send the confirmation back in under five minutes. This goes a long way toward making the customer comfortable.

Where are you annoyed with your office? What causes you stress?

My life is one of improvisation. I LIKE mayhem around me, I have a clown sense, I like things haphazard. Even when my office is clean it’s a bit crazy looking, there are spinning plates over here, a television painted bright orange with fuzzy rabbit ears over there. Two shelves of mad books and mad magazines, a closet spilling out costumes.

I have to figure out a way to keep my comfortable mayhem and still get to where I’m supposed to be.

The most important thing in the world to me is to be at a show on time and make a families event the most special I can. I work a lot on the funny but it won’t be special day if my customers are worried about me showing up.

With that in mind I made my booking process automatic. This works wonders for my clients. I hear over and over, “you’re so efficient” or “I appreciate how thorough you are” Efficiency is not natural for me. I also don’t like the nagging feeling of there is something I have to do. Or I forgot to send the contract I promised.

You can’t have mayhem and efficiency. I figured out a small way of keeping my mayhem in the important areas, I have efficiency.

Find a repetitive task in your booking process and standardize it. An email inquiry? Spend time writing and rewriting, or find a response you’ve used and particularly like, then copy and paste it into your response. Do you send thank yous after your shows? Make it standard and just add the persons name.

I am really unhappy with myself if I’m meaning to send a confirmation and haven’t or am avoiding my taxes. This takes my energy, I have very little creativity. Instead of writing jokes, I end up watching TV using the electronic drug to push down my annoyance.

Making things streamlined increases my well being and creativity.

I think these small things allow you to become a much funnier entertainer.

"Get Things Done Right Away. Get Them Off Your Plate."

2011-09-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

When I first began, in those early days before internet, voice mail and cell phones, I used to use a thing called the mail. People would find my name in an ad in one of the Parent’s Magazines that are free at the children’s shoe stores and give me a call. Often these would be corporate jobs.

The strangest comment, (and I still find it strange), “thanks for calling me back, you are the only one that’s returned my call”.

What an odd world, where someone has to thank you for calling them back. I mean they are the ones with the cash, they are the ones allowing us to do our craft.

I used to offer to send a picture and a description. I’m not very organized and would scramble around writing things up and trying to remember where I put the little stack of photos I had. I would put it in that afternoon’s mail. Sometimes, I missed the mail, but mostly I tried to get it out before the end of the day.

Then I would get hired. Often, I was the only one that sent anything back to the client. Again, what an odd world where you get hired because you are the only one together enough to mail a letter.

I don’t really like that reason but I’ll take it. I would much rather be hired because I’m the funniest or I have the best resume. In the end, who cares how you get the work as long as you do a good job.

It’s just impolite to not return a call. It’s impolite to not send a letter if you’ve said you would. I’m certainly amazed by how many people don’t return my calls and emails but usually, I’m the one looking for the work they are the ones hiring, so I can’t do much.

I’m always checking myself on this one. I often don’t feel like sending a confirmation or returning a call. The biggest pay off I get, I don’t have to worry and fret, because it’s done.

If I get a call, I return it, even if I don’t feel like it. It’s just so much easier. Bam, it’s done, I can erase the voice mail message. No more mental energy.

This is an area of my life where, I’m pretty good. I don’t put myself above anyone here, people tell me I’m not much of a procrastinator. It’s the total opposite. I know that if I don’t get to something that minute, it will sit and become a “thing” in my life. I hate having “things” in my life. I procrastinate about many many things in my life. I just know myself.

I have a number of projects I am not dealing with. And they bother me! If I don’t start on it right away, it will sit and sit and sit, I’ll see them on my computer desktop and my actual desktop feeling guilty.

Work on having a nice empty plate. Your business will increase and you will look like the most responsible clown in the world. Return your calls within the hour and mail or email even faster. My promise. Your bookings will go up, your anxiety level will go down.

"Starting Your Children’s Entertainment Business"

2011-09-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Recently I’ve been hounded by this guy asking me how to get started, what it takes to make a living, can I help him get started in the children’s entertainment business.

You can approach the children’s entertainment business in a pretty scientific way, it’s not that difficult. What’s tough is following through and not taking it personally. It’s just you and a microphone up there, tough not to take it personally.

Here’s the science part of this.

Are you taking workshops? If no, why not? You may live in an area with not a lot of workshops but you can drive an hour or two, I’m sure there are places to take classes.

When you take a workshop, you can find out what people are doing. They will all lie about how successful they are but so what, you can read between the lines and start to figure it out. You will make connections learn what to do and if you listen learn what not to do.

Are you taking every volunteer opportunity that is available? If now, why not? That means, a church a school, a fundraiser calls. Say yes and do it. You need to have lots and lots of stage time, you need experience. Here’s a promise, you will not have great experiences doing charities. You can ask almost any entertainer why they stop doing charitable work and it’s likely because of how we are treated. So prepare, you might be treated like “they help”, you will be told to do things you know are wrong (go stand over there and make your little balloons...but there’s no one over there). They will bring food for all the volunteers and not give you a sandwich. Oh well, do it anyway.

Look. If you wanted to write for the New York Times, you would follow the same approach. Go to a good college, get a master’s degree, take advanced courses to become a better writer and make connections. Work at small publications, write wherever, whenever, in order to get experience, when you’re ready, you can apply for the New York Times.

Are you contacting professionals and asking questions? If no. Why not? Learn how to do what I do. But here is the mistake new people make, don’t copy me, you won’t be able to and you’ll look like an idiot. My character is mine, Robin Williams character is his, you have a unique character, get on stage and find it. Doing my character will make you look like an amateur because it is fake. (to you, not me, I’m wonderful just ask my mom). You can learn from me by asking “How do you start a show?” “How do you gather a crowd?” “What do you do if the kids get out of control?” I can answer these questions, I’ve been doing this a long time. I’ll even give you ideas.

You also have to start working cheap. Don’t be greedy, time will come to be greedy. For me, I don’t know when that is, I am still here taking every job I can get.

Are you a gossip. If so, why? Don’t talk badly about other performers. Learn from them and they will give you work. I have an old clown friend, we rely on each other to get work. Old fashioned but it works. A big chunk of my income comes from other performers passing on my name.

So, when you have some experience. You have a show, you know how to control kids. You need nice photos. Why? Because I can tell exactly how good you are from your pose and your photo. I know what to look for, a customer in their sub conscience will see something is off. Do a nice photo, don’t copy anyone’s pose be your own funny self, make sure you have laughing eyes. My photos tell a story of a clown that loves what he does and kids will run up to and hug. You can get all this in a hundredth of a second. The old saying a picture is worth a thousand words is true.

Make a simple web site. Don’t copy every other clown and magician, they generally look terrible. Copy Coke, Ford, University of Nebraska any place that has good designers. Find a nice site, that grabs you and follow that lead. Trust your gut. Make a nice simple site. Again, don’t copy, just capture the feeling. Think of colors that represent you.

And just like that you’ll start booking things. You’ll be an overnight success in three years or so, because that’s about how long it takes. Or longer, hey, I’m still figuring it out.

But it’s fun and no matter how I fight, I can’t stop doing this for a living.

"My Fan Raul"

2011-09-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

I know a young man that is very sick, I see him a number of times over the year. His name is Raul.

I was sort of surprised, because Raul is about 14. My usual fans run the wide age range of 3 to 7 and everything in between, not a lot of 14 year olds dig clowns. Raul is also a big kid. Football big. He is 14 and already stand 6 foot something. So, it's kind of cool this kid adores me so much.

Raul lives at Family House which houses families while their children are in treatment at UC San Francisco Med Center, UCSF Children's Hospital. All his cousins are there too. They think of this whole living is San Francisco thing with their sick cousin as a giant adventure. They are from the Central Valley in California about a hundred plus miles from here.

Last Thanksgiving, when I was visiting Family House, Raul had to spend the night in the hospital. He was crazy upset, refusing to be in the hospital, apparently seeing me was really important to him. Pretty incredible, that I would have such a loyal fan or maybe he just hates doctors and nurses at this point. I'll take it that he loves me.

I went to visit Raul in the hospital the next day. But he was in chemo when I went to his room, so I was dragged by another parent into a different room to say hi to their daughter. Which I did. I shouldn't say "dragged" once I'm there, it's a kick to see the kids there. I suppose that sounds a bit crass but kids always make me laugh. I don't see tubes and IV's I see their eyes laughing under oxygen masks. I don't tend to get very moved while in the hospital, I am only moved when I write about what I saw.

The funny thing about being a clown in a hospital, no one questions anything I do. I can just wander wherever, which is a problem because I can and I will. I can get into all sorts of problamatic situations, hospitals are foreign places. As a clown, I like foreign places, I try and get to the root of why it's foreign. But I know my job there is to see the kids.

So, I made this little girl laugh, she was on respirators, ventilators, vaporizers and other medical devices ending in ors.

I was heading back to see Raul. A team of very serious women decended upon me, dragging me (Boswick the clown) into a room. "why did you go in there?" "That's a quarantine room" "Who told you you could go in there?" Um...the nurses asked me to go in. I just go where I'm told and in case you haven't noticed I'm a clown!

Then I was kicked out and because I had gone into a quarantine room, I couldn't visit Raul. I wasn't even allowed to get my little case, they brought it to me and escorted me away. Foot in the behind nearly.

I'm not great with authority but I held it in check, because you know...it's kids. And I would like to visit again.

So, now Raul, who didn't want to stay in the hospital, because he wanted to see me, didn't get to see me.

I quickly made a video for him. It was pretty cool. it was a 3 minute thing tallking to him and doing a couple of magic tricks. He to liked it. He sent me an email saying so. But you know, even though he's sick, he's 14 and doesn't talk much.

Last year I did a theatre show for kids and set one show up for Raul. He can't be around other kids because he has no immunity. There he was, a giant 14 year old kid, smiling away. His crazy cousins filling out the audience.

You know, it's neat what I do. Sometimes I get in trouble but you know, Raul is one sick kid and maybe for a hour he can forget about bone marrow transplants and nurses drawing blood. His mom, hardly speaks English and you can tell she is pushed here and there by the hospital staff. It was nice to see her smile. It was nice to see Raul smile. It was nice to see Raul's cousins smile.

"When Clowns Make Rules..."

2011-09-08T07:08:00.000-07:00

“Clowns Protecting Clowns...uh huh?”

When I got out of Clown College, there was a big uproar and protest for the movie, Shakes The Clown. Still a bit baffled by the protests and how simply weird that appears.

Why would a clown protest...um...anything? Clowns are pretty much one step ahead of protests. Clowns make fun of normal things like protesters.

So, I had just left Ringling Brothers Clown College and was completely baffled by the idea of protecting the image of the clown. I mean, who cares? I don’t want bad clowns around but again, bad clowns just don’t get work, good clowns do It all gets sorted out.

I started noticing a very strange concept in the world of clowning, the world of rules and regulations.

There is a set of rules by either Clown’s of America and The World Clown Association. These organizations are there to organize events, oversea rules for clubs, they have a monthly magazine and offer advice. Great organizations for the amateur clown, that is clowns that want to put on make up as a hobby.

Rules: things like “don’t smoke while in costume” “don’t eat while in costume” “don’t swear”

Generally speaking, I’m not for clowns smoking but I can think of reasons I might as a clown, it might be a pretty outrageous way of getting laughs or reflecting bad habits in society. Because it would annoy the %$#$ out of one of these rule following clowns, I might do it, it would be really funny.

I don’t swear, as a person and a personal choice, I don’t swear. As a clown, I work with the pretty young, so I wouldn’t do that as per my own rule. But, it would be pretty funny to see a swearing smoking clown.

I was thinking about Yucko the Clown Howard Stern regular and the Damn Show on MTV. He’s a disgusting swearing, racist clown. I don’t think he smokes but he should.

What’s pure clown about him is that he makes us uncomfortable about what we think we know about the world. When we hear him spout racial invectives, it’s confronting to our self righteousness. It’s a brilliant clown move. In a world that goes so far as declaring there is no more racism (uh, huh, sure...)he is over the top crazy racist, with clown make up.

With clown make up, you don’t take that person seriously but if a clown is shouting out horrible comments, it’s awful but is making you laugh because it’s so absurd. Or maybe you are agreeing. And that should be pretty confronting as well, take a look at yourself.

So, how can you have rules?

You can’t, unless they are personal, (like mine where I won’t swear). At the same time, clowning is an artistic discipline and it has rules of form and action. Jackson Pollack had rules within his anarchy of art. If you don’t know Jackson Pollack, he’s the one that originated paint splatters, you may know him as artist people say “this is 5 million dollars, my five year old could do that”.

Blanket rules like “don’t smoke” are useless to the clown. You want to make a pretty powerful statement break those rules.

"More Special Folks I Encounter"

2011-09-06T15:46:00.001-07:00

I've been visiting families for the last number of years, at a little place called Family House.

If you want to be inspired, go look them up. http://familyhouseinc.org/

I visit at for a Thanksgiving celebration and for a holiday celebration. The children all have my videos. We laugh a lot.

I live pretty close to Family House, so I also see the people that work there; sometimes at the bank or waiting in line to vote.

Here's what Family House is. It is a place where families live while their children are in care for cancer at UC San Francisco Children's Hospital. Not all children have cancer, there are a lot of diseases, there are all sorts of awful diseases, extra awful if they effect children and disrupt families.

The people that work at Family House are always smiling. They are upbeat, positive and just fun to be around. You just want to be around these people. It's what I understand it's like to be around the Dalai Lama. Just pure positive energy.

Here's the thing. Children don't always make it that live at Family House; these are very sick children. Many children get better, but certainly more pass on than should. Through all this, the staff and volunteers treat the families with love and a smile. No one is judged, no one pays to be there, no one has to look for parking or find a baby sitter for their other children.

Here's the only thing that drives me crazy at Family House. They think I'm really wonderful for visiting. They think I'm pretty nifty for doing what I do. I think they are pretty nifty for doing what they do. To me it's no comparison. I leave after an hour or 90 minutes. I go home and watch TV. They are there all the time.

Children are a big deal in my world. I am really into the protection of children. These folks at Family House... I bow to them as superior humans.

It's a gift to be able to be around folks like this. My payment is just being there. It's really something when you can say about your job, pay or no pay, I'll be there. That's who they are, that's who I am.

I meet a lot of special people in my line of work. It's a gift when I do, I'm reminded, I'm really lucky, I get to be around the people of Family House.

"Waiting Around with Butterflies in My Tummy..."

2011-09-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

It's a slow weekend for me. It's a 3 day weekend, which almost always means it will be slow.

I don't know a lot of people that go away for the long weekend but I assume lots of people do, I think that's why it's always slow; people assuming other folks are going away, so why plan an event?

I only have one gig this week, which makes me totally antsy. I need to work, like a shark needs to swim, I crave the stage. When I'm not working my mind goes to ugly places, like, you'll never work again. Or It's been a good run bub.

Luckily I have a nice little gig this afternoon. It's a birthday for a 3 year old young man. I'm happy to be there, I'm happy to make some money and happy to be a clown.

But the less gigs on my calendar, the more and more intense it gets. For a guy that's done thousand and thousands of shows, each time I go, I feel like it's the first time out, the first time in make up the first time on stage. I get nervous.

And this effects my day. My show today is at 4, which really messes me up, because I could totally do a household project, I could paint the kitchen. I could take my kids bowling, watch a movie, come back and go do my show. But I sort of put around doing small things, like make the bed, do some dishes, mail a letter.

Nervousness makes me quite useless.

The nice thing when I have too many shows in one day or one week, I get super productive. I suddenly fit in all sorts of big projects. I edit videos, I repaire stuff around the house, take the car in for repair.

So, today, I'll force myself to get a bit of exercise, maybe even let myself off the hook a bit and just enjoy the puttering around...

"The Power of the Clown"

2011-09-02T14:36:00.001-07:00

You can't find anyone that doesn't have a strong feeling toward the clown. Love em or hate em, you have an opinion.

Being a clown, I'm a bit at a loss to say why someone would not find me totally adorable and hilarious. So, I speak from the inside looking out and ponder.

I think clowns are powerful. And to quote Spiderman the movie, with great power, comes responsibility.

What I love about the clown; Clowns cross cultural, educational, ethnic boundaries. When you see a clown, you expect antics, mischief and laughter.

That sort of prewritten script is strong.

And there are many many folks that approach being a clown, because they are at heart, exhibitionists. Not in the weird sexual way but I encounter a ton of people that will try to be weird around me, they will dance, blow bubbles in the middle of the street. It's odd, it's not clowning.

You can be weird with my craft and freak people out or you can take time to learn it. I can teach just about anyone to make a balloon animal, juggle three balls or do a magic trick. But that's not clowning. Have fun and take some lessons.

You have a lot of power as a clown, use it wisely.

"It's Cool to Be a Clown"

2011-09-01T17:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, maybe not "cool" but unusual... I get called cool a lot.

I'm at an event and a teenager says, oh a clown, you're so cool. Or, "is this your job?" "Oh, you're so cool".

I'm a big ol nerd. I have no illusion of my cool factor, I have none. Cool people dated in high school, not me. Cool people played sports not me, I was singing in My Fair Lady for the Pacific High School Players. Cool people rode motorcycles in high school. I had a bright yellow 1972 VW bug.

And now, unless modern science improves immensely, I'm on the other side of middle age. Cool people my age are dating 22 year olds and driving Porches. I've been married almost 20 years and have a mini van and a bright red Toyota Yaris with Ralph Wigam on the antennae. Cool people are tan from trips to Tahiti or South America. I'm pasty hairy and my last trip was Fresno. Cool people wear cool clothes, sports coats, designer sunglasses and snazzy footwear. I have a rotating jean collection and a lot of vacation style shirts. In fact, I generally walk around looking like I'm a tourist.

My sons get rabid when someone finds out what I do and they say I'm cool. They actually yell, "he's not cool. He's a clown!" Their friends look at them blankly. "That's why he's cool."

So at best I march to the beat of an offbeat drum. Not cool. Just different.

I tend to be a bit lost in life. I can notice incredible detail and completely miss the obvious. I've been really shocked to learn there were girls in high school and college that thought I was cute. Completely oblivious.

I think people think I'm cool because I have an unusual profession. I would say artist but I don't feel like one, I just do what I do, it happens to be with a red nose and big shoes.

I guess being an individual is cool.

But to me...the Porche and 22 year old are cool!

"Conversation with the audience"

2011-08-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a book on performing. At least I pick it up now and again and read a bit. I'm more or a fiction guy generally.

There is a concept that broken down all you are doing onstage is being in a conversation with the audience. This is weather you are a musician, dancer or clown.

I've been thinking a lot about this since I read this a couple of weeks ago. For instance, last night, I saw a magic variety show. After the main show the great swing band Lee Press On and The Nails performed. During the first and second crazy song, the acrobat that had been on stage was off stage right putting her stuff into bags, her boyfriend was going back and forth taking stuff to the car (I assume).

At one point, she stood up and crossed in front of the band to the other side.

So, here's the conversation. "I don't care about any of you" She had a very nice act but the show was not over and there were 30 plus people that were there having a great time watching and dancing.

Last week, I watched a performance my son was in. This one is a lot more forgivable. My son Dusty was in rock camp and each group of kids played a small concert, 4 or 5 rock songs arranged by a teacher.

One group covered the Star Spangled Banner version by Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar player put a little flag in the head of the guitar. They were just sticking up during the song. In the middle of the second song, he noticed the flag threw it to the side. It was pretty shocking to me. The flag is one powerful symbol, tossing it shocked me and made me want to quietly sneak on stage and take it off the floor.

These are conversations. The acrobat was a bit dense in my opinion. I don't understand why she couldn't push her stuff off stage to dismantle it. Or carry it to the side of the audience and make an awkward joke, sorry sorry...

The kid, has no stage experience and simply wasn't thinking, that was no big deal, I understand.

But it shows, on stage we are with you and following what you do. This conversation is very powerful. If the acrobat had thought there was a conversation going on, she would have paid attention to the other performers and the audience. The kid throwing the flag would have thought, everything I'm doing says, hey how are you? to the audience.

It's a concept I'm noticing a lot right now.

"Hey Out there. Support Each Other!"

2011-08-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

Years and years and years ago I discovered a very strange thing about myself...I go to see other performers.

It started in college, or maybe high school....I would go see my friends in bands or in plays. I can only think of one instance where I saw a friend in a band, I'm not a real musical person.

So I figured this was natural, you just go see each other.

I was thinking of this because I am going to see a friend of mine tonight, the great Jay Alexander perform at a beautiful theatre in Marin County. I usually have time to help a bit backstage but I have my own show and I'll rush over to see him. I even bought a ticket.

But very few performers do this. I don't quite get it. Many years ago, in my troupe The Kloons, we put a lot of effort into mailing invitations to all the members of the local clown organizations. We must have sent out 150 invitations and I figured that would be a slam dunk for getting audiences, I mean we only needed maybe 20 people a show. We were 3 fully trained Ringling Brothers Clowns, performing together. We got 1 person. That baffled me, still does, if you are passionate enough to go to meetings about the art of clowning why wouldn't you see a show like this?

So over the years I've just seen this over and over. Mostly I just go because I'm asked. I just don't get the million excuses folks have for not supporting each other. To put yourself on stage takes tremendous courage and certainly foolhardiness. I don't have to judge it, I don't have to take notes, I just have to go and enjoy it. That's pretty rough, a whole lot to ask of someone, come enjoy a live show...

Go, support each other. If you can't afford it, ask for a half price ticket. Don't ask for free tickets, that's lame. There is always tremendous cost to performing, not physical or emotional but actual costs. You know stuff like the postcard you're staring at! A tank of gas costs $50 or more. I think you can chip in $15 to support the arts.

You have Tivo, go to a show!

"It's a bit embarrassing to say you're a clown..."

2011-08-26T07:35:00.001-07:00

I'm on jury duty this week and we're going through the jury selection process.

If someone is dismissed, I have a good shot of going up there stating my name, occupation, where I live, etc. I will say shyly, "I'm a professional clown". Or more likely, not so shyly, loudly and clearly, even though I'm really embarrassed of standing out in this situation. I want to say outloud, I teach 4th grade. Everyone knows a school teacher.

This comes up for me, I say in front of group of strangers that I'm a clown. It gets lots of curious stares smiles. For me, the anticipation of how I'm going to say it consumes me. Will I fake tip my hat? Muss up my hair and show I 'm a goof? Will I play it straight? It consumes me.

I know the follow up questions, "where do you work?" "How did you get started?" It's always the same and I have quick answers. This time, I'm going to be asked questions by a judge. Authority makes me nervous. Really nervous. Really really nervous. I don't like authority, I'm a clown!

But I'm sitting in the courtroom, thinking of what I'm going to say. I'm supposed to be paying full attention to the trial.

Strange, for a person that completely craves attention, I often just want to hide.

I could lie when the judge asks me but...I took an oath! I'll tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth...I'll say very clearly "I'm a clown! I work at children's parties, libraries, schools..."

"Getting Kids To Pay Attention"

2011-08-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

Birthday parties are pretty exciting if you are 5...think about it.

"I'm gonna have a party you can come Johnny and you can come Sally and you can't Austin, because you pushed me down!" ahhhhhhh

So, when kids arrive it's huge, super bowl huge times ten. You'll get shy kids, you'll get excited kids and everything in between. I've been to thousands of birthday parties, yes thousands, around five thousand in my life, so I'm as familiar as is possible.

I have so many "tricks" up my sleeve to control situations at this point, it's almost difficult to share, they come second nature. They come so easily to me, they just seem obvious, I have a hard time understanding how everyone doesn't understand. But, if you've done anything five thousand times, you probably have mastered it.

Here are a couple of very simple things to think about. Children can only understand one command at a time.

This is simply a developmental step for children. If you tell a child, put away your shoes, brush your hair, bring me your lunch box. The child will disappear and you'll find them playing Barbie in their room. To about the age of six, they just haven't developed the ability to organize so many items at once. Put this into the front of your brain, you will become a much more successful children's entertainer.

BUT, children can layer. Think of the songs Old McDonald or There's a hole in the bottom of the sea. Old McDonald with a chick chick here and a chick there, an oink oink here an oink there. Or there's a hair on the wart on the frog on the bump on the log in the bottom of the sea etc.

So, knowing how children layer, you can almost always get their attention. I have to throw in almost but keep a good sense of humor!

in the market where I work (San Francisco Bay Area), I do a majority of first birthday parties. These are my niche because, for me, they are essentially small stage shows. I often have forty children, 100 plus adults. I do a show that entertains on both levels so this is an area where I work a lot. My specialty.

With this many kids in a park and rec hall, it can be mayhem. Children running and sliding on the wood floors. If I want the kids to start the show, I approach 2 or 3 little curious ones, they either come to me or I go to the willing ones. I tell them I have a secret, (I'm whispering) come closer, come closer, (look shocked) oops your too close, back up back up...no come closer come closer, no too close...they start laughing and will follow me to help me set up. If I have 3 following me, there are bunches checking me out from all across the room. I can say to two sitting over there, come on over, they will, very easily, just with a simple invite... etc etc etc. Pretty soon I have all them kids with me. I can do the same come closer back up thing with the whole group as a simple warm up too. Bam I have all their attention and the adults for that matter.

I've layered it. Come here, go back stand up sit down. Just my variation on Simon Says. Simple funny commands.

I've done my show, I've given away millions of balloon animals, the kids are running around beating each other with balloon poodles. I gather them up for the cake cutting/singing. I stand on a chair and say "all the kids come over here!" bam they follow me like rats to the pied piper. They are completely trained to arrive to my command. They hear my voice through a noisy room. Don't be afraid to use your power.

I can reward the kids with more craziness if the cake is not ready (which more times than not, someone can't find candles or matches, so I cover for them as they find these things)...Everyone come over here...no too far from the cake...over here etc. Or closer closer closer, OR, let's take a picture...(right before the cake is great group picture taking time). I can lead them anywhere at this point, so I get them to the cake or in their chairs, pretty easily.

If the cake is all set, I can simply do the same announcement, lead the kids over to their chairs or around the cake, pose for pictures.

You have an awful lot of power at a party as a children's entertainer. I try to use the power to take care of my clients, that's my big objective. I use this power to focus the kids and have the children laugh for an hour, giving huge relief to wary parents and grandparents. I can also use my power to herd the kids.

But broken down, my power comes from knowing how kids focus. Simple layering of instructions.

"Steve Carell, Another Great Clown!"

2011-08-21T09:32:00.001-07:00

I've written a couple of times about Stephen Colbert and why he is currently my favorite clown. I'm adding Steve Carell to my favorites list.

Using "clown" to describe someone is pretty much a pejorative but in my life, I look at clowning as a craft, an art and a performing style with roots to the oldest of times.

I was watching, The Office the other day and was thinking why I enjoy the character of Michael Scott so much. Very similar to Stephen Colbert on this front.

I love the fact that these two buttoned down, perfectly groomed men are extreme physical characters. Colbert is the classic Auguste or Pantalone character. He is the all knowing bafoon. But he gets one over on the "master" over and over. It's fun to watch.

Steven Carell's character works in that they put him in charge. It's wonderfully clownish that the biggest dolt, runs the office. Michael Scott (the character) is much like Elmer Fudd, in that he is thinking he is very smart and muddled by the simplest of every day activities.

These characters are so true to life, yet stupidly extreme. This goes way beyond acting, Colbert and Carell have to create from a secret place of bafoonery. These are the true insides, exposed of these two lovable men. They work so well because they are true to the clowning art.

You don't have to wear a red nose to be a clown. These two are just a little too neat and put together. Just a little too assured of their own knowledge and abilities, just a little too over confident. It's a subtle art to go from actor to clown and not be dismissed.

"Can You Really Make a Living As a Clown?"

2011-08-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

It's always a question if you can make a living as a children's performer, as a clown.

I'm not sure.

On one level, this is all I've done for years, 24 years actually. But what I've found lately, it's a tough living if you don't have a partner in crime (my wife, with a better job, health insurance, dental).

Most everyone I know that is a professional entertainer, are single. They are fun loving artist types and likely play a lot of video games.

The definition of making a living is a tough one. Some people would hate the way I live others would think I was a rich kid flitting through life.

I've recently come to the conclusion, I'm doing really well and this is as good as it gets. I'm pretty happy making children laugh. But it pays only so much, there is a limit with what I can charge.

I was watching my friend Pat once lecture at a clown conference about business and he said his competion is not other entertainment agencies but jumpy houses. I've always found that interesting, people will only pay so much for what I do, if I get out of their expectations, they can skip entertainment all together, children won't notice, they always have fun.

So, it's pretty neat to do what I do.

Making a living? Hmmmm yes...but you'll be clipping coupons!

"The Fun and Power of Improv!"

2011-08-18T07:40:00.000-07:00

I've been taking improvisation classes for years. 99% because they are just fun.

But it's been a huge boon to my performing and personal life, I have to say.

There is a concept in improvisation called "Yes and...." Meaning a person says something, you agree and move forward. It's very very unnatural. Mostly we want to argue. See you are reading this and arguing already.

I first noticed using this technique with my friend Pat as he was promoting his business at a conference, where he rented a table as HR people walked around seeing what was available for company picnics.

A lady was picking up his brochures and he said hi (of course) and noticed she was from Campbell. He said, something like, you're in Campbell, have you tried xyz restaurant downtown? She said, yes, that was great, I've been looking for a good Japanese restaurant... he said, I like ... yzx, it's was the best priced food...

I can't replicate the conversation but I noticed it was so friendly. It was obviously sales but so friendly non the less. My conversations tend to go...do you know any good Japanese restaurants? "I don't eat there, I'm still holding a grudge from World War 2"

It might get a short laugh but it stops the conversation dead in it's tracks. Where would the conversation go from there? Pat's conversation goes from food, days off to are you planning an event we can help you with, to here's my card, give me a call.

With kids while performing, I can agree and take the "conversation" in a crazy place. The kids scream, "hit your head", I say "ok" and start hitting myself. It's just funny because what normal adult in their lives would ever just start hitting their head.

I do a routine in my show where I have one of the children start the show by standing in front and yelling "start the show". This is easily a 5 minute routine in my show. Why 5 minutes? I have the child up there and start adjusting their head, their arms to start the show. They will move to a more comfortable position and I move their arms head back. This almost always becomes a game between the clown and the kid, the audience howls as the kid moves and I fix them.

This is an example of saying yes and. I can easily just ignore the kid, tell them to hold their arms in a certain way. I go with it. As a character I can get more and more frustrated but I keep trying to adjust the child because that's where the child is leading me.

It's a silly little example but saying yes is very funny and powerful.

Here's a giant mistake I've encountered over a long time of performing. People describe their show as improvisational. Wrap your brain around this...improvisation has some very strict rules.

I've taken classes for years and it's a very difficult craft. Performers tend to get quick easy laughs by saying no. See example above about not eating Japanese food because of World War 2. Saying yes, is tough. Improvisation is setting up a routine and going with it.

Here is a video of me interviewing Mary at a very small library in San Ardo, a town with no sidewalks in Monterey County, California. I hope it's a good example of saying yes and making the kids laugh.

"Keep It Simple Stupid...KISS"

2011-08-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

When I was at Ringling Brother's Clown College in Venice Florida, we would walk into the circus arena every morning. One of the first things we would see (along with the trapeze riggings and general mayhem of having 50 clowns in one location) was a giant banner reading Keep It Simple Stupid. The K the I the S the S super large...KISS.

This was a tenant and still a tenant of the great Steve Smith, Dean of Clown College when I was there.

I was thinking about my business cards, I was thinking about how I present myself on the phone, I was thinking about what parents want to hear to book me. I can say a million things but one or two messages scream loud and clear, fun, professional, funny.

I have spent a lot of time staring at the computer trying to make myself look more professional. I'm in debt to the stylings of Jay Alexander on my promo and David Gallagher on my web site. Each time I tweak or change things they sit there saying "why?" "What's the message?"

So, in the end I trust them and I keep it simple.

I was thinking about what I wrote about yesterday...taking control at a party. Simple, I'm a clown, my job is to take the children on a wild ride full of antics.

So, I have to admit, as I write this, I am full of conflicts about things that aren't simple and my inner voice is fighting this conversation like crazy. I always tend to want to over explain and talk in circles. But really, I'm an artist that paints in the canvas of laughing children. It's pretty simple.

"Walk In, Take Control...That's Why They Hire You!"

2011-08-13T18:17:00.001-07:00

I went to little Lucas' party this morning, he's a fan from a library show I did a couple of weeks ago and asked and asked for me to be at his birthday.

It's a kick to see a kid just break into hysterics as I'm walking in.

I was thinking about something learned over a long long period of time.

Lucas' mom wanted to hire me but they were having the party in a gigantic Chinese Restaurant. When I say gigantic, like football field sized. It was a bit of a strange place, it was an all you can eat buffet style, pay at the door, eat a lot.

We went back and forth, she just wanted something short not believing the kids would pay attention for any length with all the noise and distraction.

Here's the thing, they did and went nuts.

I had the area of maybe 2 moved tables to set up and have kids sitting. But I killed and could have kept the kids engaged as long as I could maintain energy.

This was a not ideal setting. And yes, it feels a bit odd to walk through a giant crowd with my stuff, with teenagers giving me the sink eye and kids pointing and getting excited to get to my goal area.

I didn't care. I take over. I'll be as loud as I need, I'll get the kids screaming and cheering. I take over and that's why I'm hired. I set that little voice aside that says..."you look really weird in the corner of this place" I take the kids for a comedy journey and their parents are dragged along giggling all the way.

Now, just so you all know...I do control the kids. Other people have paid to have lunch, it's not right to make my needs more important than theirs. It's a noisy place, we were a little ways away, I went for it.

I have a job to do and I hit a homerun today.

Just a peek into my brain, for those that are interested. I often get terribly embarrassed in real life. I don't like taking my clothes off at a beach, I don't tend to want to stand out. Pretty odd I know, because of what I do for a living where I am able to harness that shyness into clown gold.

Why I'm hired is to take over, if you want a clown...a clown I shall be.

"A Few Hours In My Life..."

2011-08-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

Here's the prep for a show...

I had a large show at a mall in San Jose, I did it last year so I knew what to expect but I was a bit nervous...because I'm always nervous, has nothing to do with the gig.

This was booked through my friend Pat's company, Headliner Productions, it was near him, so I also arranged to have lunch after the show, that messes things up a lot for me, because I have to remember a lot of things to make sure I'm clean, things I usually leave in my shower.

So, the night before, I glance in my car, make sure I have what I need. These larger shows I bring a yellow ladder as a prop on stage, it holds props but also serves as my finale. At the end of the show, I balance the ladder on my chin, while making a balloon animal (hold your applause, thank you thank you).

Before shows, I get a touch of OCD. I start thinking I forgot my shoes, my hat, my microphone. Often, I pull over open the back of the car, look at it and drive on. It's embarrassing.

So. Got everything in the car, printed directions on google maps, have had bad luck lately with my GPS. Charge the batteries in my microphone.

The show was supposed to start at 11:20. I would like to be there about 10:50, 10:55 even 11 is pretty good. But early to set up and walk around the mall a bit gathering a crowd.

This morning, my son had an early orthodontist appointment. Dropped him off, sat in the car listening to Howard Stern. Yup, giant fan. After the appointment, dropped Dusty off at camp. This was the timing part that made me nervous. The map showed a full hour drive, so I wanted to drop him off and be in the car at 9:50, camp is a little ways from home.

It all worked smoothly. got my make up on, got in the car, forgot my water bottle, ran back in left was a bit later than I wanted but not bad. No traffic.

The mall is confusing. It took me 10 minutes to find the entrance. Had tons of stuff, my fingers hurt when I got to the stage. Same MC, he's awesome, big hug. I was there at 11 for my 11:20 show.

This event had the MC do songs with the kids, there was supposed to have been a dance school performing, they didn't show, the mall management was freaked, told me to go right on. set up test the mic in a funny way with the kids did a full one hour five minute kids show. Pretty long, not a lot of people can do that.

This show though had problems. The sound guy didn't know what he was doing and I kept getting feedback which is a nightmare in a kids show, they don't like loud noises and he shut off my handheld mic for some reason, that's the microphone I use so you can hear the funny things kids say. Oh well, I got him to turn the sound down, it was all fine.

For some reason the kids were climbing on stage. The parents thought this was cute. It's totally not cute. I like having kids on stage but they fall off and it's easy to squash one while I'm doing a routine and looking out at the audience and not down at my feet. Again, oh well.

I would say, what sets me apart from other children's performers is my ability to go with everything thrown at me and say oh well. A lot of people get mad on stage. Talk about losing your audience.

So, fun show (despite a couple of things I didn't like). Took pictures on iphones at the end and had a mom tell me her daughter asked about me every time they went shopping from last year. That's pretty cool.

Talked a while to the MC, complained about the economy, kids climbing on stage, exchanged cards carried a ton of stuff to the car.

Met with Pat, he also sells balloons, so got some hearts. I give heart shaped balloons to big crowds sometimes. Pat was giving a balloon lesson to a dentist, so I washed up in his bathroom, put all my stuff back in the car, drank a ton of water because San Jose is a lot hotter than my San Francisco. Pat showed me his current online project for entertainers, looks neat.

Went to lunch. Complained about the economy, complained about kids getting on stage.

Good to see my friend Pat, then back home to pick up Dusty after his music camp.

Except for the lunch part (I'm a cheapskate at heart, I usually pack my lunch) that was what I do. I know I glossed over the actual show part but I write about that all the time!

"Gettin' Clean!"

2011-08-03T14:29:00.000-07:00

I've been in a funk about where I'm headed in my career.

And you can tell when you watch my show. Now, this is not to say I'm not killing when I perform, I'm really knocking them out of the ballpark, which frustrates me a bit more.

See, I'm getting better and better. I've been doing this for so long, little improvements just make the kids laugh so much harder. It can be finding a better place to stand. Or using the microphone better, or hitting myself in the head with a microphone.

I've let things slip though. I know it's something I do to punish myself. Knowing how funny things have gotten it's frustrating that I'm doing less shows than last year.

I punish myself by letting my props get dingy, not polishing my shoes. In my tiny brain, I figure if no one cares about me, I don't care about them.

Being a performer is such a warped reality. I took a look at my show the other day. I was setting up and just noticed how old things were looking.

So, I had my pants repaired at the seamstress (I do a lot of little costume repairs on my own, some are bigger. This one was because I've gotten too fat so my clown pants were popping at the seams, how embarrassing). I made new signs, mounted them on new foam coar. shined my shoes, I've walked through a lot of dusty places lately. repaired my microphone stand and am getting a new hat band for my hat.

The thing is, it just makes me feel so much better and so much more professional. I present myself as a super high end children's performer, that means looking my best.

So, I feel good, my show is funnier than it's ever been, I just have to keep reminding myself, elbows off the table, watch your posture!

"The Cool Thing About Being a Clown...Welcome! Welcome!"

2011-08-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

There aren't very many jobs where people welcome you, are nervous about you showing up, force you to eat, and have you come in through the front door.

I've been to the poorest houses. Housing projects, where people walk me to my car, military housing, bad neighborhoods, then off to mansions where you could fit my house into the foyer.

Here's the weird thing, maybe this just says a lot about me, I don't really notice all that much. I go into a mansion and sort of say to myself, this is nice and go find the kids. I walk into a very poor area and say to myself, this looks like a tough neighborhood, let's start the show.

What everyone has in common, the children, they want to see their children laugh. I was walked out of a party the other day by the father of a nice young man (5th birthday). And he was just in awe of my ability to make the kids laugh and keep their attention saying to me over and over what a gift I have. This was likely a 10 million dollar house in San Francisco. I don't know the price but I can guess something like that. I am a guy that has never owned a new car, makes minimum credit card payments and seldom eats in restaurants because it's a lot of money. And he's in awe of me????

I was thinking, this guy probably owns a huge investment company or is a plastic surgeon to the stars. I'm amazed by him.

But I do something so unique, so unusual, I can make a 5 year old laugh till they pee their pants.

And I do this black white, rich or poor. And always always, come through the front door!

"Getting Myself Out of The Way!"

2011-07-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

Some things have been hanging over my head.

Thank yous mostly.

I owe some thank yous to people, in a big way. I didn't deal with it at the time and then I get guiltier and guiltier and guiltier.

I am working with an old friend of mine. We "coach" each other once a week and places we want to forge ahead. She caught me in a spot I just couldn't deal with.

I owed a couple of DVDs to the guys that I hired to work on my last large video project. Basically, my DVD is great but it's not perfect. After I finished all the printing I got a small critique from a mom. It was simply the layout of the menu on the DVD was harder for the kids than the last one. A fairly easy fix.

I started making that mean. "Another sucky project..." Even though, when I take a look at the thing, it's hilarious, I can't believe I pulled it off.

So. I got myself out of the way. Talked to the two guys that helped shoot the video, had a nice little chat and sent them copies of the DVD.

I had such a weight on my shoulder from this for the last 8 months.

Since I did this, I've been cleaning, writing, working on things, getting rid of things. Organizing. It feels really clean.

So, sometimes, the only thing that stops me is me.

"Thinking About My Next Theatre Show..."

2011-07-18T22:35:00.001-07:00

Funny thing this year...it's wonderful and kills me at the same time.

I do a full theatrical children's show every year. I work with a theatre company that pretty much leaves me alone. They send out a press release, hand me the keys to the theatre and say good luck.

it's a cool deal. I do work through the year for them, basically, I do their video production for their plays, interview the directors, film rehearsals if they want. It's fun, I love video, so it's cool.

Basically in exchange, I get a theatre for Christmas. I try with all my might to get an audience. I'm not great at that part but you know, you can't do everything, although, I try.

Mostly I do the show because my sons love doing it with me. They do the light designs, backstage, sell tickets and run rehearsals for me.

This year my older son is going to India with a group for an educational work tour. Amazing opportunity but it's hard on me as I think of doing the show without him. He's a terribly talented young man. He understands the light boards, runs the show, it's very cool.

I'm doing the show with my younger son. Who is excited about stepping up.

We are brainstorming what to do. It's neat to have creativity all around me.

I've come to a certain realization about my show in the theatre. I haven't been doing the greatest hits for my fan club. I have been stretching myself as a performer but I'm thinking my show is sort of like going to see the Eagles and them not doing Hotel California.

I'm bringing the fun of my live anything goes shows, into the theatre. I think it's going to be pretty crazy this year and I'll get the kids howling. Something I didn't do when I was working on the theatrical side the last couple of years.

this year more whoopie cushions, more poop jokes, more things I can't to hanging from the ceiling. Maybe some chair falls (see yesterdays entry...maybe not)

Dusty and I will knock em dead.

"The Clown Hurt Himself!"

2011-07-17T15:05:00.001-07:00

Something I've deeply feared happened on Friday. I got hurt in the middle of a show.

WARNING WARNING WARNING this is very gross what did to myself. Enjoy.

If I have room, I do a slapstick routine, where I'm trying to tell a story while trying to sit down on a preschool chair. Like all my routines, I get mad at the chair, as if the chair was trying to hurt me.

Just to give you a reference of how it goes, I start to talk, sit down on the edge and fall off. I do this right, then left. Then examine the chair. Sit down cross my legs fall over. sit down on the other side fall over. getting faster, slide off to the left, then slide off to the right. Then I get an idea put my foot down on the chair slam my head into the chair holding my nose. Get a better idea, sit down and balance the chair on my nose...applause the chair falls straight down conking me on top of the head and I stumble off.

I add other things in there depending on the audience and their attention span.

This time...slid left fell on my tuchas. Got angry...here's the key, when I do most of these routines, I'm clear of the chair, the drama of the falling is usually the recoil or a big bounce on the butt. When I slid right....got the corner of the chair...caught it right in...the place you go poo....

I end the routine, the blood has left my head, I think I'm going to faint. I'm completely sure I ripped that area and am bleeding into my pants. I think I just started flop sweating like mad in fear.

What do I do. I was thinking, I should really drive to the hospital, this is bad. This is a lot of pain.

I needed to end the show but I would have been shorting them...so I pulled out some balloons to make for the kids, because I can make them laugh on auto pilot with balloons. But blowing them up might really cause problems back there you know with the pressure and all....

I was feeling slightly better, thought I could make it through, go home clean up and go to the hospital.

so, I pulled out heart shaped balloons which are hard to blow up but not as hard as an animal balloon. Made 40 or so of those.
Gritted my teeth and smiled and took compliments.

Waiting to get my check, I was playing with the kids and got caught by a 4 year old as he slugged me in the crotch. This is a very very common thing for 4 year old boys to do plus they are generally about that height. As a children's performer I'm hyper aware of everything going on around me, so I can catch their little fist before they can swing.

Except, I was way off my game wondering if the blood patch on the back of my pants was bothering anyone. So I took one in the front to equal things out in the back...

Got out of there, everyone loved me. Feeling a lot better when I got in the car, feeling better when I got home.

Checked nothing.

Likely just hit a bunch of nerves.

So other than to gross you out, why did I write about this? What do you do in a show if you can't go on? There's no such thing, if you can walk, you can finish, you can find a way.

I should have taken up guitar when I was a kid...a lot less pain.

"A Clown On Vacation"

2011-07-05T07:30:00.001-07:00

I am just about to leave to meet up with my family for a few days R and R.

This may be a clown thing, this might be a self employment thing but I just don't like vacations. I love being with my family. The vacation we take every year is at a family camp, so there's bingo and cards and board games and endless glasses of wine.

But I'm just a bit tense about getting work, missing work, not being able to return phone calls.

I also have a deep guilt that I shouldn't be on vacation. I mean, generally speaking I live life like an 80 year old retired person. I toodle around my house doing repairs, meet my friends every day to exercise, volunteer in school and instead of spending time watching my grandkids, I watch my kids.

If I were getting social security, I would be completely happy.

It's probably because I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. Thank goodness for Visa and Mastercard, they make all vacations possible!

"Skills v. Skill"

2011-06-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

It's really easy to watch a good performer and say, "if I had enough money to buy a magic illusion, I could be in Vegas" or "I wish I had enough time to practice juggling, I'd be better than that guy at the Renaissance Faire".

The thing is, juggling, the magic tricks, the balloon animals have nothing to do with skill. These are just skills.

I am pretty honest about my skill level. People are really impressed by my juggling, my magic, my balloon skills. But I know what's out there and balloon for balloon there are people that make me look pretty lame...

But are they funny? Can they hold a crowd? Can they put it in a routine that keeps kids (or adults) in rapt attention? Some can, some can't. I can take a balloon and do a 12 minute routine trying to blow up a balloon, breaking it eventually making a very simple dog and getting a huge applause. The skill I've worked on is the (in my case) clowning.

I think a lot about actors and comedians. I've heard so many people leave a play and be amazed at the memorization by the actors. I have an acting degree and for years after, I thought that was the skill to master. I had a breakthrough in a class one day when I realized, memorizing is just like making a balloon dog, it's just a skill. Memorizing is just the starting point, then you take off with the acting. Learning the balloon dog, learning the juggling pattern, learning to force a card is the starting point. Then you take off.

This is a world opening thought process. I was discussing this concept with a guy I know at Aikido. He is a consulting chef, meaning, he has a company that helps create menus for places like Jamba Juice. So he knows a lot.

It was great to discuss this with him. He is a master at making food but he got in a big way and had the same frustration in the world of food production. I'm not much of a cook, more of microwave maven but there is such an art in cooking, I can see the connection.

This skills v. skill thing is everywhere. I think it's a human condition we have to recognize and break. Everything from thinking history is about memorizing dates, to filmmaking is about having the best camera out there.

"That Old Economy!..."

2011-06-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

This is post number 100, that's really cool! In fact really cool for a guy with half written scripts, joke books, notebooks of half written ideas for books on bulletin boards, in piles, in file cabinets on this ol' computer! So, let's talk about the economy.

I'm trying to listen to the economy right now. I think the economy is like a little kid, you have to be very quiet to hear what it's saying.

I tend to talk and complain with my friends about lack of work. We are all bouncing the same old ideas off each other over and over. Reminds me of that old definition of insanity, "doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"

A huge problem with creative people, we tend to listen to each other or watch each other for ideas. I'm not all that interested in doing what's already been done. Yet, I catch myself doing what's already been done.

I am quietly listening to the economy. It's saying lower your prices...it's saying, no one knows who you are...

This is tough to hear. But the reality, I have a 2 to 3 year window of being famous. Kid's love me from 4 to 7 or so. Kids love Barny and then groan at the dinosaur when they are 7. I'm in that same category (I'm a big fan of Barney by the way. I think it's remarkable to keep children's attention and clearly focus on one topic, "I love you" for 30 minutes) Kids and their families move on rapidly. I am everything to them from 4 to 7 years old and forgotten after that. That's just what happens. It's pretty neat when I run into 17 year olds and they say I was at their party many years ago and they still remember. Financially, you get an opening of a few years, then kids move on to other things. They are not hiring me.

The economy is down so people are hiring less, which means I'm seen less which means there is less competition for what I do. Because people don't see clowns out there, they are not thinking of clowns at events. It's a catch-22. The more entertainment you see, the more likely you are to hire entertainment but you have to get hired in the first place!

I'm at a crossroads. So the economy is a very good thing for me. I've wanted to transition out of the living room circus into more of a teaching writing role for a long long time.

This is my 100th post. This blog is slowly being noticed. I've got big ideas for the future. I'm nearly done with my first book. It's a book of comebacks for entertainers that work with children. It should be ready to send to a publisher in the next few weeks. It's a fairly simple concept of writing jokes for what you hear a lot as an entertainer "is this your full time job?" things like that.

I've got, just under 2000 responses to these kind of questions.

This book, if it's published..., will not change my finances much, it's a very small specific market but it lines me up to be a teacher, which is something I would really like to take on. It also lines me up to write more books. Joke writing comes very easily to me. So easy in fact, I have a hard time thinking of joke writing as a skill. I had a friend ask for jokes for a county faire show the other day. I sent him 20 jokes 10 minutes after I got the email.

I'm also a video guy. I do it all the time. I've gotten pretty good. I have ideas for turning an area of my house into a small studio. I don't even have to spend much money. I don't have great equipment but I have a good eye and I've learned a lot about lighting. Consumer equipment is incredible, I can't make a TV commercial but I can make very very nice how to videos for youtube.

So, the economy is talking..."don't fight...you have strengths...you are a writer...you are a teacher..."

Of course in the meantime, I may have to start buying lottery tickets!

"What's it like to work on a commercial"

2011-06-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

I often forget that things I do are unusual compared to most people.

One thing that I do is spend time on television and movie sets. Not nearly as much as I'd like but a number of times a year I work around very big productions. This means grip trucks (those are large trucks filled with lighting equipment) wardrobe people, make up, craft services (food on the set) and lots and lots of production assistants (PAs).

My son Duncan just shot a commercial for Sony Playstation. Basically, since this is my son, I'm so much more excited than anything I've done professionally. Plus, I had to be on the set as a legal guardian, so I could observe and get in the way more.

Duncan has the same agent as I do in San Francisco. To do commercial acting, you have to have an agent, it's the way you are submitted for auditions or modeling or voice over work.

My agent is Mary Tonry, Tonry Talent. I've been with her for 10 or 12 years. Pretty long time. I like her a lot, I like the staff a lot. They are super nice and really supportive.

So here was the process.

Allie in Mary's office called and asked if Duncan would be available to miss a few days of school before they submitted him. Sometimes I get these calls and say sure! When I hang up, I sort of forget about it, you don't tend to hear back. Duncan had just finished a play at school, I wouldn't have had him miss being in the play, that lets a lot of people down. This was Thursday around 4 in the afternoon.

Friday morning around 10:30, they call and say they would like to check Duncan's availability. This means, they like him a lot and want to make sure he really can be there. At this point they've chosen a bunch of actors in each category and they are comparing them side by side and discussing which they like most.

That was really exciting, I sent an email to Duncan at school. But still it's also a long shot from this point. They may have 10 actors for that one spot, that's still a 1 in 10 shot. Who knows they might even have more and they are just checking.

I get another call an hour later. I needed to update his clothing sizes. They just need everything organized.

I sent an email with his shoe size, sports coat size, waist... Checked around 3 to make sure that they got the email. Allie said, you know how it is... we'll keep our fingers crossed.

10 minutes later Allie called and booked Duncan!

The most unusual part, there was no audition. They never even asked me to bring him somewhere where they could just say hi and see if he actually looks like his pictures. Luckily, I just had his pictures done so they look a lot like him, same glasses same hairstyle. Kids change a lot, so it's easy to get out of date on the pictures.

Saturday someone from the wardrobe department called, double checks his sizes, shoes etc. They have to shop for various things to try on him. They will buy a lot of things and return a lot of things later that are not used.

Sunday, someone from the production office calls and tells me Duncan has to come on Monday for a few hours, time is not certain yet but he will rehearse and they have to fit his wardrobe.

Monday I got the exact time and location by email. (yes, this is all last minute stuff). I got Duncan at school around 10:20. brought him to the Playstation office about 30 minutes from San Francisco. We were met in the lobby by a production assistant who brought us to the make shift wardrobe area. There was one other kids there.

We met the producer and the director and of course the two wardrobe people. Plus this is in the middle of Playstation so it's really cool, stuff all over the walls and people cubicles had crazy 6 foot creature cut outs.

They had trouble deciding what Duncan should wear. He tried on about 6 different combinations, including shoes. When you watch the final production it doesn't look like much, jeans a t-shirt and fleece but colors and looks have to be coordinated and they have to match the other actors and the backgrounds.

The kids all met (plus all of us moms). We went into a small room with a TV where they taught the kids to play a demo of the new game "Deadmun's Quest". Playstation is promoting the new "moves" game system. This is a game for next Christmas, it's still a long way from being done. There are God knows how many designers, engineers still working on it. This was a prototype the kids used that was about 10 minutes of the game.

They all practiced. And they said they would tell us the exact location later Monday night. Yup, it was shooting the next day and they still were deciding. That is pretty normal for this sort of thing. I tend to live life in general that way, so I just accept it.

Got the email later with directions and details and our call time (what time we have to show up). They sent me an Excel spread sheet with everyone's name and contact information. I only needed one or two numbers but this is how it's done. I was surprised there were 50 or 60 names. Duncan and I were getting really excited. Up to this point we didn't know much about this thing, it could have just been a camera a director and a lighting person, what did we know?

The commercial was shot in a huge very very expensive house in the shadow of Mt Diablo, this is a high end community 40 miles from San Francisco. When we got there, there were trucks and guys with tool belts carrying lighting equipment cables, cars parked everywhere. this is a pretty quiet street with big houses. It's really cool. I can only imagine what the neighbors were thinking and imagining what was happening across the street.

We were greeted (luckily) right away by the producer who told us where to go.

Inside this house, there are cables, lights, monitors, runners on the nice floors where the teamsters were walking. They used a whole room just for 3 monitors for a person to watch as it was shot. They had 2 people watching a laptop and a special feed just to watch the game as the kids would play. Everything with any sort of logo was gone.

There was a tutor on the set, since they were dealing with minors. They were supposed to do 3 hours of school work. Mostly the kids just used it as a day off. Duncan did actually have a lot of school work, it was 2 weeks before finals.

The main job of the tutor is to make sure the laws for using underage workers are obeyed. This was not the set of Harry Potter, it was just a day off of school for most of the kids.

One by one the kids got into the make up chair. Did a little make up and fixed their hair. While he did this, I got a coffee and bagel.

On to the set they go. There is a hubbub of activity all around. I stood out of the way with the other moms and watched and giggled. I was just so happy to watch my son do this, I chucked all "cool" out the window. We don't get to do this very often! The other moms were acting more cool than me but since I was willing to act like a geek, they let go a bit and let out their excitement too.

The director, assistant director, camera person, representatives from Sony, lighting person rearranged the kids over and over. Had them pretend to play, switched kids, changed clothes slightly, changed lights, shouted things like "there's a hot spot near the edge of the couch"

Then the kids had to act like they were having a good time. Over and over and over and over. The camera was on a track so it moved in around, about a third of the way around them. Because they needed specific actions, they would shout, "use the arrow now, pull out the throwing stars! Smile, move slower, move faster" They spent two and a half hours just on this shot. All the kids did great. After 30 minutes it's not that fun anymore for sure, it's just tiring.

Then they switched kid's positions, some went back to do school work or read. They would bring kids back as they needed them.

We broke for lunch. Lunch on sets is awesome. Fully catered, steaks and pulled pork. It's way easy to overeat. Amazing deserts. They set out long tables for crew and "talent" to eat.

I love free food, I always have to control myself in these situations. Especially lately when I've noticed, I'm becoming a big fat clown.

Back to work.

Kids did school work while they switched the camera and lighting and shot the kids from behind into the TV. The first time they used the TV for real. From behind they masked the TV with green to insert the game later. The lighting on that took a long time, it has to perfect so you don't notice that the game is inserted.

Again, shots over and over and over. Eventually switching kids out.

Then the kids shot for hours in front of a big green screen they had set up in this 4 car garage. Mostly the kids danced for a different game. They didn't use those shots even though they spent hours shooting. That's the way it goes.

The day was done around 5:30, we arrived at 8. Tiring, full day. We happened to have tickets for the Giant's game, so we drove there, my younger son met us. The benefit of living in a large city, kids can get around easily and do things like meet at a baseball game.

I was more tired than Duncan. He still had homework to do when we got home at 10:45, after getting up really early, shooting a commercial and going to a baseball game.

That night, I posted the pictures I took on Facebook. Duncan was a bit embarrassed by me taking pictures but he was really happy I did. The next day word got around his school like mosquitos finding new campers. Duncan was a big shot for a day with kids asking him about the commercial all day. How cool would that be when you were 17?

For me, that was the best part. Because I make my living as a performer, I don't get to give my family the things I would really like. We don't eat out very often. We take driving vacations. We can only get a newer car (never brand new) when it's absolutely necessary.

But not a lot of parents could give this experience to their child, so that made me feel good.

The commercial was used at the giant Sony E3 conference in LA, starting two days ago. They were using it in under two weeks from the production! That's a fast turnaround. Especially when you consider this thing has to be approved on many levels. There is a lot of money riding on this for Sony. I understand they spend millions and millions of dollars on a game, so they don't want to mess it up with a bad commercial.

Everyone is asking me about money and residuals. Here is how this one works.

This is showing on the Internet only. That is a specific contract. If they use it on TV or in movie theatres or in another country they have to have me sign a new contract. I have a feeling they know what they are doing and there won't be other contracts.

Duncan was paid for the day. He got paid about double the day rate again, because there are no royalties and he got some money to go to the fitting. The agent gets 10% of the whole thing. It was a good amount of money. Especially for a teenager.

Since Duncan's going to start applying for colleges, this is a nice little gift for him. It will buy pizzas and late night coffees for a few months.

Here's the commercial! Enjoy, I'm just so proud.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2N81kqBSgqg

"Getting Motivated!!!!!"

2011-06-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

Do you get blocked on your projects. I'm not talking about someone hiding the clicker to the garage door opener but you get in the way of you?

Here's my project du jour...

I have a lot of writing in notebooks, files on my computer, I send jokes to myself by email, I try dry erase boards.

I've got a lot of 2/3 done projects.

I suppose it's the curse of the creative mind. I have all good intentions that this time I'll follow through to the end...

I think I found away with my current project. I have a book of come backs. My son helped me with a new name for them "right back at ya's" I removed all the Don Rickles insult stuff. I love writing those but I don't allow them to see the light of day, too snotty.

I have been collecting comebacks for "is this your full time job?" and "Quit Clowning Around" for years. I sold my first version of my 500 comebacks after workshops I would teach. I can't say it paid for the copying costs but it's a neat idea of a book for children's entertainers and I've always returned to it.

February March I want nutso on it. Writing literally 50 to 100 jokes a day. Asking magicians, jugglers clowns, balloon makers, face painters... What do you get asked a lot?

I had them all over the place. But I did have lots and lots of jokes.

I went on vacation in late March with my younger son. And lost all momentum and haven't been able to start up again. Talk about frustration with myself. The work now is organize the jokes into categories, format it so it looks nice and send it off to a publisher. Yes, a lot of work but I've always had a dream of being a published author.

Today I found a way. It's been tough this year to make a living. Slow as can be.

The frustration with this book, I know it can get published, I know I can make a little money from it. Well it's worth the gamble anyway, it's just my time.

I hung a sign up today next to my computer. "Work on your book for Duncan and Dustin)"

I will do just about anything I have to to keep them fed, in good schools, with nice clothes.

I found my motivation. All my nonsense in my head stopping me from working on this project can't compete with possibly making some money so I can get a car for my son when he goes to college. Or pay for music camp for my younger son.

It's tough, I am fighting it but I'm working. That's really cool!

"Fundraising Shows..."

2011-06-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

These types of shows are intriguing to me, I've done hundreds and hundreds of fundraiser shows. Mostly, I've just been hired for them but I have been producer of quite a few over the years.

Here's the idea, you provide the show and the promotional material, the beneficiary provides the venue, sells tickets, you split the door. An easy fundraising opportunity and a win win really.

The fundraisers I've run, (for my kid's schools) have required a faire amount of pushing to sell tickets. The easiest way to do this is to get someone at the school that is willing to go up to people and say "how many tickets can I put you down for?"

Here are the things that seem to work really well.

Do the show on a Friday evening. I've tried other nights, for some reason people are picking up their kids and they are still in the school mode.

If the school is close, ask for an all school assembly one or two days before the event. I go in do 5 to 7 minutes on stage. It got the kids really excited. The children went home saying there was a clown at school, can we go please?

Invest a few dollars in a nice poster. I buy 12x18 posters at Costco for $2.99 each. They look incredible. Get 10, it's worth a few bucks.

Provide images for the school to use. Let them plaster the school with their design starring you. Let them use their ink.

Mention in the school weekly letter the kids take home.

Always be nice but take control. The more promotion the school does, the more they will make, the more you will make.

The school will think people can't afford anything, they will try to price the show at $3. The people that will show up, don't care if the show is $15 or $2, they are there for their children. The people that complain about the price of the show don't show up even it's free. I promise you this is the case.

A school of 300 will yield attendance of 175. You will likely get around this number if you pick the right night. This number includes adults, so you are probably getting around 100 kids.

Hopefully the school will sell t-shirts and snacks and make a lot of money from this.

My friend Jay does a fundraiser for his show at a large prestigious theatre locally. Each year he raises around $7000 to $9000. He gives all of this to his children's school but if he kept half the school still would have been quite happy with a check for $3500 just for having fun at a magic show.

I'm a fan of projects where everyone comes out a winner.

"Offering Free Shows"

2011-05-30T10:27:00.000-07:00

I had a really good return from a series of free shows I offered.

There is a school that hires me every year. This year, they couldn't budget me in. I decided to just do the shows anyway, it's a gamble that I might lose real paying gigs but they've always been good to me.

I ended up booking 6 birthday parties from the free shows. So, it was a smart trade.

You have to be careful though of the free shows. Mostly they lead to nothing except people taking advantage of you. The lower the price, the more phone calls, the more moving the show time around and the complete lack of respect. Even though you are giving hundreds of dollars worth of product, you are likely to be treated like the delivery person.

Things are slow, right now. I am thinking of offering some shows for promotional purposes. But I want to do it scientifically.

Why did this last free show work so well?

The children knew me from my videos and from past years
There is a heavy parent involvement in the school
The school is large.
The school really encourages parents to support their vendors, in my case, they make sure every child goes home with my postcard.

It's hard to know about the school until you get in there. I do know though, you do need a large group and agreement by the director to talk you up.

I try to think of win win scenarios. I am not the type to talk myself up. So the school gets my full show and gets the value of live entertainment for the children. The asking price is they do small promotion and hand out my materials.

I'm also thinking targeted locations will likely be most effective. I live in San Francisco, we have very wealthy communities. It's very likely the children that go to these schools are also from families that value entertainment at their child's party.

I may or may not try this. It's tough to give away shows. There is value in doing this and it is very focused marketing.

"Pushing On..."

2011-05-09T06:14:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with my 17 year old son yesterday.

He goes to a very very tough high school. For instance, he just finished his genetics midterm. When I was in high school, I was seeing if I could shoot a pencil out of the middle of the typewriter when hit certain keys in order...

This isn't so much about him though.

Junior year in high school is intense, you are working on grades for college, you are looking at colleges preparing taking the SAT, the AP tests, you are also taking hard classes that are pretty much on par with college classes. Not to mention the social aspect or nearly being an adult. My son is old enough, with my permission, to join the Marines. So just about an adult!

There is a burn out though that he was telling me about. He did his midterms, they just had their prom, he took the SAT test and they are tired and don't feel like working.

This is exactly where humans are most vulnerable.

It's so easy at this point, however you are relating to this overwork scenario, to sit on the couch and watch TV. I use TV metaphorically, because it might be watching youtube or playing on your Playstation for hours or simply talking on the phone and not getting anything real done.

I never had much use in my life for people that give into this I've done enough, time to sit on the couch thing.

And this is not to say I don't sit on my big old clown butt more than I think I should.

I realize though this is where I can make a difference.

When I was getting my black belt, it was the toughest two or three months of training of my life. The physical stuff was not that hard was the thing. Once I was training, I knew the moves, I just needed to work it over and over to precision.

The get your butt off the couch part was, the nagging voice in my head, "why?" To put myself through the challenge of constant correction, learning to keep my mouth shut (the hardest part for a smart ass like me) and just take class after class no matter how I felt.

Doing a martial art is just a discipline. I could have been studying yoga to a higher level or learning to play a musical instrument.

The point is where you get stuff done is when you are like my son, really sick of what you are doing. On the other side you have a tremendous breakthrough.

Of course until the next thing that gets in the way. But hey that's life if you are trying to get ahead!

Couch or keep moving?

The little angel and the little devil on your shoulder are opposite of what you think. The little devil is the one saying "you've done enough..." he's saying "I don't want you to succeed" The angel is very quiet and says, "you need to keep working" The angel can be very quiet but listen to her, she's the one that will bring happiness, fulfillment and lots more money in the end.

"A Good Handler"

2011-05-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

My son has been doing a few gigs for me over the years.

He's 17 now and started doing a costume character for me a few years ago. So, when I get called to be Rudolph at a street parade or be the Easter Bunny and take pictures, I can sometimes line it up for him. He's very good at it. We always go over character movements and finding a repeatable interaction with kids.

On Easter, he was the fancy bunny at a fancy fancy hotel here in San Francisco. So, this is one of these $100 a person buffet things, really nice.

I wasn't working, so I went as his handler. I've dealt with handlers, good and bad, mostly lazy over the years, I've come to realize what an important job it can be.

The job is to ensure the safety of the performer. They can't see real well and they are sweating a lot, it's your job to keep them healthy.

Here's the part that people miss. Keep your eyes open, there are probably kids really exited just out of the performers limited view, you have to quietly say to the bunny, "turn to the left". Then they get a great big hug.

Being a handler is a job. You have to pay attention and be really really friendly and act like you are working for the country club or hotel.

It's cool to take care of performers especially when they are your life!

"Create, Working Backwards"

2011-05-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

A lot of times, I try to think from the end point when I work on my show.

I am human so I can give advice and a lot of times, I don't listen to my own advice. This is one of the most useful techniques I've found, yet, I tend to fight it still.

I'm in the very early stages of writing an entirely new concept show. I'm creating a newer character, this will be stage only. It's a big step for me and I'm only in the creation process right now. But I'm trying to think backwards.

Thinking backwards works like this. We'll use my show as an example, you can and should use this technique for any big project, including a wedding, landscaping your lawn or having a happy child get to college.

Here is a leap. Working backward you have to know you have already accomplished what you've set out to do. You have a picnic in your new backyard with 20 people in attendance. I have 10 bookings for my stage show. Each show has been sold for $1500 and the theatres hold 400 plus audience.

I'm already there. OK, I have performed my show and it is on a large performing arts stage. How did I get here?

I'm now going to work backward. My stage show is being performed July 1, 2012. What happened to get that booking...hmmm. March 1, 2012, I signed a contract. That means December 1, 2011 I sent out promotional pieces. That means all printing was done and in my hands November 25, 2011...work went to the printer November 15...Final designs were approved Novermeber 10th...

I'm sort of brainstorming here. so I can see with my project I need a couple of time lines. I've got the promotional aspect. That tends to be easier for me, it's more black and white, it's either printed or not, I have 10 addresses and names or not.

Harder is the writing of the show. So...

July 1, 2012, I have performed my new show in a performing arts center that holds 400 plus people. That means, June 1, 2012, I have performed the show 25 times on stages for audiences of 50 plus. April 1, 2012, contacted 20 places that will have me perform the show (I have connections). March 1, 2011, first full rehearsal with tech. Feb 1, 1011, set back from builder, secured location for rehearsal.

so you can see the workings here. As I work on this, I see I need to do a timeline for the set design. My show will also have a lot of video production within it, so that means, I have to do a timeline for the videos, including editing. the idea is to interact live with the videos, so I may have to re shoot, after I see how it's working on stage...

Just writing this gets me thinking and working. It's creative. This project has been on my mind for weeks, I go back and forth on ideas but this makes it concrete. Pretty nifty. give it a try.

"Where's the Work?"

2011-05-02T20:43:00.000-07:00

So what's a clown to do?

Living at the whims of an unstable economy is a pretty strange feeling. There have certainly been times I have been slow but the prospect of no work is really a funny feeling.

I like that pun...funny feeling! (it's funny because a clown always "feels funny" ahhh never mind).

To all those that tell me, "it must be great to do what you want for a living...it must be great to be your own boss" um, maybe, if you like food stamps.

Here is the cool thing about being a self employed performer, you live off of hope. Hope you'll get called, hope your business cards will get in the right hands. I eat hope, it's delicious.

When I am down, something always comes in at a massive amount of money and saves me. The cool part of being self employed, when you do get a bunch of things all in a row, it really can be a lot of money. I always say, look at me, I'm a millionaire!

Hope is like magic. Last year I took a bunch of time to work on my black belt in Aikido, magically, I got a massive teaching to a large corporate client. I worked two days and made nearly my months normal salary. Stuff like that seems to happen.

So, bounced checks aside, I'm hoping. I'm pretty good at my job and I'm beloved.

It's just a bit freaky to have $9.41 in the bank (real figure!) Come on hope!

"Changing Clown Make Up..."

2011-04-27T06:41:00.000-07:00

Here is a thing clowns go through every few years...the changing of your look.

I imagine all performers go through this, maybe not Cher, I don't know, I wouldn't want to do that many sit ups.

When I was in the circus I started as an all white face clown, yellow wig, white gloves. In fact the first thing to go, the white gloves, that was pure practicality, it was really hard to do much in slippery white gloves.

I was a white face clown because in my head, that's what a clown looked like. Not a giant realization, if you asked me to draw a tree, I would draw a tree trunk with a round head of leaves, with apples on it...tree. At that time, if I drew a clown it would be a clown with a white face.

I grew and developed. after about 6 or 7 years, I became a European looking clown, to what I look like now.

I still wear the same amount of make up, it's just the base is closer to my skin tone, giving my skin a smooth doll look. The make up is more naturalistic, emphasizing my facial movements. High cheekbones, so I rouge there, big eyebrows, I color them in nearly black. My eyes are a bit small, so I use mascara and a line underneath to make them bigger.

It's still grotesque (and that is not the common use-age, grotesque meaning exaggerated) but it has a more human quality.

I've been fighting for years the notion to go make up less. It's interesting, because the people I think about, talk about here have no make up or very little. Pee Wee Herman, Stephen Colbert.

It's a big transition for me. I like being a traditional clown, I like being recognized from across the room.

My persona is going in another direction. Not sure where but likely toward Ernest (you know, hey Vern! That guy). I'm sort of thinking a crazy high school or middle school teacher. Don't know, I've started talking with other performers, thinking out where I'm going to go. It's a process.

I'll keep my Boswick persona but in the future he's going to be for kid's parties. I'm switching to an all stage performer, that's the goal!

"I'm Huge In Russia!"

2011-04-25T10:24:00.000-07:00

I've been following the stats on this blog.

A big chunk of my following is in Russia. Not that I'm getting a big cold head or anything, it's just my 5 or 6 views a day, half or more are from Russia.

Which is my thought for today. I tend to just take everything that comes my way. I've been the Easter Bunny and I've been a balloon maker, I've been a pirate.

I tend to brag a lot about my days in the circus. But I'll do anything it takes to make a living. I'm not so sure it's the best advice I can give. I have had some strange and wonderful opportunities. I've been to the Philippines, Japan, had to turn down china. I've been inside the Getty Mansion in San Francisco. I've been around Nobel Laureates at parties. Performed for giant men at the San Francisco 49rs holiday party. Done things for the San Francisco Giants, A's, San Jose Sharks.

As much as I love being looked at in Russia...what does this do for me. Not a whole lot.

To get ahead as a performer you can't be on stage in New York one week and at a birthday party in New Jersey the next. You have to pick a path. Russia's pretty cool but I would like to be viewed here.

Hey Russia. Got any work?

"The World's Mightiest Teacher"

2011-04-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

Here's what I love about teaching!

Clowning is an inside out art form. That means, whatever is going on on the inside has to be magnified and gigantified to the outside.

If you're shy on the inside and think people are judging you. Make that huge on the outside, become the world's shyest person, you pick on someone in your audience and say "quit looking at me!" I promise it's hilarious.

The mistake amateur or newer clowns make, they copy other clowns. You can study, you can appreciate but character is unique, it comes right from the inside. My character is generated from my fears and voices; I put them out there on the outside for the world to look at. But their mine. Yours might be similar but my experiences, my upbringing, my views of the world, my religious beliefs, my family dynamic, where I grew up, my relation to my parents, my relation to authority, the number of classes I've taken...all me and me alone. You can imitate but you can never really copy another character.

When I teach, I want you to reach inside and find the fears and the voices and expose them to the world. Here's the cool thing. I don't really need to know what the voices are saying, I don't really need to know your fears. They are yours. I just want the honesty to bubble up.

Ever been bored in a play? Ever been bored in a movie? The reason you are bored, is not because it's a boring movie, it's boring because the actors are not being honest, they are not reaching inside for character. I can blame the director too but when you get bored you are seeing people pretending to be someone else. When you are engaged and involved in the movie or play, you are not thinking, you are watching and involved. You are not watching people pretend to be something else, you are watching artists grappling with their own personal demons.

Pretty heady stuff.

Clowning is even more honest. You are putting out to the world the things you don't want anyone to know about you. Takes a lot of bravery. You are exposing all your fears, making them big, you are embracing it. It's walking a tight rope for sure, it's probably why some people don't like clowns.

So, I'm the world's mightiest teacher! I have such respect when I work with students, it's the most brave thing in the world to watch. I create a total supportive environment, no one ever falls when they are with me, they falter but no one ever hits the ground.

Now, here's the other side of clowning. At the same time you are being the world's most honest person and putting out your biggest fears to the world...you are hiding behind a wall of make up, you are hiding behind farse and routines, big shoes, red nose.

Strange isn't it?

Ready to hire the world's mightiest teacher? I'm ready!

"You Could Make a Lot More Money if You Booked Other People..."

2011-04-22T10:42:00.001-07:00

I give all the props in the world to people that can stomach booking performers. The times I do it, it gives me an ulcer.

I hear this a lot. "The way to increase your income is to book overflow business using other performers."

I like the theory, I could also go back to school and become a doctor but neither really suits me.

I've booked other people. In fact, I was hired by a company in the Philippines, Jollibee Corporation to train mascot characters when they performed in the US. It was a big contract. I was sent to Manilla to meet with executives, went through the training, observed a lot of events to match what they did.

I was able to hire about 7 performers to do the costume work. It was a lot of fun to train them, get to know them...not so much fun to book them and keep them working.

At the same time, I figured I would become king of the clowns and use some of these same performers as birthday party performers.

Again, fun to get to know them, really great to train and create character. Not so much fun to book them, sell them on the phone, keep them busy.

I luckily eventually was let go by Jollibee, I don't know the reason but it was likely too expensive. They could just do it in house, no one cares that much about the quality of costume characters, except Disney. I love watching a good costume character work, it's like watching a good mime. That's why they hired me. Again though, it's a corporation and do they really need me after I've trained them? Not really.

I am a performer. I compare variety artists all the time to cats. We are very territorial, we do not like sharing, we will tollerate other cats (performers) but really at heart all we want to do is do our thing without comment, without interference with us having total and complete control.

Booking other people goes against that. I can't stand being responsible for other people. In my gut, I knew the only person I could count on to show up and do a good job was me. That's of course nonsense but that's the cat thing again.

So, yes, I made some more money. But what I discovered, I'm a performer, that's what I'm good at, that's all I want to do. That's a pretty keen insight. I went through the experiment and came out with that knowledge, that's pretty important.

Here is the other side of that, I'll write about this one sometime...I just absolutely love, adore, am enamored by teaching. It is a great joy to do and I don't get to do it nearly enough. That was the side I was drawn to when I booked other people.

As much of a cat as I am, I love watching people come to me, work with me and create a character that is all their own.

Anyway...

To all you clever relatives that keep telling me this, I know the business model, I tried it and hated it. If I'm broke, I'll eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, booking other performers is not for me.

Since I tried it, I'm the guy bookers want to work with because I get it!

"I Paid My Taxes...Did You???"

2011-04-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

During the first Iraq war, I went in to buy a car.

The war had broken out a day or two before and I figured everyone would be freaked out and I could get a better deal on a car...

Actually, I had borrowed my then girlfriend (now a wife)'s car. My car a very cool 1979 Honda Prelude. Awesome car but you know...only worked on two cylinders, Needed something that worked.

I borrowed Diane's little Honda Civic (an actual good car) and left the gas cap at the gas station. I have to give the car makers kudos for making a little plastic connection so you can't leave em anymore.

She was pretty pissed. They didn't sell gas caps at Grand Auto, at Kragen. I had to go to the actual Honda dealership parts place. So...

I go to the parts place, they say it will take 10 minutes to go into the warehouse and bring back the cap. So...I wander the showroom, looking at cars. There was a good one about two years old, small, honda civic. A lease return. Cool. I decided I would buy it.

So, Here's the tax connection!

I have never made a lot of money but I thought I was awfully clever in those days, I didn't have to claim anything that wasn't reported. So, when I applied for a car loan, they said I made $4000 a year. I said, no, I just make cash, you know...wink wink!

This is what we go by, what you claim. You can have a loan you can either get a cosigner (totally embarrassing) or pay 17% interest...

Well my dad cosigned.

So, my girlfriend got a new gas cap, I bought a car and I even paid it off. and loved that car till it hit 170,000 miles and made clicking noises when it turned.

I thought about the tax thing.

I will admit that I'm a liberal. Not on everything but you know, universal health care, gay marriage, stuff like that. I used to grumble about those darn fat cat Republicans...

Hmmm. Wait. But they are good Americans just using the system that exists. I'm a two faced sleaze that is just stealing...

Hard to take but there it is. I started claiming my income, land o Goshen...what a concept. So, I was eventually able to qualify for a house, more cars over the years and I've helped my niece with a loan program for her college education, because, I'm a good risk, i pay my taxes.

There is something funny that happens when someone hands you a $100 bill. You actually think it's yours and the government is trying to take it from you. If I had a paycheck it would just be my pay after I paid my share.

That $100 was never mine. Maybe $60 or $50 after my business expenses and taxes.

I hate paying taxes. I hate that I have to have an accountant because I just hate them so much I have to pay someone to do them for me. But I love that I say "clown" on the occupation box on my 1099.

I also have a clear conscience. I'm an actual participant of this democracy. Brings a big tear to your eye doesn't it?

"The Alpha Male..."

2011-04-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

Almost always in children's performing, you have the alpha. That's the child that takes the leadership role.

Generally, the leadership role means, making your life as hard as possible, "Let's throw things at the clown..."

It's pretty easy to spot this child. Usually a boy, almost always a boy, in the upper 6 year old range and has to be won over as you enter. Sometimes a girl but girls are smarter and the approach is a bit different.

The ideal situation is to win the child over. The energy they are putting into your show to harass you, they can put that energy to be your cheerleader.

You should have a routine or two that are not magic tricks or will be funny no matter how messed up they become. I have a routine where I show the kids how to juggle with scarves. Scarves are easy, so it doesn't matter if they run around with them, if the throw them at me, in the end, I have them throw them all up in the air and they are jugglers. It's colorful, visual, no juggling skill. Can't do it outdoors though.

I do a needle through balloon trick, I just keep hitting them over the head with the balloon each time I'm giving them instruction. Big laughs, they eat it up.

The alpha needs lots of attention. I'm not a fan of rewarding anti-social behavior, so I make a comment like, "this guy needs some attention". I'm always looking for ways of giving kids hero status, so no matter how the alpha goes nuts, they get big cheers.

Kids just need some direction, being an audience is not foreign (they do circle time in preschool or see the circus or an ice show) but interactive shows break a lot of rules. Getting the alpha on your side is the goal.

And sometimes, mom has to come in and sit with them. That works too!

"More on the Obvious"

2011-04-16T09:48:00.000-07:00

I got a nice comment on my posting about working on the little things.

It got me thinking more....(glub glub glub my mind's percolating like a Mr. Coffee).

My favorite comparison is to a photographer. I know people look at me and often think, he's just playing, he's just having fun with the kids, that's easy. That's the double edged sword, the better you are the easier it looks.

I imagine being a photographer it must be very difficult to make people understand why you charge a lot of money.

Everyone has a camer, heck...cameras are on our phones. My mother takes pictures, my kids take pictures. You can get pictures at JC Penney of your family for $16.95 taken by teenagers.

So, I'm really fascinated by photographers because again, it's paying attention to the details. A good photographer captures an emotion in time. It's really something that you can look at a headshot of an actor or you can look at a sunset and it makes you feel something. Yet, it's nearly impossible to explain that to a customer who is saying $300? but my brother in law has a nice camera...

I want to bring the joy of being a child to children. If I could take a snapshot of a moment of my performance, I want kids laughing out loud, and me angry at an inanimate object.

It takes a lot of fine points to get more and more laughter. I'll keep looking!

"Dealing With The Obvious..."

2011-04-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

I once got a bad review on a workshop I was teaching because I reminded the group to pay attention to where they held a balloon while being photographed.

My point? I get enough jokes about the phallic shape of a balloon to last nine lifetimes, I don't want this in photos. So...hold the balloon sideways or behind my back. Don't hold a balloon between your legs.

Obvious? So obvious that I see it all the time when I'm working with other people.

So, I stand by this, pay attention to very small details. Acknowledge small details. Are you sweating? Make a joke "I'm hot!" (pose for picture)

This is what makes us professional, small details. In one of my very first blog entries, I wrote the difference between a $1000 magician and a $200 magician, the $1000 magician shines his shoes.

I want the legacy of the clown to go on forever. This is very important to me, so I pay attention to the way I pose. I also take a little time to pose the kids. If I'm in a big group, I have them all make a funny face at the camera. I usually do this after the regular "cheese" photo. I get the kids spontaneously laughing. It's always a better shot. That's what I want the clown to bring out, funny.

Little details. If it's a birthday party, I take the 2 minutes where I whisper in the birthday child's ear "thanks for inviting me! Happy Birthday" Just a detail but hopefully a special memory.

If a little girl is wearing a lot of pink on her clothes. I guess her favorite color is pink and make a big joke or a big deal out of "me tooooooo!" Little detail. To a little girl who loves pink, I'm the most magical person she's ever seen.

The first 10 years of being a clown are learning techniques, crowd control, the magic in a magic trick, comedy timing. The next 30 years are finding details and refining them forever.

When I was in Clown College, I didn't understand, because I was so young. The art of clowning is the forever exploration and looking at finer and finer details.

I was listening to Chris Rock the other day. He was talking about one missing word will ruin a joke. One! And that's from the greatest living stand up on the planet. He's still exploring and refining.

If Chris Rock is still working on this, I better keep looking as well.

"People Think It's Pretty Cool What I Do For a Living..."

2011-04-14T07:31:00.000-07:00

People think it’s so cool what I do for a living. I’m my own boss, I get to do what I love.

My big secret...I’m really jealous of people with jobs. I’m so driven to get the next gig. At least I’m driven to wait around fretting over it.

My big secret...I live in a perpetual state of stage fright. Upcoming shows are always on my mind. I do a lot of kid’s birthday parties, those may seem on the low level of performing but I fret and dream about them the night before.

I look at the variety performers I know. We are an independent, not high functioning group. A lot of single people. People not great in social situations, offices a mess, big dreams all the time. That's me, a functioning mess.

There is a price for being an artist. My family pays a price for sure. As much as I love my family and as much time as my job allows me to be with them; I disappear and can be gone very long days when I do a show. I also will disappear into my own head worrying or thinking about shows or lack of shows.

I get to bring laughter into people’s lives. That’s very cool for an hour at a time, then it’s wondering if I’m going to get to do it again or if that was the last show.

"Hey Clown Do That Again!"

2011-04-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

There is an old old rule of magic. Don't ever repeat a trick. There is an old saying for performers...leave them wanting more.

Toss those out the window. You want big laughs with kids? Repeat repeat and dare I say repeat some more.

Children's minds work in a layering way. Think Old McDonald. A chick chick here and an oink oink there. There's a hole in the bottom of the sea. There's a frog on the bump on the log etc.

Kid's love repetition. If you know this, you can have fun with it and the laughs don't die down they grow on each successive misstep.

Toward the end of my show, I try to blow up a balloon. I snap myself in the face. This is a pretty generic trick for balloon makers. Here's the fun. I do it again, in a slightly different way (maybe step on the balloon to stretch it out). It snaps me again. Then I have a kid hold it, it snaps me again. This can build and build and build, kids will laugh so hard they will wet themselves.

Here's the caveat. I've watched these kind of routines umpteen times and found them frustrating when not done properly. I remember watching a clown try to pack his suitcase and I was sitting in the audience frustrated, saying in my head, just put the clothes in there.

These routines go back to the fundamentals. Understand kids development, so build. Understand your character, don't do this routine because I get laughs, it has to come from you.

Here are things I ad. I am confused why it didn't work. I am angry at the balloon. Knowing my character, nothing is my fault. Getting overly hurt so no one thinks I'm ever actually hurt. Varying things slightly because as a character I want to find a way to do this, even though it's the very definition of insanity (trying the same thing over and over expecting different results).

Varying it is very important. Just like Old McDonald, essentially it's all the same. But you ad a pig, a goat, a duck etc.

A blowing up a balloon routine is all the same, I can't blow up the balloon, so I stretch it. I find different ways to stretch it. I find different body parts to hit.

Don't be afraid of repetition. Use it, use it....use it.

"Mr. Clown Mr. Clown, Can I Ask You a Few Questions?"

2011-04-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

If you do public shows, it's pretty likely you will have a short interview, sometimes a long interview with the local paper.

I've done a lot of these. It's not that I'm tooting my own horn, it's just I do a lot of library shows and park and rec. departments. If they are good, they send out a press release. If these are small towns, they'll take pictures, sometimes ask a few questions. I'm pretty prepared for interviews, so I get bigger articles.

Keep in mind, reporters always have a bias and you are not chatting over a beer or a cup or coffee or in my current state...a diet coke.

The obvious questions will be; "So, kid's are afraid of clowns...how do you handle that?" "A lot of people are afraid of clowns..." etc. maybe even asking about John Wayne Gacy. (oh joy).

Watch politicians on tv. The complaint is they don't answer a question... it's because they're good! I'm dealing with dumb little comments about clowns being hated, I'm not going to answer that and give it any power. So I have sympathy on something much larger like your career!

You can guide any question you want. If I don't repeat back the question, they can't quote it, so I don't use a phrase, some kids are afraid...

I answer questions in this way; Kid's love me, when I walk in the room, you can see they're eyes light up, it's very fun to see. I don't want stuff about the fear of clowns in print. I have enough trouble with that dumb concept that clowns are weird, I don't want it in a paper.

I do answer honestly. Once we get past the loaded questions. I tell them all about my kids, wife, where I went to college. For me, I want it light hearted, this is a fluff piece, it's ok, it makes people smile, that's what I'm looking for.

You can also practice! I practiced with my old partner Woody. He retired from clowning and does local San Francisco history. He is interviewed all the time (because he's funny and likable on camera), he's the go to guy for local tv news, when they need to refer to an historical issue (making a building a landmark, instead of a Safeway).

He's the one that gave me the heads up on not repeating back the question. It's our tendency to say the question back, practice a bit so you can catch yourself. Again, if you don't say it, they can't print it.

If you want, I can send you a few questions, you practice answering them out-loud. Or ask a friend. The same questions people ask at shows or parties, will be asked. "How did you get started" "Is this all you do?"

With all that said, it's also quite fun to be interviewed, makes you feel like a big shot! And the reporters I've met are really nice. They are doing this kind of interview because they are nice.

I always have a point of view in my head as I'm asked questions. This is equivalent to an actor's backstory, you may not say it out-loud but it peppers your conversation. My point of view? I love clowning, I love seeing people laugh. If it's in the front of my brain, it's going to keep me from being cynical or sarcastic.

"Had a High Energy Kid...What do I do?"

2011-04-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

I got an interesting email this morning from a party I performed at yesterday.

It was a blast of an event, very small, (by my standards I consider anything under 15 small), it was in a park and I was instantly recognized by bunches of kids.

The birthday child's older brother, all of 6, was nuts and totally happy and couldn't settle down. I love that kind of energy, if I can keep it just on the bubbling point, I can get big laughs with that energy.

The email this morning from his mom, saying he's a very shy reserved kid, the mom and the dad don't know what came over him.

I hear this over and over, either they are usually very outgoing and they will be shy with me or opposite.

The clown is so powerful of a character, we can bring out what's hidden deep down. I give the kids total permission for unabashed creative freedom. Isn't that what art is about? My art is collaborative, it requires an audience and it requires trust on the part of adults to let the kids express themselves. That's a lot to ask. I have kids too, it can be pretty embarrassing if they are obnoxious.

This email this morning made me think a lot. I perform for children because they thrive on live entertainment. They thrive on live entertainment that is directed toward them.

TV, videos, visual arts are not live arts. What the live arts do is turn a child inside out. They cheer, they laugh, they lose themselves completely. It's pretty cool.

What I know of old theatre, all people used to do this. From what I learned of Shakespeare, the audiences were like the children I see. Shouting, loud behavior. There was a release for them.

Children let it go. I love what I do because it's for kids. Adults have a great time with my shows but I love releasing people, getting them to react. There is so little for kids in this arena. Kids are not allowed to fully react during the ballet sleeping beauty or the Nutcracker. The yearly visit to A Christmas Carol. Those are adult performances allowing children in.

I love doing children's shows allowing adults in!

"Making a Joke of the Obvious"

2011-04-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

I was hanging out with my friend Greg Frisbee...real name I promise, look him up, he's a very funny performer.

We were talking about jokes and comebacks and my process.

He needed jokes about sweating. So do I. I sweat a lot on stage, I can't help it, it's my fight or flight response, I sweat out of the forehead. I know a lot of performers do this.

So, ignore it? Or acknowledge it?

There was a great one man comedy piano show I saw a few years ago. It was funny, the guy could play piano like nobody's business plus he told jokes, would lay on the piano, it was great (I can't remember his name for the life of me though sorry). But the guy was sweating puddles.

I was 10 or more rows back and it was obvious, I think it made people a bit uncomfortable that he was working so hard for us.

If I could talk to him, I would say, start the show with a joke about sweating. for him, rain drops are falling on my head, change it to rain drops are falling from my head. And use that as a call back joke every so often when he stops and wipes his face off with a towel. It would get roars of laughter. I think we love to see each other being human.

This is the fun of being a clown. I'm balding and I have weird hair. I enter almost every show making some joke about my frizzy hair and lack on top. It's just what people are seeing, get it out there, it's funny and it keeps people in the show.

Coming up with a joke for sweating is also a good technical point. If I make a joke "I'm shvitzing" (a Yiddish word for sweat), it gets a mild laugh and there is a small break to wipe my forehead and keep people going.

In a show, you have to remember too, audiences need small breaks. A big mistake is to build build build and never let the audience have a release. It makes them tired. Even the great Robin Williams would slow things down, you have to.

Imagine you broke your arm, it was in a sling. You can pretend no one notices or you can make a joke...this is what happens when you climb trees and your way way in your 40s...

People think clowns hide. I believe in the complete opposite, I am completely laid bare, all my inner secrets all my hang ups are there for all to see.

"the core of a joke"

2011-04-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

The last few months, I've been working on a book of jokes for children's entertainers. It's basically a book of comebacks for the common things you hear.

Quit Clowning around!

I have to union rule.
And quit my day job.
And give up the ability to pick up chicks?

I've worked on and off on this book for years. I sell copies, spiral bound when I do workshops. A few months into writing this blog, I started really focusing on the process. Sometimes churning out over a hundred comebacks in a day.

Comebacks is a word I don't like. I don't like writing insult jokes. I like it fine but I toss them out. My opinion of family entetainers, we should empower people while we make them laugh.

Here's my joke writing process. I don't think it's super complex, it's just a muscle that I use a lot. that's why I have a giant beachball shaped head.

A joke is pretty much pulling together two concepts that don't go together. "A dog walked into a bar and says, 'I want the man that shot my paw'" It's funny because we link unusual things together. In that joke, you see a dog with a gun belt and a cowboy hat, he's talking and he has his paw in a bandage. We listen and go with it. It's human.

So, to write a joke, I take a statement like "quit clowning around" and let my mind encompass that whole statement. "Quit" grabs me right away. Quit, reminds me of ending a job. Clowning is an unusual job...So, I think of jobs, at least what I know about jobs. Clowning is a weird job. So, I must have a union telling me what to do.

I could go so many ways with that statement. Quit clowning around. I can deny it "you're calling me a clown? I'm so insulted..." which is funny, if I'm in clown make up, clown shoes etc. I've pulled together two things, "I'm a person, I don't dress like this on purpose".

I could go sexy. "hey quit clowning around." "On the outside I'm clowning on the inside...I'm wearing a thong" Maybe not a pretty image, if you've seen me, but hey funny is funny.

That last one depends an awful lot on timing. But hey, I can pull it off, I'm a funny clown...wearing a thong...I can pull it off because of my well shaped behind.

"So Close..."

2011-04-06T17:18:00.000-07:00

I was getting disillusioned with this blog thing and along come Alexandra and Karen. All of a sudden...I've got followers!

I haven't posted in a while. I had this notion I could work without an audience. Not me, I need watchers and lots of em. In fact, I've always had this belief I was being watched. In early days, I used to think it was people from the future making sure I made good decisions to save the planet (not joke).

Then my dead grandparents, watching me from wherever.

Now, I'm less psychotic, I just believe I'm on a reality show. So, thank God I know I'm writing and someone is reading.

I came really really really close to a TV commercial last night. It's wild how these things come about. The same way I was giving up this blog because no one was reading, I was giving up my hopes of being on TV. I haven't had any calls from my agent, I haven't had an audition in 6 months...

A casting agent called and needed me to dress up like a "sad clown" I knew pretty much what she was talking about, she sent over a picture of Emmet Kelly. I did an amazing replication, good make up and a similar costume. I had photos to her and her client in just over an hour. It was all pretty remarkable. But it's the way I do things.

They were in love with me, the agent, the producer of the commercial.

Even though I know better, I get my hopes up. "If I can get this thing it will take a lot of pressure off" I really want to focus on making children's television. That means, buying more and better equipment, marketing. This felt like "finally..."

And I waited around with my cell phone. Thinking I would get a call any minute..

Got an email, they love me but they are not using a clown at all in this thing.

argh. I say argh.

I did what I tell new people not to do. I focused on it. I knew, the best thing to do was just let it go. It's nice just to be acknowledged for my expertise.

I'm really happy I have my two followers. I still think I'm being watched!

"Where Does the Clown Start and You Stop?"

2011-02-12T23:10:00.000-08:00

I'm really unusual. I'm really really unusual.

Not so much what I do for a living but that I do what I do for a living and I'm married...and I have children.

It's pretty weird, hardly any children's entertainers I know have normal or traditional lives. It's pretty strange of me to actually have children.

So, I've got one foot in the normal and one foot in the absurd.

It's an uncomfortable place to be. But I've got a good hint on what it is to be a family. I've got an idea of what it's like to throw a party, take a family out to dinner, run to pick up kids after school, afford a million music lessons.

I'm more comfortable being a clown.

Being odd.

I never feel quite comfortable around people. The thing is, I'm the queen of involvement. I'm on two PTA boards. I fundraise, I volunteer, never miss a field trip the whole thing.

But I'm more comfortable being a clown.

I like being around the funny people, I like being irreverent, unpredictable, silly.

People think I wear a mask to be a clown. oh no. I wear a mask to be a regular person. I can't relate to anyone with a job, I can't figure them out, what they do all day, why they do it. I'm always at a loss in regard to that.

I'm way more comfortable being a clown.

"What Do You Say When A Kid Says You're Not a Real Clown"

2011-02-12T07:05:00.000-08:00

How do you write a come back?

I've been writing comebacks for years. I first put out this little book of comebacks, 15 or so years ago. I took out a tiny ad in Laugh Maker Magazine and sold them for $5.

I've written a ton of things to say to kids when they ask questions like "you aren't a real clown".

If you start "listening" and "watching". You'll notice the same patterns again and again. Some patterns are pretty obvious, wave and someone will wave back.

When you hear "you aren't a real clown" over and over, it's a pattern. So, what made them say it? Why at that particular moment? and What do you want to say back?

I want to see kids laughing. So, my comebacks tend toward the very silly and the changing the direction of the thought process. I don't want to get into "so, what exactly is a real clown?" It's a question a kid can't answer, it's one of those, I know it when I see it things.

The last few years, I've tended toward agreement and doing a physical act. "You're right"...then dropping my hat on the floor, dropping something else, going into that routine.

I choose this because if you asked me what a clown was, I would lean on the physical presence. The being in character 100%. (See my thoughts on Stephen Colbert).

A lot of times, I lean on the verbal stuff. "how big are your shoes" Size 1....in clown. "These...they're loose. Someone was broken down on the highway so I gave them a toe"

The difference. "You're not a real clown is sort of challenging to my core" I am a clown, it's me day to day performing or not, I just am. I have to deal with that question pretty quickly or it actually hurts my feelings. The other stuff is just fun.

So, when I say listen. Listen to yourself too. I have to listen to my own reaction. Even though these are very young children, they can still get to me, they can insult me. I want to control the situation and lead it where I want.

Maybe I think too much. I should listen to that.

"Keeping the Faith..."

2011-02-09T21:40:00.000-08:00

I was sitting here today, totally in my head, thinking thinking thinking.

To quote my old friend Woody, "My brain was percolating like a Mr. Coffee glub glub glub".

Really, I wasn't just sitting. I was sending out a flyer to libraries in my area. Some pretty far from me, they say please hire me. I said it with a little more aplomb but please hire me is the jist.

Big mailings are expensive. Up to this point, I've always done postcards, this year, I decided to cut paste and make a one sheet, print zillions of them and mail them off. More expensive than a postcard but I didn't have to wait for the design and the printer.

Here is the faith. I have no idea if the timing is right. I have a rough idea libraries are booking now for the summer but some booked everything two months ago. Some won't finish booking till May. I have no idea if anyone sees it. I have no idea if it works. I just have to get my name out as much as possible with my message of fun.

Historically, I have gotten work from it, usually it will cross the desk of the right person. I charge enough that it is worthwhile, at the worst, I'll book one more show and I'll still come out ahead.

But mailing is expensive, printing is expensive.

But this is the kind of thing you have to do. It takes me hours and hours and hours to fold, stuff, stamp, wet the envelope, drop in the mailbox.

Keep the faith, it will work....it will work...it will work

Being a working artist is always a gamble. It's a lot of money to me, so I'll have to stretch finances a bit further but if no one knows your name, how could they hire you?

It's an act of faith.

"Hi Mom! I'm on TV"

2011-02-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

The camera is your friend.

If you are working as a clown, you will be on camera...a lot, all the time. How do you pose? How do you prop a child up to look their best? How do you get a group of 15 little girls to gather round and look at the camera?

Cameras are so a part of our life, they should be accepted like a hug from a child.

This is so much in the character realm. Your character should have a way of standing, if you see a camera, go into that pose in a quarter second.

But here's a thought on that. Is it your pose? Or have you seen a million other clowns do that same stance? My pose is a tip of the hat, mouth half open. Now, as a side note, when I'm at a family gathering, it's really hard to not have my mouth hanging wide open when my mother takes a picture of a table full of people. I'm just in front of the camera a lot more in my real life, my clown life...

There are also moments I look for that I know will take great photos. 2,3,4 sometimes 5 year olds will sit on my knee. I am on the floor one knee up like a football player and I put them on that knee. This is the cutest shot in the world. Plus, I'm happy the kids are so comfortable with me. Doesn't always happen, so I like it when kids are willing.

Sometimes I take photos with child after child. This happens to me in my library shows. Everyone has a camera now on their phone, so I get a line of kids to take pictures. I have my 3 go to poses. A lot of it though is getting kids laughing in a fraction of a second and getting one on one time with them. It's nice to make that very very strong connection.

A lot of times, I can actually pick up a younger child, if they have an older brother or sister, this is cool too.

This is not to brag, it's just I have to know how to do this.

I was thinking of this topic last night because I was watching 5 very seasoned singers last night perform. One of the women has asked me to video the show. This was as far away from clown work as you can get. They sang gospel, jazz, soul, show numbers. They could sing!

I say it was far away from clowning but performing is performing is performing. They didn't look at the camera but I could see they acknowledged the camera. A bit hard to explain but because I am on both sides, I perform a lot and I make a lot of video, I see how people are in front of the camer. So I can see they acknowledged me as a special audience member. The same way you might acknowledge you mother is in the audience.

Embrace the camera as a friend. Look it square in the eye and smile big.

"Hey Clown...Having a Good Day?"

2011-01-31T08:29:00.000-08:00

I will come clean, I am so guilty of having big conversations with people and I'm in full clown make up and costume.

I am so trying to break myself of this habit. I mean does anyone want to know my political feelings? I get so confused, people are so curious about me after a show and I get caught up in it.

Yesterday, I had a discussion about how the economy has effected me.

I am so full of adrenaline after a show, I just blab and blab, when really, I should be chasing kids or getting in my car and call a friend on my phone if I need to talk.

So much of clowning is from a distance. For the children, they get up close and right in my grill but the adults watch from behind. They are involved and not quite involved. So, seeing me just having a conversation is not what I want out there, if someone took a picture at that moment, I would be pretty dull.

I write a lot on my blog about being in character getting out of the car, about coming into an event with full energy. There is also a point when you're done and you are still being watched.

The character stuff...it's important before, during and after the event. The test...could someone take a picture of that moment you'd be happy to put on Facebook?

"My Favorite Clown... Stephen Colbert!"

2011-01-24T06:52:00.000-08:00

I'm always asked what a clown is.

It's a such a broad term. You might as well ask a dancer, what is dance. You could name Sammy Davis Junior to Baryshnikov to Michael Jackson. But you know it when you see it.

A clown is a physical costumed performer that takes situations to the very absurd extreme.

This is always changing but right now, I love Stephen Colbert. He is certainly someone you wouldn't think of right away as a clown but I watch and see him wear his suit like a costume and he physicalizes his routines way beyond the normal stand up comedian.

There is always a heavy political component to clowns. I think it's something a lot of folks overlook but it's what makes a clown funny and able to get away with so much.

Colbert can get away with a lot because of his extreme antics. He got as far as testifying in front of congress. That's taking the comedy to the extreme. I'm a pretty hard core clown but I would be pretty nervous to not be serious in that situation.

In the same breath, I can certainly add Glenn Beck. It's very compelling to dress up like a professor and talk history.

Dressing up, a key component.

Think about someone like Larry the Cable Guy. If we dissected the character, he is a working class doof observing the world. He's got not no education, a crazy family and just watches and take notes from the outside.

And maybe that's key to the clown. Being on the outside taking notes. Certainly Pee Wee Herman, as a man child, is living in his own world commenting on ours.

It's always been this way and the clown can get away with it. Way back Will Rogers was on the outside directly beating up politicians. Andy Griffith in his routine about football (if you didn't know Andy Griffin became very famous as a comedian, long before the TV show). Mark Twain, even though he was a respected author, in his time was possibly more known for his comedy talks (think of him, a white haired white mustached man, smoking a cigar in an all white suit, talking about how congress is like a mule).

There is something here we can take in. I make most of my living taking care of kids at events and parties. I don't think people want to get into politics here. But still there is always a commentary on the world. You have to make decisions on your character and embrace it.

Why do children want to know what kind of car you drive? Where you live? Because you are outside society coming in. Obviously you don't live in a house with two cars and a modern kitchen. Everything you do is a comment on the world. It could be your comment, we need to pay attention to details, that's why you open a can and spring snakes pop out.

The audience doesn't need to know what your comment is. The audience doesn't need to know what you are thinking about. But when you bring a depth to your character, people are compelled to watch, they can't turn away. The simple act of arriving makes people very aware of their surroundings. You are the outsider looking at them and trying to figure out their world.

Or like Stephen Colbert. You can be an outsider that thinks he conquered your world. But really, he's always going to be baffled each new turn.

"The Beginner's Mind..."

2011-01-22T07:44:00.001-08:00

Today, I'm taking some workshops...

This is hard for me because I feel like I should be the one teaching, I should get my "respect" and be an invited guest. Some of the teachers have even taken classes from me.

Then I look at myself and say "BS" Who am I but a guy just trying to make a living the best I can. My hope is to learn new things as long as I'm able.

Usually, I don't take classes because they fall when I'm working. And if I chose which classes to take, I tend toward esoteric stuff like character development, how to breathe onstage, the roll of the volunteer in your show.

I'm going today, because I want to learn some new balloons! I'm going because you never know what you'll learn and it's fun to be part of a group.

I think we work so hard for prestige that it puts us in a corner. I had to wake up a 4 in the morning, saying. "I need to take some classes, so I can be better at birthday parties. I need to take classes so I can create some new routines"

I've been on this kick for years to not confuse skill with clowning. that is my ability to juggle or make balloons as being a clown. Clowning is an entirely separate entity. What I've recently forgot, skills are really fun for the audience.

In Aikido (my martial art), we talk often of the beginner's mind. I've been shut down by many people over the years as I try my magic tricks or gags. My beginner's mind, let that stuff go, I am like a 7 year old around magicians. I can do quite a few things but I don't think like a magician, I just love it, I love seeing it, i love being shown how to do it, I don't even mind bringing home a bag full of tricks that end up sitting in a drawer because I bought things that weren't right for me.

It's just neat to be around this. It's a pretty exciting day for me!

"Do You Deal With The Youngest...The Oldest or The Adults?

2011-01-18T11:03:00.000-08:00

My natural inclination is toward sarcasm.

Over the last few years, I've decided, very very consciously that I want to work on a developmental level with kids; get them laughing on their level.

The toughest for me have always been after school programs in the school auditorium. These are great fun shows but the breakdown is usually 30 or 40 kindergarten 1st graders, 30 or 40 2nd, 3rd, 4th. and 15 5th and 6th graders. And of course a smattering of adults.

You can guide things toward the older kids but they are in the "I know how that's done" phase. That is they decide they know how a magic trick is done and then they are done with you.

There is certainly fun to be had with that attitude but it just includes the younger kids, it doesn't focus on them.

So, my thought is to generally find your age you want the most laughs from. I'm really geared toward the 1st grade crowd. That easily picks up the kindergarteners and the 2nd and 3rd graders. Big development shifts happen toward the end of 3rd grade into 4th grade.

By picking a group that will give the most laughs, in this case the most there, I get everyone else laughing like crazy. It's strange that it took me years and years and years to figure out. But laughter is very contagious. Even if what I'm doing is just plain old silly to the older kids, the younger kids start laughing and laughing till the older kids come on board.

There are tons of shows like I do. I do a lot of summer camp programs, YMCA programs, where the breakdown is pretty similar. A lot of younger kids and a few older kids. I get heckled by the older kids but simply ignore them until they say something interesting or shout out something I can get a laugh with.

When the older kids get on board, I've trained them what kind of show we are doing. They let go and have a great time.

"what's In You Bag of Tricks To Control Kids..."

2011-01-16T07:56:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit horrified when I get calls from people saying something like "last year we had someone that yelled at the kids".

I actually get these calls a lot more than I would expect. People will tell me similar stories at parties.

Who are these people that are getting mad at kids? Who are these people that would step out of character? Weird, it's totally foreign to me.

Yes, there are times I don't like what's going on. I am frustrated but who cares, it's not about my feelings.

If you the kids get out of control, which happens, hey they are kids so what. That's actually the first thing to say, so what. Then know what your character is going to do.

Do you run around with the kids? This will make them laugh but pretty tiring. You can try it, it might change the children's focus then they are all watching and you can bring them back.

You can whisper. One of my favorite tricks, I'm sure you can figure out a way to do this in character. Whispering almost always gets kids attention.

Simon says...In the middle of the mayhem simply say. Boswick says (Your clown name of course) , says touch your toes. Boswick says touch your knees etc. This will get them and is fun.

Sing a song. Put your finger on put your finger on put your finger on your nose....easy fun, well within your character. Hey even if you can't sing, just sing loudly, it's ok.

Announce, I'm going to stand like a statue. Do it, then break, say "I need help, who can stand like a statue?" Do this two or three times, you'll likely get all the kids acting like statues. Then have statues sit and go on.

Do something rude. Say loudly excuse me I burped. This will get the kid's attention. Say it again. Get them to come really close then make a burp noise. (you don't really have to burp just brap.). Tell them, when everyone is sitting, you'll do it one more time.

Sometimes kids get out of control. It's part of the job. Stay in character, do what is in your contract. It might be the most frustrating magic show of your life but get through it. You might have to use all sorts of tricks after each magic routine to get the kids sitting. But some people are really into having you do what you said you would do on the phone. A magic show, balloons, face painting. If you said it, you better do it.

Stay silly, feel free to ask me about specific instances. I'll come up with a few tricks to use, I promise.

"Pockets Should Be Pockets..."

2011-01-15T09:02:00.000-08:00

When you buy a suit, they sew the pockets shut. This has always annoyed me, what's a pocket for except to stuff it full of Kleenex and wrappers from your Lifesaver package?

I think this started when I had to get my first suit. My mom took me shopping because I needed a suit for my Bar Mitzvah. The suits all had this fake lining, it was only lined on the sides but not the back, so you could be really embarrassed if you had to take your jacket off. Everyone would know you had a cheap suit.

Since I became a clown, I've had this thing about decorative clown items that pass as real. If you wear a hat...don't pin it to your head, it should be there to flip, fall off or balance on your nose or put over a kid's head. If you have a handkerchief sticking out of your pocket, it should come out, blow your nose and dump the confetti out.

If you have a zipper, you should be able to unzip and let your pants fall to your ankles and try and run away!

I believe clowns are real. Living cartoon characters.

If you are a living cartoon, you should be able to use any wardrobe piece and bring it to life.

There is a whole world of beautiful clowns. Competitions and what not. I'll step on some toes here, I have no real use for this. Clowns are funny. The most famous beautiful clown, Pierrot, was nasty, dirty and bawdy, he would chase women around with a fake penis.

Pierrot has become an icon of a gentle beautiful clown. That's cool but it's not where the legend came from.

I'm all for looking good, I'm also all about funny. So, what is the purpose of clown make up? What is the purpose of a costume? It's an exaggeration, it's to walk in a room and people start laughing because you are so extreme and so funny.

Let those hats fly!

"Socks and Underwear"

2011-01-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

I am one of these fellahs that believes comedy goes all the way down.

I remember long ago reading about an actor, it may have been Marlon Brando, that started his character development figuring out what the character had in his pockets (keys, rabbit foot, change, money clip etc).

When I was in the circus, the Boss Clown had a meeting with us, no white socks, clown socks only. Such an interesting thing to have a meeting about.

But it's one of those things that can ruin the character. I wear clown socks even when I'm doing a photo shoot. It goes with the notion of always being the character. I go so far as to have funny underwear. But I pretty much do that all the time. Some women want to feel sexy under it all, I want to feel funny under it all. I have one of the most extensive Simpsons Boxer short collections in California.

This is just one of those homework things you need to do as a performer. It's the same as what's in the character's pocket. No one knows but you know if you are that character. Mostly no one sees my sox but it's possible I'm clown from head to toe.

"If You Knew How a Child's Mind Worked...You Could Create The Greatest Magic Trick Ever!"

2011-01-13T12:41:00.000-08:00

Why study children's development? Or why be familiar at least?

As children's entertainers, we have great power, we can get kids into hysterics, why? That's the question. If you know a bit about they why you can get the kids laughing harder. You will also understand how to structure a trick to it's maximum potential.

I'm a real believer in entertainment for children as a means of getting them to become better readers and to be critical thinkers. I also hope kids see what I do and will think beyond the obvious.

Our brains work in images and symbols. We don't dream in words, we don't read a book and get involved in the words, we make everything image.

A trick I've enjoyed forever is to ask if a 4 year old is this old (holding up 4 fingers, hiding the thumb), then saying I thought you were this old (lowering my ring finger holding up the other 4). Kids will insist they are only the first way and scream with laughter as I switch fingers. I can even show them they are the same and they will still insist they are the first.

Why does this work? it's the way kid's are recognizing the world, in pictures. The leap to the different shaped hand has not happened.

Knowing this is a trick of their developing minds, I have used it to maximize comedy. I can do a similar trick with 3 year olds and 5 year olds. They do have it figured out by 5 but not always.

It's a nice switch on something so common, "how old are you?"

"There's Nothing Like a Line In The Sand..."

2011-01-13T08:55:00.000-08:00

I like painter's tape. I like it a lot. I don't love the price, it strikes me as one of the most overpriced items on the market next to bottled water... (I'm one of those people that has a glass of water from the faucet. AND I live in San Francisco!)

Painter's tape is a great trick for kid's performers. It's already brightly colored and you can lay it out as a front row. You can use the tape to tape off an area for a stage (if you have time) And it looks funny already.

Painter's tape comes in blue, it comes in purple and other colors.

Here's the cool thing about having a line, people won't cross it. I mean of course they will but you can just say, "this is the front row, stay behind this line!" And kids will actually just line up behind, it's pretty cool. A nice natural barrier.

I have been cornered slowly by kids for 20 some years, they slowly move in on you. Tape is cool because it also gives me a visual on how close to work.

I've used my tape line as a time killer too. As I'm setting up my show, I can do clown stuff trying to keep one side taped to the ground and turning my back and pulling it up. Or I can start taping my line and tape over a kids shoe or I take a piece of tape and try and get it off my fingers.

This tends to be all pre-show stuff for me but it's really funny. I use these routines when I am in a library and the kids are there 20 minutes before the show, they are waiting for my show to begin, I don't want to do routines from my show, then I would run out of material. I need to tape a line anyway, so it's fun.

Because my show is circus themed I have the kids walk a tightrope on the blue line.

I can't remember where I discovered it, I'm sure I saw another performer tape down a front row and thought, "that's a good idea". Or it came to me in a dream. Either way, tape is a kid's performers good good friend!

"What To Know In Your Audition!"

2011-01-12T08:14:00.000-08:00

Every now and again, if you put yourself out there, you'll be called to audition for a commercial a tv show or maybe a movie.

A few years ago, it used to be casting directors would open a phone book and call all the clowns to come in. Those clowns would tell their friends and it would be "old home week" when everyone showed up.

What was fun in those days, the actors that didn't know anything about clowns and tried to put on make up were completely intimidated by all of us giving hugs and saying what's up?

Now, it's more of an internet thing and lots of variety performers are a lot more savvy about registering with the casting agencies.

I've been to a lot of auditions in my career. I've taken a lot of classes on the topic of auditioning. I've had an agent forever and my older son auditions for commercials and photo-shoots all the time. So I'm around this stuff quite a bit.

That's my short resume, so I'll let you know what to expect. First off, it's not like a regular job. When I get a call, I have a really good shot of booking the gig. If you get a call from a casting director, it's a one in fifty shot, maybe less but don't call your mother and say, guess what?... You can do that but after you know you got the job or not. Telling your family just causes problems. You'll probably forget about it in a week. They won't, who needs to be reminded you didn't get something? Tell them about the audition after you know. It will be better for your ego.

Camera is a very different medium than what we are used to. So, keep in mind you can't move a lot. You can't look at what's on screen and compare it to how you audition. At the shoot, they will tell you how to move or capture what you do to their liking, that's their job.

The audition, likely, has a camera on a tripod in one spot. They will probably not have your clown shoes in the shot, it will be from your waist up. Try framing that on your own camera, turn the viewer around so you can see how much you can move and still be in the middle of the shot. It's not much.

Do your best to be professional. You can make everyone laugh but take a second to actually answer questions, like "what's your name?"

Auditions, especially the big ones where they are looking at 50 people, are usually 2 minutes long. And it feels very odd to have all that adrenaline and then it's done so quickly. But remember, they have to see a lot of people, it's very draining to look at person after person. Explain what to do, answer the same questions, have a little sympathy for them, be kind.

As far as I can tell there is no particular advantage or disadvantage to going first or last or in the middle. It's a total crapshoot. you just need to do a good job.

A good job means, be positive, keep a big smile on your face, a big smile in your eyes, look into the camera, don't look at the person behind the camera, look right into the lens as if it were a 6 year old. Use the improvisation rule, yes and...that means, if they ask, "have you been a clown for a long time?" Don't say "no, this is my first time..." or "Do you like being a clown" "No, I'd rather be a tuna boat captain"

whatever conversation, keep it forward moving and positive. If they say "how long have you been a clown" You can goof around think about it and say a hundred and twelve years. In dog years seventy. Do you like being a clown? Of course! the only other thing I'm qualified to be is a politician but this has more respect.

Saying yes, leads to other questions, which is your hope. The longer you can stay on camera the better your odds of booking the job.

Bring in a few pictures. Put together a resume. An actors resume has a certain format. There are millions of them online, copy it, keep it to one page. When the casting company looks at hundreds of resumes, they just want to flip through it and be able to read it quickly, too many words slows them down and shows you are not professional. Basically, you performed at Six Flags Amusement park as a clown. Stuff like that. Put specific skills at the bottom. Juggling, magic etc. just list them. If it's needed, they'll ask you to do it or show them.

It's really a fun process. I have actually had a really good time over the years auditioning. I think it's a mini performance. When you can just do well the things you have control over, being on time, looking good, being ready with your pictures, memorizing the lines while you're waiting. Then, the rest is up to them. And who knows why they pick people?

For clowns, it's probably because they have an image in their head. I do a European style clown, so it's a more subtle looking clown. They may want a clown from a faire that is shabby and doesn't look that good. There is probably a joke in there, showing a clown on tv, and that might be funnier.

But if you get a few of these things, it looks pretty good on your resume!

Good Luck!

"I hate hate hate chairs!"

2011-01-11T20:02:00.000-08:00

One too many chairs but I just hate to see a bunch of kids sitting around in chairs, it sucks the energy out of a room.

When I see a bunch of kids in chairs (this is assuming I'm not doing a stage show!), I get them out of their chairs, sitting on the floor. It's a warm up, it's a get to know you and it's way more comfortable for the kids.

I feel pretty strongly about this. At a preschool, does the teacher put kids in chairs to do story time or sing songs? Um no, I'll just answer, because I can't hear you. In first grade, when the teacher reads a story, all the kids sit on the carpet in the story telling area. Why? Because this is the fun area, this is the area, where creativity happens.

Chairs are for adults. Chairs take the kids out of the show, it makes them shy. I need freedom and creativity.

No chairs allowed for this clown!

"Why I haven't Shaved In Two Weeks!"

2011-01-10T06:39:00.000-08:00

When I don't work, I get really down.

I can't tell where the clown begins and the person takes over. So, in slow times, which thankfully, there aren't a ton of through the year, I question my whole existence. I start to listen to people that don't like clowns and I can't get a thing done.

The last part is the biggest drag. When I'm really busy, I just can't find the time for blogging, for editing my videos, working on new material. Well here I am plenty of time and I am having trouble motivating myself to make my bed.

So, I've said "hello" to all those little voices that tell me I'm a slug of a performer and today I'm back.

And it's just that simple. Well not really but it's just a declaration of starting over. It's just like exercise, losing weight, starting a new career, you have set backs and you stop and say, well I fell off the wagon, lets start over.

So, I start over.

And I think that's really all a professional entertainer is. It's a person that gets set backs, takes hits, falls down, questions their life's work, then stands up, dusts off and says, this is what I'm about.

And it's hard. I would so much rather sit around surfing the internet, feeling sorry for myself. That is just so much more fun.

Today, I start with feeling lucky. I'm lucky to have my family. My wife has never questioned what I do for a living. Imagine that? She has pretty much always made more money than me and has a job with health and dental. For that, I'm so lucky. I have two sons that are my true joy. They certainly make me pull my hair out but they are so funny. They do well in school and they would never admit it but they adore me. I bounce ideas off of them and they give me feedback. I have a little brain trust just a bedroom away. Boy I'm lucky.

I've found a club of middle aged guys that love martial arts and the eternal search for inner peace. They are always at my dojo eager to joke around and ask that question, "we hurt each other and we're paying to do it?" I love them for that.

I have a small group of performer friends that I talk to daily. We complain, we kvetch, and when I need them, they are there. They help with creative ideas. They donate their homes for my crazy video projects, they listen to me, they help design things and they understand. I'm pretty lucky.

I have a drive. A drive to say something to the world, to make people laugh. I get to do that. I get hired to do that. I get fan letters, I get pictures. I get pats on the back. I'm darn lucky.

And because there has been a lull in my work. I almost have a beard. I wish it wasn't nearly all white but hey, we can't have everything. For the time being until my next show, in a mere two days. I'm truly thankful, I can look scruffy!

I don't shave today, because, I'm a lucky boy!

"You Do What? For a Living?"

2010-12-30T06:45:00.000-08:00

I'm still battling with the why I do what I do.

I mean seriously, devout a whole life to being a clown? It just sounds so odd on paper.

But I have to examine my life's focus. Other than being the best father and husband I can be, I devout enough brain power to light a small city outside Seattle to thoughts on clowning.

I think about entrances, exits, transitions in routines. I chat to friends about the state of affairs in our business. I brainstorm ideas for promotional material. I sit and write jokes about feet. Or noses or variations on canibals and clowns.

It drives me crazy because, if I stop for a minute, there is no good reason.

I grapple a lot with whether I'm an artist or not. Generally, I hate the term. To me artists (and please this is only in my head and not true whatsoever!) are lazy, looking for government grants, drink a lot, pretentious, talk about themselves (hey, I might be guilty of that!).

My dad is an art dealer. My entire life, I've related works of art to money. I've also held an artist to an incredibly high standard. Hearing about Picasso and Dali as a child, I was naturally lead to dismiss anything lower.

This is my own problem and makes me who I am but it also peppers my relation to being a clown. I just tend to think of myself as a guy trying to make a living. I feel like I fell into the art of clowning by accident.

But then I dissect it. Did I really fall into it? I fell in love with clowning in college, finding acting "ok" but really liking mime and clown classes. My greatest escape is to sometimes teach or be in a clown class. I just find the pure indulgence of a class challenging and fun.

Falling into touring with Ringling Brothers? It feels that way in my dinosaur brain but it was a lot of focused work, not very many people on earth have had the experiences I've had.

On the real side though. I struggle all the time to make ends meet. I can't take my family on a vacation on an airplane, we simply can't afford it. My children will go to college but will do with grants and borrowing.

I hate that part and it makes me sad.

People often say they admire what I do, I work for myself, I do what I love. I tend to think I don't have a lot of choice, I honestly wish I were this drawn to investment banking.

"What If You Threw a Show and No One Came?"

2010-12-29T07:42:00.000-08:00

I wrote a show, publisezed it, rented a theatre, created a set, created lights and sound to go with the show.

And hardly anyone came.

Makes you wonder about the idea of being an artist. This is the time for arm chair quarter backs, it's the time for back seat drivers. Lots of folks give advice.

I've had this thought in my head that I could create a theatre piece for the really young. Something for them to laugh at, with their parents having fun as well.

I've tried this for a number of Christmas breaks, to do a show in a theatre and try and get audiences. I admire the nutcracker ballet, and the holiday symphony shows and the productions of A Christmas Carol. But these events are not directed at children. children love these things but they go in tow. I wanted to do something where the parents are in tow.

I write a lot about dealing with children, audience control, what makes them laugh, how much to charge. At the heart of this though, I have to ask, why do this in the first place?

And that's what we all have to grapple with. Why do this? It's certainly a calling. When I think of other things I can do or would want to do, nothing comes to mind. I can think of things to make some more money but it's always with the intention of doing something for my children (like go on vacation or pay for music lessons) so I can keep doing my art.

Something strange happened this year to that question. What happens if you do the best you can, and there's no one there to see it? What is a clown without an audience? Pretty much the definition of insanity.

Under everything I've always done, it's been the dream of doing something totally artistic, doing stage shows and video of my little funny world.

So, what if you work really hard. What if you spend a lot of money. Create something to best of your ability. And no one comes?

For me, I'll do it all again next year.

"The Show Must Go On!"

2010-12-23T06:38:00.000-08:00

I'll bet you've been wondering where I've been.

I put on a show. Oh I know we all do lots and lots and lots of shows. I rented a theatre, I wrote a play, for 4 to 8 year olds, I marketed it, did my best putting together a set, bought props, made posters, sent out tons of emails and somewhere in there rehearsed.

I've done this same thing a number of times now. I work on a children's show specifically for the theatre. I've come to look at it as pure self indulgence. I made excuses at first about marketing myself, having people hear of me in the papers, stretching myself as a performer. But really, this is the pure artistic side of being a clown (I speak only for me on this one).

I do so many shows each year, the shows are for others. I know there is someone paying and it's usually making a little boy or girl feel special (a birthday party). Let's come together as a community (libraries, churches, park and rec shows).

Being in a theatre is and always has been my dream. Well, I'll open that up a bit, I've always loved television and am passionate about being on TV as well.

Actually, they are very similar. In both places, I am creating a world for my clown, I lean toward being the forgetful clown that gets terribly distracted from my goal.

So, the question, why do it?

I'm staring at this screen having absolutely no idea how to answer that question. I think that is the essence of art. I just can't live with myself and not do this. That sounds like such an artsy fartsy answer but once I get started on this sort of goal, I can't turn around and say, "it's not worth it".

And it's so stressful. The last few days or weeks really have been restless sleep, waking up at 4am wondering if anyone will show up. Waking up at 2am and realizing I forgot to get change for the box office. And wondering all the time, if it's any good. It's also tough, because most of the audience knows me from my kids shows, and this show does not nearly elicit the peels of laughter I get from a child's party.

I think this is sort of like eating dinner though. Most all the performances I do are dessert. I'm a clown, there is an expectation of just being funny, it's fun and makes life pretty easy for me, really. Doing a show in a theatre, is telling a story, creating a world in your imagination. Looking at the stage and saying "oh, that's Boswick the Clown's house" Even though, there are exit signs, lights hanging from the ceiling, black curtains.

So...after working on this, stressing, tossing and turning. I did the first 2 shows yesterday. There were, lots of technical problems on the first show. There were gags that didn't work, no laughs in parts I really like. It was a sold out show, (I did it as a fundraiser for the school my children went to as toddlers). People enjoyed it and gave me nice compliments.

I had an hour before the next show and just sat with it. I didn't love the show, it was "ok".

But the second show rocked. We only had 11 people. It was a show for a local charity I work with that provides housing for children's families while their children are in cancer treatment. I invited all the children but only one family took me up on it, and the children are huge fans, they have my videos and see me a lot (there are brothers and cousins with him). The young man got out of the hospital the night before because he so desperately wanted to see me. He's 14, which is interesting too.

The second show is why I do these things. Good works aside, the show really worked. My timing got in place, I got laughs, I began letting go of my regular style of performing (hey look at me or let's do a magic trick). I really created my world. There were a lot less technical problems. And it felt great.

The first show was a "preview" I had not done it in front of an audience, so that's what happens. The second show was opening night.

Last night, I slept like I was in a coffin. Ahhhhhh.

"Why work for agents?"

2010-12-18T06:30:00.000-08:00

Agencies are awesome.

All I have to do, pick up the phone, mark in my calendar I'm going someplace, the information comes to me, I (hopefully) don't have to collect money, I don't pay for my own advertising or business cards it's great.

The one thing you have to make sure though, always contact the client. I always have to make sure what has been sold is actually me. I just describe what I do and double check the address and we're good to go. Sometimes the person working in an agents office thinks all clowns do the same thing. I have never face painted and I am a clown that specializes in shows. Not everyone does that.

If you don't have folks helping book you, you are missing out on lots and lots of money and fun. I can't rely completely on this source of income but it rounds things out nicely. Sometimes it pays a bit less than my direct booking. But I make way more in the off hours bookings. For instance, I rarely get called on Mother's Day for events. The events seem to be in country clubs. Certain agencies have this market tied up. So, working on that day is extra money.

Even for smaller acts like us, it's a good source of work!

"Getting Paid"

2010-12-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure on this one. I'm such a nice guy a lot of times I just hang out smiling waiting to get paid.

There are short cuts, "Well, it's time to go" or "I hope everyone had a great time" But there are those that don't get the hint. I'm always torn how do I get out of here and still be nice. I end up staying a long time sometimes with parents running around cutting cake, giving out goodie bags.

I am not comfortable with prepayment. For company events, that's fine, it just feels a bit odd for a private home. I don't know, maybe I'm a bit warped on money but I want everything to go really well, have a big smile on everyone's face, get my check and go to the next event.

I'll figure this one out one day!

"OK, I've Rented a Theatre...Now What?"

2010-12-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

In the middle of all this blogging and working and husbanding and fathering, I planned a theatre show.

Every Christmas, I rent a little theatre and do a show for kids and families, figuring, hey, The Nutcracker sells out, A Christmas Carol sells out, people will come see a Boswick the Clown Show!

Each year I do this, I have to ask. Why do a show in a theatre? I don't really think of myself as an artist, this reminds me that I am. There really is no good reason to do a theatre show. I always end up losing money and it's very stressful, the weeks leading up, will I have an audience? Are things ready? Will anyone laugh?

In the end though, it's creativity. I love having youngsters exposed to theatre. Theaters are special, spiritual places to me. There is a real magic when you walk in, see lights hanging from the ceiling, a curtain rising, intro music playing, then the theatre goes black and who knows what will happen? Whatever you witness, will never happen again, it's not tv and it's not a movie. It's a being in the moment experience.

This year I went full out on the Christmas theme. My plot is I have to get ready for a visit from Santa and boy do I get distracted. My basic message, you need to clean up for Santa to visit. And I make more and more of a mess.

I open this show in 6 days, I rehearsed for the first time in the theatre last night. I still have lots of shopping to do and there are technical problems all over the place. But I "think" it's a funny show. Funny thing about funny, you don't know till it's in front of an audience!

This year I've eliminated all audience interaction. I am creating a clown world and having fun in that world. That's the most scary part to me.

The best part? Both my sons do all my technical requirements. They are really the only people I trust. Even though they are very young, they have seen me so many times, they have great ideas and love being around it. There will be a time when my children are too old to do the shows with me, so I love the process I get to do right now.

My friend Nick who runs the theatre company where I do these shows asked me a very important question. What can you do in a theatre you couldn't do anywhere else. There's that magical question. I perform a lot of shows, so why do more? On my own dime for heaven's sake?

I can create a world. At least I can try and create a world for Boswick the Clown. I do this to myself year after year, because being a clown is a passion. Creating a world for Boswick the Clown.

"It's Natural For Kids To Be Shy..."

2010-12-15T12:37:00.000-08:00

It's really funny that parents think that all kids should be less shy.

The thing is, kids that are on David Letterman are unusual...that's why they are on David Letterman. Most kids have a natural shyness, this is part of growing up.

We all have natural needs and defenses. I can't stand jewelry, I can hardly wear a watch. Yet, lots and lots of people love jewelry. Some people love to sit and read, others to be at bars or coffee houses and socialize. Some folks can't stand busses, because they hate being so close to others. Other people don't care one bit.

Children are just like this. But they are developing so they can't really put this into words. I've seen so many kids over the years that are laughing hysterically, I think they are having such a great time, I'll have them come up and help me with a trick. Suddenly they clam up.

They are having a great time, because it's more natural for them to be part of the audience laughing. That's who they are.

The way I work with children is knowing that everything they do is totally appropriate. If they are shy, this is who they are, if they are talkative, that's who they are. If they are creative, funny, like attention etc. That's what I work with because they are budding personalities. All these characteristics, I can bring out and have fun with. As we all age, we get layers and layers, it's just fun to work with the perfect little personality!

"Thoughts on Santa..."

2010-12-14T23:25:00.001-08:00

What's amazing about being Santa, the look of pure wonder on people's faces. Yes, children are just enthralled with the magic but the adults, especially the older folks, have a wonderful glint in their eyes as I approach them. There is a smile in their eyes and I can see the child in there. I know that sounds a bit Miracle on 34th street but it's really something to see.

I mostly work in public. Over the holidays I work at the Hyatt Embarcadero in San Francisco every Saturday and Sunday through December. So, I see a cross section because the light display is open to everyone. The serious business men rushing to a meeting, the 80 year old married folks walking slowly across the lobby, the men with tattoo sleeves cutting through to get to Justin Herman Plaza. I get a glint of happiness from every one of them.

What I like about being Santa, bringing a magical character to life. Everyone has their own story regarding Santa. I've been a performer for so long I can read people and tell if they are social, or they work too much, or they are addicted to their cell phone, or they are the best dads in the world. If I know a little about them, I can bring their story to life, I incorporate what I see into their personal story. With children, I can bring up things like trains with boys, if I get a response, then talk a lot about the wonders of back hoes. With girls, the color pink is a good indicator of their personality. I can talk about princesses, clothes they like and their friends.

By profession, I've performed for children for 23 years. I know a lot about their development, their behavior and what will make them laugh. I can use all this knowledge I've garnered to make Santa very very real to them.

Mostly kids will sit in wonder on my lap and I can tell them a few stories or ask questions. This is very normal. They will answer questions about school and who their best friends are. Every 50th child will talk and talk and talk. They'll ask about elves and reindeer and how I know what they want and where is Rudolph. Sometimes they'll ask what kind of cookie I like. Oatmeal Cookies of course.

With kids that don't want to sit in my lap, I try and have one of the parents hold them and sit next to me with the child on the far arm. I'll mostly get the 2 year olds that don't want to sit in my lap. There is always a way. I'm pretty happy to recruit another parent to take a picture and I can stand with them in front of the Christmas tree and do a family shot. To get a good picture I come in from the side children are looking a different direction, so we can get a quick calm picture. The best way to get these kind of shots, just don't make a big deal about the photo. If the child is screaming, they calm for 2 seconds don't try and hand them off, it will never work. If the child is unhappy, just hold them and do a 3 or 4 person shot with Santa, it's equally cute. There's no "rule" a child has to be alone with Santa in a picture.

With children that are not sure. I say, I have a secret to tell them their parents can't hear. They slowly come up. I say they have to come a little closer because I'm going to whisper it. I can do this till I just gently lift them on my lap and whisper, Rudolph is on the roof of this building. I can do this because I know kids incredibly well, this one is pure experience.

Of course this is the luxury of working at the Hyatt. Company parties are pretty similar. I have time to do the magic.

I would also say, malls are just not the best place to get a picture. Nothing against them but as an adult, don't you hate waiting in line? Multiply that by a thousand and you know how a child feels when they get to the front of the line.

There are a lot of places to take pictures with Santa. I would check the mother's club links. Higher end places that advertise Santa for a short visit are likely the ones that will have a nicer display and more time for Santa to talk with the children. The nice thing too, you won't have to buy a photo package you may or may not want.

If your company is having Santa come in, encourage HR to splurge and go for a higher end Santa, it's well worth it. It's money well spent.

Christmas Eve is also very popular, I do a lot of house visits. That's a lot of fun, there are folks that do it year after year. It's not terribly expensive. If you were thinking of a private visit, I would either go with someone you've seen or use an agency to help you book it.

The toys this year. Lego lego lego. Lego has brilliantly marketed Star Wars Legos, Harry Potter Legos and Spiderman Legos. I can't fault that one, I like educational toys. Legos cover boys and girls, more boys a 70/30 split, girls definitely like Legos though. For girls, no surprise American Girl dolls. That's been a winner for years. Barbie of course, doll houses always big. Zu Zu pets, huge. Pillow pets, specifically the unicorn pillow pet, ugh boots. A lot of ipods, but I steer the kids away from ipods and Wii systems, that's a pretty expensive gift to promise. These are the name brands I hear a lot. But...

Bikes, roller blades, doll houses, stuffed animals, baby dolls, clothes a lot.

Despite what all the old codgers think, kids are the same as they were 50 years ago. Little girls like dolls, little boys like to build things. Not very pc of me but I'm the one hearing thousands of requests and I have no agenda, other than encouraging good behavior and I like toys that spur the imagination.

I get asked for kittens and puppies all the time. I can't promise a live animal unless the parents were planning on that one. (they'll whisper it in my ear or give me an obvious, "We're getting a dog this year" nod. But that's unusual). I just tell kids, my elves can't make living things, only toys, "Can you imagine my elves making puppies with a hammer and screwdriver?" They giggle at this. I offer them a nice stuffed kitten. Pretty simple.

The funny ones are cell phones. Around 8 years old they ask for phones a lot. The parents roll their eyes. I make a joke about monthly charges and they get it that's not happening!

I will get the kids asking for their dads to come home. For people that are sick to get better. I've had a little girl wanting her dad home from prison. I tell the kids, that person now has a special gift knowing you love them so much. They like to hear that, I've never had a follow up question after that, so they know they've been heard.

My philosophy of Santa is basically, Santa is the embodiment of pure love. Children 2 to 4 crave love in it's purest form. Older kids are more questioning but still know that someone is watching over them. Santa always knows they try to do the right thing, that's what makes them good girls and boys.

I do get handed letters to Santa. If it's not something the parents want to keep, I'll take it and carefully put it in my toy bag, showing the kids that's it's going to the North Pole. People are good at this. Let them kids draw a picture and write what they say.